Personal statement constructive criticism.

[lemonscentedsoap]

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Hello Stan! j/k Hi guys,

I have written the first draft of my personal statement. I was wondering if some people could give me some constructive criticism please? Thank You!
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Can i PM some people?

 

[3rdgenDDS]

I would take this down immediately; the last thing you want this cycle is letting some other pre-dent copy your ps and then good luck explaining that during interviews.
If you want my advice, look into a professional editing company, or pm someone who is willing to help

 

[nonociceptors]

What was the point of noting how the homeless people throw out half their food lol

 

[whitepapertree]

 

[drsuess]

You’ve got a solid first draft! You’ve got a lot of good information, but just as a heads up it needs to be worked on a lot.

Unfortunately, I don't really have the time to provide you with edits and ideas, but I thought I'd give you a little bit of overall feedback:

1. Scratch your intro (the first 2 whole paragraphs). It’s rather generic, not very interesting, and I don’t feel your passion for dentistry. Maybe think of something quirky about yourself or unusual that you can tie into dentistry.

2. Your experiences are impressive but you are just telling us them. Elaborate on your goals and visions as a dentist/future and meld these accomplishments/experiences into that story line. It feels like you are just giving your job descriptions the entire time.

3. You have a lot of sentences that need to be taken out or completely reworked. I glanced briefly at your statement and from the gecko these hurt the vibe of your essay. I've included some of the more glaring ones below.

• I utilized all the practical laboratory techniques taught in a typical undergraduate class as well as using various analytical instruments which students and some Ph.Ds do not even get to use let alone touch. One particular instrument I used was the proton-NMR machine.
• Most just throw half the food away though.

It's a good start. However, you have a lot of work ahead of you. I'd suggest taking a break from your PS and looking at it again in 2 days or so with a new perspective.

Good luck!

 

[lemonscentedsoap]

What was the point of noting how the homeless people throw out half their food lol

It was a joke to my sista!