Pep-talk needed

[ClickityClack]

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Hey out there, non-trads,


I'll be 30 this year.
Nearly a decade in a tiring "dead"-end Army career.
I'm a senior, now, with a make-up year remaining (switched majors).

Some emotional baggage after the Army. Let's leave it at that.



I'm already feeling burned out. I just want to be in med school, already, working toward something. This worry has been hanging over my head for so long now, and the closer I get to graduating -the worse it gets. It seems like I have less and less time to improve my GPA, fit in 20,000 hours of volunteering, etc. And, the constant competition....
10 minute rides on my motorcycle to "clear my head" have turned into 2 hour rides.
I "veg-out" for far too long, when I know I should kick into gear and start studying.
Relaxation methods don't work since I'm feeling guilty for relaxing, which leads to improper time management, leading to more guilt, leading to even less effective relaxation.

I've caught myself in a cyclic trap of suck.

Not a fear of missing out on life, house, etc, I don't think.
I just want to sleep for a week straight, then wake up with my energy back.
I've lost the piss and vinegar I had a few years back. The ambition is still there, but the willpower has taken a vacation.




Anyone else out there feeling this? Or, past tense?

I know it's gonna get worse, in med school. But, at least it will be 80 hours a week of something useful.
This undergrad process separates the wheat from the chaff. But, I've already been through so many of these processes: I'm no longer wheat... I'm oatmeal.

 

[EdLongshanks]

I'm already feeling burned out. I just want to be in med school, already, working toward something. This worry has been hanging over my head for so long now, and the closer I get to graduating -the worse it gets. It seems like I have less and less time to improve my GPA, fit in 20,000 hours of volunteering, etc. And, the constant competition....
10 minute rides on my motorcycle to "clear my head" have turned into 2 hour rides.
I "veg-out" for far too long, when I know I should kick into gear and start studying.

As a future doctor you must recognize the diagnosis for your condition. You are depressed. One man described depression as "a storm of the mind." I like that definition. People who don't understand want you to "snap out of it." But the problem is not too little snapping, but too much. It's snapping coming from everywhere. Demands, requirements, criticizing and yelling. And as the storm gets worse you perform worse, which results in more demands and requirements.

Yes, I've been there.

You know that something in your life has got to change, but you fear changing the wrong thing. Many people during this time will change their spouses, or their best friends, but this is almost always the wrong change. Since you're not planning on continuing your career in the army, this might be the right time to take advantage of some of the counseling services offered by the armed services. I would highly suggest not taking any depression meds, since they backfire. But there are some counseling therapies that can help. Actually, although most people shudder at the thought, many people who went through electro-shock therapy swear by it.

I think you need to realize that you have not made any irredeemable errors. Your time in the army has not been wasted - even though it seems that way to you. You are in a good position in life and have many happy days ahead of you.

 

[DocHomer]

As a future doctor you must recognize the diagnosis for your condition. You are depressed. One man described depression as "a storm of the mind." I like that definition. People who don't understand want you to "snap out of it." But the problem is not too little snapping, but too much. It's snapping coming from everywhere. Demands, requirements, criticizing and yelling. And as the storm gets worse you perform worse, which results in more demands and requirements.

Yes, I've been there.

You know that something in your life has got to change, but you fear changing the wrong thing. Many people during this time will change their spouses, or their best friends, but this is almost always the wrong change. Since you're not planning on continuing your career in the army, this might be the right time to take advantage of some of the counseling services offered by the armed services. I would highly suggest not taking any depression meds, since they backfire. But there are some counseling therapies that can help. Actually, although most people shudder at the thought, many people who went through electro-shock therapy swear by it.

I think you need to realize that you have not made any irredeemable errors. Your time in the army has not been wasted - even though it seems that way to you. You are in a good position in life and have many happy days ahead of you.

While I agree that counseling services are a good idea for you, I would leave it up to a doctor to decide if you need medication or not. The fact is you may have a chemical imbalance, and medication can help alleviate your issue. But I highly suggest seeking professional help for your condition.

Also, please don't feel like you're crazy or a weak person for doing so. We all have our challenges in life, and the best thing to do in a situation like this is to ask for help.

All the best.

 

[OldNeuroDoc]

Ditto on most of what Longshanks said. You're depressed, and your
first priority should be breaking the 'cycle of suck'. Definitely
make use of whatever counseling/psychiatric care resources are available to you.

Maybe try toning down the volunteering and classwork for a bit until you're seeing some more light. Even if that puts you a bit behind on your med school plans for now, it's time well spent since you'll be able to go at things 100% once you're better, rather than barely getting by and risking even more serious problems.

I'll have to respectfully disagree with Longshanks' view on medication. Antidepressants are no silver bullet, and their side effects are well known, but they really can make a dramatic (and positive) difference for a lot of people. I don't think you should rule them out before you've talked to a psychiatrist. I'm happy to share more personal stories/examples if you want to PM me.

Regarding electroconvulsive therapy, I think it's mostly used as a last resort for otherwise untreatable depressions - situations where people are almost catatonic.

I'm not a doctor, so take all of this with a grain of salt. Maybe an M.D. wants to weigh in here?

 

[EdLongshanks]

I'll have to respectfully disagree with Longshanks' view on medication. Antidepressants are no silver bullet, and their side effects are well known, but they really can make a dramatic (and positive) difference for a lot of people. I don't think you should rule them out before you've talked to a psychiatrist.

I'll correct what I said. I'll rephrase. I'm not a fan of anti-depressant medications, although they have their place. Most people in the early stages of depression can be helped other ways. I don't know enough about your case to say anything more than, "Maybe you ought to check with someone to see if you are in the early stages of depression."

