Please critique my research request

[mistak]

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Hi guys,

I am going to send an email to a bunch of profs in my department (sociology) to request any research positions. Please critique it, any feedback would be appreciated:

Dear professor NAME,

I am a fourth year Sociology student who is hoping to gain research experience. I am interested in pursuing an Independent Research Course in the sociology of health and families. I have read your research abstracts on "Sociology of Health" with immense interest and I believe I could quickly absorb background information and contribute to your research through whatever capacity necessary.

Currently, I am conducting a CIDA-funded study on the attitudes, knowledge, and health-seeking practices of HIV/AIDS-positive educated, upper class members of rural Kenyan society that explores and identifies sources of stigma and obstacles to HIV-prevention. I would like to combine this field experience with previous sociological course work in research methods to further my research skills and contribute to your research on the Sociology of Health.

Although I would be highly enthusiastic to meet you in person to discuss the details of this project, I would not be able to do so until the 25th of August when I arrive from Kenya. However, I would also be more than willing to communicate with you over the phone regarding a potential research topic. What I would need from your end is simply a reply agreeing to your supervision of the Independent Research Course and a course code through which I would be able to enroll via the University's online database.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

How does it read?

 

[911 Turbo]

This is fine (might be a little too long?)... I just emailed professors 2-3 sentences on if they had research space or not and a sentence on how their research interested me. So maybe 5 sentences max... It worked.

I don't think a lot of research professors would want to read through all of those paragraphs you typed

 

[Nymphicus]

This is fine (might be a little too long?)... I just emailed professors 2-3 sentences on if they had research space or not and a sentence on how their research interested me. So maybe 5 sentences max... It worked.

I don't think a lot of research professors would want to read through all of those paragraphs you typed

What you wrote is technically fine, but I agree with the above. These people get so many emails every day about this and that meeting or other useless stuff they have to wade through. I would shorten the email to lessen the chance of it getting put into the "come back to read later" pile, because that ends up being the "never gets read" pile.

 

[davidbm95]

Hi guys,

I am going to send an email to a bunch of profs in my department (sociology) to request any research positions. Please critique it, any feedback would be appreciated:

How does it read?

I approve. 😎

 

[mistak]

I agree with you guys, it is fairly long. Here is the shortened version:

I am a fourth year Sociology student hoping to gain research experience through an IRC. I have read your research abstracts on "Sociology of Health" with interest and I believe I could quickly absorb background information necessary.

Currently, I am conducting a CIDA-funded study in rural Kenya and I am hoping to combine this experience with my previous course work to further my research skills and contribute to your research.

Although I would be highly enthusiastic to meet you in person to discuss the IRC, I would not be able to do so until the 25th of August when I arrive from Kenya. However, I would also be more than willing to communicate with you over the phone regarding a potential research topic.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

How is it now?

 

[911 Turbo]

I agree with you guys, it is fairly long. Here is the shortened version:



How is it now?

I am currently instead of currently I am

Replace I look forward hearing from you with I look forward to hearing about any potential research positions