Personal Statement-- can I use this word?

[rachel993]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Preface: the word is "poop".

Hi everyone-- I just wanted to get opinions on this: I'm reworking my PS (thanks to those who have edited/given me feedback!) and I'm thinking of adding in an encounter I had with my aunt, for the sake of "show vs tell". She had severe colon cancer that led to her having a colostomy and thus having to wear a pouch that collected her feces for a long time. She was having a rough time dealing with this condition, as it had leaked and gotten infected, and it had made her pretty depressed and embarrassed to go out in public, etc.

One day, we were at our family's cabin on a holiday, and my aunt got up to go change her colostomy bag. I knew she had been feeling down about it, (and also I was pretty curious about the process of cleaning an exposed part of the large intestine) so as she left the room I decided to go out on a limb and say something like "wait! patty, can I come look at your poop?!" ---Mind you, I would never do this in an actual patient setting, but I know my aunt, and had a good sense of how she would react.

Anyway, she looked at me with a sort of shock on her face, but then replies "do you want to look at my poop?!. . . . okay, come look at my poop then!"

and that led to us sharing some good laughs at the strange conversation we had just had, and and after she showed me and told me all about it, I learned that no one in her immediate family would look at it or really even talk about it (which I have to understand, because I know some people just cant handle gross topics like that). But I loved that in this little moment I was able to bring a smile to her face, and I see it as a great example of how empathy and emotional support is just as important in healthcare as is scientific knowledge.

SO, I was thinking of starting my PS by quoting "Do you want to look at my poop?" and then segwaying into what that meant for me. But do you guys think that is TOO blunt? I am usually pretty good at gauging audiences but i'm kind of on the fence about this one. And using a less harsh word like "feces" or something would just totally ruin the quote and take away from the feeling/mood of the situation.

Opinions appreciated!

 

[sashka1]

i used the word "shi t". i dont really see it as a problem honestly. we are all adults, as long as you dont use it inappropriately you should be fine

 

[el_duderino]

No.

 

[Shazam243]

That's a great story. I don't see any problem with simply telling it like you just did. I imagine it would be much riskier to start off with the quote that you intend on using.

To answer your question, I do not see using "poop" in the way you did problematic. Consider carefully, and ask others, about the way you intend on starting the story, though.

 

[woltej1]

depends if you can relate it to why you actually want to become a doctor. if you throw it in there as a stand alone store it may come off as unprofessional. I definitely wouldn't open with it, remember, this is a professional statement to a traditional system. Nothing wrong with a little humor but be careful with it.

 

[infinitessimal]

I don't think the problem would be in your use of the word 'poop', but in the way you portray yourself. You say you would never do this in a patient setting and I completely believe you, but if, for the purpose of breaking the ice and being blunt, you say something that could come off a bit immature and inappropriate, it might not paint you in a good light. Who knows what kind of urges you might get with shy patients?! I'm just thinking of the worst case scenario, and you don't know who'll be reading it.

Then again, it's bold, and if you want to take a risk then go for it! Just consider if in the possibility someone gets put off by this anecdote, would you want this to be the reason you aren't invited for an interview? (Answer could be yes)

 

[deleted407021]

I wouldn't, but I've also never had occasion to write a PS.

@rachel993 If that is you in your profile picture, I recommend you change it for privacy purposes.

 

[xnfs93hy]

You can use it, but I certainly wouldn't. It's just not very professional.

 

[TheWeeIceMan]

I wouldn't start with the poop quote. You don't want to make a crappy first impression.

 

[el_duderino]

The PS is not the place to take such big risks. It's not something that's going to make adcoms say "wow, we really need this person." Especially with that anecdote. It's just not that strong, and IMO it's distasteful.

If it was something great that comes across very well and is very strong, then maybe. But you do so at the very real risk of putting the reader off and coming across as unprofessional. It's not worth it. You don't want your app tossed or downranked at a school for this.

 

[Ismet]

Personally I would find it amusing and unoffensive, but I can see where some committee members might think differently. It's certainly a fine line to walk. There's nothing inherently wrong with the word, and I kind of like the approach, but again, it might not be taken as well by others. To be safe, I wouldn't include it.

i used the word "shi t". i dont really see it as a problem honestly. we are all adults, as long as you dont use it inappropriately you should be fine

Even if you were using that word as part of a direct quote, you should edit it out with brackets or find a different way to say what you're trying to say. Yes, we're all adults, but foul language really has no place in professional writing.

