Physician Egos

[mafunk]

I have been shadowing a couple of fantastic docs at a free medical clinic. They are amazing teachers and volunteer at the clinic once or twice a month out of a sense of civic/religious duty (they are devout Muslims). No egos... just good hearts. I love these guys and the people we help.


I also started shadowing at another docs office. Well there are two docs. One is pretty cool. But the other one.... He likes to tell me how cool he is - ok, no problema. But then the last time I saw him he was joking about what a silly doctor he is and that I must be surprised that a physician like him would be such a goof.

I laughed and said, well my husband works with alot of vascular surgeons. When we go out to dinner some of those guys can really dork out.

Oh boy... did I stick my foot in my mouth! He got upset. Suddenly his entire demeanor toward me changed. He asked me where my hubby worked and I responded. Then he said stuff like, "Oh, I have a friend in medical device. That is not a good business. ....Sure those 'sales' guys make great money for awhile but then they hit a glass ceiling and they lose their jobs all the time. .... My friend now is unemployed and scraping by." For the record, my husband is not a salesman, this was just an assumption on the docs part

I said, "oh. My husband does ok. I'm not worried." And he kept saying things about how bad my husbands job is.

So.... today I saw him again and he wouldn't even let me come in with him to see a patient.

I don't know what I did to piss the guy off. The only thing I can think is that he is ridiculously competitive and has a fragile ego. And somehow it was not OK to make an offhand comment about hanging with the vascular surgeons.

Either that or he thinks I called him a dork and his ego couldn't take it. But I don't think that's it. Everyone knows that the vast majority of doctors are closet dorks (at least all the orthopedic, vascular and heart surgeons that I've met at my hubby's biz events are)

Heck, I'm an aspiring doctor and I am fully aware of the scope and magnitude of my dork factor.

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[DrMidlife]

Look how hard this guy is working to manipulate your opinion of him. He must be completely exhausted after talking to you. Don't take any responsibility for his bad behavior.

It's not just docs, these guys are all over the place. Engineering, sales, even teaching.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

DrMidlife knew my brother was an engineer without even meeting him...

We ARE dorks, and being a dork is a good thing! If you want to continue to shadow this guy, then mend the relationship, if not... don't sweat it...

 

[JuniperTree]

You'll find decent and awful people in any religion.

 

[mafunk]

You'll find decent and awful people in any religion.

huh? this thread has nothing to do with religion.

 

[spiderpete]

I agree. There are fragile egos sheltering big careers in every profession.

And btw
i read the 'religion' comment metaphorically.


Peace. Sp

 

[DrMidlife]

huh? this thread has nothing to do with religion.

You named somebody's religious affiliation in your 1st post, sentence #2. Just sayin.

 

[mafunk]

You named somebody's religious affiliation in your 1st post, sentence #2. Just sayin.

Yes, but that was not the point of the post. I was just commenting that their personal reason for volunteering is their faith. And, also, they feel that Muslims get a bad rap and want folks to know that they do 'good' things and are not all about jihad.

Still it was just a side note. The thread itself is not about religion.

And certainly nowhere in the thread was there an implication that one religion has better or worse people than another

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I'm with leggypete (sorry couldn't resist), engineers are 'religious' about their engineering stuff... etc...

 

[Zyxwvuts]

I have been shadowing a couple of fantastic docs at a free medical clinic. They are amazing teachers and volunteer at the clinic once or twice a month out of a sense of civic/religious duty (they are devout Muslims). No egos... just good hearts. I love these guys and the people we help.


I also started shadowing at another docs office. Well there are two docs. One is pretty cool. But the other one.... He likes to tell me how cool he is - ok, no problema. But then the last time I saw him he was joking about what a silly doctor he is and that I must be surprised that a physician like him would be such a goof.

I laughed and said, well my husband works with alot of vascular surgeons. When we go out to dinner some of those guys can really dork out.

