Outside advice on Personal Statement

[EdLongshanks]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

Who do you get to read your personal statements before you send them in? I'm starting to work on mine and I want some knowledgeable people to help me avoid mistakes and show my history in the best light.

I, of course, can use the advising faculty at my school, but these are the very same people who I will be asking for letters of reference, so any errors that I make on the personal statement may "taint the well".

I've seen some examples of personal statements online, but they all seemed too flowery to me. They all seemed to start with participals - a mark of bad writing in my experience. "Looking over the bleeding bodies of the people in the car wreck, I wondered what I could do...." "Watching my brother suffer from juvenile cancer..."

 

[sv3]

Who do you get to read your personal statements before you send them in? I'm starting to work on mine and I want some knowledgeable people to help me avoid mistakes and show my history in the best light.

I, of course, can use the advising faculty at my school, but these are the very same people who I will be asking for letters of reference, so any errors that I make on the personal statement may "taint the well".

I've seen some examples of personal statements online, but they all seemed too flowery to me. They all seemed to start with participals - a mark of bad writing in my experience. "Looking over the bleeding bodies of the people in the car wreck, I wondered what I could do...." "Watching my brother suffer from juvenile cancer..."

just bumping....feel the same about the bolded above. Def seems like some sort of "hook" is required but there's likely 1000s ways to do it to your liking

 

[netminder]

I got my admissions counselors, some physician friends, and other colleagues (some of whom did write my LOR's) to read mine. They were quite helpful. Plus, I had two other friends with experience as editors (although not having anything to do with medicine) read them and give me their impressions.

 

[netminder]

See next thread on admissions counselors.

 

[da Vincis World]

Instead of advising faculty at your school try to find people who know what it needs to say to gain you admission to medical school (ie people who have done it before). Ask physicians that you shadow or current medical students.

 

[Nasrudin]

Since we're all equal here in our speculation. Here's what I think.

I knew I was going to try to put my raw thumping beating heart on the table, I knew I would only feel comfortable with an author/editor relationship.

Professional in nature. Distant enough to be direct and cool. Qualified enough to know the audience and the range of effects your essay might generate. Experienced enough to execute the function sought.

So I signed up for SDN's raffle where professionals meet and greet with the SDN crowd. They do this in their yearly in the TEST PREP week thingy. I think.

Well I won. And ended up working with Dr. Jessica Freedman. She was the perfect editor for me. She allowed me to keep my intent my own but helped me craft a hook and a melody out of amp grinding distortion and mayhem. And. I am partial to women in this regard. Don't know what that means. Don't care. Just always liked my female literature instructors and such. Felt easier to write from the gut for them.

I tried letting some people read my essay. But it just wasn't right.

Now is this necessary for everyone. Or should you or that person do it. I can't answer that. What I can say is I think my results must have been sexy enough cause I've already landed 3 interviews and the rest of my application is unremarkable.

 

[Nasrudin]

one more thought on this.

it's probably just common sense. but if your application is already bangin. then. fine. you don't need to make sure your personal statement is perfect. like a reverb drenched stratocaster through north texas moonlight.

but if you need it to be just right. and no OP. not necessarily flowery. The style just has to match your voice. and the tune has to catch the listener. A producers touch, if just right, can be the missing element that makes it sing.

I would have paid top dollar for what I got by accident.

and I'm broke @ss b!tch let me tell you.

 

[DocHomer]

Who do you get to read your personal statements before you send them in? I'm starting to work on mine and I want some knowledgeable people to help me avoid mistakes and show my history in the best light.

I, of course, can use the advising faculty at my school, but these are the very same people who I will be asking for letters of reference, so any errors that I make on the personal statement may "taint the well".

I've seen some examples of personal statements online, but they all seemed too flowery to me. They all seemed to start with participals - a mark of bad writing in my experience. "Looking over the bleeding bodies of the people in the car wreck, I wondered what I could do...." "Watching my brother suffer from juvenile cancer..."

I think you are referring to the use of gerunds where the -ing form of a verb is used as a noun. I don't think there is anything wrong with using them as long as it makes sense. Actually, I think they help with the flow of an essay.

Why do you think it is the mark of bad writing? It's frequently used.

