Which beginning is more suitable for my audience? Thank you!
1) The piano string stopped vibrating. I placed my pinky on the white key that glistened under the bright stage light, unperturbed by the shadow of my fingertip. I imagined a tiny diamond in the center of my finger and then, ignited its interossei muscles to strike the key precisely towards its core. A purposeful landing on the next note, followed by a smooth ascendingline of tones connected by my first three fingers, captured the excitement and anticipation I aimed to convey to theaudience at the internationally renowned Carmel Bach Festival. At the age of 17, I was privileged to open one of the festival's concerts featuring ten young musicians selected from 300 auditioners. The greatest reward came when a lady approached me and said,"Your piece gave me shivers."
The summer after my freshman year incollege, I was in the audience, with "shivers," watching the cataract surgeon's deliberate movements under the bright overhead lights. Because I had practiced countless hours at the piano to produce the desired tone for each note consistently, sometimes until my fingers were tender, I appreciated her exquisite hand muscle control. Since I developed a keener awareness of people and the world as I attempted to portray aspects of them through music, I imagined the impact of the surgery on the patient's ability to enjoy and contribute to the world's beauty that make life worth living. Thus, my experience in a pre-medical program at Universidad de Las Americas in Mexico 1)exposed me to a vibrant, family-oriented culture that accentuated medicine'srole in preserving life and relationships and steered me, along with my natural interest in biology, towards a career in medicine and 2) showed me I could combine the fine work of my hands with exciting patient care as anophthalmologist.
2) Music has been the main mediator of my interaction with the world for nearly as long as I can remember. I discovered the thrill of playing the piano at age five, but it was not until high school that I began to understand the importance of each note inexpressing a story or emotion. Aware that my music could truly impact others, I spent hours at the keyboard dissecting new pieces line by line and striving to achieve the tone I imagined for each note. The reward for attaining consistently smooth, linear lines and solid staccatos (and tender fingers) appeared in the moment when a lady told me after a concert, "Your performance touched my heart." Her words encouraged me to practice even harder. At age 17, I played for a larger audience in the internationally renowned Carmel Bach Festival as one of ten selected from 300 young musicians. As an undergraduate, I was privileged to continue my piano studies with a professor at University.
I became increasingly intrigued by people and the world as I attempted to portray aspects of them through music. I began to notice how people affected each other and understand that a person is part of a web of interactions and relationships. This realization and my gravitation towards biology steered me towards a career in medicine. To explore the world from a different viewpoint, I spent the summer after my freshman year attending apre-medical program at Universidad de Las Americas in Mexico. While the trip exposed me to a vibrant, family-oriented culture that accentuated medicine's role in preserving life and relationships, it also seeded my interest in ophthalmology. Seeing the cataract surgeon's precise movements reinforced in my mind the value, as in my music, of exquisite hand muscle control. The warm interactions with the doctor-teachers in this program also kindled my desire to pursue academic medicine.
1) The piano string stopped vibrating. I placed my pinky on the white key that glistened under the bright stage light, unperturbed by the shadow of my fingertip. I imagined a tiny diamond in the center of my finger and then, ignited its interossei muscles to strike the key precisely towards its core. A purposeful landing on the next note, followed by a smooth ascendingline of tones connected by my first three fingers, captured the excitement and anticipation I aimed to convey to theaudience at the internationally renowned Carmel Bach Festival. At the age of 17, I was privileged to open one of the festival's concerts featuring ten young musicians selected from 300 auditioners. The greatest reward came when a lady approached me and said,"Your piece gave me shivers."
The summer after my freshman year incollege, I was in the audience, with "shivers," watching the cataract surgeon's deliberate movements under the bright overhead lights. Because I had practiced countless hours at the piano to produce the desired tone for each note consistently, sometimes until my fingers were tender, I appreciated her exquisite hand muscle control. Since I developed a keener awareness of people and the world as I attempted to portray aspects of them through music, I imagined the impact of the surgery on the patient's ability to enjoy and contribute to the world's beauty that make life worth living. Thus, my experience in a pre-medical program at Universidad de Las Americas in Mexico 1)exposed me to a vibrant, family-oriented culture that accentuated medicine'srole in preserving life and relationships and steered me, along with my natural interest in biology, towards a career in medicine and 2) showed me I could combine the fine work of my hands with exciting patient care as anophthalmologist.
2) Music has been the main mediator of my interaction with the world for nearly as long as I can remember. I discovered the thrill of playing the piano at age five, but it was not until high school that I began to understand the importance of each note inexpressing a story or emotion. Aware that my music could truly impact others, I spent hours at the keyboard dissecting new pieces line by line and striving to achieve the tone I imagined for each note. The reward for attaining consistently smooth, linear lines and solid staccatos (and tender fingers) appeared in the moment when a lady told me after a concert, "Your performance touched my heart." Her words encouraged me to practice even harder. At age 17, I played for a larger audience in the internationally renowned Carmel Bach Festival as one of ten selected from 300 young musicians. As an undergraduate, I was privileged to continue my piano studies with a professor at University.
I became increasingly intrigued by people and the world as I attempted to portray aspects of them through music. I began to notice how people affected each other and understand that a person is part of a web of interactions and relationships. This realization and my gravitation towards biology steered me towards a career in medicine. To explore the world from a different viewpoint, I spent the summer after my freshman year attending apre-medical program at Universidad de Las Americas in Mexico. While the trip exposed me to a vibrant, family-oriented culture that accentuated medicine's role in preserving life and relationships, it also seeded my interest in ophthalmology. Seeing the cataract surgeon's precise movements reinforced in my mind the value, as in my music, of exquisite hand muscle control. The warm interactions with the doctor-teachers in this program also kindled my desire to pursue academic medicine.
