Offensive Hospital Rhetoric

[tx oms]

What's the funniest hospital rhetoric you've heard?

How about:

1. Tell Ms. Smith to start doing hip excercises so she can kiss her ass goodbye.

2. Go sprinkle dirt on Mr. Smith so he gets used to it.

3. Sprinkle some salt on Mr. Doe and see if he shrivles up.

Got any others?

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[scalpel2008]

Bearing in mind our hospital is located on Holmes St:

On Mr. Brokenjaw's Discharge paperwork S/P ORIF bilateral mandible fx after being assaulted by the two dudes while he was reading the Bible, ofcourse:

"Discharge to Home(s st.)"

 

[Jediwendell]

Bearing in mind our hospital is located on Holmes St:

On Mr. Brokenjaw's Discharge paperwork S/P ORIF bilateral mandible fx after being assaulted by the two dudes while he was reading the Bible, ofcourse:

"Discharge to Home(s st.)"

That happened to you, too? Seems to go around.

I had a guy have his Bible physically wrested from his hands. His attackers (I believe there were six of them) then proceeded to pummel him with his Bible and then run away with it. The story was all preceeded with the ubiquitous, "they jumped me!" Look out, "they" are stealing Bibles and using them as weapons.

 

[toofache32]

I hope they never catch them..."those guys" keep us in business.

 

[Doggie]

Quoted from my chief resident.

"All homosexual patients have HIV. If they say they dont have HIV, that's only because the didnt check yet."

------------------
Quoted from a homosexual patient when asked how he sustained his mandible fracture. (imagine this with a lisp......I am not exaggerating)

"The negroes beat me up."

 

[toofache32]

From general surgery about why every patient has to have a rectal exam:

"There are only 2 reasons that keep a patient from getting a rectal exam...they don't have a rectum or you don't have a finger."

 

[JavadiCavity]

From general surgery about why every patient has to have a rectal exam:

"There are only 2 reasons that keep a patient from getting a rectal exam...they don't have a rectum or you don't have a finger."

That is now a personal favorite of mine. Move over Abraham Lincoln.

 

[tx oms]

Quoted from my chief resident.

"All homosexual patients have HIV. If they say they dont have HIV, that's only because the didnt check yet."

That is very, very funny.

 

[toofache32]

Quoted from my chief resident.

"All homosexual patients have HIV. If they say they dont have HIV, that's only because the didnt check yet."

Didn't that also just happen to that patient of ours (yours) last week?

 

[Doggie]

Didn't that also just happen to that patient of ours (yours) last week?

He was recently under our service in medicine complaining of fever of unknown origin. He claimed to not have HIV, but admits to a homosexual relationship. Hmmmmm.......smells fishy........or I should say, ****ty.

........it came back positive.

Anyways, I was rounding on that same patient a few days later. He shared the room with another patient with only a thin curtain and a few feet of spacing separating the 2 beds. I walked towards my patient's bed and see 2 sets of legs at the end of the bed. Then I peaked over and see the patient and his boyfriend spooning.

 

[Doggie]

This happened the other day during one of my medicine rounds with the medicine attending, who had been in practice for 30+ years. He does not know that I am an OMFS resident.

Doggie: Patient A feels better overall, but is complaining of new tooth pain.
Attending: What do you do for a tooth pain.
Doggie: You can either put a filling or extract it.
Attending: No, acutely.
Doggie: Uh....I guess you can give some lidocaine acutely if needed.
Attending: No, you give an antibiotic for a tooth pain.....and surprisingly, penicillin still works for tooth problems. One day while playing with my dog, I noticed a small pimple on the side of my dog's tooth. The vet later explained that it was a tooth abscess forming. Throughout my 30+ years of practice, I have yet seen 4 cases like that in my patients............imagine that 4 patients! Aint that something?

I did my best to keep my composure and not burst out laughing my ass off.

 

[ElDienteLoco]

That's good to remember...

My teeth hurt from ortho...maybe someone could write me a script for Pen VK?...If not, maybe I could find a vet who would...

 

[1992Corolla]

I haven't even started school yet, but antibiotics for pain?

Does he take amoxicillin for migraines?

 

[flat4]

Quoted from my chief resident.

"All homosexual patients have HIV. If they say they dont have HIV, that's only because the didnt check yet."

