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Offensive Hospital Rhetoric

Discussion in 'Dental Residents and Practicing Dentists' started by tx oms, Jul 17, 2006.

  1. tx oms

    tx oms Welcome to Thunderdome
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    What's the funniest hospital rhetoric you've heard?

    How about:

    1. Tell Ms. Smith to start doing hip excercises so she can kiss her ass goodbye.

    2. Go sprinkle dirt on Mr. Smith so he gets used to it.

    3. Sprinkle some salt on Mr. Doe and see if he shrivles up.

    Got any others?
     
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  3. scalpel2008

    scalpel2008 beep beep beep...smash
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    Bearing in mind our hospital is located on Holmes St:

    On Mr. Brokenjaw's Discharge paperwork S/P ORIF bilateral mandible fx after being assaulted by the two dudes while he was reading the Bible, ofcourse:

    "Discharge to Home(s st.)"
     
  4. Jediwendell

    Jediwendell Senior Member
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    That happened to you, too? Seems to go around.

    I had a guy have his Bible physically wrested from his hands. His attackers (I believe there were six of them) then proceeded to pummel him with his Bible and then run away with it. The story was all preceeded with the ubiquitous, "they jumped me!" Look out, "they" are stealing Bibles and using them as weapons. :eek:
     
  5. toofache32

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    I hope they never catch them..."those guys" keep us in business.
     
  6. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    Quoted from my chief resident.

    "All homosexual patients have HIV. If they say they dont have HIV, that's only because the didnt check yet."

    ------------------
    Quoted from a homosexual patient when asked how he sustained his mandible fracture. (imagine this with a lisp......I am not exaggerating)

    "The negroes beat me up."
     
  7. toofache32

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    From general surgery about why every patient has to have a rectal exam:

    "There are only 2 reasons that keep a patient from getting a rectal exam...they don't have a rectum or you don't have a finger."
     
  8. JavadiCavity

    JavadiCavity DDS 2008
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    That is now a personal favorite of mine. Move over Abraham Lincoln.
     
  9. tx oms

    tx oms Welcome to Thunderdome
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    That is very, very funny.
     
  10. toofache32

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    Didn't that also just happen to that patient of ours (yours) last week?
     
  11. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    He was recently under our service in medicine complaining of fever of unknown origin. He claimed to not have HIV, but admits to a homosexual relationship. Hmmmmm.......smells fishy........or I should say, sh!tty. :laugh:

    ........it came back positive.

    Anyways, I was rounding on that same patient a few days later. He shared the room with another patient with only a thin curtain and a few feet of spacing separating the 2 beds. I walked towards my patient's bed and see 2 sets of legs at the end of the bed. Then I peaked over and see the patient and his boyfriend spooning. :scared:
     
  12. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    This happened the other day during one of my medicine rounds with the medicine attending, who had been in practice for 30+ years. He does not know that I am an OMFS resident.

    Doggie: Patient A feels better overall, but is complaining of new tooth pain.
    Attending: What do you do for a tooth pain.
    Doggie: You can either put a filling or extract it.
    Attending: No, acutely.
    Doggie: Uh....I guess you can give some lidocaine acutely if needed.
    Attending: No, you give an antibiotic for a tooth pain.....and surprisingly, penicillin still works for tooth problems. One day while playing with my dog, I noticed a small pimple on the side of my dog's tooth. The vet later explained that it was a tooth abscess forming. Throughout my 30+ years of practice, I have yet seen 4 cases like that in my patients............imagine that 4 patients! Aint that something?

    I did my best to keep my composure and not burst out laughing my ass off. :smuggrin:
     
  13. ElDienteLoco

    ElDienteLoco Senior Member
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    That's good to remember...

    My teeth hurt from ortho...maybe someone could write me a script for Pen VK?...If not, maybe I could find a vet who would...
     
  14. 1992Corolla

    1992Corolla CheerioKing
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    I haven't even started school yet, but antibiotics for pain?

    Does he take amoxicillin for migraines?
     
  15. flat4

    flat4 Mullet Redesigner
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    Let me take one WILD guess. Does this certain chief of yours happen to hang to the left on his CT scans?
     
  16. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    "Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Meeeetreeeeee"
    "Mullet"
    "Hey winners."
     
  17. OMFSCardsFan

    OMFSCardsFan Senior Member
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    I enjoyed this that I overheard...

    (Patient complaining about how long he waited to be seen in the ER)

    Resident response: "Sir, there are two ways that you can pay for your medical care. You can pay with money...or you can pay with time. You, sir, are paying with time."
     
  18. InMyCrossHairs

    InMyCrossHairs #1 GUNNER
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    Well, infections will ultimately lead to pain, and since abx may clear an infection, yes, you can use abx for pain. While not an immediate pain reliever, they certainly will help the pain long term.
     
