Personal Statement

[JReiss]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Not sure if this is the right forum for this request but would anybody be willing to read and critique my personal statement for MD schools? I'm trying to submit it to a letter writer in the next day or two and would love if a few extra sets of eyes could look it over. In return I will gladly read yours and if you live nearby, take your dog for a walk.

Feel free to be as harsh as need be. Butcher it if you would like. I want complete honesty. Thanks!

 

[alwaysaangel]

I didn't do grammar. I just read through it for content and format, because I find a lot of people end up doing too much fluff and not really answering the question of a personal statement.

Nice job. One of the best I've read. Clear, concise, explains your reasons for medicine while incorporating your experiences. I would consider cutting the opening story down a tiny bit but otherwise, excellent job.

 

[alexrgross]

.You are a talented writer but I think as a personal statement your text doesnt read correctly.

Shorten the intro for sure. The second paragraph has topic and concluding sentences that are not concrete. Also they don't lead into the paragraph about your previous experience. Do you see the discontinuity there?

Also, try to combine the legal stuff into one paragraph. Maybe even delete the law school part and develop the paralegal...that part grabbed more attention.

That last sentence is too long and complicated. It leaves me confused and I dont think it says anything. You have to do better than "medicine is about how people communicate". You could say that about 95% of jobs.
.

 

[dragon529]

I would not post a complete PS on a forum that is available to everyone. There is a Personal Statement Reader Thread that you can use to find readers that can give you suggestions and feedback.

On a more relevant note, your PS is quite nice with exactly the reasons why you want to do medicine. Some of the bigger paragraphs have a bit too much information or detail that is not necessary to get the point across, so consider chopping some of those down to make it tighter and not too overwhelming.

 

[cwwm]

as dragon529 said, it's probably not a good idea to make your PS available to everyone. go here and pm one of the volunteers

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=588435

 

[JReiss]

Thanks very much for the comments. They're much appreciated. And apologies for posting this message in the wrong forum. Will definitely be aware of this next time...