Persuading the girlfriend

[ERTechMD]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Ever since high school, it seems like I have been subconsciously trying to figure out a way to join the military. Any time I ever bring it up though, the people around me always shoot it down as a bad idea, in particular my girlfriend. I really want to be a Navy doc, but I also really want to marry my girlfriend someday. How do I go about persuading her that the HPSP is the best option. I've already tried the money route and that did a little, but not near enough. What are some of your ideas?

 

[colbgw02]

The same logic applies to any future weight gain, lethargy, or alcoholism.

This can be a double-edged sword, especially the weight gain.

 

[Coastie]

'

 

[Ex-44E3A]

If you are basing your major life decisions around the preferences of a "girlfriend", you are making a horrible horrible mistake.

I'd have to agree.

 

[bustbones26]

Ever since high school, it seems like I have been subconsciously trying to figure out a way to join the military. Any time I ever bring it up though, the people around me always shoot it down as a bad idea, in particular my girlfriend. I really want to be a Navy doc, but I also really want to marry my girlfriend someday. How do I go about persuading her that the HPSP is the best option. I've already tried the money route and that did a little, but not near enough. What are some of your ideas?

I wholeheartedly agree with all said above. I was actually in a similar situation like yours years ago. I was in quite a financial pinch and really wanted to do HPSP for financial reasons. She was against the whole idea of me being a doctor in general, not just the military thing. When I put my foot down I said, "Look, your obviously being selfish here, why should I marry you as oppose to pursuing a career in medicine when five years from now I will wake up and say, damn, I could have been a doctor by now." Her reply, "Oh yeah, will five years from now you'll be kicking yourself in the ass saying I could have had a wife and family by now".

So I got rid of her, became a doc, married somebody else, and five years later I was a doc, had a wonderful wife, and a family, her, she is a college graduate who became a major bar ***** and works for slightly over minimum wage and is miserable.

So, now that I shared a personal excerpt from my life, keep in mind a few things. On this forum you will hear all kinds of advice, but if it really is in your heart and your dearest of dreams in life to be a Navy doctor, then by God do not let ANYTHING stand in your way, especially if you have the chance to do so. Some people will never get accepted to medical school!

Of course there are some negatives of Navy Medicine, and military medicine in general, but one big positive, you will never starve, you will be paid well enough to live comfortably, and if you get through your committment time and don't like it, then oh well, you get out and get a civilian job making twice as much (three times a much in some cases), so who cares?

 

[Gastrapathy]

I wholeheartedly agree with all said above. I was actually in a similar situation like yours years ago. I was in quite a financial pinch and really wanted to do HPSP for financial reasons. She was against the whole idea of me being a doctor in general, not just the military thing. When I put my foot down I said, "Look, your obviously being selfish here, why should I marry you as oppose to pursuing a career in medicine when five years from now I will wake up and say, damn, I could have been a doctor by now." Her reply, "Oh yeah, will five years from now you'll be kicking yourself in the ass saying I could have had a wife and family by now".

So I got rid of her, became a doc, married somebody else, and five years later I was a doc, had a wonderful wife, and a family, her, she is a college graduate who became a major bar ***** and works for slightly over minimum wage and is miserable.

So, now that I shared a personal excerpt from my life, keep in mind a few things. On this forum you will hear all kinds of advice, but if it really is in your heart and your dearest of dreams in life to be a Navy doctor, then by God do not let ANYTHING stand in your way, especially if you have the chance to do so. Some people will never get accepted to medical school!

Of course there are some negatives of Navy Medicine, and military medicine in general, but one big positive, you will never starve, you will be paid well enough to live comfortably, and if you get through your committment time and don't like it, then oh well, you get out and get a civilian job making twice as much (three times a much in some cases), so who cares?

Is she hot?

Seriously, anyone who decides to stay in the military when their spouse is against it (I know shes "just" a girlfriend at the moment) has given up on a happy marriage.

And since this was entitled "persuading the girlfriend", my advice is DON'T. If you have to persuade her, she'll probably end up hating it eventually and then you'll be faced with a choice...her or the military. So, I'd say, choose now rather than after life gets complicated.

