personal loss - include in application?

[queenbee]

hello - hope that other nontrads can help out with this.

my mother passed away due to cancer over a year ago. she battled for a little less than a year. it's a very sad and emotional thing for me - i was planning to volunteer in hospice b/c i had such a good experience, but i backed out since i still hurt a lot inside for my mom. i volunteer in other avenues, helping other moms/dads out there with other ailments and helping women in hospitals. anyway - this was a pivotal point in my life. she gave me her blessing to switch careers and continues to be my rock and inspiration.

on the medical side, my responsibility as her primary caregiver and my involvement with her oncologist, hospice doctors, nurses, and social workers were all very important to me and i saw the side of the medical field from the patient perspective.

i also continued to work, go to school (even managed good grades), take care of my family in every aspect and tend to my mom's care daily and at every free moment i had.

do i include this type of information on my application or even my personal statement? i don't want my mom's death to be a "feel sorry for me" characteristic on my application, but it's clearly had a big effect on me in many ways. or on the flipside, will the schools take mercy on me seeing how involved i was in my mom's care? i want to include it b/c it jumpstarted this whole postbac journey, but i don't want it to define me entirely, if that makes sense.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[dancinRN1022]

I think its a personal decision for you, I am sorry for your loss!

... but I did... my parents were sick for the majority of my life and they both ended up passing away... I spoke of my dad's death because that was the point when i decided to become a doctor (I was 15)...I think you can't ask me about my life or about my decision to become a doctor, or my experiences in health care without me mentioning this.... I don't think it will make or break your application... but it just gives an in sight on who you are as a person
and your unique experiences which brought you to this point in your life....good luck!

Mel🙂

 

[Playmakur42]

.

 

[Savantrice]

I mentioned it in my essay because its been such a life-shaping thing for me. My mom was initially diagnosed my junior year of high school, now not quite ten years later she's going through her third cycle of chemo treatment (she's a strong lady😀).

Like you, I am her primary caregiver and also am involved with her oncologist, nurses, social worker, etc. During her second cycle my family broke up over it, long story short I withdrew from school. I was out two years before going back to finish my bachelors. Because I have to explain the gap in my education, I end up just explaining the whole story.

 

[utahjazz]

hello - hope that other nontrads can help out with this.

my mother passed away due to cancer over a year ago. she battled for a little less than a year. it's a very sad and emotional thing for me - i was planning to volunteer in hospice b/c i had such a good experience, but i backed out since i still hurt a lot inside for my mom. i volunteer in other avenues, helping other moms/dads out there with other ailments and helping women in hospitals. anyway - this was a pivotal point in my life. she gave me her blessing to switch careers and continues to be my rock and inspiration.

on the medical side, my responsibility as her primary caregiver and my involvement with her oncologist, hospice doctors, nurses, and social workers were all very important to me and i saw the side of the medical field from the patient perspective.

i also continued to work, go to school (even managed good grades), take care of my family in every aspect and tend to my mom's care daily and at every free moment i had.

do i include this type of information on my application or even my personal statement? i don't want my mom's death to be a "feel sorry for me" characteristic on my application, but it's clearly had a big effect on me in many ways. or on the flipside, will the schools take mercy on me seeing how involved i was in my mom's care? i want to include it b/c it jumpstarted this whole postbac journey, but i don't want it to define me entirely, if that makes sense.

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure she was very proud of you. I agree with the others... mention it since it certainly has affected your decision to enter medicine.

 

[queenbee]

thanks for all of your input and positive words.

dancin - i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. i know losing one parent is devastating, but both is one of the most difficult aspects of being a son or a daughter.

savant - i hope your mom keeps on fightin'! that's so inspiring and many good thoughts to you, her and family.

i don't want to be cliche and have in my personal statement something like, "my mom losing the battle against cancer wants me to help fight the cause" or something like that, even if it is true. i hope that i can eloquently describe my experience as something enlightening, despite the severity of the situation.

thanks again!

 

[PTtoMD]

I agree with everyone here. Experiencing a loss or an illness like that changes you. Sounds odd but you rarely meet a rude/shallow person who has experienced tragedy (unless of course they are in the midst of it or battling subsequent depression). It forces you to re-evaluate, find perspective, focus on what matters. My father passed away when i was younger and it is truly a part of who i am. He battled cancer for 9 years. You can't separate this type of experience out as it becomes a part of you. Your essay will be genuine,powerful and passionate-it will allow them to see you more completely. Good luck to you.

 

[Beau Geste]

I talked about my recovery from cancer in my PS.

 

[RxnMan]

I discussed a personal loss in my PS. Check the Re-App FAQ (link in my signature) to see how I did it.

 

[princekc]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I'll strongly recommend, comment on your loss in your PS. Your motivation will be your success and it will open so many door and thus makes you a better physician.

I am 4th yr pa student applying to medical sch next yr and my decision was mainly because i lost my sister to stroke in Africa last year. I plan to return home (not permanently) and help change the system there. I blamed my sister's death to the poor health care system in my country. The question is, will i talk about this in my PS? oh yeah!

This is a saying in my language: "Have faith and faith will keep you alive"

 

[Flopotomist]

First, I am truly sorry for your loss, and it in no way is to be minimized or diminished by what I am about to say.

