MD Now PGY-1 - how do I move on from traumatic clerkship experience?

[Caltechstud]

Hi y'all - I am now a PGY-1 EM intern at a solid program in California. I did well in the match this past cycle and I am comfortable in my new program.

As you all know in the ED - we work a lot in the trauma bay. This is where I realize I may have some PTSD from my horrible M3 surgery experience in Trauma surgery.

I struggled a lot on that rotation as a 3rd year - it was difficult to find the residents to preround on my patients and I felt invisible on the rotation. I tried hard to "prove myself" by asking to do presentation, scrub in to assist in OR, ask Qs on rounds, and overall try to be enthusiastic. The end result was these surgeons hated me even more and ripped me on my evals. My summery evaluation was HORRIBLE. Stated that my presentation lacked focus, got in the way in the OR, often defensive, and at times argued with attendings. Despite my above-average shelf and OSCE score, I only ended up passing the clerkship - and barely.

I own up to my mistakes. I was trying too hard to impress, seek attention to myself, and got in their way. I corrected my behavior on my EM SubIs - and honored most of my audition rotations.

The trouble is that now as a resident, I have to work with Trauma surgeons each day at the Trauma bay - and I feel depressed, ashamed, and feel like a huge failure due to my experience from my Surgery clerkship. How do I move on from this bad experience?? I feel like it is a HUGE ankle weight dragging down my enthusiasm and energy.

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[Rekt]

Hi y'all - I am now a PGY-1 EM intern at a solid program in California. I did well in the match this past cycle and I am comfortable in my new program.

As you all know in the ED - we work a lot in the trauma bay. This is where I realize I may have some PTSD from my horrible M3 surgery experience in Trauma surgery.

I struggled a lot on that rotation as a 3rd year - it was difficult to find the residents to preround on my patients and I felt invisible on the rotation. I tried hard to "prove myself" by asking to do presentation, scrub in to assist in OR, ask Qs on rounds, and overall try to be enthusiastic. The end result was these surgeons hated me even more and ripped me on my evals. My summery evaluation was HORRIBLE. Stated that my presentation lacked focus, got in the way in the OR, often defensive, and at times argued with attendings. Despite my above-average shelf and OSCE score, I only ended up passing the clerkship - and barely.

I own up to my mistakes. I was trying too hard to impress, seek attention to myself, and got in their way. I corrected my behavior on my EM SubIs - and honored most of my audition rotations.

The trouble is that now as a resident, I have to work with Trauma surgeons each day at the Trauma bay - and I feel depressed, ashamed, and feel like a huge failure due to my experience from my Surgery clerkship. How do I move on from this bad experience?? I feel like it is a HUGE ankle weight dragging down my enthusiasm and energy.

You're a resident now, who the hell cares. You don't need to constantly impress everyone anymore and walk on eggshells unlike the ****show of M3-4. Do your best to be competent and just don't be annoying. You just have to realize most trauma surgeons are dinguses. Stabilize the patient and move on to the rest of the patients.

 

[ACSurgeon]

Hi y'all - I am now a PGY-1 EM intern at a solid program in California. I did well in the match this past cycle and I am comfortable in my new program.

As you all know in the ED - we work a lot in the trauma bay. This is where I realize I may have some PTSD from my horrible M3 surgery experience in Trauma surgery.

I struggled a lot on that rotation as a 3rd year - it was difficult to find the residents to preround on my patients and I felt invisible on the rotation. I tried hard to "prove myself" by asking to do presentation, scrub in to assist in OR, ask Qs on rounds, and overall try to be enthusiastic. The end result was these surgeons hated me even more and ripped me on my evals. My summery evaluation was HORRIBLE. Stated that my presentation lacked focus, got in the way in the OR, often defensive, and at times argued with attendings. Despite my above-average shelf and OSCE score, I only ended up passing the clerkship - and barely.

I own up to my mistakes. I was trying too hard to impress, seek attention to myself, and got in their way. I corrected my behavior on my EM SubIs - and honored most of my audition rotations.

The trouble is that now as a resident, I have to work with Trauma surgeons each day at the Trauma bay - and I feel depressed, ashamed, and feel like a huge failure due to my experience from my Surgery clerkship. How do I move on from this bad experience?? I feel like it is a HUGE ankle weight dragging down my enthusiasm and energy.

