Personal Statement Introduction

[j_lo]

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I'm trying to decide what to write about in my introduction for my personal statement. Right now I am talking about how the path to becoming a ballet dancer on pointe takes many qualities similar to those necessary for becoming a doctor (dedication, diligence, perseverance). Dance was a big part of my life and showed me what hard work really meant. However, I don't want to make it seem I'm a professional dancer by any means. I also am not sure if I should include it if I stopped dancing in high school. What are your thoughts?

 

[chilly_md]

A common pitfall is that students try to go in a completely unrelated direction and relate it back to medicine far into the personal statement. It is meant to answer why you want to pursue medicine and be a physician. There have been example guides posted on these forums with advice on how to approach the PS:

You're doing it wrong, part 1: your personal statement

I did the math this year and ~1% of the personal statements I read this year were memorable in a positive light. ~7% were memorable in a negative light. The remaining 92% were basically groups of words. When writing your personal statement, the goal for most of you is not to be in the 1%. It's...

forums.studentdoctor.net

To Premeds: General Advice on Personal Statements

Okay, so I’m exhausted as heck but had a chance to go through about 10 personal statements recently, and I can say that here are some common issues that we see in essays (as I’ve talked to peers, other admissions members, and the like): 1) Numero Uno: On SDN: If a reader says they are UNABLE...

forums.studentdoctor.net

 

[LizzyM]

These old posts are gold.

OP: you could go with something along the lines of: "Three attributes that I think are essential for success in medical school are dedication, perseverance and diligence. They are essential for success in many walks of life but seem to me to be essential for success in medical school, residency and in the practice of medicine." <-- no mention of ballet.

Now you have the next three paragraphs describing what you mean by each word and showing the reader how you have built this skill and where you are still practicing and growing stronger with it. You can use ballet as one example but have two other activities to show your experience with the other attributes.

Final paragraph, a summing up of the skillset you bring to the table and your eagerness to use dedication, perseverance and diligence in the care of patients someday.

 

[gyngyn]

Strained metaphor is my least favorite of common PS conceits.

 

[wysdoc]

I'm trying to decide what to write about in my introduction for my personal statement. Right now I am talking about how the path to becoming a ballet dancer on pointe takes many qualities similar to those necessary for becoming a doctor (dedication, diligence, perseverance). Dance was a big part of my life and showed me what hard work really meant. However, I don't want to make it seem I'm a professional dancer by any means. I also am not sure if I should include it if I stopped dancing in high school. What are your thoughts?

Why not write about dancing as one of your most meaningful activities? They don’t all have to be medicine related

 

[LizzyM]

Why not write about dancing as one of your most meaningful activities? They don’t all have to be medicine related

If OP stopped dancing at HS graduation, it isn't very compelling as a MME.

 

[wysdoc]

If OP stopped dancing at HS graduation, it isn't very compelling as a MME.

True that, and less useful as a med school essay too.

 

[j_lo]

These old posts are gold.

OP: you could go with something along the lines of: "Three attributes that I think are essential for success in medical school are dedication, perseverance and diligence. They are essential for success in many walks of life but seem to me to be essential for success in medical school, residency and in the practice of medicine." <-- no mention of ballet.

Now you have the next three paragraphs describing what you mean by each word and showing the reader how you have built this skill and where you are still practicing and growing stronger with it. You can use ballet as one example but have two other activities to show your experience with the other attributes.

Final paragraph, a summing up of the skillset you bring to the table and your eagerness to use dedication, perseverance and diligence in the care of patients someday.

I guess I'm just trying to find something unique to include that would stand out and set me apart. What I really want to write about is how my parents have taught me these attributes as they are immigrants and were able to work to give me a good life. I've done a lot of work with Hispanic communities and thought about tying in how I can give back to my parents and help future generations of immigrants to have a better life through medicince. Do you think this would be more compelling?

 

[chilly_md]

Don't try to be unique and stand out. Did you read Med Ed's advice in the linked post? A PS revolving around your exposure to medicine and your desire to provide patient care to immigrants due to your life experiences is more sound even if it something that has been done before.

 

[LizzyM]

Are you the daughter of Hispanic immigrants? If so, that is a good thing to mention although it might also be obvious from other parts of the application.

Do you speak a language other than English? Did learning it take diligence, dedication and/or perseverance? This can be true even if you learned it as a mother tongue but then had to take classes to be able to read, write and use grammar that was an improvement on baby talk. (Just as native speakers of English have to study English grammar, reading comprehension, etc).

Was there some dedication required to serve your parents as an interpreter or in other ways to smooth their way in US society?

Dance, learning languages and helping immigrant parents' could be your three things that illustrate the characteristics you are trying to highlight.

