No Social skills + Lack of ECs = ?

[supastudier2000]

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Hi Guys,

This is my first post, i really need help. so i am currently a sophomore going into my second semester of sophomore year. I just feel like I'm not doing enough, the past summer i didn't do anything. i just sat at home and web browsed. Right now i have 3.89 cumulative GPA and just ended my last semester with a 4.0. I'm starting to study for the mcat which i plan to take fall of my junior so i can get it out of the way. i just feel bad because i have not volunteered, i'm not doing research, i'm not in any clubs, i've never worked a day in my life (due to family issues), i literally have nothing on my resume except that i am CPR certified. I filled out an application to volunteer at the hospital and i am waiting for a response, i emailed/ spoke with professors for research opportunities and they either don't reply or they say that they don't have available spots, i know people say not to take it personally but it still gets me down.

Also, its hard when my social skills are undeveloped. all throughout high school i've had like 2 friends. I've never had a GF, never went to prom. etc. i'm super nerdy and i like studying and learning. I've always had a little bit of shyness and social anxiety, my freshman year of college was great, i met lots of people and socially developed a lot. i felt comfortable making small talk with the cashiers at stores and random strangers, I think i can even say that i was normal in terms of social skills and confidence. well this semester, i made the wrong decision of getting a single room in the dorms and because most of my classes are recorded online i would just stay in my room and watch them at twice the speed, this was more efficient and effective than going to class. i never left my room. I feel like the skills and confidence that i built my freshman year just disappeared.

I wanna help people, i really do. I want to improve my social skills and confidence because I want to be a good doctor, i want to be able to connect and understand patients, how can i do this? I want to get rid of my slight social anxiety so i can be able to network better, find more opportunities, etc. what are some things i can do? is it too late considering my lack of ECs as a sophomore?

 

[crepuscular.ray]

Hi! I think feeling that you're not doing enough as a pre-med is pretty common and I know I felt that way as I applied. With time you can check those boxes (shadowing, research, etc.), and you still have plenty of time -- I'd suggest taking a gap year to develop those parts of your application. And keep reaching out to research professors and apply to maybe an entry level lab job if you can -- work experience helps you in numerous ways outside of med school apps. Also, research is only really a requirement at research-heavy schools. For volunteering, you can try to join a class that requires volunteering -- they're an easy way to connect you to organizations and keep you accountable. But you don't need to do everything at once.

As a stranger on the internet, I don't know the extent of your social anxiety. The best advice you can get is from a therapist, especially if it's affecting your daily well-being. Like most traits, being social is a skill you can work on and learn. You just need to push your limits, and expose yourself to new situations -- taking small steps helps, like meeting an old friend for coffee or attending a meeting of a club you're interested in.

 

[caterwaiter]

Hey! First of all, thanks for posting--I know it can be hard to open up about things you may perceive to be faults, and I'm sure there are many users on this forum who are in your same boat. I would agree with the above poster on the following point: if you have the time and the means, absolutely get a therapist! Therapy is beneficial for EVERYONE, not just those who think they may benefit from it. Investigate your campus counseling or psychological services department.

In terms of ECs, you have LOADS of time to determine what you like to do and what you'd like to devote your limited spare time to. In addition to hospital volunteering, I'd also encourage looking into volunteering with local resource centers, county health systems, homeless shelters, behavioral health centers, etc. Non-clinical volunteering can be easier to come by than hospital-based volunteering, and can often (in my experience) be more rewarding.

Best of luck!

 

[ciestar]

Getting a retail job helped me get over my social anxiety really quick.

Either way, you have so much time to get a good CV together.

 

[Moko]

- To help develop your social skills: start volunteering, studying or relaxing in the common areas, getting to know your dorm mates, and/or joining a non-medically-related club to meet others with shared interests. Dating apps are also potential options, though they can be a mixed bag.
- Being introverted is fine provided that you can be extroverted when need be. Most of my colleagues and myself are introverted by nature, so you'll be in good company.
- Some people (e.g 'career changers' - somewhat of a misnomer as most haven't had a real career to speak of) don't start accruing the necessary ECs until after graduation, so no, you are not "too late" by any stretch. A lack of ECs can be easily fixed (compared to a trashed GPA). So your current situation doesn't look too bad.