- is your residency at the same hospital as your M3 surgery clerkship? If not, then you have a fresh start, use it

- your role as an EM resident helping cover the bay is vastly different than your role as a student or resident on the trauma surgery service. When rotating on trauma, the trauma surgery team owns you. When you’re an ER resident in the ER and responding to traumas, you belong to the EM attendings, not the trauma surgery team. As such, they don’t care much what you do.

- surgeons like to look down at others and talk crap. EM is a unfortunately one field where surgeons take a lot of shots. Many of these shots are unfair and unfounded. I tell you this so not to weigh you down, but so you realize it’s not just you, it’s also partly them.

- finally, you should perform as best as you can. Don’t let past performances psych you out and prevent you from doing your best.

 

[Moose A Moose]

Dude. You matched. Grow a pair.

 

[WiseOne]

FWIW, I also got malignant treatment by trauma surgeons during my surgery rotation. You're a resident now and your role is different. You are no longer in their domain. The worst they could do to you as a med student is a bad eval. As a resident, nothing. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be on amiable terms with them, but no need to be specifically more good to them than you are any other specialty.

 

[IMreshopeful]

Hi y'all - I am now a PGY-1 EM intern at a solid program in California. I did well in the match this past cycle and I am comfortable in my new program.

As you all know in the ED - we work a lot in the trauma bay. This is where I realize I may have some PTSD from my horrible M3 surgery experience in Trauma surgery.

I struggled a lot on that rotation as a 3rd year - it was difficult to find the residents to preround on my patients and I felt invisible on the rotation. I tried hard to "prove myself" by asking to do presentation, scrub in to assist in OR, ask Qs on rounds, and overall try to be enthusiastic. The end result was these surgeons hated me even more and ripped me on my evals. My summery evaluation was HORRIBLE. Stated that my presentation lacked focus, got in the way in the OR, often defensive, and at times argued with attendings. Despite my above-average shelf and OSCE score, I only ended up passing the clerkship - and barely.

I own up to my mistakes. I was trying too hard to impress, seek attention to myself, and got in their way. I corrected my behavior on my EM SubIs - and honored most of my audition rotations.

The trouble is that now as a resident, I have to work with Trauma surgeons each day at the Trauma bay - and I feel depressed, ashamed, and feel like a huge failure due to my experience from my Surgery clerkship. How do I move on from this bad experience?? I feel like it is a HUGE ankle weight dragging down my enthusiasm and energy.

Dude why do you give a f*** what they think? You’re not a surgical resident and thus it doesn’t matter what they think. Your job is to learn stuff. The fact that the trauma residents were dicks to you sucks - it’s an unfair treatment on their part (fwiw I had a similar experience although I really enjoyed the rotation itself). However they have no power over you.

Learn trauma stuff and brush that **** off.

 

[Donald Juan]

You just started residency. Get used to screwing up, recognizing your mistakes, trying to improve, and then get over it and move on.

Honestly, to me, it sounds like you're having typical residency blues that you're attributing to some random time as a med student you acted stupid and your attendings noticed. We all had those.

 

[Caltechstud]

Anyone else care to share insight? Anyone else got a really bad - borderline failing - evaluation and is traumatized by it??

 

[CleverAdvisor]

A medical career means you are a life-long student. Students make mistakes and you need to learn how to grow from them. Stop ruminating and you'll have a much better go a things.. Otherwise I worry how you'll respond when you're directly responsible for the death of a patient

 

[Caltechstud]

A medical career means you are a life-long student. Students make mistakes and you need to learn how to grow from them. Stop ruminating and you'll have a much better go a things.. Otherwise I worry how you'll respond when you're directly responsible for the death of a patient

I understand that - but how would you feel if you narrowly missed death by lightening strike? Or bullied/hazed when you were a child?

I nearly FAILED the clerkship had I missed a few more questions on the OSCE/Shelf. I later found out that my evaluation was the lowest of my entire class. I narrowly missed low-passing that clerkship - and that could have meant the end of my medical career.

Yes I matched to a good program, but I feel like ****.

 

[DrMcCoyDO]

I understand that - but how would you feel if you narrowly missed death by lightening strike? Or bullied/hazed when you were a child?

I nearly FAILED the clerkship had I missed a few more questions on the OSCE/Shelf. I later found out that my evaluation was the lowest of my entire class. I narrowly missed low-passing that clerkship - and that could have meant the end of my medical career.

Yes I matched to a good program, but I feel like ****.

