Personal statement too personal?

[dm32057]

Is my personal statement too personal?

So, the only way I could convey the start of my interest in medicine was when I became pregnant as a teenager. I told a story of how I came to find out and the medical professionals that I encountered that sparked this interest. Then I wrote about shadowing experiences with a doctor at my local hospital where we encountered a lot diverse patients and I also wrote about my SMDEP experience. Then I went on to wrote my father's injury when he was in our home country and they basically misdiagnosed him and sent him back here to the states to be treated. Upon further research, in my home country, the type of doctors that should have treated him were extremely few with only 21 doctors of that specialty in the entire country. And so I tied all those experiences together to show why I have such a drive to become a physician.


I feel like this is the only way I can truly show and write about my desire for medicine and why am passionate about it.

I had someone read it and they basically said 95% of my entire essay was useless. Is the inclusion of my teenage pregnancy too personal? Is there someone that can help me read through it?

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[hmockingbird]

Without having read your essay maybe the feedback is reflective of it being so anecdotal that you don’t actually answer the question of “Why medicine?” (And why it specifically suits you/the opposite). For example even if you kept your teenage pregnancy you probably need to scrap the story about how you found out because it’s a good story but doesn’t really add anything to why medicine. Think about this with your other stories.

 

[sunshinefl]

Something that sticks out to me is that generally the US medical school and residency system aims to train US Doctors. Yet you’re emphasizing the shortage of a particular specialist in another country. Seems like it doesn’t explain why a US medical school should accept you. But that’s just my take.