 

[Goro]

Hi Guys,

This is my first post, i really need help. so i am currently a sophomore going into my second semester of sophomore year. I just feel like I'm not doing enough, the past summer i didn't do anything. i just sat at home and web browsed. Right now i have 3.89 cumulative GPA and just ended my last semester with a 4.0. I'm starting to study for the mcat which i plan to take fall of my junior so i can get it out of the way. i just feel bad because i have not volunteered, i'm not doing research, i'm not in any clubs, i've never worked a day in my life (due to family issues), i literally have nothing on my resume except that i am CPR certified. I filled out an application to volunteer at the hospital and i am waiting for a response, i emailed/ spoke with professors for research opportunities and they either don't reply or they say that they don't have available spots, i know people say not to take it personally but it still gets me down.

Also, its hard when my social skills are undeveloped. all throughout high school i've had like 2 friends. I've never had a GF, never went to prom. etc. i'm super nerdy and i like studying and learning. I've always had a little bit of shyness and social anxiety, my freshman year of college was great, i met lots of people and socially developed a lot. i felt comfortable making small talk with the cashiers at stores and random strangers, I think i can even say that i was normal in terms of social skills and confidence. well this semester, i made the wrong decision of getting a single room in the dorms and because most of my classes are recorded online i would just stay in my room and watch them at twice the speed, this was more efficient and effective than going to class. i never left my room. I feel like the skills and confidence that i built my freshman year just disappeared.

I wanna help people, i really do. I want to improve my social skills and confidence because I want to be a good doctor, i want to be able to connect and understand patients, how can i do this? I want to get rid of my slight social anxiety so i can be able to network better, find more opportunities, etc. what are some things i can do? is it too late considering my lack of ECs as a sophomore?

Nope, not too late to get in the ECs. But you are going ot have to get them in.

Here are some venues to consider.

Not all volunteering needs to be in a hospital. Think hospice, Planned Parenthood, nursing homes, rehab facilities, crisis hotlines, camps for sick children, or clinics.

Some types of volunteer activities are more appealing than others. Volunteering in a nice suburban hospital is all very well and good and all, but doesn't show that you're willing to dig in and get your hands dirty in the same way that working with the developmentally disabled (or homeless, the dying, or Alzheimer’s or mentally ill or elderly or ESL or domestic, rural impoverished) does. The uncomfortable situations are the ones that really demonstrate your altruism and get you 'brownie points'. Plus, they frankly teach you more -- they develop your compassion and humanity in ways comfortable situations can't.



Service need not be "unique". If you can alleviate suffering in your community through service to the poor, homeless, illiterate, fatherless, etc, you are meeting an otherwise unmet need and learning more about the lives of the people (or types of people) who will someday be your patients. Check out your local houses of worship for volunteer opportunities. The key thing is service to others less fortunate than you. And get off campus and out of your comfort zone!

Examples include: Habitat for Humanity, Ronald McDonald House, Humane Society, crisis hotlines, soup kitchen, food pantry, homeless or women’s shelter, after-school tutoring for students or coaching a sport in a poor school district, teaching ESL to adults at a community center, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or Meals on Wheels.

So, start thinking about shadowing and doing patient contact volunteer work. You have to do that at the same time as your coursework, to show us you can walk and chew gum at the same time.

IF you have some sort of social anxiety disorder, seek out a therapist or counselor.

 

[JAK2-STAT3]

You seem like a kind and introspective person; hopefully some combination of ECs and therapy/investing in your mental health will help you with your social skills and anxiety. I'd recommend starting with one or two activities that you think you'll actually enjoy and focus on quality/length of commitment vs. quantity of activities. A gap year would also help with this. You might really benefit from taking a year to work full time, pay rent and bills, answer to a boss, work with coworkers, and generally sharpen your skills as an adult, and you can continue to volunteer outside of work. This is what I do and so far I'm happy with my decision.

Regarding research, don't take these rejections too personally. It's likely that those particular professors didn't have enough funding or didn't have someone in the lab to supervise you as opposed to disliking you. Perhaps you already know this, but when looking for research positions be sure to read the PI's publications, have some idea of what the lab does, and show genuine interest in their research. Many labs may be open to volunteers, so ask if you could volunteer. PIs love free labor.