I had a horrific OB experience where mid rotation my classmates and I thought we were going to fail because of gossipy residents and an attending who had nothing but vitriol for med students in general. It was bad enough that we had to go to our school administration about the toxic atmosphere at our rotation site. You know what I did the moment I was done with that rotation? Flipped the hospital off on my way to the parking lot and started laughing about the attending that acted like a sweetheart to patients but was actually a miserable wretch of a physician. You passed; you’re a doctor; stop dwelling on something that has no effect on your professional life anymore.

 

[Donald Juan]

I understand that - but how would you feel if you narrowly missed death by lightening strike? Or bullied/hazed when you were a child?

I nearly FAILED the clerkship had I missed a few more questions on the OSCE/Shelf. I later found out that my evaluation was the lowest of my entire class. I narrowly missed low-passing that clerkship - and that could have meant the end of my medical career.

Yes I matched to a good program, but I feel like ****.

Now you've made it too obvious you're trolling.

 

[mistafab]

OP you got a thread full of advice from different sources, and the general consensus is all the same.

You can ignore the advice if you want - up to you.

 

[oneiroi]

I understand that - but how would you feel if you narrowly missed death by lightening strike? Or bullied/hazed when you were a child?

I nearly FAILED the clerkship had I missed a few more questions on the OSCE/Shelf. I later found out that my evaluation was the lowest of my entire class. I narrowly missed low-passing that clerkship - and that could have meant the end of my medical career.

Yes I matched to a good program, but I feel like ****.

If you're not trolling around this is really worrisome. You're at the point in your career where the most important thing for you should be doing the best you can for your patients, not evals from MS3 year and impressing attendings from other specialties.

 

[obgyny]

It's good you've learned from the experience and have gone on to do well. As others have mentioned, you can start a blank slate where you do residency. You’ll no longer be working “under” surgeons as you’ll be in a different specialty, but working with them as colleagues.

I think we’ve all gotten harsh criticism (or a reality check) at some point in our careers and it can sometimes be hard to bounce back from it. But you have to realize as you start residency that you are going to be criticized day-in and day-out by your EM attendings, senior residents, nurses, patients, etc. Some of it will be deserved, some of it will not be. People will tend to focus (including ourselves) on all the negative stuff that happens, and you won’t necessarily get praise for when you do well.

I don’t say this to be negative, but so you’re prepared. I’m a sensitive soul and so medicine has been a struggle for me in that respect. But you have to learn to not take all the criticism too personally, learn from it, and learn when to just shrug it off.

Best of luck.



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[Govols22]

I understand that - but how would you feel if you narrowly missed death by lightening strike? Or bullied/hazed when you were a child?

I nearly FAILED the clerkship had I missed a few more questions on the OSCE/Shelf. I later found out that my evaluation was the lowest of my entire class. I narrowly missed low-passing that clerkship - and that could have meant the end of my medical career.

Yes I matched to a good program, but I feel like ****.

It sounds like you need to work on developing confidene.

 

[nimbus]

A bad evaluation during a med school clerkship is really small potatoes. Wait until you make an error that leaves your patient dead or permanently disabled. That is a part of both trauma surgery and emergency medicine among other specialties. As others have stated above, in medicine we need to learn from our mistakes, move on, and not ruminate. If you have trouble with this, consider therapy.

Also, if you think of trauma surgeons as your colleagues, brothers and sisters, it’ll go a long way to improve your relationships with them. Show them respect and kindness and a sense of humor. Also be excellent and committed to caring for the patients and they will respect you. You’ve got to see the big picture and recognize we are all on the same team.

 

[Terry Toma]

My summery evaluation was HORRIBLE.

All I can say about your summery evaluation is that when you Fall, you have to Spring back up.

 

[Mass Effect]

This happened MS 3 year? I think you need to look into therapy, if you can. I know intern year is tough and you may not have the time, but most hospitals have in-house counseling for house officers. If you're still having trouble coming to terms with this, it's time to seek help.

 

[VincentAdultman]

I understand that - but how would you feel if you narrowly missed death by lightening strike? Or bullied/hazed when you were a child?

I nearly FAILED the clerkship had I missed a few more questions on the OSCE/Shelf. I later found out that my evaluation was the lowest of my entire class. I narrowly missed low-passing that clerkship - and that could have meant the end of my medical career.

Yes I matched to a good program, but I feel like ****.

LOL who cares dude. You matched at one of your desired programs in your desired specialty. Why tf are you perseverating on a bad rotation from MS3?