Opinion on my personal statement

[woltej1]

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Just would like a few hints on my personal statement and what you guys think as far as what you take from it, it's focus, etc.

Some people can trace their drive to become a physician to their childhood; either playing doctor with their friends or growing up with medical professions in their family, but not me. I didn't grow up with a family of medical careers, or even college degrees for that matter. If you were to ask me as a child what I wanted to become though, my response would've always been a physician. It's just been a part of me as long as I can remember. I've always looked up to physicians with respect and viewed the profession as the most valuable thing you could do with your life. I'm not sure if it's because of the challenge to make it through all the academics of it or that you've never going to be able completely accomplish the profession; there'll always be something you can strive for or learn and accomplish on top of everything you've already completed on the continuum of the medical field. I can point to one event where everything clicked and I figured out why I want to be a physician so badly.
It was the fall of my junior year in high school and my brother was starting his freshman year of college. My dad was in between jobs trying to find a stable one after the poor economy ended his last one and my mom was doing whatever she could to try and bring in some extra income. Needless to say we were all stressed with our personal problems and our collective family problems also. One morning I got a call while at school saying that my dad had been taken to the hospital with a possible heart attack. I didn't care about my upcoming tests or sports or anything at that point, all I wanted to do was get to the hospital to see my dad. My mom left her job to pick me up and my brother left class to come up. It didn't matter what we had going on at that time, once we had heard that our dad was in the hospital everything else lost importance. My dad made it through without any problems or damage, but after all this was over with it dawned on me why I wanted to be a physician. There are a lot of jobs that would be fulfilling to me or that I'd have to problem going to every day, but when the health of your loved ones is in question, nothing else in your life is important other than to hope that they will be fine. This is why I have viewed physicians with so much respect; they are the ones who are able to return people's lives to normal, or help them through the pain of losing someone in the worst case scenario. Being a physician is the only way I will be able to fully apply myself, skills and knowledge to these pivotal moments in people's lives.
This is why I want to go to medical school. I've always had an internal desire to be a physician that I didn't question when I was younger, but also couldn't pinpoint either. Then I had the unfortunate experience of having a loved one in serious condition and saw how the importance of things we may normally consider important are easily forgotten about when their health is in question. From that day on I knew that becoming a physician would be the greatest accomplishment that I can achieve with my life.

 

[Jepstein30]

I like the focus/spin but to me, it's a little contradictory. You start off saying that unlike some people, you cannot tie your passion for medicine to your childhood.. then say that you've wanted to be a doctor since you were a child.

The one thing you MUST do is demonstrate that you know what you are getting into.. explicitly writing it in your PS or not so ADCOMs know you aren't just thinking of a fantasy life.

I would also look to draw out that story with your dad, you don't really allow the reader to get a good feel of it as it's thrown in the middle of a paragraph and then quickly resolved.

"Being a physician is the only way I will be able to fully apply myself, skills and knowledge to these pivotal moments in people's lives."

I like this as a intro conclusion.. but the rest of your PS would have to talk about the skills and knowledge you've developed that make medicine right for you.

also, this is only the start, right? It needs to be much longer.. this is too abrupt.

 

[Mx300]

Is English your second language? I don't mean to sound harsh but I think this PS needs some rewording and alot of grammatical corrections. I also thought it was pretty generic. I know the part about your dad was an important part of your life but it doesn't really give the reader a good reason for why you should be a physician. Honestly everyone has a significant medical event in their lives including myself. I think the trick is to spin it in a way that plays to your strengths and gives a unique reason for why you want to go Into Medicine. Also don't mention that you could be happy doing something else. I can imagine this would be a problem for the admission committee. I would talk to your advisors and other people and rewrite and edit multiple times. It can only get better.

 

[Escape_Goat]

Cut the entire first paragraph. It rambles, is vague in its purpose, and doesn't really say anything by the time it's done. Just jump right into the narrative.

 

[cabinbuilder]

I would scrap the whole thing. They know you want to be a doctor. It sounds generic and like everybody vying to get into medical school. You need a story about how you have grown as a person, your journey, your hardships, and how that relates to service, work ethic, and perseverence.

 

[gyngyn]

It's not very good at all, but it's not much worse than the last few thousand PSs I've read.

If you are counting on your PS adding value to your ap, eliminate the first paragraph and rewrite the rest.