 

[megadon]

If it holds true to what I experienced in submarines, by joining the military you will find out about all different reasons why wives cheat. If this is truly what you want to do, and your girlfriend doesn't support it, you've got problems. Maybe she's right. But maybe she's wrong. If you are already HPSP, you've already voted for the she's wrong camp. That fundamental flaw isn't going to go away. This is a huge step, it's at least two years of hell (I'm an MS2, please tell me it gets better next year). If I'm still married at the end of it I'll count it as a blessing. If I'm divorced, I'm not going to be bitter about it, I understand, med school consumes you. My grades aren't great, guess who suffers, the wife.

If you base your decisions on your girlfriend, you will regret it down the road, I think. Maybe you won't. Guess what, at least 1/3 of you class will be female, and will now what you are talking about when you say metabolic syndrome. I'm deffinitely not saying kick her to curb, but what I am saying is that bright side is that will be a whole lot of honeys that are about to go through the same wringer you will. They will understand what you are talking about, going through, etc. I've found that that makes a much easier relationship.

 

[Ex-44E3A]

Medical wives are a special breed... military medical wives even more so.

Here's the deal.

Medicine is hard on relationships. The pay may be decent (and that attracts many potential spouses, some for the wrong reasons), but the stress level is high, the hours are long, the emotional toll is substantial, and the commitment is total. Military medical spouses can subtract the decent pay, and factor in long deployments, during which the left-behind spouse is basically a single parent.

Some women (or men) marry a physician with some vague idea of enjoying their new spouse, living in the big house, showing off their trophy at social functions, dreamily gazing at them across the dinner table, and generally enjoying the good life. They have this notion (I have NO idea where it comes from) that they'll simply have to tolerate their spouses' career as some kind of distraction... too late do they discover the brutal truth. Namely, that they are often cast in the role of the distraction.

If you can find a man/woman who will stick by your side through all that ****, then you've definitely found something special.

It's fine if you want to keep the GF, but you'll get a pretty good idea of her level of commitment once the grind truly starts in earnest (and the MS2 who asked if it gets better? It absolutely doesn't... it only gets harder).

If she's willing to stay through all the bad times that medicine (and military medicine) can dish out, then she might be worth keeping... but you might consider delaying taking vows until he/she's has demonstrated that they're willing to walk through the fire with you.

 

[megadon]

My wife and I met at the Navel academy, and married while we were both in our training pipelines. Me subs, here Marine Corps. First four years of marriage, seperated by orders. Our eight anniversary is coming up.

I'm an MS2, and it is a huge strain in our marriage. We're in a city where both of us want to leave. She has no friends, and I study all the time. If I'm still married at the end of this deal, it will only confirm I have the right woman.

Med school is a test of fire for a relationship. Going military is only throwing fuel on the flames. It really depends on how you look at it. Me, I'm finishing med school, if my marriage goes down in flames because of it, it does, and I really hate that I think that way. But I have invested too much of my life into this to give it up. It will hopefully be a very unnasty divorce, because I will completely understand why it happened, and am very sympathetic to her side. Yet I will pursue the MD, so do you have that mindset? Yes, I have put med school before my marriage, and I think my wife understands that. It is four years, and that is nothing in a marriage. We both have learned in our jobs that is much more important to be happy what you are doing. Unfortunately her job is not so happy, which isn't helping.

Your position sucks, it sucks that you have tension in your relationship. But it is a girlfriend, you have no legal obligation towards her. I really hate to simplify like that, but that is the picture.

Best of luck, the only advice I can give is that if you are deadset on serving, you are at 180 with her. Do you think you will regret forever giving it up for her? If so, it will be a resentment hanging over your relationship forever. That's not a positive thing.

 

[West Side]

Is she hot?

Seriously, anyone who decides to stay in the military when their spouse is against it (I know shes "just" a girlfriend at the moment) has given up on a happy marriage.

And since this was entitled "persuading the girlfriend", my advice is DON'T. If you have to persuade her, she'll probably end up hating it eventually and then you'll be faced with a choice...her or the military. So, I'd say, choose now rather than after life gets complicated.

+1.

It's a simple matter of priorities. You should probably analyze it in a threefold way:

• Military, wife, but no medicine
• Military, medicine, but no wife
• Medicine, wife, but no military

Whichever sounds the least offensive should be your choice. Hell, it shouldn't even be a hard choice, if you have any self-knowledge.

Despite the ephemeral nature with which some posters above seem to treat their poor girlfriends, be aware that all three are, in one way or another, permenant decisions.

