Please read my "Describe yourself"/Albany med answer..

[mq123]

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It's a little above the requirement (247 characters more than the 1000 asked for)..Any comments appreciated.


Thanks!👍

 

[xpinchx]

lol at the thought of someone plagiarising a "Describe yourself" essay answer.

 

[gsquared]

Ill take a look at it- pm me.

 

[cyclingmo]

lol at the thought of someone plagiarising a "Describe yourself" essay answer.

Haha, thats awesome. Do you have an identical twin?

I've been doing a crap load of these for all my secondaries, and I used an MD who is also doing an LOR and has a book published to help me with mine. I've learned a few things, if you wan't i'd be more than glad to give you some pointers on it.

 

[mq123]

Haha, thats awesome. Do you have an identical twin?

I've been doing a crap load of these for all my secondaries, and I used an MD who is also doing an LOR and has a book published to help me with mine. I've learned a few things, if you wan't i'd be more than glad to give you some pointers on it.

It's not my description (and identical twins are usually not similar in personalities 😛) but the format of the answer. I haven't simply lister the answers.. I thougt my way of doing it was a little unique and that's what I don't want out... yet

 

[Nokternal7]

It's a little above the requirement (247 characters more than the 1000 asked for)

It won't let you enter more than a 1,000 characters, including spaces. If you try, a popup message comes up telling you to cut it down.

 

[cyclingmo]

It's not my description (and identical twins are usually not similar in personalities 😛) but the format of the answer. I haven't simply lister the answers.. I thougt my way of doing it was a little unique and that's what I don't want out... yet

The identical twin joke was supposed to be ... well ... a joke. Anyhow, I didn't follow what you were trying to say. Did you do like a bulletin format as opposed to a paragraph style? Either way, i'd be glad to take a look at it and give you my point of view on it.

 

[mq123]

The identical twin joke was supposed to be ... well ... a joke. Anyhow, I didn't follow what you were trying to say. Did you do like a bulletin format as opposed to a paragraph style? Either way, i'd be glad to take a look at it and give you my point of view on it.

Sorry...I did get your joke. Anyway, no..it's not bulletin format. And it's not that great either, which I found out after feedback from SDNers. So, here it is:

If I were four years old, I would have rattled off trivialities like my favorite color or cartoon character. I’m not four anymore, and I won’t describe myself in a similar manner. However, people still assert that I take some things too literally. I agree, but I am rather detail-oriented and so, I need to know the facts as they are. For this reason, my laboratory partner in freshman biology grumbled that I was a perfectionist. Maybe so, but you cannot afford not to be one if you’re taking incredibly hard classes like Immunology or working in a genetics lab where contamination risks are sky-high. “Why do you challenge yourself like that, then?” I am asked. The answer is simple: I love to solve complex problems, like tackling “Samurai” level Sudoku puzzles on my cell phone and halving recipes in my head when cooking, which I do often and with passion. People think enjoying math puzzles is geeky. I have no response and stay quite because I am also a good listener. Professors, therefore, do not hesitate to discuss other students’ issues (not doing well in class) with me and ask my help. My friend thought that officially made me nerd. Really? Whatever happened to just being yourself with no care in the world– like a four-year old?

👍 ? 👎? 😴?

 

[Picklesali]

IMO, it sounds a little defensive. You say that you have xx quality, sort of imply how that may be bad or how others think that it is a negative quality, and then defend why it is not.

Oh, and maybe it's just me, but I thought it was a funny visual thinking of you passionately halving recipes in your head 😀

 

[mq123]

IMO, it sounds a little defensive. You say that you have xx quality, sort of imply how that may be bad or how others think that it is a negative quality, and then defend why it is not.

Oh, and maybe it's just me, but I thought it was a funny visual thinking of you passionately halving recipes in your head 😀

I was actually trying to imply that I like the cooking part with passion, but I have to work out the wording on that. And I agree, it does sound defensive (aka not that good)..still have to work out that problem. Thanks for your feedback though!

 

[axp107]

Sorry...I did get your joke. Anyway, no..it's not bulletin format. And it's not that great either, which I found out after feedback from SDNers. So, here it is:

If I were four years old, I would have rattled off trivialities like my favorite color or cartoon character. I’m not four anymore, and I won’t describe myself in a similar manner. However, people still assert that I take some things too literally. I agree, but I am rather detail-oriented and so, I need to know the facts as they are. For this reason, my laboratory partner in freshman biology grumbled that I was a perfectionist. Maybe so, but you cannot afford not to be one if you’re taking incredibly hard classes like Immunology or working in a genetics lab where contamination risks are sky-high. “Why do you challenge yourself like that, then?” I am asked. The answer is simple: I love to solve complex problems, like tackling “Samurai” level Sudoku puzzles on my cell phone and halving recipes in my head when cooking, which I do often and with passion. People think enjoying math puzzles is geeky. I have no response and stay quite because I am also a good listener. Professors, therefore, do not hesitate to discuss other students’ issues (not doing well in class) with me and ask my help. My friend thought that officially made me nerd. Really? Whatever happened to just being yourself with no care in the world– like a four-year old?