Let me take one WILD guess. Does this certain chief of yours happen to hang to the left on his CT scans?

 

[Doggie]

Let me take one WILD guess. Does this certain chief of yours happen to hang to the left on his CT scans?

"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Meeeetreeeeee"
"Mullet"
"Hey winners."

 

[OMFSCardsFan]

I enjoyed this that I overheard...

(Patient complaining about how long he waited to be seen in the ER)

Resident response: "Sir, there are two ways that you can pay for your medical care. You can pay with money...or you can pay with time. You, sir, are paying with time."

 

[InMyCrossHairs]

I haven't even started school yet, but antibiotics for pain?

Does he take amoxicillin for migraines?

Well, infections will ultimately lead to pain, and since abx may clear an infection, yes, you can use abx for pain. While not an immediate pain reliever, they certainly will help the pain long term.

 

[OMFSCardsFan]

Well, infections will ultimately lead to pain, and since abx may clear an infection, yes, you can use abx for pain. While not an immediate pain reliever, they certainly will help the pain long term.

#1 Gunner? Brilliant flight of ideas, there, doctor...

How about you establish that there is, in fact, an infection present before putting someone on antibiotics. Otherwise, you are giving antibiotics for an "infection" which may not actually be present, which will do a couple things:

1. Contribute further to the overuse of antibiotics.
2. Put your patient at an unnecessary risk of an allergic reaction to the drug.
3. Demonstrate your intelligence to everyone else.

 

[Doggie]

Well, infections will ultimately lead to pain, and since abx may clear an infection, yes, you can use abx for pain. While not an immediate pain reliever, they certainly will help the pain long term.

Acutely, nothing will beat the pain besides anesthesia. Yes, IF (big IF) the infection is present, it will still cause the pain down the line, but anesthesia will take the pain away momentarily.

 

[InMyCrossHairs]

#1 Gunner? Brilliant flight of ideas, there, doctor...

How about you establish that there is, in fact, an infection present before putting someone on antibiotics. Otherwise, you are giving antibiotics for an "infection" which may not actually be present, which will do a couple things:

1. Contribute further to the overuse of antibiotics.
2. Put your patient at an unnecessary risk of an allergic reaction to the drug.
3. Demonstrate your intelligence to everyone else.

The point I was trying to get at is this, people will continue to take pain meds and just temporarily alleviate pain. But if the infection is not resolved, and it may be with abx, the pain will continue to occur. Next post I will go more in depth on bacterial cultures, health histories, resistance of bacteria etc.

One question, have you ever rx an abx without knowing for sure the strain of bacteria, whether it was resistant, and not known 100% the pt would not have an allergic rxn.

 

[toofache32]

....One question, have you ever rx an abx without knowing for sure the strain of bacteria, whether it was resistant, and not known 100% the pt would not have an allergic rxn.

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. If not, then the answer is yes to all of the above. It's called empiric treatment and done daily. But I think it was sarcasm.

 

[scalpel2008]

The point I was trying to get at is this, people will continue to take pain meds and just temporarily alleviate pain. But if the infection is not resolved, and it may be with abx, the pain will continue to occur. Next post I will go more in depth on bacterial cultures, health histories, resistance of bacteria etc.

One question, have you ever rx an abx without knowing for sure the strain of bacteria, whether it was resistant, and not known 100% the pt would not have an allergic rxn.

Please do enlighten us, oh mighty dental student, on the concept of bacterial cultures, resistance, and health histories. Don't leave us hanging.


All the time. It's called empirical therapy. The VAST majority of odontogenic infections are caused by 1 of 5 bugs, ie strep, peptostrep, prophorymonas, prevotella, fusobactrieum (i hope that didn't make me sound like a periodontist). And picking an abx that covers them is all you need, which is quite simple. Studies have even shown that culturing dontogenic infections doesn't affect outcome. But we order cultures and sensitivities on the fascial space infections or non resolving infections for the small chance that it will. Now nosocomial infections are a whole different ball game.

 

[scalpel2008]

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. If not, then the answer is yes to all of the above. It's called empiric treatment and done daily. But I think it was sarcasm.

it may have been sarcasm but i pounced on it for the chance that it wasn't

 

[Doggie]

Not really an offensive hospital rhetoric, but you guys will definitely love this story.

This happened to me on the same medicine service with the same attending. Again, to reiterate, the attending still does not know that I am an OMFS resident.

