Penis jokes you've heard from residents and attendings

[drivesmecraazee]

Post 'em here. I've heard one needs a great sense of humour to be a urologist.

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[drivesmecraazee]

Is this thread unapropiate???
Sorry...my bad.

 

[bigfrank]

Is this thread unapropiate???
Sorry...my bad.

The thread is cool.

But your spelling is grotesque.

 

[drivesmecraazee]

I know, Im costarrican, learned english in high school but haven't been using using it on a regular basis, so excuse me please.

 

[europun]

I was observing a vasectomy and heard the dr tell the pt;

" Your shutting down the factory and opening up the amusement park "

I lost it

 

[MossPoh]

I once shadowed a urologist and he'd always ask his patients, "So, how's your business?"

I remember one man responded, " Business was good until the walmart moved in next door"

Evidently he was having some problems with the neighbor.

 

[ekydrd]

I was in clinic with one of our best urologists during med school. We had a patient who's complaint was that his penis was disappearing. Dr. N looked at him seriously and said "your penis isn't going anywhere, you're just getting fat, and if you want to see it again lose the fifty pounds you've gained." I about peed my pants trying not to laugh out loud.

 

[doctron]

Bob and his wife just finished having sex one night.

After catching their breaths during that post-coital state, Bob asked his wife: "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

His wife paused and then said: "Ok, you have the biggest penis of all your friends."

Ba-dune-dune-chi

 

[Wallachia]

cystoscope: a device with a prick at both ends

 

[deleted6669]

Really impressive urethral bleeding= penistaxis

 

[former military]

I heard this the other day....

a doctor walks into an exam room to give a patient the results of his CT scan after a bladder biopsy....
He says, "Sir, I have some very good and very bad news"

Patient: "Doctor, give me the bad news first"
Doctor: "Sir, you have aggressive, metastatic bladder cancer, there is cancer in your liver and lungs. I fear you have less than a year to live"
Patient: "Oh my God, that is terrible... wait, what is the very good news?"

Doctor: "You know Sally, the young blonde who took your credit card and insurance information at the front desk? She told me that she likes me!"

 

[cpowell21]

What's the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

One pricks your finger...

What's the difference between a anesthesiologist and a urologist?

One plays with someone else's d*ck all day...

 

[Consigliere]

What did one testicle say to the other?
Hey! Whose the d1ck in the middle?

 

[McGillGrad]

I know, Im costarrican, learned english in high school but haven't been using using it on a regular basis, so excuse me please.

spellcheck

 

[McGillGrad]

Patient comes in for a cystoscopy for my attending's first case as a med student. He fails to thoroughly review the chart and goes in to take the H&P. The patient is very nervous about the procedure and is visibly anxious. The attending (as a med student) tries to reassure the patient by telling him that he won't feel much pain in his oesophagus because of the anaesthesia...but before he finishes the sentence, the pt passes out and drops to the floor.

As the nurses are rolling on the floor laughing, he realizes he thought the patient was there for gastric endoscopy.

 

[YeOldeMan]

(wearing a suit)
"Doctor said I was impo'tant....so I might as well look impo'tant"

 

[Shoushu]

I was observing a vasectomy and heard the dr tell the pt;

" Your shutting down the factory and opening up the amusement park "

I lost it

Opening up the Amusement park?! Without protection? What about STDs/STIs?


more on pt with the topic, here's a joke: A man is having problems with his penis. He consults a urologist. Urologist says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick burned out; you only have 30 erections left in your penis."

The man walks home. his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."

 

[Cleavername]

this thread is so win.

 

[skiz knot]

Opening up the Amusement park?! Without protection? What about STDs/STIs?

I would hazard to guess that the vast majority of men getting a vasectomy are in long term monogamous relationships.