Personal Statement specific question

[ehwatsupdoc]

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Hi everyone, so I have had multiple people on here critique my PS and I am getting the same trending advice--to manage a positive perception especially in the beginning or adcoms will "stop reading".

In my particular case, part of the beginning of my essay is a description of when I was a much younger not-so-great student with little confidence in my intelligence, but how I managed to pull through by mid-college as demonstrated in an upward trend in science gpa. I also spent my childhood as what some might call a "class clown", but have obviously matured out of that perception.

Is it really lethal to include something like this at the beginning of a PS, even if I go on to explain how I have matured past this? (which is arguably a positive perception) My take on it is that it gives additional insight into my life that is not elsewhere in the application. Maybe it is refreshing for adcoms to see something different as opposed to the same story over and over again--the perfect straight A student from middle school through college?

Any thoughts? @gyngyn @Goro @gonnif @Catalystik @LizzyM

 

[LizzyM]

Start out by explaining who you are today, then go back to the class clown persona you were and describe what changed and why.

 

[Catalystik]

1) I have had multiple people on here critique my PS and I am getting the same trending advice--to manage a positive perception especially in the beginning or adcoms will "stop reading".

In my particular case, part of the beginning of my essay is a description of when I was a much younger not-so-great student with little confidence in my intelligence, but how I managed to pull through by mid-college as demonstrated in an upward trend in science gpa. I also spent my childhood as what some might call a "class clown", but have obviously matured out of that perception.

2) Is it really lethal to include something like this at the beginning of a PS, even if I go on to explain how I have matured past this? (which is arguably a positive perception) My take on it is that it gives additional insight into my life that is not elsewhere in the application.

3) Maybe it is refreshing for adcoms to see something different . . . ?

4) Any thoughts? @gyngyn @Goro @gonnif @Catalystik @LizzyM

1) Listen to your critiquers.

2) We won't stop reading, but we will get bored and not be your best audience.

3) I would not find this "refreshing."

4) Start over. I know it's hard to discard prose you've fallen in love with, but in this case, keep it for yourself and go back to writing a PS for the adcomms, who want to know Why Medicine?".

 

[Goro]

Start out by explaining who you are today, then go back to the class clown persona you were and describe what changed and why.

1) L:isten to your critiquers.

2) We won't stop reading, but we will get bored and not be your best audience.

3) I would not find this "refreshing."

4) Start over. I know it's hard to discard prose you've fallen in love with, but in this case, keep it for yourself and go back to writing a PS for the adcomms, who want to know Why Medicine?".

I lean towards the Cat's comments.

 

[gonnif]

Ok, so you overcame bring a poor student. Why does that have to do with why medicine? “Well I couldnt be a doctor as a bad student” I hear you ask. Absolutely true but that is the mechanics of becoming a doctor not the WHY! So here is an excercise. Write a paragraph of why you want medicine without mentioning anything of you academics, good or bad

 

[gonnif]

I lean towards the Cat's comments.

I lean to the left as I drink with my right hand

 

[ehwatsupdoc]

1) Listen to your critiquers.

2) We won't stop reading, but we will get bored and not be your best audience.

3) I would not find this "refreshing."

4) Start over. I know it's hard to discard prose you've fallen in love with, but in this case, keep it for yourself and go back to writing a PS for the adcomms, who want to know Why Medicine?".

Ok, so you overcame bring a poor student. Why does that have to do with why medicine? “Well I couldnt be a doctor as a bad student” I hear you ask. Absolutely true but that is the mechanics of becoming a doctor not the WHY! So here is an excercise. Write a paragraph of why you want medicine without mentioning anything of you academics, good or bad

You guys are all very helpful, thank you! So it seems most of you would argue the PS should be specifically "why medicine" and not necessarily the life story that ultimately led to medicine and why.

 

[gonnif]

You guys are all very helpful, thank you! So it seems most of you would argue the PS should be specifically "why medicine" and not necessarily the life story that ultimately led to medicine and why.

