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Parents problem

Discussion in 'Pre-Dental' started by qtlilkitty, Mar 22, 2007.

  1. qtlilkitty

    qtlilkitty 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 19, 2007
    Hey guys, i have a non-dental related problem and I desparately need some advice. My parents want to live with me while I'm in dental school b/c they want to take care of me. I, needless to say, really don't want that to happen. As much as I love my parents, I feel that this is a really bad idea b/c we really don't get along (we haven't lived together since I was 6). Anyone else having a similar problem? How did you guys convince your parents that it's not a good idea?
     
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  3. Regmata

    Regmata Member Dentist 10+ Year Member

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    Feb 29, 2004
    Do your parents not have their own home?
     
  4. xdianaax

    xdianaax In memory of Riley Jane Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Sep 12, 2006
    Lol, believe it or not, I moved out of my house a while ago too, but I really do miss my mom taking care of me...I was begging my mom to move with me...lol...if I were in your shoes I would jump on that opportunity...but if you absolutely don't just be honest, tell them you really feel like this is something you want to do on your own and this is a big stepping stone in your life and that you think it will help you to learn a lot by doing it on your own and finding your own path in life. I don't see how they can say no to that.
     
  5. prez_al

    prez_al 5+ Year Member

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    May 17, 2006
    If I had that option, I would take it. You'll have no time to do anything in dental school. Who wouldn't want a hot meal when you just came back from 8 hours of class?
     
  6. xdianaax

    xdianaax In memory of Riley Jane Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Sep 12, 2006
    That's what I'm talking about!!!!! I've moved out a while ago, and I can't wait to go home for a good ol' home cooked meal!!!
     
  7. sumluck

    sumluck Guest

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    May 19, 2006
    Personally, if you and your parents don't get along too well, it could cause serious distractions from d-school...which would obviously not be good. You are an adult now (i hope:) ) and unless they are paying for your schooling you have your own right to do what you want and live how you want. This is a period in your life when you are setting the stones for advancements in both your personal and professional lives. You say they want to take care of you...do you need to be "taken care of"? Or are you self sufficient and able to take care of yourself...I would hope for the latter, because success in dental school will indeed require these qualities. Good luck, and remember you want to have as few stresses as possible outside of d-school...just my two cents.
     
  8. qtlilkitty

    qtlilkitty 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 19, 2007
    well but here is the thing. I haven't lived with them since i was 6 and i have lived by myself since i was 13 (for very complicated reasons). I have lived w/ my dad for 6 months in my senior year in college and it was the worst time of my life to the pt where i basically said that i am moving out whether you like it or not. I think that i am a good student and a good person but i get criticized for everything that i do b/c they don't know me. My dad has, on more than 1 occasion, yelled at me and called me all sorts of nasty names I have ever heard in my life for 12 hours straight LITERALLY. I think that taking care of me is 1 of the reaons why they want to live w/ me. But, more importantly, they want to "correct" me. And I'm not someone who takes drugs or party till it's dawn or anything. I'm a responsible person, but they want to, in their own words, "make me more chinese" b/c "the american way is wrong and immature". I feel that dealing with cooking and chores will be alot less time consuming and emotionally draining than being put down for no reason whenever i go home.
     
  9. xdianaax

    xdianaax In memory of Riley Jane Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Sep 12, 2006
    If that's the case, then step-up. If you're an adult than you have your say as an adult...if you don't want them living with you, you tell them, mom/dad this is going to be a weakness in dental school if I have to go home to more stress. Speak your mind...the worst that will happen is they'll say no...lol
     
  10. Regmata

    Regmata Member Dentist 10+ Year Member

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    Feb 29, 2004
    What type of life do you want? If you want a traditional Chinese lifestyle, then live with your parents and let them mold you into a "proper" Chinese person...if not, live on your own...

    They sound distracting and overbearing. If that is something you want to deal with, by all means go for it...but you will have time to cook your own meals and do your own laundry while in school, so don't make the decision based on those types of criteria
     
  11. airpotato

    airpotato 2+ Year Member

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    Jan 30, 2007
    sounds like a pretty sweet deal...as long as they're there to take care of you.

    If they're just going to be taking up room in your place and not taking care of you like you said...then just flat out tell them that you want to experience independence or something.

    But man, I'd kill to have my parents take care of me. Things would be so much easier w/o having to worry about anything BUT school.

    think twice about it before saying no to them...
     
  12. Envision

    Envision Envisioning... 7+ Year Member

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    Jun 14, 2005
    Irvine
    Say no and experience the full dental school experience. this consist of lots of hard work and taking care of yourself by doing those chores listed above. thats just me though...i love my parents, but i like learning to take care of things on my own. btw, im also part chinese so i have an idea of what you mean. For what its worth, im sure they mean well. gl.
     
  13. qtlilkitty

    qtlilkitty 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 19, 2007
    haha, thanx for everyone's help on this. It seems that the independence argument is the way to go from alot of what ppl said, but the thing is though I have been independent all my life since they weren't in my life and now all in a sudden they want in. And now ina way that's respectful of what i have already become, but try to mold me into something that i am not and am too old to become. I just wish i can let them know w/o being too harsh cuz i know they just want to get to know me aka change me for the better.
     
  14. osubum

    osubum 2+ Year Member

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    Dec 1, 2006
    If your parents move in with you, they are probably going to hold that over your head so that you provide from them later. Maybe that is their plan. Do you know what their retirement plans are? From what I understand it is not uncommon in many other cultures for the children to provide for the parents when they retire. Is this their last attempt to ensure their financial future?
     
