needing to put vet school on hold... or not...??

[gracietiger]

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My father has early-onset Alzheimer's disease, and it has finally gotten to the point that he needs assisted living. As of now, it is looking like the best plan is for him to come out here to CA to live in a facility very near me.
Helping to take care of him is going to be very time consuming (which I am okay with) but I am not sure it is possible to do while in vet school.
So, for starters, has anyone had to deal with a situation like this? I imagine that raising children while attending vet school is similar. Is it doable?
Another option would be for me to wait until my father passes away from the illness, which could be another ten years (I am already 25).
I don't expect that I will be attending vet school for another few years anyways (I am taking pre reqs and don't have a great deal of vet experience, so I don't imagine I would get in my first time).
However, given that taking care of someone with Alzheimer's could be a longer-term commitment, I am wondering if it is in my best interest to attend vet tech school? I could work for the years that he is ill and gain experience, and then hopefully attend vet school as soon as I am able, though I may be a bit older. I went to a strong undergrad and have a good GPA, and I'm getting A+'s in my prereqs here at UC Davis, so I feel pretty confidently that at some point in time in my life I'd be able to get into vet school.
I guess I am just wondering if I should stick on this path and plan to apply next fall, or if I should begin considering a vet tech program that would offer me more flexibility and time to be with my father?

 

[Ben and Me]

I think it is really important to make sure that your head is on straight before starting vet school. Every current vet student I've talked to (at several vet schools) knows someone who had to drop out because of a death in their family, family troubles, etc. Once you fail out, I'd imagine it is pretty tough to get back in--not to mention that you've probably acquired debt that you haven't earned a degree to pay off. One of the issues with waiting to start is that some pre-reqs expire, depending on the school.

Of course, only you can weigh your options and decide if you are ready to make the leap. Being an LVT can make it tougher to get into school though. Instead, I'd maybe go for an MS and work in research (preferably at the vet school) for a few years? Or, what would your dad want you to do?

 

[Caninerepro]

Man I cannot even imagine what you are going through. Props to you for taking the responsibility for your father at this point in your life! 😍👍👍

All I can say is, what would your father have wanted for you in this situation? I absolutely do not mean anything negative about this, but what would he have wanted you to do here were he fully aware of his situation? I imagine he would have been SO proud of you, and would have wanted you to have pursued your passion no matter what, and to not worry about him right now. So my question is, can you possibly follow your dream while also taking care of him? He is in an assisted living facility, is very comfortable, and probably now only wants what would make his princess most happy. This is spoken as a Daddy, trust me! 🙂 Also, he honestly is not fully aware of his world right now, let us prove him with his illusion.

I cannot pretend to tell you what to do, only you know what is best for your situation, but were you my kid I would want you to follow your dreams as soon as possible, and not to worry about me so much. That is just what Daddy's do!
😍😍😍

 

[nyanko]

Instead, I'd maybe go for an MS and work in research (preferably at the vet school) for a few years? Or, what would your dad want you to do?

Speaking as someone who is here at UC Davis doing an MS - it is every bit as time consuming as vet school. It's a different kind of time consuming (I'm on campus from 8:30 am to about 8 pm every night, with TAing, classes, research and studying, and then I come home and read and study more), but I can't imagine that if one doesn't think they can balance a difficult professional level science class load with taking care of a relative, that it would work for an MS either. It's not the cakewalk you make it out to be. 😉

 

[jglovicz]

First of all, I'm very sorry you are in such a tough situation.

Speaking as someone who is here at UC Davis doing an MS - it is every bit as time consuming as vet school. It's a different kind of time consuming (I'm on campus from 8:30 am to about 8 pm every night, with TAing, classes, research and studying, and then I come home and read and study more), but I can't imagine that if one doesn't think they can balance a difficult professional level science class load with taking care of a relative, that it would work for an MS either. It's not the cakewalk you make it out to be. 😉

Agreed! I have definitely had people ask me why I'm working so hard for a MS (isn't that nice of them?). I wouldn't seek an MS as a less time-consuming alternative.

That said, there is something to be said for pursuing your dreams. I think it's definitely worth it to apply to vet school in the fall...that way you have options. During the next several months, you will be able to feel it out and see if you feel that being a full-time student is a possibility while you care for your father. My suggestion is that you keep all options open until you have made your final decision. On a side note, I would assume that your father would want you to pursue your dreams. Good luck!

 

[athane960]

I completely agree on the Master's comments. When I was getting my masters I was either in class, in the lab, in the library researching, studying ,or sleeping. Getting a masters is definitely not fun and games and nothing to breeze through.

