Personal Statement Suggestions?

[akirar]

---

Members don't see this ad.

Hey everyone!

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to look over a few sections of my personal statement, I only need a few parts looked over but can send the whole thing if you want. I am ready to submit, but keep worrying about grammar and spelling mistakes.

Also I have one point in my statement where I sort of come to a revelation and realize that " I was going to help people" Any suggestions on how I can re-word that? It just sounds so childish and informal to me.

Thanks

 

[MattH25]

You could always try something like "XYZ experience had revealed insights into my character that I had suspected for years. To serve my needs, I needed to be in the service of others."