 

[BomberDoc]

[*]Military, wife, but no medicine
[*]Military, medicine, but no wife
[*]Medicine, wife, but no military

There are millions of chicks out there. If you want to be in medicine, go for it. Just save yourself the pain of getting fcuked in the arse for 3-4 years by uncle sam. Best case scenario: dump the current biatch and go to med school. Meet the girl of your dreams, get married, have a great life, and never again think about the military. You as a doc and your doc wife will have a great life and those poor bastards in the service will continue to get screwed 24/7 by people who barely have high school diplomas. Milmed is the hottest of hot rocks. Drop it and move on!

 

[West Side]

There are millions of chicks out there. If you want to be in medicine, go for it. Just save yourself the pain of getting fcuked in the arse for 3-4 years by uncle sam. Best case scenario: dump the current biatch and go to med school. Meet the girl of your dreams, get married, have a great life, and never again think about the military. You as a doc and your doc wife will have a great life and those poor bastards in the service will continue to get screwed 24/7 by people who barely have high school diplomas. Milmed is the hottest of hot rocks. Drop it and move on!

Agreed, a mistype on my part. Of course you can find a spouse in the military. I meant this specific woman.

I think you guys protest a little too much about how hard it is to be a doctor's wife/husband. The hours aren't even as bad as your run-of-the-mill investment banker! And don't get me started on MS4 or, as I like to call it, a 9 month nap with a vacation sprinkled in somewhere. If I had a choice between being married to a person about to go through medical school, or someone about to go into the military...

 

[Ex-44E3A]

I think you guys protest a little too much about how hard it is to be a doctor's wife/husband.

The suckage is directly proportional to the specialty of the spouse. And it isn't just the hours spent. To state otherwise is to completely misunderstand the stressors and demands of modern medicine.

With regards to the OP's dilemma, let me boil it all down into one cold, calculating, and ruthlessly rational sentence (I can't claim this one... it was told to me by a colleague):

"one gets a shot at many women in one's lifetime... you generally get only one shot at an MD."

Also, in a perfunctory (though honest) attempt to avoiding a "sexist" label for myself, one can invert the genders in the above sentence and the core facts remain the same.

 

[West Side]

The suckage is directly proportional to the specialty of the spouse.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Wait, I'll grab the step ladder so you can get back on your cross. 😀

 

[megadon]

"one gets a shot at many women in one's lifetime... you generally get only one shot at an MD."

Amen brother, Amen.

 

[BomberDoc]

View attachment Complexity.jpg
Seriously, though, if I have to pick one perk of being in the military, it is the flightsuit.

 

[megadon]

View attachment 8658
Seriously, though, if I have to pick one perk of being in the military, it is the flightsuit.

Much better looking than your bus driver suit, just kidding. All I got to say is we got Top Gun, apparantly the ice cream man suits works better.

 

[BomberDoc]

Much better looking than your bus driver suit

Yeah, I only wear that when I absolutely have to. Last time I wore it (for a speaking engagement) everybody in my office was convinced I had to go stand tall in front of the boss again. It was hilarious. I may bring it out every few months just to keep my street cred strong with my fellow minions.

 

[AF M4]

Heh, funny story:

My roommate in med school, great guy, Army HPSP. Dates this girl through last year of college, all of med school. They talk about getting married starting around mid-M3 year. She's just not sure. So the match comes, he's going to Hawaii to be an ENT surgeon. One week later she dumps him because she wants to be around her family in Nebraska.

So now my former roommate is stuck all alone, a young single doctor in Hawaii. Boo hoo.

On the other hand, my former roommate is all alone, a young single doctor in Hawaii.

Getting dumped is going to be the best thing that ever happened to him. Not to sound like too much of a misogynist, but one down, three billion to go baby.

 

[a1qwerty55]

There are millions of chicks out there. If you want to be in medicine, go for it. Just save yourself the pain of getting fcuked in the arse for 3-4 years by uncle sam. Best case scenario: dump the current biatch and go to med school. Meet the girl of your dreams, get married, have a great life, and never again think about the military. You as a doc and your doc wife will have a great life and those poor bastards in the service will continue to get screwed 24/7 by people who barely have high school diplomas. Milmed is the hottest of hot rocks. Drop it and move on!

Bomberdoc.... I just can't figure out why he didn't get his residency - he sounds like such a gentleman and scholar. For someone who hates the military he is quite willing to parade around in the flight suit - has an avatar of him feigning like he is a pilot. Gag me.

