Personal statement - is this an acceptable answer to "why medicine?" What should I cut out?

[mrh125]

I wrote a draft ( This isn't the draft and if you're interested in reading it let me know), but here's a summary of why i'm interested in medicine. I would appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE criticism about the content (key word). Is this a compelling answer to "why I'm interested in medicine?":
I grew up watching my grandfather be treated for leukemia by a doctor who was willing to take risks and put him on an experimental treatment gave him extra years of life. This doctor was very intelligent, informed, was by my family's side through the whole process, explained everything we needed to know about my grandfather's condition, and this doctor even comforted us the day my grandfather died. This showed me a really positive side of medicine and at the time I wanted to be the doctor who wasn't afraid to try new treatments to help patients overcome their serious illnesses because I know what a serious difference that could make, yet be down to earth enough to comfort a patient's family (therefore viewing a patient as more than a number). This experience also drives home the obvious for me, which is that medicine isn't all about silver-bullets for diseases/magical cures, and that if you can work your hardest to just give a patient with a serious illness some additional time that is just as rewarding and important.

Similarly, I watched my grandmother slowly deteriorate mentally with Alzheimer's and go from being able to recognize my family members to forgetting who we were. This was especially difficult because there are no magical cures to Alzheimer's and this emphasizes that the medical field is still growing and doesn't have all the answers. I don't mean that in a bad way; it's just important to recognize that and convey that to patients, as well as recognize that. Also, when my grandmother had a brain aneurism we had a very responsible surgeon who informed us of the consequences of operating vs not operating (if she had an operation she'd never be the same again). It really positively influenced me how the doctor wasn't cold, abrasive or aloft, but gave us realistic advice instead of false hope. Being exposed to a difficult experience like this makes me want to be a part of the medical field even more because I want to help patients make very difficult decisions and be responsible for such a patient's health and well-being, even if the best option is doing nothing. I also know that at times I may be resented for not being able to do what medicine can't, but it is my duty to accept that and explain that even though I may be resented for it.

Other experiences that influence me include being able to make the most of my college education after really struggling in high school, and slowly realizing that the obstacles I faced aren't that different from obstacles other people face, and that we can all work together to help each other to overcome obstacles through hard-work, support, and mutual understanding (this is all about relatability and empathy towards others which is a key part of medicine to me). This led me to tutor in biology and chemistry and because I knew what it was like to really struggle, yet also overcome my circumstances I was able to really help other people. I also helped students with other issues they faced including helping them handle depression, feelings of alienation, or anxiety and I supported them with empathy and worked to understand them rather than reacting and labeling them. The students I worked were quite diverse, challenged me on every level once they opened up to me about the issues they faced, and each day I learned new things. For example I learned about middle-eastern culture, arabic, and farsi when working with middle-eastern students and we developed mutual cultural understandings of each other. It is important for a physician to understand cultural differences and adapt his/her practice to better suite these differences. Not to mention, I helped personalize lesson plans for students after helping recognize their own personal weaknesses and strengths. This is a great parallel and directly carries over to medicine because it’s just another way to utilize your capacity to positively influence and change the lives of others. I really grew emotionally and intellectually during this time and because of my growth I was able to positive influence others. Also tutoring for free allowed me to help many people who I normally wouldn't be able to tutor.

I also worked at a global health internship and researched techniques to remove aflatoxin from food in sub-saharan Africa and how to develop and bring solar panels to rural hospitals in India. I also worked on their website to try and get people in college more interested in this non-profit's cause. This really interested me, but I wasn’t doing enough in my mind. Food security and keeping hospitals running was a great start, but I wanted to play a more direct role in medicine by helping those who were sick in such areas and dealing with disease eradicated in first world countries, but ever-present in less-developed areas.


Scribing for a GI doctor has also helped me develop my interest in medicine. Working with a diverse group of patients, as well as being exposed to difficult situations such as diagnoses of cancer made me want to do as much as I could to help these patients and their families, but at the same time I had to realize that even if I was a doctor being direct and realistic would be just as important. This means I could not give false hope or invest so much time in one particular patient that it would interfere with my ability to help out other patients. I also recognized that a good portion of medicine involves going through files, filling out paperwork, and other office type responsibilities, but that’s a small price to pay given how much I could positively influence others lives and the direct responsibility we have. Not to mention I learned the value of individual focused medicine, which involves accepting that each individual has a unique neurochemistry and may respond different and unexpectedly to medicines. This fascinates me and is definitely something I always will keep in mind.