You could also go with something cute as a tie in -- change perseverance to determination and say something about working hard not to receive a D on the report card but working hard to acheive the other Ds that are so important: ..... That turns it into one of those mnemonics that make an essay memorable.

 

[j_lo]

Are you the daughter of Hispanic immigrants? If so, that is a good thing to mention although it might also be obvious from other parts of the application.

Do you speak a language other than English? Did learning it take diligence, dedication and/or perseverance? This can be true even if you learned it as a mother tongue but then had to take classes to be able to read, write and use grammar that was an improvement on baby talk. (Just as native speakers of English have to study English grammar, reading comprehension, etc).

Was there some dedication required to serve your parents as an interpreter or in other ways to smooth their way in US society?

Dance, learning languages and helping immigrant parents' could be your three things that illustrate the characteristics you are trying to highlight.

You could also go with something cute as a tie in -- change perseverance to determination and say something about working hard not to receive a D on the report card but working hard to acheive the other Ds that are so important: ..... That turns it into one of those mnemonics that make an essay memorable.

Yes, my parents are Hispanic immigrants although they came here fairly young. I grew up speaking Spanish as my first language but never struggled to learn English in school really. I would translate for my grandparents often but my parents speak perfect English. Honestly, the reason I want to go into medicine is that my grandmother helped raise me and died when I was young from cancer. But I don't want my essay to have a negative or sad tone. I did work as a medical interpreter at a free clinic so I thought about starting off with that and then flashing back to interpreting for my grandmother when she was sick.

 

[chilly_md]

Yes, my parents are Hispanic immigrants although they came here fairly young. I grew up speaking Spanish as my first language but never struggled to learn English in school really. I would translate for my grandparents often but my parents speak perfect English. Honestly, the reason I want to go into medicine is that my grandmother helped raise me and died when I was young from cancer. But I don't want my essay to have a negative or sad tone. I did work as a medical interpreter at a free clinic so I thought about starting off with that and then flashing back to interpreting for my grandmother when she was sick.

This does not sound forced like your original idea and comes across as a genuine reason for why you want to be a physician. There are personal statements that discuss sick family members or loved ones passing away, so do not worry that it will be unusually sad or negative.

 

[LizzyM]

Yes, my parents are Hispanic immigrants although they came here fairly young. I grew up speaking Spanish as my first language but never struggled to learn English in school really. I would translate for my grandparents often but my parents speak perfect English. Honestly, the reason I want to go into medicine is that my grandmother helped raise me and died when I was young from cancer. But I don't want my essay to have a negative or sad tone. I did work as a medical interpreter at a free clinic so I thought about starting off with that and then flashing back to interpreting for my grandmother when she was sick.

No, I'm talking about struggling, or at least working, at learning Spanish... did you take a course (or courses) in school for native speakers or anything like that? Have you learned new vocabulary as you've worked/volunteered with people from other countries who speak Spanish a bit differently? That's the sort of thing I would think about as determination, etc.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

Yes, my parents are Hispanic immigrants although they came here fairly young. I grew up speaking Spanish as my first language but never struggled to learn English in school really. I would translate for my grandparents often but my parents speak perfect English. Honestly, the reason I want to go into medicine is that my grandmother helped raise me and died when I was young from cancer. But I don't want my essay to have a negative or sad tone. I did work as a medical interpreter at a free clinic so I thought about starting off with that and then flashing back to interpreting for my grandmother when she was sick.

There is potential for a diversity/inclusion statement... keep writing and brainstorming.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

As a fellow applicant who has been reviewing/giving feedback on dozens of PS, I will just add that if you have something interesting about YOURSELF and motivations to pursue medicine, please please please include it if you can. The amount of PS that take the 'show not tell' advice overboard and start with an intro that belongs in Grey's Anatomy is honestly unreal. To be clear, these are well written and solid intros, but they literally tell me nothing about the person and even reading ~60 PSs I'm already getting bored. I can't imagine an AO.

You get used to it. it's a great way to incorporate naps in the work day. "Do not disturb... I'm reading applications. 🙂"

 

[gyngyn]

As a fellow applicant who has been reviewing/giving feedback on dozens of PS, I will just add that if you have something interesting about YOURSELF and motivations to pursue medicine, please please please include it if you can. The amount of PS that take the 'show not tell' advice overboard and start with an intro that belongs in Grey's Anatomy is honestly unreal. To be clear, these are well written and solid intros, but they literally tell me nothing about the person and even reading ~60 PSs I'm already getting bored. I can't imagine an AO.

I always start with the second paragraph.

 

[LunaOri]

I know this is a little off-topic, but whatever you write, please don’t end each paragraph with a statement about medicine. Let your narrative flow from one paragraph to the next.