You are a wonderful person for wanting to take care of your father and I hope that everything goes well for you. Take it a year at a time, get your experience and finish your prereqs and then see where you are. Like others it is hard to give someone advice in this situation for the majority of us probably cannot relate, but as someone also said, think of what your father would want you to do in this situation.
​

 

[1Vista1Grey]

You said you have a few years before even applying? If I were you, I would work my ass off on those prereqs and see how you manage the classes while caring for Dad. If after a year or two you feel you have the system down and can handle a little more on your plate go ahead and apply. If not.. take a year or two to get things straightened out (A year or two wont through you off track as much as you think).. work fulltime and see if you can figure something out. I dont think your father wants to see you putting your dream aside for him. He'll want to see you acheiving your goals while he still has some memory left.

But like you said, you still have a couple years of prereqs ahead of you. Just relax and see how it goes, then worry about going to vet school.

 

[Doggone DVM]

😍My heart goes out to you gracietiger, Alzheimer's disease runs in my family as well. Good for you for being willing to step up for your father in his time of need. 👍👍

I second the great words of others: follow your dreams. If you've got time to spare before applying, yeah- go get experience and work work work for awesome grades. In fact, it says loads about your character that you are willing and able to care for your own schooling as well as your father.

On the other hand, if vet school is something in your near future, it IS possible to care for family members at the same time. I have a good friend working on her DVM who is a single mom and working while in school. Whatever you choose, you can do it! It might be a little harder (OK or a lot), but you can do it. 👍

 

[Ben and Me]

Ok, so not all masters programs are created equally...My cousin finished up a non-thesis science masters (at a large university with a vet school...) this past year and was really only on campus 2 or 3 days a week. There were enough PhDs doing TAing that there weren't even TA positions available for the masters students. I didn't mean to imply that all MS degrees are easier than DVMs, since I know they aren't, but in his case, it definitely was. Maybe the OP could find something similar to that? Just throwing ideas out there...

 

[gracietiger]

Thank you guys so much!!!!! Your perspectives are awesome.
I know that my father would absolutely want me to continue pursuing my dreams - he was VERY successful in his career, so he gets it - however, I just don't really feel okay with that. He has NEVER ever asked me to do anything for him and I truly know that in his good health, all he wanted was for me to achieve everything I wanted. However, he is very, very lonely and I honestly just don't think my dreams are worth that. I don't know that I could sacrifice his care to achieve my goals without feeling horribly guilty at the end. I would hate to enter vet school, convincing myself that it's what my dad would want, and end up plagued with guilt. I could imagine feeling sheer guilt and selfishness every time I looked at my diploma. So putting off vet school (if that was what I decided) would definitely be just as much for my health and well-being as for his.
I am for sure planning to finish all my pre reqs now. I had considered a master's, but like many of you pointed out, it's no walk in the park. And I could just imagine how much a masters would help get me into vet school if I didn't have enough time to rock it. That's sarcastic. It wouldn't help at all unless I was able to do really well at it.
I am still curious on thoughts about being a vet tech for a few years. One person noted that it might actually hurt my chances of getting into vet school. I hadn't heard that before, so I'm just wondering why that is?
Again, thank you all so much!

 

[twelvetigers]

They meant going to school to become a licensed vet tech, not just working as one (if your state/province allows that). I think the concern is that you would already have a set way of doing some things...? I never understood it that much myself.

 

[sumstorm]

I am sorry you have to deal with these decisions. Realize delaying too long may invalidate some of your pre-reqs at some schools.

There are counselors who specialize in helping families dealing with alzheimers who might be able to help with all of this by communicating with both of you and helping to clarify expectations and desires. Even in late stage alzheimers, patients have moments of shocking clarity where the sudden realization that a loved-one delayed thier lives can be guilt-inducing for the alzheimer patient. I might be able to track down the alzheimer educator here who trains assistant care staff, search and rescue teams, etc and might give some additional/helpful insights.

My own personal experiences (as a CNA for late stage alzheimer patients) is that some patients are comforted by family, while others are distressed.

Obviously, only you can decide what will work best for you, but if this was a dream you shared with your father throughout your life, it might give a connection when you are with him...some anchor point the can latch onto mentally.

Finally, just random information. Music is significant for a lot of alzheimers patients....it is often the last type of memory that disintegrates. As a searcher, we are taught to sing songs rather than call for patients (songs that were popular in their 20's.) I don't know that it helps at all to know that, but sometimes it can help re-establish recognition in alzheimer patients.