If your life story has a strong bearing on why medicine, then yes. But having a life story that doesnt do that is worth "bupkis"

 

[ehwatsupdoc]

Sorry to bump this old thread. Quick question...
Do you guys think what I had brought up in the beginning of this thread would make for a good adversity/challenge essay for secondaries?

@Goro @gonnif @LizzyM @Catalystik

 

[Goro]

Sorry to bump this old thread. Quick question...
Do you guys think what I had brought up in the beginning of this thread would make for a good adversity/challenge essay for secondaries?

@Goro @gonnif @LizzyM @Catalystik

No. I'm going to be blunt: bad character traits do not qualify as adversities. Getting leukemia is an adversity.

 

[ehwatsupdoc]

No. I'm going to be blunt: bad character traits do not qualify as adversities. Getting leukemia is an adversity.

Good point. I guess I didn't explain it fully enough. Because having a "funny, goofy personality" throughout my life, the idea of me as a doctor was often shut down. I was constantly told by kids in class I was stupid and should just stick to a less prestigious career. Over time, I came to believe this and only viewed myself this way. I later overcame this and became a good student.. blah blah blah.

Not sure if this changes anything, or if it is still kinda a bad character trait and in my control.

 

[Goro]

Good point. I guess I didn't explain it fully enough. Because having a "funny, goofy personality" throughout my life, the idea of me as a doctor was often shut down. I was constantly told by kids in class I was stupid and should just stick to a less prestigious career. Over time, I came to believe this and only viewed myself this way. I later overcame this and became a good student.. blah blah blah.

Not sure if this changes anything, or if it is still kinda a bad character trait and in my control.

Once being immature ----> being mature is the baseline we expect for applicants.
You're going to have to do better. Nobody leads a charmed life. Introspection is a necessary trait to be a doctor.

 

[lingmed]

Good point. I guess I didn't explain it fully enough. Because having a "funny, goofy personality" throughout my life, the idea of me as a doctor was often shut down. I was constantly told by kids in class I was stupid and should just stick to a less prestigious career. Over time, I came to believe this and only viewed myself this way. I later overcame this and became a good student.. blah blah blah.

Not sure if this changes anything, or if it is still kinda a bad character trait and in my control.

As someone who read your essay very closely and has edited 20+ med school admissions personal statements, I think you really need to take the advice on this thread (from people who have much more experience in med school admissions than I do) and the advice of those who critiqued your original statement to heart, whether for the personal statement or a secondary app question.

To make this line of discussion interesting for your readers, you need to think about why you were a class clown, and what, if anything, has changed--which I think is what @LizzyM was getting at. To say, with no elaboration, "Other people once perceived me as goofy and therefore thought I wouldn't amount to anything, and now I want to become a doctor," lacks the introspective insight that @Goro is asking for: Why did others perceive you as a class clown? Was this accurate? If not, why not, and how did it happen? If it was and has changed and you are now someone different, what caused this change? Who are you now? Those are the questions you need to answer to make this a compelling story.

 

[ehwatsupdoc]

As someone who read your essay very closely and has edited 20+ med school admissions personal statements, I think you really need to take the advice on this thread (from people who have much more experience in med school admissions than I do) and the advice of those who critiqued your original statement to heart, whether for the personal statement or a secondary app question.

To make this line of discussion interesting for your readers, you need to think about why you were a class clown, and what, if anything, has changed--which I think is what @LizzyM was getting at. To say, with no elaboration, "Other people once perceived me as goofy and therefore thought I wouldn't amount to anything, and now I want to become a doctor," lacks the introspective insight that @Goro is asking for: Why did others perceive you as a class clown? Was this accurate? If not, why not, and how did it happen? If it was and has changed and you are now someone different, what caused this change? Who are you now? Those are the questions you need to answer to make this a compelling story.

This really is great advice. Thank you everyone for your thoughtful advice.

I did end up completely reworking the PS and it now does not include this story anymore, as I agree it is not insightful enough to answer "why medicine" and "why me".

I will consider these points when deciding whether or not this is worth a secondary response either. I guess it is a part of my life that holds a lot of meaning to me, but is maybe best left that way instead of trying to force it to mean something to adcoms.