Not getting the full college experience

[Son of Kings]

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I'm in college right now and with some help, I've almost completely overcome my social anxiety. But I've realized that some parts of my behavior which I believed to be part of my SA are actually part of my personality.

1. I'm not a big, loud party person. My version of unwinding is to either go out with a few close friends or chill by myself. Being around too many other people winds me up into a tight *** knot. I can't seem to make any friends at my college who agree. Everyone is all "turn up" all the time. I'm not very close to home, so I can't necessarily reach out to friends there.

2. I'm not a smoker. Allergies

3. I'll get tipsy but never wasted. I hate the thought of acting without thinking and these parties get dangerous.

It makes me feel like an outcast among others in college. I go to an HBCU, which is majority black and I feel like I'm an outcast for not filling my chosen stereotype, the loud, belligerent hood, which some of the guys I share a campus with are.

There is nothing to do on the weekends on campus. Its practically a ghost town. Unless you have a car, which I don't. I could get a ride from another person but guess what everybody with a car likes to day every single night. My 2 choices are to sit in my room or go to a party, get drunk and then get driven home by someone even drunker than I am. I just wanted to see if anybody else feels the same way or if someone has gone through it, advice on it. It just seems to me that after college, the fun times are over.

But as a person with social anxiety most of his childhood, the fun has supposedly just begun and I can't enjoy it.

 

[solitarius]

Not sure a bunch of nerdy premeds can give you an "in" on the AA social experience.

 

[Son of Kings]

Not sure a bunch of nerdy premeds can give you an "in" on the AA social experience.

It doesn't specifically have to be AA

 

[Gauss44]

I think maybe you picked the wrong college or haven' t found the right crowd yet. I think I've been to colleges where there are more people like yourself. I've known plenty of smaller circles of friends who get together and watch a movie at someone's house, or play video games, or sit around and have interesting discussions, or go exploring together, etc. all without any booze or smokes.

 

[solitarius]

It doesn't specifically have to be AA

I disagree.

You are at a school which is predominantly AA. As you mentioned, there are "norms" that you don't conform to but are expected of that sub-culture. So your choice is to either fit in (which a lot of people here can't help you with), or find your niche on campus or at another school nearby.

 

[ArtisticMed]

What is your definition of "the college experience?"

Have you tried joining clubs/groups? You may find others with similar interests and personalities there. It's unlikely that you're the only one out of so many students who doesn't like partying.

 

[Son of Kings]

What is your definition of "the college experience?"

Have you tried joining clubs/groups? You may find others with similar interests and personalities there. It's unlikely that you're the only one out of so many students who doesn't like partying.

I've joined one so far and its a medical club. I plan to join more later on as I inadvertently bit off a little more than I can chew in credits. I hope to join more next year when I'm not taking as many.

 

[deleted407021]

I hate the thought of acting without thinking

You are already thinking on a higher level than most of the party types associated with your school. That's a good thing. Your "social anxiety" doesn't really sound like what you are labeling it as. You are probably just an introvert who, characteristically, avoids large gatherings and loud environments, prefers to think before doing and must be alone for periods of time between heavy social interaction. Don't take what I just wrote to heart, but maybe consider seeing your school councilor to put a name to it and maybe see if you are in fact experiencing some kind of anxiety (which is a problem that must be looked after). The advice about finding a niche is very good. Look for some other folks who aren't so hyped about getting buzzed/laid/hurt(you mentioned "dangerous").

If you want an anecdote, I'm also an introvert but I have expanded my capacity to enjoy (tolerate, perhaps) the company of others, even when their personalities don't necessarily match up with mine. This was accomplished through my clinical volunteering and my involvement in an Aikido club (niche). I've managed what I think to be a good and healthy balance for myself in terms of my social interaction. I do not, however party, stay out all night or really hang out with people all that often and I wouldn't say I lead the standard "college lyfe", but I have zero desire to do so and feel quite self actualized.
Best of luck!

 

[Zelda840]

I know it sounds like a pretty random suggestion in a thread about getting the college experience, but have you considered being a big brother/big sister? Something in your post resonated with me:

"It makes me feel like an outcast among others in college. I go to an HBCU, which is majority black and I feel like I'm an outcast for not filling my chosen stereotype, the loud, belligerent hood, which some of the guys I share a campus with are."

Rather than worrying about not conforming to a dumb stereotype, maybe you can mentor a young person so they won't end up being another person who does. It could also be a way to meet others your age who want to have fun without boozing it up and like giving back to the community.

 

[Son of Kings]

I know it sounds like a pretty random suggestion in a thread about getting the college experience, but have you considered being a big brother/big sister? Something in your post resonated with me:

"It makes me feel like an outcast among others in college. I go to an HBCU, which is majority black and I feel like I'm an outcast for not filling my chosen stereotype, the loud, belligerent hood, which some of the guys I share a campus with are."

Rather than worrying about not conforming to a dumb stereotype, maybe you can mentor a young person so they won't end up being another person who does. It could also be a way to meet others your age who want to have fun without boozing it up and like giving back to the community.

That's actually a really good idea. I'll look into it