 

[EdLongshanks]

I think you are referring to the use of gerunds where the -ing form of a verb is used as a noun. I don't think there is anything wrong with using them as long as it makes sense. Actually, I think they help with the flow of an essay.

Why do you think it is the mark of bad writing? It's frequently used.

The difference between Participals and Gerunds is that a participal is an adjective phrase, while a gerund is a noun phrase. The sentence fragments above start out with phrases that were intended to eventually modify the subject - so they would be participals. However, since I didn't write the whole sentence I suppose they could have acted as gerunds also.

I edit a newsletter that has a circulation of 10,000 - so, like most editors, I tend to have little prejudices and hobby horses about certain writing practices. Some people hate adjectives strung together in a long, confusing, legal, but nevertheless unnecessary list. Others can't stand split infinites, a practice which, they think, tends to unnecessarily confuse the rules of english.

My pet peeve is sentences that begin with participal phrases. The writer thinks that he is grabbing the readers attention with some vivid action, but instead he is usually obscuring the subject of the sentence and clumping thoughts together that belong in entirely different sentences.

It's just my pet peeve. Everytime I see it I think "Engfish". Someone who can't write is trying to impress me. No one talks this way.

"Reading through the story that I had written, I sat and meditated on my own intelligence and glory and considered many readers whose hearts, thumping and beating, would be edified by my great literature."

 

[EdLongshanks]

"Reading through the story that I had written, I sat and meditated on my own intelligence and glory and considered many readers whose hearts, thumping and beating, would be edified by my great literature."

Let me show you the difference that not using participal phrases makes. I'll express the same thoughts without using participal phrases and show you the difference

"I printed out the story and read it again. It was good. No, it was more than good; it was literature, maybe even great literature. "This will make the reader's heart to thump," I thought. "It will cause their minds to change. It will edify everyone who reads it...." So began my journey through the toils of the modern fiction publishing business

 

[akinetopsia]

I think anyone would get a ton of points if they can modify a good movie quote and throw it in the beginning of their PS. Adcoms love that, or so I've heard.

"Rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize, 'Holy ****, Hansel! Haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this be in your head?'"

The best writers tend to be well-read. I am not saying I am the best writer, but I am definitely not the worst. However, some of the worst writing I've read tends to be when people try to emulate their favorite author. My biggest advice on writing a good personal statement would be to read (or re-read) some classic literature. It may be a good idea to read some that are first-person narratives, like Hemingway's A Moveable Feast, since it's a personal statement and most likely should be written like a first-person narrative, right?

 

[Nasrudin]

Sounds like you baited your query just so you could edit your responses.

Put your own experience into practice. I'm sure you'll come up grand.

 

[EdLongshanks]

Sounds like you baited your query just so you could edit your responses.

Put your own experience into practice. I'm sure you'll come up grand.

No, I didn't. My question is the same. Who do you ask to help you? You answered that question as did some others. A few people commented on an opinion that I expressed while posting my question. This is common on internet discussion groups and I am not complaining about it - but it isn't the same thing as answering the question. I supported my opinion with with example and also by making a claim to some authority towards recognizing good writing and bad writing.

My fear on my personal statement is not that it will be badly written. I have a possibly inflated confidence in myself there and I know what outside resources to enlist for help. My fear is rather that I am not sure what the adcomms are expecting and what would impress them. I want to have advisors who, whether they are good writers or not, know the adcomm process well.

 

[Nasrudin]

No, I didn't. My question is the same. Who do you ask to help you? You answered that question as did some others. A few people commented on an opinion that I expressed while posting my question. This is common on internet discussion groups and I am not complaining about it - but it isn't the same thing as answering the question. I supported my opinion with with example and also by making a claim to some authority towards recognizing good writing and bad writing.

My fear on my personal statement is not that it will be badly written. I have a possibly inflated confidence in myself there and I know what outside resources to enlist for help. My fear is rather that I am not sure what the adcomms are expecting and what would impress them. I want to have advisors who, whether they are good writers or not, know the adcomm process well.

OK. Fair enough. Then my suggestion still stands but for different reasons than I would need an editor. There are services that have somebody with years of experience on the other end of this game. People who know their colleagues and the cultures of medicine and adcom's. They can help you target that audience.

Good luck.