Also, some facilities are much better at helping patients deal with loneliness (through programs, activities, groups, pet therapy, etc), which has more than just a mental/emotional component in alzheimers patients.

 

[Ben and Me]

I am still curious on thoughts about being a vet tech for a few years. One person noted that it might actually hurt my chances of getting into vet school. I hadn't heard that before, so I'm just wondering why that is?
Again, thank you all so much!

I'm not an LVT myself, so I can't speak for a fact, but I think I read somewhere that LVT2DVM heard that comment from some admission committees? Best to ask her, though. From what I remember, the committees felt that sometimes LVTs thought that they knew more than the professors...Seems like a pretty rash generalization, but just something to consider.

You may be able to get a research position at the vet school without an MS...although those positions might be tougher to come by with a lot of state economies doing poorly. I know NC let go all of its "temp" employees. If you can find a position though, it might be a way to strengthen your application in a unique way.

My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine...

 

[gracietiger]

thank you all so much for the insight.
sumstorm, you raised some really great suggestions. thank you. i have found a facility here in davis that i am really impressed with. they have an alzheimer's center and have a ton of activities and a really, really nice facility.
ben and me, thanks for giving me the heads up about a possible stigma with lvt's. i know that at the vet hospital where i worked, the lvts and vets had very tense relationships because the vets felt that the lvts thought they knew more. it was pretty dramatic, actually, and a big turn off to me in the field, which is actually why i didn't pursue vet med earlier. but then i realized that those issues come with every field. but i think you make a good point.

i haven't decided not to apply to vet school next fall. i just wanted to see what other options might be available if i decided not to. who knows what will happen in the next year so it's really impossible for me to make any firm plans, but i like to know what option b and c might be should i not be able to stick to the current plan

i really appreciate all your advice and support!

 

[alliecat44]

I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and I am now going through something similar with my own dad (though his cognitive difficulty is due to a traumatic brain injury, but anyway).

Since you're still a ways away from even applying, my advice would be to continue with your pre-reqs but perhaps drag them out a bit. Take 1-2 fewer courses a semester (or year). Have more time in your schedule for your father--it is going to take up a ton of time and emotional energy--but also have time for yourself. I'm sure you've already thought of lots of possibilities, but circumstances with these patients can change drastically year to year and even week to week. I would try to create as many memories--for both of you--starting right now.

At the end of the day, you need to be comfortable with your decisions and be satisfied that you made life for BOTH of you as fulfilling as possible. Make the most of the time you spend together. Maximize that time. But don't sacrifice yourself or what you need, either.

It's a tough balance for everyone. Most of the time people tend to wax and wane between extremes of being completely wrapped up in their family member's life and being completely wrapped up in their own--and honestly, I think that's okay. Be there for him, be his advocate, fight for his health and his care, but realize that not all of it is within your control.

Something that's very helpful to me is defining "success" differently in terms of a) the care he recieves and my ability to advocate for it; and b) my relationship with my father. This was like a revelation when my counselor elucidated this for me. Realize how much of each type of success is within your control, work on what is, and let go (to some extent) what is not. Don't let the nitty-gritty details and administrative stuff get in the way of your emotional relationship with your father. Life is too short--for both of you.

Personally, I think dragging out your pre-reqs might solve a lot of issues--you'd still be working towards your goal but you'd be able to spend a lot of time with your Dad. As far as becoming an LVT, that's an awesome and amazing career, but it's very different from being a veterinarian. Usually people want to be one or the other and wouldn't be equally satisfied on each side of the fence. Only you know which appeals to you more--and there's no right or wrong answer. Maybe after balancng caring for your dad with coursework you'll have a better idea of how you'd be able to handle vet school on top of whatever level of care/oversight he will need at that time.

Best of luck. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. Apologies for the rambling post--this is obviously very much on my mind. I see my dad tomorrow--for the first time in seven years (he had cut us out of his life and I recently found out about the brain injuries). Cherish what sounds like a wonderful relationship with your father. I wish I had the chance.

 

[flyhi]

I too am sorry for what you are experiencing with your Dad. Having an ill parent is very difficult. It is great to see you taking a proactive approach and realizing your potential limitations now and in the future due to your desire to be a caregiver for your Dad. That is very admirable.

