Chariya

2+ Year Member
Aug 1, 2016
6
0
hello all, I need help on proofreading my nursing ps. I posted on the clinical/RN forum but did not get any reply back. So i was hoping someone can take a look at my ps. I'm horrible at proofreading, any feedbacks will be greatly appreciated!!!



Growing up I have always had a passion for caring either it was my farm animals or my sick grandpa who diagnosed with colon cancer. I love helping people and improving their daily quality of living which becoming a nurse will make my dream come true. Nursing is more than a job; it is a career where dedication meets passion and trusting with patients and health care providers to offer the optimal outcomes for patients. I understand nursing is a challenging career and is not for everyone, however, I am eager to start serving my community. I genuinely want to make a difference in people’s lives, to be able to take care and provide comfort to the patients and their families at their most vulnerable times.

During my volunteer experienced at Saint Joseph Healthcare hospital in nutritional services over the summer, had further encouraged my goal to be a nurse. During my volunteer works, I had the opportunity to do tray passing to patients’ rooms and make small conversation with them. This has helped me to get to know each patient better and understand what they are going through. I felt connecting and rewarding when I saw the expression on patients’ faces after I greeting them by their names and asked if I can help with anything. Moreover, I got to experienced care conference among nurses and the dietitian and how they worked together as a team to ensure the best quality and safety for their patients. This experience has had taught me how important teamwork is in health care professions either it is a medical team or nutritional services team which I believe my experience will be useful in the future when I am working in a hospital. Ultimately, I learned to become an effective communicator with my team member and listener. Sometimes all patients need is someone to listen to them and I know I will be there and to encourage them to as much as I can.

Throughout my college life, I have learned nothing is impossible if you work hard and be positive. In one of my recent intensive classes, Chemistry for Healthcare Professionals that consists of lectures, online assignments, and group work activities. I was struggling with many assignments but I never give up and keep practicing until they make sense. I use to fear group day since we would do interactive activities related to the topic before having the lectures following day. By the end of the semester, I was excelling on all the homework and tests and was helping my group members. I felt rewarding as I can help them understand and develop my interpersonal skills, I received a good grade and is offered to do Learning Internship in fall 2016. This has significantly boosted my confidence level and reassured me my aspiration to gain entry-level to the nursing profession.

Nursing is not only a successful career but one of the most heroic professions where you can save lives and develop relationships with patients. It is a lifestyle that is rewarding mentally and touches people’s lives. I want a job that I am compassionate and continue to build my strengths and nursing will fulfill this ambition. In the future, I want to specialize in the neonatal intensive care unit and fully understand the challenges I will face but I am ready to make a miracle on those tiniest ones.
 

LatePrePharm

2+ Year Member
Jul 9, 2015
55
16
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
Growing up I have always had a passion for caring, whether it was for my farm animals or for my sick grandpa after he was diagnosed with colon cancer. I love helping people and improving their quality of life (OMITTED). Nursing is more than a job; it is a career where dedication meets passion (OMITTED). I understand nursing is a challenging career and is not for everyone, however, I am eager to start serving my community. I genuinely want to make a difference in people’s lives, to be able care for and provide comfort to the patients and their families at their most vulnerable times.

Throughout college, I have learned that nothing is impossible if you work hard and stay positive. In one of my recent intensive classes, Chemistry for Healthcare Professionals(OMITTED), I struggled with some assignments and shied away from group activities. (OMITTED) By the end of the semester, I was excelling on tests and was helping my group members. It felt rewarding helping my team and developing my interpersonal skills.(end sentence) I received a good grade and was even offered an opportunity to do the Learning Internship in fall 2016. This significantly boosted my confidence level and reassured my aspiration to enter the nursing profession.

During my volunteer experience at Saint Joseph Healthcare hospital in nutritional services (OMITTED), I was further encouraged in my goal to become a nurse. During my time there, I had the opportunity to deliver trays to patients’ rooms and have small conversations with them. This has helped me to get to know each patient better and understand what they were going through. I felt a connection when I saw the expression on their faces after I greeting them by their names and asked if I could help them with anything. Moreover, I got to experienced how the nurses and the dietitian worked as a team during conferences to ensure the best care for each patient. This experience has taught me how important teamwork is in healthcare (OMITTED). Ultimately, I learned to become an effective communicator with my team and a better listener. Sometimes all a patient needs is someone to listen to them and I know I will be there to encourage them to as much as I can.

I don't thik nursing is just a job; it's a heroic profession. I look forward to the reward of improving and touching people's lives. I am passionate about nursing and look forward to applying my team-building skills with other nurses and healthcare professionals. In the future, I want to specialize in neonatal intensive care. I look forward to the challenges I will face,(comma) but I am ready to make a miracle out of the smallest ones.
 
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LatePrePharm

2+ Year Member
Jul 9, 2015
55
16
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
I omitted sentences and phrases that weren't necessary and tried to make it sound more like natural English. The 2nd and 3rd paragraph order really had to be switched. I tried to keep your "voice" throughout the entire thing, except for at the end where I changed it up a bit. I think it's a good personal statement! Good luck!
 
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Chariya

2+ Year Member
Aug 1, 2016
6
0
I omitted sentences and phrases that weren't necessary and tried to make it sound more like natural English. The 2nd and 3rd paragraph order really had to be switched. I tried to keep your "voice" throughout the entire thing, except for at the end where I changed it up a bit. I think it's a good personal statement! Good luck!
Thank you so much!!!!