Consider VERY carefully what will happen if you include this on your application. If you get an interview, it will be the topic of discussion, and you need to realize that in the high pressure stress of an interview, you need to be strong, and having to talk about something so painful might prevent you from putting your best foot forward.

I am sure you are an amazing applicant who has done many great things. Do you want to be remembered for those things by the adcom, or do you want to be remembered as the "crying girl" who broke down in her interview?

Try a mock interview with one of your harshest friends (somebody who can be super mean and emotionless) and have them GRILL you about your mother's death. Questions like "How can we be sure you won't break down in medical school if you weren't comfortable dealing with death in a hospice volunteer environment?"

Yeah - it is harsh, and I will likely be blasted by some on here for saying it, but if you can't stand up to those inevitable questions, then prevent the train-wreck by not putting it on your app.

Good luck!

 

[RxnMan]

...Yeah - it is harsh, and I will likely be blasted by some on here for saying it, but if you can't stand up to those inevitable questions, then prevent the train-wreck by not putting it on your app...

I'm your huckleberry...😎

...If you get an interview, it will be the topic of discussion,...

I doubt this. When I interviewed, only one interviewer talked about it, and it was just to make sure that I was comfortable talking about a series of standard ethical scenarios, which happened to be similar to what I went through.

Interviewers are human too, and they have gone through their own hardships. No interviewer would focus on the OPs hardships longer than anyone would in polite company.

...Try a mock interview with one of your harshest friends (somebody who can be super mean and emotionless) and have them GRILL you about your mother's death...

Mock interviews are good tools, but preparing for so unlikely a scenario would be a waste of the OPs time.

...Questions like "How can we be sure you won't break down in medical school if you weren't comfortable dealing with death in a hospice volunteer environment?"...

I would argue that the OP's experience would make them better prepared than the average applicant at dealing with this situation. The average med student hasn't confronted death (heck, half of my class had never seen a dead body before gross), nor do they know what the patient's family is going through. The OP knows both.

Putting in a brief, "facts only" description of the OP's situation is in no way a weakness and provides a great deal of information about them as an applicant.

 

[Flopotomist]

In response to the post above - I just wanted to give a little different perspective.

I was interviewing somebody for a job once and she had written in her cover letter about her experience with her dying father. I figured I would toss her a softball and ask her what things she learned from the experience that would make her a stronger candidate for the job.

She broke down crying, and the interview felt like it became a therapy session.

The OPs experience is quite fresh, and likely quite painful and raw still. Just don't want to see a rehash of my experience (and no, the interviewee did not get the position.)

 

[queenbee]

flopptomist, thanks for your different perspective, as i do honestly worry about that, too.

there was a time shortly after my mom's death that i had interviewed for a suicide prevention hotline volunteer position, but as soon as the tears started to erupt, i knew i wasn't fit for that position or even ready.

i still do get choked up thinking about it, but when i speak about it being my motivation, i do manage to prevent tears and talk clearly about it. of course, i'm going to prepare my A-game for the interview... but, hey. this is a great advantage for us nontrads. after working in the corporate finance industry for 6 years, you def learn to develop a poker face and interviews are my FORTE! 🙂

 

[postbacker]

flopptomist, thanks for your different perspective, as i do honestly worry about that, too.

there was a time shortly after my mom's death that i had interviewed for a suicide prevention hotline volunteer position, but as soon as the tears started to erupt, i knew i wasn't fit for that position or even ready.

i still do get choked up thinking about it, but when i speak about it being my motivation, i do manage to prevent tears and talk clearly about it. of course, i'm going to prepare my A-game for the interview... but, hey. this is a great advantage for us nontrads. after working in the corporate finance industry for 6 years, you def learn to develop a poker face and interviews are my FORTE! 🙂

It seems like this type of "motivation" is cited by lots of applicants. I really wonder how adcoms view these applications?

I think you have to be very careful how you write about this stuff...

 

[queenbee]

exactly... that's what i am concerned about also, as i don't want this to be yet another applicant that's experienced loss, etc etc.

but, the reality is, sometimes that really IS the reason why people see things in a different light and have motivation.

then again, how many people REALLY have different reasons besides wanting to help others, personal experience, or whatever? i think adcoms know there isn't going to be much different stuff out there. i guess it's a matter of presenting it in a favorable light and not a common, typical way.

 

[postbacker]

exactly... that's what i am concerned about also, as i don't want this to be yet another applicant that's experienced loss, etc etc.

but, the reality is, sometimes that really IS the reason why people see things in a different light and have motivation.

then again, how many people REALLY have different reasons besides wanting to help others, personal experience, or whatever? i think adcoms know there isn't going to be much different stuff out there. i guess it's a matter of presenting it in a favorable light and not a common, typical way.

You might be surprised by the variety of reasons...

It seems from the questions that people pose on SDN about these issues that many really do NOT know why they want to be a doctor and they are searching for an acceptable response...

 

[queenbee]

true - and how many people still end up being a doctor without having an unique reason? i think even if it is a "common" reason, if it's really the truth and a real motivation, more power to you. beats the REAL reasons why some undergrads get into it, whether it be money, power, respect.