NYC for the SO? Advice please..

[beardpapa]

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Thinking of heading to NYC for residency. I've moved around the country and no problem adjusting to new cities. Besides, I'll be busy with residency so I'm not worried. I will be bringing my gf with me from St. Louis. She, on the other hand, has never lived outside St. Louis. I fear that with no friends or support system in NYC, and me being very busy with residency, she may become very lonely/depressed. She is a fairly social person but not one to strike up conversations with strangers. She has mostly a few very close friends. Is NYC a bad idea? I've heard that while being a big city, it can be very lonely. Anyone else have any experiences with this? (good or bad).. Any advice would be helpful in this difficult time. Thanks.

 

[deleted126335]

Whether it is NYC, Chicago, Durham, or Rochester, MN, she will have lots of down time without a support system and without you. Which of the above works best for her depends on her personality and interests. Moving to a strange environment with you working 80 hrs+/wk, doing lots of reading and sleeping the rest of the time and saying have fun, keep busy, and make friendsmay not be a good recipe.

What is her employability? Work is more than a paycheck, self esteem and other mental health benefits also derive form it. Also, You said girlfriend, not fiancee/wife. Residency is a great time (at least for the male resident 😉 ) for a committed couple to have kids if you are both ready. Is a residency in St. Louis an option?

 

[DavesNotHere]

You say NYC as if that's a bad thing ... If youre going to be taking a SO anywhere what could be better than a city w 9 million people and more culture than anywhere else in the world...if u gotta drag her anywhere, that's a good place

 

[NewYorkGas]

By your short description of your SO it sounds like she may experience some loneliness no matter where you move. New York City can be tough for someone who isn't from here, but you could say the same thing about lots of places big and small. Perhaps a move to NYC will be a test of your relationship, but is that such a bad thing? If you love the pace and excitement of NYC yet your SO longs for St. Louis then maybe that is a sign? Note that this is coming from someone born in Alton, Illinois who now lives in NYC and wouldn't return to the St. Lous area if I was paid a billion dollars.

 

[b-real]

What does your SO think of moving from her hometown to NYC, where she has no support system other than you? You will be putting a strain on your relationship if this is a unilateral decision.

 

[Coastmd]

I think it all depends on how your SO feels about the prospect of living in NYC for four years. New York can be a very polarizing place and as someone from the east coast who has spent some time in St. Louis, the two places are really polar opposites. Personally, I found the pace of St. Louis to be way too slow for me, the people to have completely different senses of humor, and the whole experience to be negative. I am not trying to bash St. Louis, but I'm just saying that someone who spent their whole life there may find NYC to be a bit obnoxious.

One other thing that I think you should seriously consider is your girlfriend's employment status. If she will not be working or may find difficulty getting a well paying job in NY, it may put a financial strain on you. Obviously the cost of living is vastly different in NY than in St. Louis and you may not be able to afford a one bedroom. If this is the case, the early mornings of anesthesia could put quite a strain on your relationship if you are living in a studio.

These things may not apply to you but they are things to consider if they do. Above all you need to pick a place that she is more than excited to move to because you will get great training in almost any city but it is incredibly important that the person who you bring along on this journey feels supported and comfortable wherever you end up.