Oh boy... did I stick my foot in my mouth! He got upset. Suddenly his entire demeanor toward me changed. He asked me where my hubby worked and I responded. Then he said stuff like, "Oh, I have a friend in medical device. That is not a good business. ....Sure those 'sales' guys make great money for awhile but then they hit a glass ceiling and they lose their jobs all the time. .... My friend now is unemployed and scraping by." For the record, my husband is not a salesman, this was just an assumption on the docs part

I said, "oh. My husband does ok. I'm not worried." And he kept saying things about how bad my husbands job is.

So.... today I saw him again and he wouldn't even let me come in with him to see a patient.

I don't know what I did to piss the guy off. The only thing I can think is that he is ridiculously competitive and has a fragile ego. And somehow it was not OK to make an offhand comment about hanging with the vascular surgeons.

Either that or he thinks I called him a dork and his ego couldn't take it. But I don't think that's it. Everyone knows that the vast majority of doctors are closet dorks (at least all the orthopedic, vascular and heart surgeons that I've met at my hubby's biz events are)

Heck, I'm an aspiring doctor and I am fully aware of the scope and magnitude of my dork factor.

I believe the main problem is putting yourself at the same level as him. Medicine is not the normal world; it is a hierarchy and some of docs will be offended if you equate yourself with them. Don't worry about it just next time keep this in mind until you can adequately determine how fragile they are.

 

[Journey2become]

Two possibilities I came up with:
It looked like he was fishing for a compliment and you didn't deliver...

He was trying to impress you and was flirting with you and you go and bring up your husband! How dare you

 

[eablackwell]

Two possibilities I came up with:
It looked like he was fishing for a compliment and you didn't deliver...

Probably this.

Work Rule 1: Maintain dignity
Work Rule 2: Make your superiors like you as much as possible while always keeping a close eye on rule 1.

Good luck with this situation.

 

[QofQuimica]

Or maybe he misunderstood what you were saying or otherwise felt that you had insulted him. You don't know what set him off, so best not to draw conclusions without getting a little more evidence. If it were me, I'd catch him alone and ask if I'd said anything to offend him, because he seemed upset with me. And then based on what he says, you can decide if it's worth proceeding from there.

 

[eablackwell]

Or maybe he misunderstood what you were saying or otherwise felt that you had insulted him. You don't know what set him off, so best not to draw conclusions without getting a little more evidence. If it were me, I'd catch him alone and ask if I'd said anything to offend him, because he seemed upset with me. And then based on what he says, you can decide if it's worth proceeding from there.

Good, solid advice.

 

[BPlaysItCool]

This thread poses the question of physicians having big fragile egos. Setting the OP's example aside temporarily:

Yes. Undoubtedly. Their egos are nutured to absurd proportions. You would not know how much so unless you work for them in some mineal sense. As a medical student or intern etc. Even if they are abusive to you. This abuse is draped in the ceremony of your initiation. It is phasic. But to have to toil away under them like the Grinch's sled dog as a terminal sentence in hell because that is the best job with benefits you can get with your skill set. Is to know them in intimate ways they do not even know themselves--being far removed from the necessity of self-reflection.

Does it happen in other sectors. Sure. Maybe CEO's are comprable. I can think of many possible comparisons. But I say they are limited. And I would say there is certainly something unique about the purity of passive-agressive ****tiness so meticulously cultivated in our sphere.

If for example, some of these types I'm thinking of, would have brought their little prissy superiority complexes to the construction sites I've worked on, they would've lost some mf'n teeth. And somebody would have picked up their tools and headed to get some beer much happier for it.

But in this insular egg-headed world. Passive agressive little weenie mf'ers get to play god. And if they don't like the game they're losing at they change it.

And nothing is there to discourage them. Do you know what kind of murder scene would require hospital administrators to grudgingly slap the hand of their subspecialty surgeon who can't play nice in the sand box?

Do you know what little offense of ego can get the underling fired? And sent to the streets looking for minimally skilled labor in this economy?

Now add that to 15 years of passive-agrressive abuse that some shallow type A overachiever has had to endure to get to the top. And now they are the puppet masters.

This is and ego-aberational cultural illness. And many people suffer. In medicine. This is our most complex achievement.