Each of my experiences shaped me and because I am no stranger to difficult circumstances I believe that I can make a positive contribution as medicine represents the tangible product of my goals, maturity, empathy, and intellectual curiosity. As a doctor my goal will be to provide each patient quality treatment and support them even if their circumstances may appear bleak and I know I may have to say difficult things to people, but I embrace responsibility and directness and never shy away from it. As our society expands so do the number of people who need treatment as well as conditions they face, which is why it takes an active minded individuals like myself to cater medicine to others unique individual needs.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[mrh125]

thoughts? this pirate talk kind of killed the writing but i'm hoping it's decipherable.

 

[Temperature101]

Edit... Wrong thread.

 

[Plecopotamus]

thoughts? this pirate talk kind of killed the writing but i'm hoping it's decipherable.

The pirate talk isn't what killed the writing.
You really need to seek help from a writing tutor of some sort, because stylistically this is severely lacking for someone with your level of education. There is no flow between paragraphs and the colloquial language is inappropriate for a PS (as are the grammatical and spelling errors, obviously). The disjointed flow suggests that you're trying to use your PS to hit a list of bullet points from your life and CV that you feel you should show off . . . that's not what the PS is for, and it sounds very immature to the reader. Maybe look up "show, don't tell" writing to get a better idea of how to employ your experiences in a way that is more interesting and revealing.

Also, get help through the PS reader list, not the forum by making a thread. If everybody posts their PS on here . . . 🙄

 

[breakmon]

I'm just going to critique you first sentence, because it alone makes me not want to read the rest (sorry, but it's true):

I grew up watching my grandfather be treated for leukemia by a doctor who was willing to take risks and put him on an experimental treatment gave him extra years of life.

First of all, the grammar is really weird. I'm assuming English is your second language? Either way, you need to hire someone who will go through your essay and edit all the mistakes.

I grew up watching my grandfather be treated for leukemia

You need to think of a specific moment where you saw how pitiful your grandfather was and how you could tell that he was on the verge of giving up. Then, mention another specific instance after that where the doctor's hope in your grandpa gave him the strength to keep living. SHOW, don't tell.

EG: "I always wanted to be in the NBA." BAD, because lots of people want to be in the NBA. How was your desire more passionate than theirs?

"After watching Michael Jordan win his third championship, I decided that I wanted to be an NBA star just like him. In 1992, when I was still in middle school, I started going to the gym every day at 4 in the morning so that I could practice shooting and dribbling for 3 hours before heading off to school. Then, after school I would go to my rec team's 4-hour long practice. It was hard to fit everything into my schedule, but I made it happen because I knew that I would only have a shot at being in the NBA if I put in work at the gym." GOOD

Also, something about the phrasing sounds weird. I think because it's passive voice. I'm not sure. Either way, I would reword it.

by a doctor who was willing to take risks

Not only is this telling, and not showing, but it's at best a lukewarm description of the doctor. If anything, it's probably has a negative connotation, because when you are dealing with something as precious as human life, you really shouldn't be taking risks unless it's absolutely necessary.

a doctor who was willing to take risks and put him on an experimental treatment

There is an implied "was" in this sentence before "put". Because of the implied "was", this sentence sounds very strange. Read it for yourself:

a doctor who was willing to take risks and was put him on an experimental treatment

a doctor who was willing to take risks and put him on an experimental treatment gave him extra years of life.

There's something missing between "treatment" and "gave". I'm assuming this is just a typo. I hope it's just a typo.

 

[mrh125]

The pirate talk isn't what killed the writing.
You really need to seek help from a writing tutor of some sort, because stylistically this is severely lacking for someone with your level of education. There is no flow between paragraphs and the colloquial language is inappropriate for a PS (as are the grammatical and spelling errors, obviously). The disjointed flow suggests that you're trying to use your PS to hit a list of bullet points from your life and CV that you feel you should show off . . . that's not what the PS is for, and it sounds very immature to the reader. Maybe look up "show, don't tell" writing to get a better idea of how to employ your experiences in a way that is more interesting and revealing.