 

[zzxxzz]

It's a direct quote, so no.

But I loved that in this little moment I was able to bring a smile to her face, and I see it as a great example of how empathy and emotional support is just as important in healthcare as is scientific knowledge.

SO, I was thinking of starting my PS by quoting "Do you want to look at my poop?" and then segwaying into what that meant for me.

I personally don't think I'd use this experience, and I definitely wouldn't open with it. Not because of the "poop," but because it's kind of a strange situation. You want readers to see it as an attempt to emphasize with and comfort someone with a debilitating medical condition; it could easily come off, however, as insensitive curiosity about your aunt's "cool/weird problem."

 

[Optimus-Prime]

the "poop" hook!

thats one hell of a literary device my friend

 

[blueharbor]

I think it's a great anecdote, and you can say poop. However, I would not start with that line. Tell the story the way you told us.

 

[DokterMom]

Asking to see her colostomy is a bit more sensitive and scientific than asking to see her poop. Her response is fine as is (no one's gauging her professionalism), but your question could be re-worded.

 

[alpinism]

Lol

If you’re gonna talk about examining poo in your PS you have to at least tell us what it looked like.

Don’t leave us hanging.

 

[orangeman25]

Any hematochezia?

 

[LanaPeters]

Normally I would not give advice on something of this nature because I am hardly an expert on personal statements in general let alone medical school admissions, however; it is my opinion that you should leave out any and all reference to the contents of your aunts colostomy bag.

I do not mean to offend or guilt you. The way you are framing the relationship with your aunt may be viewed by some as condescending and indicative of immature judgement. I say this only because it should go without saying that the assistance and support you have provided involved feces. Getting literal about it seems unnecessary and (I think) could be distracting and off-putting. Personally, I would write about your aunt as means of supporting your own specific character traits. I think your aunt provides an opportunity to showcase your empathy, interest, and judgement when it comes to discretion.

Just my opinion.

 

[rachel993]

Thanks everyone for the constructive opinions---well, some maybe not so constructive, but at least not rude. I appreciate it.

@alpinism definitely #7. and that would obviously make sense, since the colon would have been the target of the colostomy. . . and then deducing that no colon = no water reabsorption = gravy poop. yay MCAT studying! (that's not a jab at you or anything, that was just my brain's thought process, haha.)

 

[LanaPeters]

Would you use that word in an actual professional setting, like a professional dinner, networking event where you are representing yourself as being representative of your school/hospital/company, or in an interview with superiors you are trying to impress?

 

[ortnakas]

I think it's a great anecdote, and you can say poop. However, I would not start with that line. Tell the story the way you told us.

I concur-- good story, especially if you emphasize that you knew it would make her more comfortable and why you knew that (so you don't come off as insensitive). Wouldn't lead with the quote though, because if someone is easily offended, you'd lose them right away instead of hooking them with the story first.

 

[rachel993]

@LanaPeters Well for me, it would actually depend on the mood of the conversation, and the context in which I was using it. If the conversation were suitable, I would probably feel totally comfortable telling it how I described it above (well, maybe not at a dinner, but in an interview or something). and like @ortnakas just added, I would certainly emphasize my relationship with my aunt, in that, in the context of my relationship with her, I really did have a good idea of how she'd respond, and I was confident in gauging the situation. Because I really do think it's a good show of how I value empathy and sensitivity to others. But in regard to just "using the word", no, I would not just throw the word "poop" randomly into a professional conversation, if that's maybe where you were heading. I've never been one to run into respect or offensiveness issues in job settings, just in case people are getting that idea.

 

[ThisCouldBeYou]

I do not recommend you use it. Starting with some kind of a quote is a technique that's used often, but they can be an inappropriate hook. Is that really want you want adcoms to remember you: that you chose to look at someone's poop? (BTW, what if your aunt didn't want to show you?) I think by the time you write about why you said that takes away from the purpose of the personal statement unless you want adcoms to think you like to look at poop or that you ask super-personal questions. Although you asked a family member not a patient, this isn't a professional way you want someone to think of you.

 

[moop]

Always use "poop." It's one of my favorite words (and even rhymes with my handle!!!).

However, your anecdote is poop. Never use poop in a meta sense.