need your help with my personal statement

[dmd20000]

hey guys,

my personal statement is stressing me out. i went to the writing center to get it fixed but the guy who looked at it said it is ok and no changes needed.
i looked at it again and i found errors so i fixed most of them. anyone here have the time to read my personal statement and offer me suggestions?

thanks

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[svlosich]

Send it my way. I'll read it.

 

[in her drawer]

Send it my way. I'll read it.

Either you are far more generous than most users...or far more insidious.

 

[jeezy]

i'll look it over

 

[dentgirl08]

i'll take a look to see if it sounds great and is coherent - but i'm not a grammar person...

 

[goodcook]

.

 

[vize]

i believe when the adcoms get your application, the personal statement will have no indented paragraphs. so that's probably why it seems you can't do it on aadsas.

to address the original poster, when i did my personal statement i sent it out to others to read it and make recommendations, and by the time i got it back it was totally different than what i originally had. so i just re-did it all again, basically disregarding the recommendations, and got 5 interviews. my advice would be just to write the statement from your heart, check for grammar errors, make sure it makes sense, and send it off.

 

[doc toothache]

hey guys,

my personal statement is stressing me out. i went to the writing center to get it fixed but the guy who looked at it said it is ok and no changes needed.
i looked at it again and i found errors so i fixed most of them. anyone here have the time to read my personal statement and offer me suggestions?

thanks

If you need a critique of your ps see your pm.

 

[1992Corolla]

I have had some people send me good examples:

essay examples

Good luck!

 

[dentstd]

I have had some people send me good examples:

essay examples

Good luck!

Having samples is good in idea, because it can guide students in the right direction. However, it has the negative consequence of inducing plagarism. The samples you listed have various catchy phrasings that were borrowed from commercial essay books. I've read a great many essays from commercial sources and have noted the highlights of each. I also noted that those same highlights have occurred verbatim in many student essays.

Students have borrowed the general development within personal statements, the topics matter, (which are okay) and the more specific phrases and verbatim quotes (less okay).

 

[hokie4life]

any suggestions on how to make it shorter? i just need to take out a huge paragraph and i'll be fine but i really like everyhting i explained