  19. OMFSCardsFan

    OMFSCardsFan Senior Member
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    #1 Gunner? Brilliant flight of ideas, there, doctor...

    How about you establish that there is, in fact, an infection present before putting someone on antibiotics. Otherwise, you are giving antibiotics for an "infection" which may not actually be present, which will do a couple things:

    1. Contribute further to the overuse of antibiotics.
    2. Put your patient at an unnecessary risk of an allergic reaction to the drug.
    3. Demonstrate your intelligence to everyone else.
     
  20. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    Acutely, nothing will beat the pain besides anesthesia. Yes, IF (big IF) the infection is present, it will still cause the pain down the line, but anesthesia will take the pain away momentarily.
     
  21. InMyCrossHairs

    InMyCrossHairs #1 GUNNER
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    The point I was trying to get at is this, people will continue to take pain meds and just temporarily alleviate pain. But if the infection is not resolved, and it may be with abx, the pain will continue to occur. Next post I will go more in depth on bacterial cultures, health histories, resistance of bacteria etc.

    One question, have you ever rx an abx without knowing for sure the strain of bacteria, whether it was resistant, and not known 100% the pt would not have an allergic rxn.
     
  22. toofache32

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    I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. If not, then the answer is yes to all of the above. It's called empiric treatment and done daily. But I think it was sarcasm.
     
  23. scalpel2008

    scalpel2008 beep beep beep...smash
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    Please do enlighten us, oh mighty dental student, on the concept of bacterial cultures, resistance, and health histories. Don't leave us hanging.


    All the time. It's called empirical therapy. The VAST majority of odontogenic infections are caused by 1 of 5 bugs, ie strep, peptostrep, prophorymonas, prevotella, fusobactrieum (i hope that didn't make me sound like a periodontist). And picking an abx that covers them is all you need, which is quite simple. Studies have even shown that culturing dontogenic infections doesn't affect outcome. But we order cultures and sensitivities on the fascial space infections or non resolving infections for the small chance that it will. Now nosocomial infections are a whole different ball game.
     
  24. scalpel2008

    scalpel2008 beep beep beep...smash
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    it may have been sarcasm but i pounced on it for the chance that it wasn't :smuggrin:
     
  25. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    Not really an offensive hospital rhetoric, but you guys will definitely love this story.

    This happened to me on the same medicine service with the same attending. Again, to reiterate, the attending still does not know that I am an OMFS resident.

    We get this HIV patient with left submandibular/submental abscess/cellulitis with erythema from the left mandible down to the sternum. The cause was from a folliculitis/acne. Instead of consulting with omfs service for abscess drainage, I told my medicine residents that I would be more than happy to drain the pus. They knew my background and agreed.

    I pretty much did everything by the book.
    - Incision made 2 cm below the inferior border of mandible
    - blunt dissection
    - culture
    - irrigation
    - drew a line demarcating the edge of erythema
    - packed wound with sh!t load of gauze

    Next morning my attending rounds with us to see this patient.

    Attending: Wow, notice the surgeon who made this I&D did a superb job. He packed the wound with gauze and closed it skin tape. Notice how he also drew this demarcation line across the patient's clavicles. Doggie, what is the purpose of this demarcation line?

    :smuggrin:
     
  26. txdent2be2007

    txdent2be2007 Member
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    Please tell me you spilled your guts when he asked you this! I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face.
     
  27. esclavo

    esclavo from frying pan into fire
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    awesome
     
  28. rrc

    rrc Member
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    Tell him that's the line that separates the men from the boys and that he's not to cross it.
     
  29. esclavo

    esclavo from frying pan into fire
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    Crap, I love this stuff....
     
  30. toofache32

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    Ha! That's funny stuff.
     
  31. toofache32

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    You failed to mention the part where you went to another rotation and dumped the patient back on your OMFS brethren....
     
  32. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    Suckaz!! :smuggrin: :laugh:

    How did he turn out by the way?
     
  33. scalpel2008

    scalpel2008 beep beep beep...smash
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    that's great...cleaning up doggie sh!t, literally. it's the one time the intern gets to dump.
     
  34. toofache32

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    Just fine. He might even be able to move his lower lip again someday.
     
  35. Doggie

    Doggie Professional Jackass
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    As long as he can still feel his boyfriend with his lips......
     
  36. Bifid Uvula

    Bifid Uvula My Superior Wang...
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    I love this stuff too... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  37. 1992Corolla

    1992Corolla CheerioKing
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    I see. This is interesting. Funny story Doggie. I can't appreciate like you guys, but good nonetheless.
     

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