We get this HIV patient with left submandibular/submental abscess/cellulitis with erythema from the left mandible down to the sternum. The cause was from a folliculitis/acne. Instead of consulting with omfs service for abscess drainage, I told my medicine residents that I would be more than happy to drain the pus. They knew my background and agreed.

I pretty much did everything by the book.
- Incision made 2 cm below the inferior border of mandible
- blunt dissection
- culture
- irrigation
- drew a line demarcating the edge of erythema
- packed wound with **** load of gauze

Next morning my attending rounds with us to see this patient.

Attending: Wow, notice the surgeon who made this I&D did a superb job. He packed the wound with gauze and closed it skin tape. Notice how he also drew this demarcation line across the patient's clavicles. Doggie, what is the purpose of this demarcation line?

 

[txdent2be2007]

Please tell me you spilled your guts when he asked you this! I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face.

 

[esclavo]

Not really an offensive hospital rhetoric, but you guys will definitely love this story.

This happened to me on the same medicine service with the same attending. Again, to reiterate, the attending still does not know that I am an OMFS resident.

We get this HIV patient with left submandibular/submental abscess/cellulitis with erythema from the left mandible down to the sternum. The cause was from a folliculitis/acne. Instead of consulting with omfs service for abscess drainage, I told my medicine residents that I would be more than happy to drain the pus. They knew my background and agreed.

I pretty much did everything by the book.
- Incision made 2 cm below the inferior border of mandible
- blunt dissection
- culture
- irrigation
- drew a line demarcating the edge of erythema
- packed wound with **** load of gauze

Next morning my attending rounds with us to see this patient.

Attending: Wow, notice the surgeon who made this I&D did a superb job. He packed the wound with gauze and closed it skin tape. Notice how he also drew this demarcation line across the patient's clavicles. Doggie, what is the purpose of this demarcation line?

awesome

 

[rrc]

Doggie, what is the purpose of this demarcation line?

Tell him that's the line that separates the men from the boys and that he's not to cross it.

 

[esclavo]

Tell him that's the line that separates the men from the boys and that he's not to cross it.

Crap, I love this stuff....

 

[toofache32]

Tell him that's the line that separates the men from the boys and that he's not to cross it.

Ha! That's funny stuff.

 

[toofache32]

Not really an offensive hospital rhetoric, but you guys will definitely love this story.

This happened to me on the same medicine service with the same attending. Again, to reiterate, the attending still does not know that I am an OMFS resident.

We get this HIV patient with left submandibular/submental abscess/cellulitis with erythema from the left mandible down to the sternum. The cause was from a folliculitis/acne. Instead of consulting with omfs service for abscess drainage, I told my medicine residents that I would be more than happy to drain the pus. They knew my background and agreed.

I pretty much did everything by the book.
- Incision made 2 cm below the inferior border of mandible
- blunt dissection
- culture
- irrigation
- drew a line demarcating the edge of erythema
- packed wound with **** load of gauze

Next morning my attending rounds with us to see this patient.

Attending: Wow, notice the surgeon who made this I&D did a superb job. He packed the wound with gauze and closed it skin tape. Notice how he also drew this demarcation line across the patient's clavicles. Doggie, what is the purpose of this demarcation line?

You failed to mention the part where you went to another rotation and dumped the patient back on your OMFS brethren....

 

[Doggie]

You failed to mention the part where you went to another rotation and dumped the patient back on your OMFS brethren....

Suckaz!!

How did he turn out by the way?

 

[scalpel2008]

You failed to mention the part where you went to another rotation and dumped the patient back on your OMFS brethren....

that's great...cleaning up doggie ****, literally. it's the one time the intern gets to dump.

 

[toofache32]

Suckaz!!

How did he turn out by the way?

Just fine. He might even be able to move his lower lip again someday.

 

[Doggie]

Just fine. He might even be able to move his lower lip again someday.

As long as he can still feel his boyfriend with his lips......

 

[Bifid Uvula]

Crap, I love this stuff....

I love this stuff too...

 

[1992Corolla]

Well, infections will ultimately lead to pain, and since abx may clear an infection, yes, you can use abx for pain. While not an immediate pain reliever, they certainly will help the pain long term.

I see. This is interesting. Funny story Doggie. I can't appreciate like you guys, but good nonetheless.