Also, get help through the PS reader list, not the forum by making a thread. If everybody posts their PS on here . . . 🙄

fair enough these were meant to be bullet points though. not really connected.

 

[breakmon]

fair enough these were meant to be bullet points though. not really connected.

Uhhh........ 😵

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

You need a theme. The theme of this thing is "stuff I did that made me interested in medicine." Not gonna work.

As my boy B Rabbit said in 8 mile:

"Go home, write some ****, make it suspenseful,
And don't come back until something dope hits you"

 

[mrh125]

I'm just going to critique you first sentence, because it alone makes me not want to read the rest (sorry, but it's true):



First of all, the grammar is really weird. I'm assuming English is your second language? Either way, you need to hire someone who will go through your essay and edit all the mistakes.


You need to think of a specific moment where you saw how pitiful your grandfather was and how you could tell that he was on the verge of giving up. Then, mention another specific instance after that where the doctor's hope in your grandpa gave him the strength to keep living. SHOW, don't tell.

EG: "I always wanted to be in the NBA." BAD, because lots of people want to be in the NBA. How was your desire more passionate than theirs?

"After watching Michael Jordan win his third championship, I decided that I wanted to be an NBA star just like him. In 1992, when I was still in middle school, I started going to the gym every day at 4 in the morning so that I could practice shooting and dribbling for 3 hours before heading off to school. Then, after school I would go to my rec team's 4-hour long practice. It was hard to fit everything into my schedule, but I made it happen because I knew that I would only have a shot at being in the NBA if I put in work at the gym." GOOD

Also, something about the phrasing sounds weird. I think because it's passive voice. I'm not sure. Either way, I would reword it.



Not only is this telling, and not showing, but it's at best a lukewarm description of the doctor. If anything, it's probably has a negative connotation, because when you are dealing with something as precious as human life, you really shouldn't be taking risks unless it's absolutely necessary.



There is an implied "was" in this sentence before "put". Because of the implied "was", this sentence sounds very strange. Read it for yourself:

a doctor who was willing to take risks and was put him on an experimental treatment



There's something missing between "treatment" and "gave". I'm assuming this is just a typo. I hope it's just a typo.

It's hard to catch every typo I make and a lot of those typos are just unfinished thoughts. Essays aren't my forte, and I end up stringing together a bunch of thoughts I have at the same time.

 

[mrh125]

You need a theme. The theme of this thing is "stuff I did that made me interested in medicine." Not gonna work.

As my boy B Rabbit said in 8 mile:

"Go home, write some ****, make it suspenseful,
And don't come back until something dope hits you"

I'm trying to make the theme be something like "difficult circumstances that not only drew my interest to medicine, but allowed me to develop a more analytical perspective of how medicine works." I'm also trying to convey that I see that there's more to medicine than having all the answers because if that's all that matter robots could replace doctors. What prevents this from happening is the facilitator role of doctors with their emotional empathy, compassion, and understanding mixed w/ realism. By gaining exposure to doctors with those characteristics I'm able to gain an important view of what medicine's about.

 

[mehc012]

The pirate talk isn't what killed the writing.
You really need to seek help from a writing tutor of some sort, because stylistically this is severely lacking for someone with your level of education. There is no flow between paragraphs and the colloquial language is inappropriate for a PS (as are the grammatical and spelling errors, obviously). The disjointed flow suggests that you're trying to use your PS to hit a list of bullet points from your life and CV that you feel you should show off . . . that's not what the PS is for, and it sounds very immature to the reader. Maybe look up "show, don't tell" writing to get a better idea of how to employ your experiences in a way that is more interesting and revealing.

Also, get help through the PS reader list, not the forum by making a thread. If everybody posts their PS on here . . . 🙄

OP specifically stated that this was not the PS itself, or even a draft.
The only point of this thread is to figure out which content fits; grammar is not relevant at this juncture.