And finally, as a fellow introvert, I think it's important to be realistic in your expectations for developing social skills. You're probably not going to go to a party and walk out with 28 new friends, but nonetheless it's important to give yourself credit for the small social skills victories. Try focusing on how you interact with people on a day to day basis, and make small tweaks to those interactions. Believe me, this will add up over time.

 

[PreachyMusican39]

I would really recommend keeping tabs on your University opportunities. I read the university's newsletters a lot because they're chalked full of labs that need assistants or different jobs and volunteering experiences. I got a majority of my research and leadership experience through different opportunities that my Honors College gave me, and they were all paid through the University. I just went to a standard state school too. I think if you start looking around for opportunities you'll find that they're all over the place. If your university is connected to a hospital you might find some really good shadowing or volunteering opportunities.

I would definitely recommend getting a job, even if it is just at a fast food or campus job. It would definitely be great to get a job at a hospital, but right now you want to start getting things on your resume that can help you further your career. Also, I am absolutely an introvert, but I got a lifeguarding job when I was 17 and it absolutely shaped my life for the better. I developed a lot of self-confidence and teamwork skills and I made a lot of friends. Bottom line is start small but start doing something right now, and as you develop more skills and find more opportunities you can trade out what you start with for new jobs and volunteering closer to medicine.

Feel free to PM me if you want some more concrete ideas on where to start.

Also, I think you probably already worked this out, but you should definitely be going to class. Not only will this help you socially, but it will also allow you to connect with professors for research and LOR.

 

[electropartyogram]

TAing or tutoring is also a great way to improve your social anxiety situation. I did both and I went from barely being able to tutor even my friends to TAing independently for 4 lab sections a week. You are only a sophomore, you have plenty of time. Tutoring would be a great first step, easy to be done at school during downtime and does not really interfere with other activities.

 

[Peter Pan.]

There are plenty of ways to get involved and meet people. Volunteering, working a job, school clubs, parties, research, hobbies, shadowing are all opportunities to meet others and work on social skills. Seems like you were making a lot of progress until you started isolating yourself. If it’s not mandatory to go to class and it’s more efficient for you that way then don’t go. You don’t need to go to class. Just make sure you’re still socializing in other ways.

 

[Hopeful101]

Try taking an EMT class and working as an EMT. That's a very good medical school stepping stone, and usually the class ends up being pretty social.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

I'd recommend Toastmasters or another public speaking group. Public speaking is an incredibly useful skill, looks good on a resume, and will help you with your interviews. It's scary at first, but it's better to be fumbling there in practice instead of in an interview or while giving a presentation.

 

[KayElizabug]

Getting a retail job helped me get over my social anxiety really quick.

Either way, you have so much time to get a good CV together.

That doesn’t work
Source: I worked in retail for 3 years during Highschool


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[DNAJB6]

You have time to fix things. Force yourself to make conversations with others in line at the store. TA for a course. This forced me to become more extroverted.

No Social skills + Lack of ECs = Rejected

 

[ciestar]

That doesn’t work
Source: I worked in retail for 3 years during Highschool


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Cool.

And it worked for me soo our anecdotes offset.

 

[KayElizabug]

Cool.

And it worked for me soo our anecdotes offset.

I’m just saying it doesn’t INHERENTLY work like you were implying.


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[themoonman2]

You absolutely have time to add extracurriculars to your CV, but it's definitely time to get started. One thing I'll add that others haven't is that medicine is a social job. There are specialties that have very little socialization (radiology, pathology), but the majority of jobs in medicine involve lots of talking; i.e. history and physical. The people in my class with poor social skills stand out- not in a good way. Gaining social skills will help you as a person and make you a better doctor. Go out there and get involved! It isn't easy, but it's worth it.

 

[LizzyM]

You absolutely have time to add extracurriculars to your CV, but it's definitely time to get started. One thing I'll add that others haven't is that medicine is a social job. There are specialties that have very little socialization (radiology, pathology), but the majority of jobs in medicine involve lots of talking; i.e. history and physical. The people in my class with poor social skills stand out- not in a good way. Gaining social skills will help you as a person and make you a better doctor. Go out there and get involved! It isn't easy, but it's worth it.

Have you ever seen a pathology residents' work room? Very collegial and talkative bunch. They may not talk to patients but they sure to talk to other doctors!