Alliecat gave some great advice and I totally agree that the time you spend with your Dad and the memories you garner from that time will be so special. My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 6-12 mos. She lasted 13 months (never one to adhere to other's plans for her 😛)and even though I lived 10 hours away, I spent every moment possible with her. I was not only fortunate to know that her time was limited, but I also had a career in which i had a lot of time off. I can tell you that I would not trade that year for anything in the world even with all of the sacrifices that were made (I was going through a divorce as well). I have been told by my stepdad that it was the most meaningful year of my mom's life and that even though i was the furthest away, she was so grateful for our time together. We became so very close. It was an unbelievable experience.

I know your situation is much different with the disease and the unknown time factor, but the concept is the same. I truly believe you will know in your heart what is the right thing to do. Just be careful to not overload yourself before you really know what the emotional/physical toll is going to take on you. Being a caregiver is one of the most emotionally taxing things on a person and you will need your own support system and time to yourself to just decompress. I found exercise and long drives to be incredibly helpful in releasing all of the emotions that got bottled up. It helps also to talk to a trusted friend/family member/counselor that understands what you are going through. Your health during this time will be equally important as your Dad's.

I wish you the absolute best.

And, Alliecat, i just wanted to add Good Luck to you as well. You must be going through a mix of emotions right now. I hope it all goes well.

 

[sumstorm]

If the schools you apply to don't have a cut off for pre-reqs, alliecat's advice might be the best solutions. Slow down now where there are more periods of clarity for your father. You may find you are mentally/emotionally more prepared to go to vet school when he is having a harder time with his memory. It is sad to say, but at a certain point, it might be best for both of you for you to have a major activity to pour your energy and heart into (alot of that depends on you, of course) and provide a distraction. If you can be close enough for weekend visits, that might be more viable at that juncture.

 

[justinpaws]

Being an LVT can make it tougher to get into school though.

I just want to point out that this is absolutely not true. I know an LVT who got in to eight (!) vet schools including Colorado and Davis. How can having more education make it harder to get into school?

 

[sumstorm]

I just want to point out that this is absolutely not true. I know an LVT who got in to eight (!) vet schools including Colorado and Davis. How can having more education make it harder to get into school?

It depends on the school, the ad-coms, the reputation of the LVT program, etc.

I had an adcom tell me that many of the vets at the school had negative experiences with LVT's (in terms of employment, not necessarily school), that the LVT's tended to use 'shortcuts' that weren't considered acceptable and didn't want other students learning those methods, and I could see how it could be disadvantageous. I also know some vets in some states consider it 'wasted effort and money' because there aren't distinguishing job aspects for LVT's vs VT's in those states. Or they feel they have to retrain to their standards when it is easier to train from the beginning.

So, may have a lot of variables, just like everything else in the admissions process.

 

[Caesar]

Please do not quote spam posts.

 

[VAgirl]

Please do not quote spam posts.

Uhhhhh...who exactly did that? (Except perhaps me just now😛)

 

[nyanko]

There was a bot with a spam adv and someone quoted it IIRC.

 

[Mistoffeles]

yes, that was me, pointing out that the thread had been hijacked. my bad. 🙂

and OT for the OP . . . I've worked with some LVTs, and it wasn't so much that they learned how to cut corners, etc., but rather that they cultivated an adversarial attitude towards the docs. sort of like they were putting up with the docs, and recognized the hierarchy, but would be just as happy if they (the LVTs) were left to run the show. Granted, my experience is not universal. but, I can see how a reputation could be garnered.

on the other hand . . . my experience as a tech was a major factor in my acceptance to RVC and Glasgow. the neurologist that I interviewed with thought in particular that my experience with dental anesthesia monitoring gave me a good perspective into a procedure that can go south faster than the General Lee with Sheriff Coltrane behind it, and that said insight was a very strong point of my application/interview.

 

[gracietiger]

I know this is an old post, but I wanted to thank all of your for your replies and support. It sounds like many of you are all too familiar with my kind of situation, and have succeeded despite obstacles. Thanks for the inspiration and advice!
Alliekat, I hope everything worked out well with your father. You sound like you are facing a very very difficult situation, and being a vet student I'm sure makes it no easier. I hope that everything went well, and appreciate you sharing your story with me.
Thank you all so much.

 

[StillDreaming]

That's a rough situation to be in, and no one can really decide but you. Do you have family members that are able to help for the years you are in vet school??? If so, it could give you some sort of relief on those weeks you have a lot to do. Can you even focus on vet school if you're constantly worried about your father?

If you go the vet tech school route, you'll get amazing experience that is going to make you not only a stronger applicant but also a stronger student, so this could be beneficial in the long run. There are pros and cons to each choice, i think the best thing for you to do would be to write down all of them, talk about it with those that know you best (family, friends, etc) and then decide which is the best option for you.