 

[mrh125]

OP specifically stated that this was not the PS itself, or even a draft.
The only point of this thread is to figure out which content fits; grammar is not relevant at this juncture.

thank you. what do you think of my experiences in the way I stated them? if they're too ridiculously incoherent i'll rewrite them, I got around 3 hours of sleep last night and have been writing personal statements for the past 6 hours on and off =/.

 

[sourdoughllama]

thank you. what do you think of my experiences in the way I stated them? if they're too ridiculously incoherent i'll rewrite them, I got around 3 hours of sleep last night and have been writing personal statements for the past 6 hours on and off =/.

It does kinda sound like a laundry list like others are saying. It's lacking a central theme to weave your experiences together - that's probably why it sounds really incoherent. One thing that jumps out at me is that your grandma/grandpa story are essentially the same thing, but told twice

 

[mrh125]

It does kinda sound like a laundry list like others are saying. It's lacking a central theme to weave your experiences together - that's probably why it sounds really incoherent. One thing that jumps out at me is that your grandma/grandpa story are essentially the same thing, but told twice

Yea, the lessons I learned were pretty similar. Having something similar happen gave me more insight into medicine and the challenges both these doctors faced. What would be an example of a good central theme? The central theme I'm trying to go for is growing up, looking for a field where I could leave my mark, experiencing difficult situations in medicine, and not shying away from the difficulties. Instead of shying away from them, I utilized them to develop a more realistic perspective of medicine, which was shaped by my academic experiences and interning. It does seem like a laundry list, could I perhaps focus on one meaningful experience? I'm a bit conflicted between putting everything on the table and just focusing on one thing. I need to talk about college at least for a few sentences because there is a quarter I withdrew from and I took a reduced unit load the next quarter though.

 

[Plecopotamus]

thank you. what do you think of my experiences in the way I stated them? if they're too ridiculously incoherent i'll rewrite them, I got around 3 hours of sleep last night and have been writing personal statements for the past 6 hours on and off =/.

When you got 3 hours of sleep and have been doing this too long to see the forest for the trees, then wait and re-read it yourself when you're well slept and not burnt out before you post it and ask opinions. It is probably not the best use of resources to ask for feedback when you basically are going to come back and say . . . "yeah, I knew it wasn't my best anyhow." I don't expect people on SDN are going to keep reading and re-reading this for you at infinitum, so you'd get a lot more out of the comments you do get if they are based on material that you already had crafted to your best ability. You'll also minimize the "non-constructive" feedback and negative opinions of you if you don't offer half-baked works.

I need to talk about college at least for a few sentences because there is a quarter I withdrew from and I took a reduced unit load the next quarter though.

There will be people who disagree with me, but this does not belong in the PS. It belongs under the prompts regarding interruptions/blemishes in your academics. The PS is to sell yourself. That's a distracting, bummer of a way to end a PS and a great way to make the reader forget anything they liked about the paragraphs above it.

 

[sourdoughllama]

Yea, the lessons I learned were pretty similar. Having something similar happen gave me more insight into medicine and the challenges both these doctors faced. What would be an example of a good central theme? The central theme I'm trying to go for is growing up, looking for a field where I could leave my mark, experiencing difficult situations in medicine, and not shying away from the difficulties. Instead of shying away from them, I utilized them to develop a more realistic perspective of medicine, which was shaped by my academic experiences and interning. It does seem like a laundry list, could I perhaps focus on one meaningful experience? I'm a bit conflicted between putting everything on the table and just focusing on one thing. I need to talk about college at least for a few sentences because there is a quarter I withdrew from and I took a reduced unit load the next quarter though.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but that theme you're trying to go for sounds very cookie cutter. So if that was your theme, you could maybe frame each experience as solidifying a different part of what you were looking for in a career? (so you can avoid telling the same story twice, or laundry listing stuff with no real reason). I think it would be better to leave things out and make a kick ass PS than to list everything so that ad coms know every detail of your life.

As a personal example, I'm an immigrant, so I used that as a backdrop for my PS. I used 2 specific examples (show, not tell) to demonstrate how I'm a unique fit for medicine, and why medicine is important to me and my community.