  15. qtlilkitty

    qtlilkitty 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 19, 2007
    Hi osubum, I don't think that to them it has anything to do w/ $ b/c they're actually pretty well off. They have actually been really generous with me when it comes to $ as I was growing up and really want to pay for my dental school tuition cuz they think it's their duty as paretns to do so. However, they do try to make me feel guilty about not accomodating their wishs to live with me by saying how much they have done for me financially (putting me through college etc). And honestly, I don't mind supporting them financially in the future it's just that I think that living together will cause unecessary unhappiness at least on my side b/c I am happy with who I am and know that I won't change into what they want me to become. So it will just be constant fights for no good reason.
     
  16. diane07

    diane07 2+ Year Member

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    Jan 9, 2007
    If you can take care of yourself and you know that being with them would not be good for you - then just say NO!
     
  17. Snahster

    Snahster 2+ Year Member

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    Nov 9, 2006
    what an odd situation.... never heard of this kind of situation before.
     
  18. prez_al

    prez_al 5+ Year Member

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    May 17, 2006
    Oh wow... I see where you're coming from now... At least your chinese parents didn't try to influence your decision on picking a school. Well, let's face it... most chinese parents are about "face" and you're going to be a Dr. in four years. OF COURSE THEY CARE!!!!
     
  19. EnviroDentist

    EnviroDentist 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 27, 2007
    I think you would be better off living with other dental students and having your parents stop by occassionally and bring you food and possibly clean up your place if you want them to. For some people it's great to have someone do everything for them, but for others they would rather do the dishes and wash their own clothes so that they know what's clean and where everything is. It's nice that they offered, but I think you would be better off living with a group of dental students who were all struggling with the same classes that you are and are all on the same schedule.
     
  20. qtlilkitty

    qtlilkitty 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 19, 2007
    yeah that's what i really want to do, too (living with other dental students). cuz i think that dental school is also about building a career network. well thanx for all the support and comments =) I needed someone to tell me to be strong w/ the parents.
     
  21. ddsgirl347

    ddsgirl347 2+ Year Member

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    Oct 14, 2006
    I dunno about that...I get along great with my parents, I love them to death. But I will NEVER move back in with them, even going home for the summer after my freshman year of college drove me nuts (Im now a senior...still go a little nutty after about two weeks at home). Regardless of how much they say they'll let you be and respect the fact that you're not 10 anymore, they won't. That would be my expectation at least. And, I've had some friends from back home move back in with their parents after transferring schools and such, and they've all moved back out within six months or less because they were going nuts.
     
  22. xdianaax

    xdianaax In memory of Riley Jane Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Sep 12, 2006
    They're paying for your tuition too...that just makes it that much harder...honestly, if I were you I would probably suck it up and just spend less time at home and more time at school...no loans is a HUGE burden off your back
     
  23. qtlilkitty

    qtlilkitty 2+ Year Member

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    Feb 19, 2007
    haha sorry i didn't make it clear, i meant to say strong enough to stand up to them and try to let them understand where i'm coming from. but yeah, i will join the military or something if they make me stay w/ them
     
  24. xdianaax

    xdianaax In memory of Riley Jane Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Sep 12, 2006
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  25. Snahster

    Snahster 2+ Year Member

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    Nov 9, 2006
    I do not understand your post. I was just commenting that i've never heard of a situation where the parents want to move in with the student...seems pretty uncommon to me. Usually parents own their own house and want the kid to move in and commute to school or something but never parents selling their house to go move in with their student child........
     
  26. prez_al

    prez_al 5+ Year Member

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    May 17, 2006
    I was commenting on how the OP's parents just started giving her all this attention cuz she's starting d-school. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
     
  27. I'mFillingFine

    I'mFillingFine Pulptastic 5+ Year Member

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    Jul 23, 2005
    Shuffled off....
    I personally would NEVER recommend living with parents in dental school even if you get along with them!

    And knowing that you will not and not even having experience at living with them (so that you'd have to figure it out from scratch), I don't see how this could function in any way.

    This sounds like a nervous breakdown waiting to happen, and you haven't even started dental school yet...:scared:
     
  28. dmd2011

    dmd2011 Random Hero 5+ Year Member

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    Dec 2, 2006
    Philadelphia, PA
    its not really their duty to pay for your d school. if they do pay then it sounds like they will use this to control you. the best advice is to finance your own education that way they cant hold it over your head.
     
  29. SugarNaCl

    SugarNaCl Dental Student Moderator Emeritus 5+ Year Member

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    Apr 28, 2006
    Akron, OH
    You have to live your life for you. It broke my mom's heart when I moved away for grad school. I came back for a few years and am returning for dental school (10 hours away driving). She will be crushed...just tonight she started to cry, but I know it is right. I have to do it. Same applies for you. You are an adult now. You have to say no if you feel it is right for you...and only you know what IS right for you!
     
  30. ehrehck

    ehrehck

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    Feb 12, 2007
    First of all, let me say I am only assuming and I know nothing about your parents and I am not judging them or you I am just going on about what I think. So it seems to me that you are Chinese and that you have been having very big relationship problems with your parents. It seems you haven't had contact with them in over 20ish years more or less. Now all of a sudden they want to "take care of you" when you are starting dental school. It seems to me that they're in it for the money that you will make. Something like "you need to support us now that we have helped you through dental school". In my opinion I think you should tell them that you need to be on your own like you have always been since it will make you a stronger person. Again, that is just my opinion. Please do not take offense.
     

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