 

[clausewitz2]

I'm not an MD, but I am a cognitive neuroscientist, so I am familiar with some of the literature on ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). It is a very effective treatment (something like 80% of patients undergoing it reporting total remission of their depressive symptoms, and most of the rest having at least some relief), but the primary and non-trivial drawback is memory loss. For the vast majority of people undergoing ECT, this is confined to a few days on either side of the treatments, but there have been reported cases of years gone, and even one case of a lawyer who forgot everything associated with her time in law school (!)

This is why it is not usually tried until standard meds prove ineffective. It works quite well, and most people are fine, but there is a small chance of serious consequences.

 

[EdLongshanks]

but there have been reported cases of years gone, and even one case of a lawyer who forgot everything associated with her time in law school (!).

Whoa, that's better than I thought. I'll call my congressman and suggest that he propose a law that all lawyers in America must immediately undergo ECT.

 

[combatwombat]

The undergrad pre-reqs are largely designed to wear people down, as you acknowledge. Think of it as analogous to the hazing they put you through to get into an elite army unit... only it's for an elite civilian profession instead. It sucks but you can get through it if you keep trying your hardest. I went through the same cycle you talk about where you feel so guilty about relaxing that you just can't relax...

Forget ECT, that's for suicidal depression. I'd recommend DHA/EPA dietary supplements (both have been shown to have positive effects of mood and learning) and vigorous exercise. I guarantee you, if you hop on a rowing machine and hold a 1:50 split for 8 minutes, by the time minute 7 rolls around you will not care about whatever worldly anxieties are currently getting you down.

 

[NTF]

I wouldn't be to quick to assume a clinical diagnosis. It's always a good idea to seek counseling and professional help if you notice significant changes in your routine, diet, sleep patterns, or moods. So I definitely urge you to do that.

But you could just have run of the mill burn-out. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you have to take a step back and figure out a way to charge your batteries. And you'd do well to learn this skill now and head-off burn out before it happens. It seems to me that medical careers are littered with "burn-out" landmines at every stage.

Simplify your life. Make sure you have a few things that you really enjoy that have NOTHING to do with medicine.

For me, time with my wife and daughter is like an oasis. When I come home it's like a huge sigh of joy as soon as I cross the threshold.

Also, I love playing the guitar not despite, but BECAUSE I suck at it. I spend the majority of my day trying to excel and be anal retentively diligent because people's lives will eventually depend on what I do. I make sure that guitar is one place where I'm ALLOWED TO SUCK. Cause I can't do that with almost everything else in my life (fatherhood, marriage, career, etc.)

If you have the time, take a little break. Do something mindless and fun. Come back to everything. Write out everything you have to do and map it out a week (or weeks) ahead of time. Break it into manageable chunks. And in the midst of all the "have-to-do" stuff MAKE TIME for "mindless fun" or whatever enriching activity you enjoy.

Really, get started on the life balance thing now. It'll make med school, oh so much easier.

 

[NTF]

I would highly suggest not taking any depression meds, since they backfire. But there are some counseling therapies that can help. Actually, although most people shudder at the thought, many people who went through electro-shock therapy swear by it.

1. Dispensing medical advice based on a single forum post - bad idea, really bad idea

2. Dispensing said medical advice as a pre-med - colossally bad and hugely arrogant

 

[EdLongshanks]

1. Dispensing medical advice based on a single forum post - bad idea, really bad idea

2. Dispensing said medical advice as a pre-med - colossally bad and hugely arrogant

See post above where I alter this statement. Read the entire thread before jumping down someone's throat. Jumping to opinions will not be a good practice when you are a doctor.

Dispensing a general opinion about a certain type of medication during discussion on an internet discussion group is utterly normal.

 

[NTF]

See post above where I alter this statement. Read the entire thread before jumping down someone's throat. Jumping to opinions will not be a good practice when you are a doctor.

Dispensing a general opinion about a certain type of medication during discussion on an internet discussion group is utterly normal.

Point taken about the modification of your post. My apologies.

But I'm not sure it's hit you about how colossally bad your initial post was. Perhaps you should reread your own post. You weren't expressing a general opinion. You were telling a pre-med to self-diagnose himself, which honestly is bad advice even to a physician, let alone a med student or pre-med. And you were suggesting a course of action with regard to a potential treatment plan ("I would highly suggest not taking any depression meds").

What I am doing is expressing an opinion about your initial post. But I do apologize for failing to acknowledge that you altered your post subsequently.

 

[EdLongshanks]

Point taken about the modification of your post. My apologies.

But I'm not sure it's hit you about how colossally bad your initial post was. Perhaps you should reread your own post. You weren't expressing a general opinion. You were telling a pre-med to self-diagnose himself, which honestly is bad advice even to a physician, let alone a med student or pre-med. And you were suggesting a course of action with regard to a potential treatment plan ("I would highly suggest not taking any depression meds").

What I am doing is expressing an opinion about your initial post. But I do apologize for failing to acknowledge that you altered your post subsequently.

Yes, I caught that the original post had the tone of a doctor giving a treatment plan, which it should not have. The tone was unintentional, but undeniably present. Other posters immediately corrected me and if the OP took any of my advice he saw a professional, whose advice would be more immediate and valued - so I don't think any harm was done.

Yes, I do catch how monumentally stupid the original phrasing was.

 

[NTF]

I don't think any harm was done.

Oh I absolutely agree. And I'm sure I got you beat on doing and saying monumentally stupid things. While you're coming to medicine after succeeding in other arenas, my late start to the medical shindig has to do with being monumentally stupid for the better part of my adult life.