personal statement intro!

[319671]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

I am struggling with how to start my personal statement! I have an outline and what i want to say, but I want to have a strong opening. can anyone contribute by posting the first sentence of their intro, or just tell me what the opened with? thanks so much! good luck to all applicants 🙂

 

[chocol8]

I ended up writing everything BUT my intro, and then like you I struggled with it.
It might be easier to write the rest of your essay and then do the intro last. That way you'll have a better idea of what direction you took your essay in, and then you can take the time to think of an appropriate intro that fits. I did an outline too, but ultimately found that this was the approach that helped me. I hope this helps!

 

[SIUE optkid]

."Growing up, I always thought the methods my optometrist used to improve my vision were incredibly interesting. After researching different career opportunities, I decided I wanted to do the types of things I’d seen my optometrist do for years, and that my future belonged in the profession of optometry. ....."

this may or may not help you but good luck to you!
ps. dont go copying it!! haha
.

 

[319671]

."Growing up, I always thought the methods my optometrist used to improve my vision were incredibly interesting. After researching different career opportunities, I decided I wanted to do the types of things I’d seen my optometrist do for years, and that my future belonged in the profession of optometry. ....."

this may or may not help you but good luck to you!
ps. dont go copying it!! haha
.

hahaha of course i won't copy it! i dont want to plaigarize, i just want to read other people's ideas!

 

[socal2014]

You could pay those online essay writing services a couple of $5 bills and see what they can come up with!























Of course, I am only kidding.

 

[MXbookworm]

Haha wow I just went back and looked at my essay and snorted when I read my first sentence. Cheese, anyone? But, I liked the quote so I went with it.

“When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” In one sentence, Nancy Coey’s quote has summarized my inspiration to become an optometrist. To stop there, however, would fall grossly short of describing the many facets of optometry that make it the ideal career path and life goal for me.

The "nothing is impossible" may be a bit much but I liked using the quote because I could draw from the different ideas in it.

 

[BandanaGuy]

I started mine off with a story, in an attempt to grab instant attention and interest.

"Heart racing, hands trembling, warm blood blushing my cheeks.... this is how I felt as I frantically tried to copy notes from the board in my fourth-grade class. I was fearful of what was happening to my vision. I was no longer able to function independently, because I was forced to rely on my desk-partner for notes. My attention shifted away from the teacher, to the notes I was struggling to take. I could feel myself beginning to fall behind."

 

[saiwahhh]

I started mine off with a story, in an attempt to grab instant attention and interest.

"Heart racing, hands trembling, warm blood blushing my cheeks.... this is how I felt as I frantically tried to copy notes from the board in my fourth-grade class. I was fearful of what was happening to my vision. I was no longer able to function independently, because I was forced to rely on my desk-partner for notes. My attention shifted away from the teacher, to the notes I was struggling to take. I could feel myself beginning to fall behind."

my first paragraph was a story, leading into what motivated me to pursue optometry. i felt it might interest my reader a bit more, and give them a chance to get to know ME.

i like your intro bandanaguy. nice work, makes me want to find out the rest of your story lol

 

[nc2tarheels]

Two. That is the age that I placed those ever so popular, 48 eye-size frames on my face. It did not help that they had +6.00 lenses in them either. Even though my mother worked in the optical business, she found it very flattering to make her child the geekiest kid in school.

 

[stmu11]

My elementary school memories are a blur since my family frequently moved across the country; however, there is one memory which stands out to me. In second grade, I had the opportunity to participate in the dissection of a sheep eye. While most students found it unappealing, I was in awe holding the iris and found the myriad of colors beautiful as I thoroughly examined it. Leaving school that day, I knew I wanted to be an eye doctor. My decision was forgotten when I decided to be a ballerina the next week. Nonetheless, dissecting the eye was the most compelling lesson of my early education.

The rest of the essay went on to describe my path back to wanting to be an optometrist.

 

[SIUE optkid]

My elementary school memories are a blur since my family frequently moved across the country; however, there is one memory which stands out to me. In second grade, I had the opportunity to participate in the dissection of a sheep eye. While most students found it unappealing, I was in awe holding the iris and found the myriad of colors beautiful as I thoroughly examined it. Leaving school that day, I knew I wanted to be an eye doctor. My decision was forgotten when I decided to be a ballerina the next week. Nonetheless, dissecting the eye was the most compelling lesson of my early education.

The rest of the essay went on to describe my path back to wanting to be an optometrist.

Hilarious!!! Good one! 👍

 

[Hoffy]

Always write your intro last! You have to "introduce" the subsequent paragraphs. 🙂 Same for the conclusion. When I was writing mine I thought EVERYTHING sounded cheesy but I think that's mostly in your head. Be honest and from the heart and it will fall into place. Once you write the rest the intro will come naturally. There is no right or wrong! Good luck 🙂

 

[stix]

Best advice i can give is make it personal... stories are great... catch the readers attention! They read hundreds.. Took me ages to get mine.... one day it just clicked... don't give up.. every failed intro is one step closer to the one you will submit. 🙂

 

[xeno655]

I've read a couple of my friends' personal statements because they applied in previous cycles. I will start on mine soon but I'm pretty sure I want to start off with a story too. Just something descriptive. Use a lot of adjectives and verbs. It'll just be much more interesting to read that way.

 

[eyegotcha]

Two. That is the age that I placed those ever so popular, 48 eye-size frames on my face. It did not help that they had +6.00 lenses in them either. Even though my mother worked in the optical business, she found it very flattering to make her child the geekiest kid in school.

haha.👍