 

[mrh125]

When you got 3 hours of sleep and have been doing this too long to see the forest for the trees, then wait and re-read it yourself when you're well slept and not burnt out before you post it and ask opinions. It is probably not the best use of resources to ask for feedback when you basically are going to come back and say . . . "yeah, I knew it wasn't my best anyhow." I don't expect people on SDN are going to keep reading and re-reading this for you at infinitum, so you'd get a lot more out of the comments you do get if they are based on material that you already had crafted to your best ability. You'll also minimize the "non-constructive" feedback and negative opinions of you if you don't offer half-baked works.



There will be people who disagree with me, but this does not belong in the PS. It belongs under the prompts regarding interruptions/blemishes in your academics. The PS is to sell yourself. That's a distracting, bummer of a way to end a PS and a great way to make the reader forget anything they liked about the paragraphs above it.

fair enough. As for the blemishes on my transcript, do I put it in a secondary statement or is there a unique prompt for it?

 

[mrh125]

gah double-posted.

 

[TeethLikeGodsShoeshine]

thank you. what do you think of my experiences in the way I stated them? if they're too ridiculously incoherent i'll rewrite them, I got around 3 hours of sleep last night and have been writing personal statements for the past 6 hours on and off =/.

Hey mr H. This content is much better for a non draft. But once again, you should talk to your psychiatrist about the meds you're on. You write like some of the meth patients I treat at work and the fact that you have been up writing for 6 hours straight when you should be sleeping is not helping your PS. I understand ADD is rough, but there are alternative options other than amphetamines.

 

[Plecopotamus]

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but that theme you're trying to go for sounds very cookie cutter. So if that was your theme, you could maybe frame each experience as solidifying a different part of what you were looking for in a career? (so you can avoid telling the same story twice, or laundry listing stuff with no real reason). I think it would be better to leave things out and make a kick ass PS than to list everything so that ad coms know every detail of your life.

As a personal example, I'm an immigrant, so I used that as a backdrop for my PS. I used 2 specific examples (show, not tell) to demonstrate how I'm a unique fit for medicine, and why medicine is important to me and my community.

Indeed. Sick grandma and grandpa stories are a dime a dozen in med school personal statements. I don't want to undermine how pivotal the experience is to the applicant, but they tend not to be very unique and so I want to roll my eyes (even though I know that's not fair). Again, this is only my opinion, but you have to be very careful not to come across at all like you're saying -- "My grandparent dying was so sad. Bad/good things happened to my grandpa. When I grow up I am going to be a doctor who doesn't do those bad things or only does those good things." It sets an applicant up for sounding very naïve and even arrogant if the content is in that vein.

I would much rather read a PS in which the author tells me about some completely non-medical experience with insightful commentary on how that experience shaped/revealed him with regards to some characteristic that now clearly draws him to or makes him a good fit for medicine . . . and then an example of how that has been proven in his clinical/volunteer experience.

fair enough. As for the blemishes on my transcript, do I put it in a secondary statement or is there a unique prompt for it?

Most if not all schools will have a prompt for it on the secondary. (Sometimes it will just be "is there anything else of importance we need to know that is not elsewhere in the application." If you are getting a committee letter, you can also ask how they will address it if at all.

 

[mrh125]

Hey mr H. This content is much better for a non draft. But once again, you should talk to your psychiatrist about the meds you're on. You write like some of the meth patients I treat at work and the fact that you have been up writing for 6 hours straight when you should be sleeping is not helping your PS. I understand ADD is rough, but there are alternative options other than amphetamines.

thanks for the constructive post about my content, but my meds are fine and if the dose was too high it'd just make me fall asleep. if you think this writing is janky you should see how i write without meds aside from very little, scattered incomplete thoughts because of how hard it is for me to focus. What throws me off with writing is 1) how much time i need to spend working on it. 2) I focus more on content these days and have ALWAYS had reading comprehension issues and misinterpretation (I used to have to read pages of information numerous times to get ANYTHING out of them,constantly lose my place, and this is why I was shocked that I got a 11 on the verbal mcat section.) and sometimes it's still hard for me to not get lost in all the stuff I write. I've gotten a lot better at getting thoughts down on paper and I can now take the time to go through my documents more slowly to try and catch errors because I can actually focus on them and actually have a working memory. It's not the meds that are causing this issue at all though I appreciate the concern. It gets better when I focus on grammar, but stream of thought drafts are a start.

