Since you asked, and only because you asked, here are some suggestions:
Your family has to be supportive 110%.
They can not be selfish. This is your moment to focus on the studies, and not be too distracted (within reason) by anyone or anything. You come first. When you finish MD school, then you can be husband/father. As to having children, I would recommend holding off on having children. A classmate of mine, also a non-trad, has his wife with him and she kept pestering him and telling us classmates that she wanted to have kids. The poor guy was just starting his first year!!! Well, she got what she wanted. And he wasn't too thrilled to tell us. So guess who is missing classes, falling behind and feeling stressed?
The wife got what she wanted!! And the husband/future father is not doing too well.
Let me not understate that which is ahead of you: medical school is thankless, merciless, unforgiving and sucks everything you have out of you and then more. Your spouse better be on your side or you will suffer needlessly.
As to study habits, same thing: lock yourself up, have your spouse wait on you hand and foot, be with him/her when you can.....you will prefer to be with your spouse than your classmates for your off time so your spouse won't be completely ignored. But please be good to yourself: get into medical school, prepare to be completely immersed in a whirlwind like nothing else, and keep treading water. It will be over before you know it but the first year of medical school is simply indescribable. Oh, and don't forget to breathe.
PS: I like your St. Augustine avatar. We are thrilled with our new Pope! Yeah, Francis!
I hope you get accepted. Non-trad students make great medical students. They bring the maturity that is sorely lacking in the classes.
And just for good measure, not all traditional medical students are immature. Some are pretty remarkable and I have a few in my class. So let's not be so sensitive b/c if you are that insecure and defensive, you're just showing how much of a kid you are! mmmmkayyy?
I would disagree with nearly everything said in this post and I would ignore most of it. I believe it is a divorce, burnout, etc in the making. Yes there are plenty of mature students that are traditional, but honestly having many years in the professional world sets the non traditional student apart in a huge way.
Here is my advice
I was a father of two with one on the way when I matriculated to med school (leaving with four, what can i say, my wife thinks I'm hot!).
first and foremost my priority is and will always be my family. This means that I did NOT have many friends in my class and it means I did NOT join many study groups and during clinical rotations I didnt go out with the residents after work... my time away from school/studies were with my family. I rarely did anything just for me, and I chose and learned that my relaxation/get away was my family.. and when I did something for myself I had made sure my father priorities were done first. studies have shown that those who identified themselves as just a "doctor" or "medical student" were at higher risks of burnout.
So things that helped --
(1) we got a home close to school so my wife could bring the kids to lunch. I ate lunch with them most days. then played around the school grounds, volleyball court, gym -- my school has a great gym facility,basketball court and volleyball courts. We did this on rotations as well
(2) I enrolled my wife into studying and helping me. we would cuddle in bed and she would quiz me with flash cards, test materials, etc. To add a little incentive I would rub her back while she did this. Some of my funniest memories of med school was listening to my wife butcher medical lingo - and then on sunday have conversations with her friends at church where she would act like she knew all this medical material. It made me smile and laugh. Really this was huge for me. My wife bought into the idea that we were going to medical school together and when I did well, she did well. We would celebrate with a mcdonalds ice cream or something when I aced a test. Basically my wife really earned a medical degree with me. She probably could run circles around some medical students. shes kind of a "dumb blonde" personality so if my wife can do it, anyones can.
(3) I am a firm believer that focused studying beats volume studying anyday (see previous posts). I would set at time to study for 1 hour, super focus, learn, read and when the timer goes off I would stop for 30 minutes, go play with my kids, help with dinner -- timer goes off after 30 minutes I would go back to studying. using visual cues (markers, underlining, circling, staring) are part of this super focused learning. There are a few books out there on this process. Locking yourself in a room, studying all the time is a sure way to burnout, hate medicine and want to leave. Its why many students say "the first year is hell" - they think they need to study more, its the exact opposite. Study less but study effectively!!!
(4) I avoided lectures at all costs. These eat up so much time. I wanted to learn at my pace. So I would record lectures and listen to them at 1.6X speed, go over notes a week in advance so that all i would do was listen to the spots of the lecture I needed a little help with. I believe the lecture format is an old model that should be changed.
(5) study groups - i mentioned this before.. i wanted to learn at my own pace and often times study groups end up having long conversations NOT about school, or someone is struggling to understand which holds back the learning. This sounds kind of selfish but its the reality of study groups. I didnt have the time or luxury to participate.
(6) SLEEP!! important to me. I never pulled all nighters (only when on call). I felt they do more damage than good - eating into the next day as well. If i needed an all nighter its becasue I didnt learn the material appropriately the first time. Studying for a test for me was a simple review of material I already understood. Memorizing this information does take time. But going into a study session for a test, understanding the concepts, made memorizing easy.
(7) date night with wife - invaluable for maintaining a solid relationship. at least once a week. finding a group of 3or 4 families and then rotating babysitting is the best way. All the kids would be dropped off for 2.5 hours to one family already haven had dinner. Therefore we had one crazy saturday for 2.5 hours but then free babysitter 3 saturdays of the month. we have a large backyard with a huge play set so we just sent the kids outside with cupcakes or something.. whallo! our 2.5 hours were up in no time.
(8) I love the motto "adjust and continue" - if something didnt work or a study session was bad I would quickly identify why then adjust. Example.. I learned quickly that studying at home during the day (8-5) was pretty detrimental because "dad was home!" or my wife would ask for my help -- so I stayed at school until 5ish studying at the library. sometimes I would come home earlier but not if I knew I needed to get good studying in.
(9) We taught our kids that when dad is in the office - its "do not disturb".. basically we also had to buy a lock for the door so that I could study. I could do this and not feel guilty because I knew in an hour from going in, I'd be out to play or help around the house.
(10) - lastly (sorry for those who are not religious or spiritual).. my wife and I are committed physically, emotionally and spiritually. We committed that nothing would stand in our way of having a solid and close family dedicated to GOD and providing an awesome life for them. I understood that in the grand scheme of things my family is more important and if my grades slipped (NOT because I didnt try but because a family priority came up or church responsibility) then so be it. I believe because I put my family and god first i was blessed. yes there were days I wasnt around for my kids and days I couldnt "fulfill" my church responsibilities myself (i just asked for help though). But overall we followed my family's motto "Do your best and let God do the rest" (yes pretty cheezy but good none the less -- it sounds better when a chorus of a 7 year old girl, a 5 and a 3 year old boy are saying it at night after our family prayers)
thats all i can think of right now.
