New 6 week pediatric residency program!!

[oldbearprofessor]

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Members don't see this ad.

I'm pleased to announce, having just gotten off a super secret satellite phone conversation with the Chairman of Pediatrics, Dr. KiddieCrud, that a new pediatric residency has been established at the New Barry Zlatko School of Medicine. (aka ZSOM).

This program will take advantage of the pediatric clinic and training facilities of ZSOM.

Basically, it has been clear for a while that pediatric residency is too long. Who needs all those in-patient rotations where residents just get sick and see the same thing over and over again? Who needs all those premies in the NICU or sick kids in the PICU? Most pediatricians don't do that stuff anyway!

The curriculum at ZSOM's pediatric residency training program will consist of a 6 week board review course at a secret location. We'll tell you what you need to know to pass the boards! We can't really tell you much more about HOW we are getting the answers. (HINT: All answers are a,b,c,d, or e)

Now, many of you will rightly point out that a 6 week program can't be accredited. So what? This is the least of concerns for new pediatric residents? After the 6 weeks, you'll go out and do whatever you want (we suggest pharma sales at Zlatko or become an admissions counselor for Zlatko) for the rest of the 3 years to pay back the loans you have. At the end of the 3 years, you'll take pedi boards and be all set!

You say that the board will never put up with this? Again, don't worry, we have 3 years to gain approval and we have Ninjas to help us.

Worried that you won't learn enough? Don't worry - that's what your CAREER is for! Besides, there are plenty of kids around with runny noses you can have cough and snot on you if you think that sort of thing is important. You can hang out with Dr. KiddieCrud and the students at Zlatko as well. A lot of them ARE kids!.

Well, I just wanted to let you guys know about this sort of thing. I hear ZSOM will be announcing subspecialty training programs soon. Feel free to ask your questions here and I'll relay them to Dr. KiddieCrud. Maybe I can talk him into registering at SDN to answer your questions?

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

Please let me know of your questions. Our goal is to use our SDN partner status to recruit for our residency. A few facts for you about our residency program:

1. There is no salary at our residency. Who needs it for just 6 weeks?
2. There is a $5000 fee for our board review course. Payable to me personally or to ZSOM via Paypal.
3. We have no actual training brochures and are unable to discuss our affiliations due to security concerns. At the application phase, as noted by OBP, these are not important.

At this point, since the security issue here is so serious, I'll need to stop writing. But send your questions and I'll do my best to fabricate answers for you!

 

[Dr Barry Zlatko]

As an aside, I wanted to let the users of the SDN know that I personally hired DrKiddieCrud. The application process was grueling, and after weeding through both of the applications I received and offering the job to my first choice who turned it down because she thought she was applying for a job at the Zanzibar School of Medicine, I chose DrKiddieCrud. He or she is an excellent physician with impeccable credentials including an M.D. or related degree. He or she also writes english very well and has a lovely singing voice.

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

As an aside, I wanted to let the users of the SDN know that I personally hired DrKiddieCrud. The application process was grueling, and after weeding through both of the applications I received and offering the job to my first choice who turned it down because she thought she was applying for a job at the Zanzibar School of Medicine, I chose DrKiddieCrud. He or she is an excellent physician with impeccable credentials including an M.D. or related degree. He or she also writes english very well and has a lovely singing voice.

Thank you Dr. Zlatko. I appreciate your willingness to exchange my services for the admissions fee to your medical school for my lovely, talented, but not terribly clever daughter, "Doogie" Kiddiecrud, whose testimonial to our school can be found on the website. I further appreciate your recognition that my failure to actually complete a residency in pediatrics should be no impairment on my position as chief of pediatrics at ZSOM. We are, however, in need of more teddy bears for our medical students to practice procedures on, so if you could assist with that, we would be appreciative.

Thanks and we look forward to seeing your illegitimate children in our pedi clinic.

 

[johnnywalker]

what about fellowships and matching into a competitive fellowship...?

 

[Keebler]

I have taken your frontpage and soon I will come for your children!

Victory is close for the Keebler Elves Martyr Brigade!

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

what about fellowships and matching into a competitive fellowship...?

Thank you for an excellent question. To date, none of our pediatric graduates have failed to match into any fellowship they want. But really, this is not important at this phase of your education.

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

Victory is close for the Keebler Elves Martyr Brigade!

At ZSOM, we have a school lunch program and like to serve the chocolate fudge cookies.

 

[Keebler]

At ZSOM, we have a school lunch program and like to serve the chocolate fudge cookies.

I vow to forever fight the great evil that is ZSOM. When you eat one EL Fudge cookie, YOU EAT THEM ALL!

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

I vow to forever fight the great evil that is ZSOM. When you eat one EL Fudge cookie, YOU EAT THEM ALL!

Obesity treatment is a tremendously financially profitable opportunity for ZSOM. Keebler cookies are preferred by our students to Girl Scout Cookies. Now go and fix the Keebler website. It made Firefox on my Mac crash. 😡

 

[Keebler]

I will do no such thing! My brothers will lace their pockets with Ex Lax if need be. We will have our revenge! You conspiracy runs deep, but we will stamp it out.

Everyone, go here and show your disapproval fro ZSOM! Our disdain must be made public!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Zlatko+School+of+Medicine&defid=0

 

[Paul Leibowitz]

Hi everyone who likes little people,

My name is Paul Leibowitz, and I'm a student at the new Barry Zlatko School of Medicine, better known as ZSOM. I just want to tell you that ZSOM is AWESOME. That's why they even rhyme, you see that? ZSOM rhymes with AWESOME. It's all part of the plan.

I am thinking of staying here at ZSOM after I graduate, not only because it is so AWESOME here, but because who wants to do three years of peds residency or however long it takes people at other programs? I want to get out there and start curing some babies or something.

Oh, I almost forgot. A few of my classmates and I made some video testimonials for you just so that you can get a better idea of just how AWESOME that ZSOM really is. There's some evil elf going around trying to bash us and our school, but it's just because he knows that ZSOM is AWESOME. But don't worry, because we have the ninjas and they won't ever let the elves get in.

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

My brothers will lace their pockets with Ex Lax if need be.

Have fun! While you and your brothers are enjoying the diarrhea experience, the pedi residents will be enjoying the beautiful scenery at ZSOM.

 

[Keebler]

Have fun! While you and your brothers are enjoying the diarrhea experience, the pedi residents will be enjoying the beautiful scenery at ZSOM.

How little you know! You cannot get diarrhea simply by putting Ex-Lax in the pocket of your elven overcoat. When we get done with you, you'll only wish you had giardia!

 

[DrKiddieCrud]

Victory is close for the Keebler Elves Martyr Brigade!

Maybe not....

 

[CrazyPeds527]

Paul,

You might just become the most famous medical student since Saul from Stewart Med!!

Is the location of ZSOM also top secret like Stewart?

Can everything be paid via paypal?

Do you have a webmaster? It's the most important thing ZSOM would need!!

These are vital questions!!!