Indeed. Sick grandma and grandpa stories are a dime a dozen in med school personal statements. I don't want to undermine how pivotal the experience is to the applicant, but they tend not to be very unique and so I want to roll my eyes (even though I know that's not fair). Again, this is only my opinion, but you have to be very careful not to come across at all like you're saying -- "My grandparent dying was so sad. Bad/good things happened to my grandpa. When I grow up I am going to be a doctor who doesn't do those bad things or only does those good things." It sets an applicant up for sounding very naïve and even arrogant if the content is in that vein.

I would much rather read a PS in which the author tells me about some completely non-medical experience with insightful commentary on how that experience shaped/revealed him with regards to some characteristic that now clearly draws him to or makes him a good fit for medicine . . . and then an example of how that has been proven in his clinical/volunteer experience.



Most if not all schools will have a prompt for it on the secondary. (Sometimes it will just be "is there anything else of importance we need to know that is not elsewhere in the application." If you are getting a committee letter, you can also ask how they will address it if at all.

Thank you, I'll do some more thoughts tomorrow, but it really worries me not to focus on "why medicine". My unique experiences range from "I can't talk about this though it's very important" to "sick grandma and grandpa" and "stuff that i can relate to medicine which is kind of stretch and makes it seem like i could be interested in public health or law".

 

[Plecopotamus]

thanks for the constructive post about my content, but my meds are fine and if the dose was too high it'd just make me fall asleep. if you think this writing is janky you should see how i write without meds aside from very little, scattered incomplete thoughts because of how hard it is for me to focus. What throws me off with writing is 1) how much time i need to spend working on it. 2) I focus more on content these days and have ALWAYS had reading comprehension issues and misinterpretation (I used to have to read pages of information numerous times to get ANYTHING out of them,constantly lose my place, and this is why I was shocked that I got a 11 on the verbal mcat section.) and sometimes it's still hard for me to not get lost in all the stuff I write. I've gotten a lot better at getting thoughts down on paper and I can now take the time to go through my documents more slowly to try and catch errors because I can actually focus on them and actually have a working memory. It's not the meds that are causing this issue at all though I appreciate the concern. It gets better when I focus on grammar, but stream of thought drafts are a start.



Thank you, I'll do some more thoughts tomorrow, but it really worries me not to focus on "why medicine". My unique experiences range from "I can't talk about this though it's very important" to "sick grandma and grandpa" and "stuff that i can relate to medicine which is kind of stretch and makes it seem like i could be interested in public health or law".

I never said not to answer "why medicine?" I suggested doing it in a less cliche and less simplistic way. If your grandparents were alive & healthy, would you not have an answer to "why medicine?"

 

[mrh125]

I never said not to answer "why medicine?" I suggested doing it in a less cliche and less simplistic way. If your grandparents were alive & healthy, would you not have an answer to "why medicine?"

I would. It's very hard for me to avoid cliches or making it sound too generic =/. I've also been reading a bunch of personal statements and many of them seem to just fit the generic format, argh. Everyone has dying relative, starving african they saved, or traumatic experience. Also, if I talk about unique experiences and curiosity in science that shaped me they leave the question of "why not do research or law or something else" open. I wrote another actual draft (not like what I posted here) today and I'm running into the same issue over and over again.

 

[runnergirl6]