 

[BomberDoc]

Bomberdoc.... I just can't figure out why he didn't get his residency - he sounds like such a gentleman and scholar. For someone who hates the military he is quite willing to parade around in the flight suit - has an avatar of him feigning like he is a pilot. Gag me.

a1, my little buddy... and I do mean little, keep stirring the pot. You don't insult me, you merely make me laugh. You have been pigeonholed as the board jester/recruiter. Somewhere there's a town missing an idiot.

I wouldn't want any unsuspecting readers out there wondering which of us is the bigger screwup. I did in fact get my residency. Mine is in the civilian world. Hate the military? No. Hate the way the military runs its medical service? Absolutely. Flying is about the only cool thing I do anymore, but at least I fly. When is the last time you saw the inside of an aircraft that didn't have Delta or Continental painted on the tail?

 

[megadon]

I wouldn't want any unsuspecting readers out there wondering which of us is the bigger screwup. I did in fact get my residency. Mine is in the civilian world. Hate the military? No. Hate the way the military runs its medical service? Absolutely. Flying is about the only cool thing I do anymore, but at least I fly. When is the last time you saw the inside of an aircraft that didn't have Delta or Continental painted on the tail?

Today. My wife and I went to see Ocean's 13. They flew around in a private jet. I saw the inside of it, so today. Man, I haven't been flying in a private plane in about fifteen years, really miss it. My uncle was a pilot, and had a cool WWII trainer that he would try and make me sick in.

Love your answer about the military. Completely agree, and I signed up again knowing it. The people (soldiers, sailors, Marines, airmen) are great, and I look forward to treating them. The beaucracy, well at least on the nuclear side, SUCKED. Understand your feelings. At least you don't look like a bus driver anymore!

 

[BomberDoc]

Today. My wife and I went to see Ocean's 13. They flew around in a private jet. I saw the inside of it, so today. Man, I haven't been flying in a private plane in about fifteen years, really miss it. My uncle was a pilot, and had a cool WWII trainer that he would try and make me sick in.

Love your answer about the military. Completely agree, and I signed up again knowing it. The people (soldiers, sailors, Marines, airmen) are great, and I look forward to treating them. The beaucracy, well at least on the nuclear side, SUCKED. Understand your feelings. At least you don't look like a bus driver anymore!

Touche! Here are the passengers that usually get driven around in my bus... er, jet. It is a one-way trip.
Allow me to change my answer about the military to: Love the military, but still hate the way it runs its medical service. Megadon, find what joy you can while practicing military medicine and latch onto it. I truly wish that you get to work with good people in a good place. That can make this whole thing downright tolerable. If you know the hell that is the nuke world, it is comparable to the med world. Different, but comparable in volume of bureaucratic BS. Good luck and godspeed.

 

[a1qwerty55]

Huh? I love the military --- yet I'm undermining the system which provides the care to the military. I've definitely posted on the major negatives of military medicine, I'm no rah rah go military medicine supporter but your comment is a nonsequitor. Go back and look at some of your posts..

Please don't refer to the aircraft as "your" aircraft. Let's not delude ourselves here... you don't fly it, fix, it or crew it. A flight surgeon is a euphemism for sick call doc - neither flight nor surgeon apply. You do flight physicals, look up meds to see if they are compatable with flight, like which antihistamine if any a pilot can take. You don't fly, other than to ride like the passengers in your post. You don't learn to fly, but as you have readily shown, you can bask in the light of those who do the flying and take the risk. While undermining the those who are committed to making sure they receive the care they deserve. I'm going to put you in for a DSC.

 

[West Side]

Please don't refer to the aircraft as "your" aircraft. Let's not delude ourselves here... you don't fly it, fix, it or crew it. A flight surgeon is a euphemism for sick call doc - neither flight nor surgeon apply. You do flight physicals, look up meds to see if they are compatable with flight, like which antihistamine if any a pilot can take. You don't fly, other than to ride like the passengers in your post. You don't learn to fly, but as you have readily shown, you can bask in the light of those who do the flying and take the risk. While undermining the those who are committed to making sure they receive the care they deserve. I'm going to put you in for a DSC.

It's sort of bizarre to read something from someone that doesn't know they're irrelevant. Almost makes you feel a little bit bad for them, like someone falling off the short bus.