I used to work as a writing tutor, and my old boss was actually in charge of helping people at my undergrad write personal statements for med school so he gave me a lot of great advice. He said many people start writing these the wrong way -- instead of starting with a specific theme in mind, try just free writing about several moments that were important to you on your journey to medicine. Focus just on specific details of your story, like how you felt and what you saw and how it affected you, and don't worry about the writing style at first. For example, on thing I free wrote about was my experiences volunteering at a children's hospital. Instead of just writing "I liked volunteering with the kids because it was meaningful and made me realize I wanted to be a doctor", I wrote about specific experiences and emotions, such as "playing games and singing silly songs with patient x was fun, it also was sad to see a young child so sick, I enjoyed being able to take her mind off her surgery by doing arts and crafts, etc" After writing out several stories about a bunch of different topics, bring it to a writing tutor and together you can talk what you have written. By looking at the stories I picked, I realized a theme jumped out from them even though I did not have one in mind when I began writing. Once you have a theme, you can pick the best/most important stories and work on weaving them together into a narrative that tells the reader why medicine is the right career for you. When I did this, my personal statement ended up being completely different than I originally though it would be, and it was much better in the end than my first draft. I think it's okay to write about your grandparents if you want; it's not unique, but I doubt any personal statement is unique, the adcoms have seen everything. What's important is telling a compelling story that shows (not tells) why you are meant for a career in medicine.

 

[vagitarian001]

Thanks for writing my ps for me OP. I kid I kid.

 

[mrh125]

Thanks for writing my ps for me OP. I kid I kid.

lol you can have it. 😛

 

[candbgirl]

It's hard to catch every typo I make and a lot of those typos are just unfinished thoughts. Essays aren't my forte, and I end up stringing together a bunch of thoughts I have at the same time.

This is one of your big problems. You need to find a writing tutor ASAP. You are a horrible writer. Your sentences run on and I would think people would either forget what you are talking about or just lose total interest. But on the other hand I'm not entirely sure a writing coach can help you. You seem intent on not even considering some of the good advice you have received in your many PS threads

 

[mrh125]

This is one of your big problems. You need to find a writing tutor ASAP. You are a horrible writer. Your sentences run on and I would think people would either forget what you are talking about or just lose total interest. But on the other hand I'm not entirely sure a writing coach can help you. You seem intent on not even considering some of the good advice you have received in your many PS threads

I consider everything when it isn't worded in a horrible un-constructive way thx. I also already hired a writing tutor. Think of it this way, if you wrote something and put effort into it, regardless of bad it appeared to others, would you want to be insulted, and told it's horrible? No you wouldn't. There are far more constructive ways of wording such information. It's also basic social skills and common courtesy.

 

[mehc012]

This is one of your big problems. You need to find a writing tutor ASAP. You are a horrible writer. Your sentences run on and I would think people would either forget what you are talking about or just lose total interest. But on the other hand I'm not entirely sure a writing coach can help you. You seem intent on not even considering some of the good advice you have received in your many PS threads

OP isn't asking for grammar advice, nor are they posting an actual draft. This is a brainstorm of concepts. Is the writing here a problem? It would be if this were their actual written draft. But it's not. OP has actually listened to advice on actual content.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

OP isn't asking for grammar advice, nor are they posting an actual draft. This is a brainstorm of concepts. Is the writing here a problem? It would be if this were their actual written draft. But it's not. OP has actually listened to advice on actual content.

This in and of itself is a problem. This is a summary, not a draft, yet it is longer than any PS should be. If this stream of consciousness is the SUMMARY? Then I dread to read the real thing.

OP: You are only going to get so much advice and feedback here; it takes a significant amount of investment for someone to really critically read an essay and provide quality feedback (and IRL, I got paid to do so back in the day as a tutor). When you post your second stream of consciousness poorly edited hastily composed essay this week, you exhaust the patience of the board members who are willing to provide this feedback.

 

[mehc012]

This in and of itself is a problem. This is a summary, not a draft, yet it is longer than any PS should be. If this stream of consciousness is the SUMMARY? Then I dread to read the real thing.

OP: You are only going to get so much advice and feedback here; it takes a significant amount of investment for someone to really critically read an essay and provide quality feedback (and IRL, I got paid to do so back in the day as a tutor). When you post your second stream of consciousness poorly edited hastily composed essay this week, you exhaust the patience of the board members who are willing to provide this feedback.

Fair enough. I would wager that most people have to pare their final drafts down rather than build up, though...and this is just the scattered, throwing-ideas-out-there planning stages of that.
It takes a few seconds to read and all that's asked is for feedback on the general content, not critical reading, grammar tips, structural advice, etc...it may be a lot of words but it's not asking for much feedback beyond 'keep this topic, boot that one'.