👍 ? 👎? 😴?

You're being too defensive... let the adcome form his/her judgment....
Also you spelled "quiet" wrong... something I noticed. Check for typos.

 

[TeaKae]

There are a couple of places where you could clean up your grammar and make the wording clearer. Also, it looks like you threw some bigger words into your essay just to sound smart? I'm a vocab geek, too, but when I write, I try to use words that I would use in everyday conversation, even though I may know an impressive synonym.

Good luck with it though, it's a nice start!

 

[mq123]

There are a couple of places where you could clean up your grammar and make the wording clearer. Also, it looks like you threw some bigger words into your essay just to sound smart? I'm a vocab geek, too, but when I write, I try to use words that I would use in everyday conversation, even though I may know an impressive synonym.

Good luck with it though, it's a nice start!

This was a first draft, and there is definitely some cleaning up to be done..Thanks for the input.🙂

 

[gsquared]

It sounds a bit defensive to me, but the intro and conclusion were nice. I think you could develop the body and possibly create a few more transitions. The theme of being yourself could certainly be expanded upon, but disregarding the opinions/perceptions of others isn't always a good thing in medical professions.

 

[Tropicana100]

Sorry...I did get your joke. Anyway, no..it's not bulletin format. And it's not that great either, which I found out after feedback from SDNers. So, here it is:

If I were four years old, I would have rattled off trivialities like my favorite color or cartoon character. I'm not four anymore, and I won't describe myself in a similar manner. However, people still assert that I take some things too literally. I agree, but I am rather detail-oriented and so, I need to know the facts as they are. For this reason, my laboratory partner in freshman biology grumbled that I was a perfectionist. Maybe so, but you cannot afford not to be one if you're taking incredibly hard classes like Immunology or working in a genetics lab where contamination risks are sky-high. "Why do you challenge yourself like that, then?" I am asked. The answer is simple: I love to solve complex problems, like tackling "Samurai" level Sudoku puzzles on my cell phone and halving recipes in my head when cooking, which I do often and with passion. People think enjoying math puzzles is geeky. I have no response and stay quite because I am also a good listener. Professors, therefore, do not hesitate to discuss other students' issues (not doing well in class) with me and ask my help. My friend thought that officially made me nerd. Really? Whatever happened to just being yourself with no care in the world– like a four-year old?

👍 ? 👎? 😴?

You have a lot of points crammed into one essay. Maybe consider picking a single aspect of yourself and writing a more cohesive essay?

 

[Jolie South]

You have a lot of points crammed into one essay. Maybe consider picking a single aspect of yourself and writing a more cohesive essay?

yea, it's too ADD.

 

[The Nigal]

There are a couple of places where you could clean up your grammar and make the wording clearer. Also, it looks like you threw some bigger words into your essay just to sound smart? I'm a vocab geek, too, but when I write, I try to use words that I would use in everyday conversation, even though I may know an impressive synonym.

Good luck with it though, it's a nice start!

I did not notice any vocabulary that was difficult or overly loquacious. This made me a bit worried, as I tend to write my essays as succinctly as possible; which often means choosing the most aptly descriptive word that conveys your message.

What words or usage did you take offense to? Does everyone else try to be as blunt and conversational as possible in their secondaries?

 

[gujuDoc]

It's not my description (and identical twins are usually not similar in personalities 😛) but the format of the answer. I haven't simply lister the answers.. I thougt my way of doing it was a little unique and that's what I don't want out... yet

I will look over it if you wish.

 

[xpinchx]

yea, it's too ADD.

Yeah I really had a hard time following what he the "essay" is trying to say. Also you need to find a better way to hook the reader. When I started reading about 4-year-olds and favorite colors and cartoons I almost stopped reading there and closed the thread. Maybe leave out the 4-year-old part and just focus on "being yourself."

Think of it less as a miniature personal statement, and more as a "describe what makes you, well... you." A large percentage of pre-meds take immunology, and a lot of people enjoy sudoku. So what's so great about you?

 

[gujuDoc]

Sorry...I did get your joke. Anyway, no..it's not bulletin format. And it's not that great either, which I found out after feedback from SDNers. So, here it is:

If I were four years old, I would have rattled off trivialities like my favorite color or cartoon character. I’m not four anymore, and I won’t describe myself in a similar manner. However, people still assert that I take some things too literally. I agree, but I am rather detail-oriented and so, I need to know the facts as they are. For this reason, my laboratory partner in freshman biology grumbled that I was a perfectionist. Maybe so, but you cannot afford not to be one if you’re taking incredibly hard classes like Immunology or working in a genetics lab where contamination risks are sky-high. “Why do you challenge yourself like that, then?” I am asked. The answer is simple: I love to solve complex problems, like tackling “Samurai” level Sudoku puzzles on my cell phone and halving recipes in my head when cooking, which I do often and with passion. People think enjoying math puzzles is geeky. I have no response and stay quite because I am also a good listener. Professors, therefore, do not hesitate to discuss other students’ issues (not doing well in class) with me and ask my help. My friend thought that officially made me nerd. Really? Whatever happened to just being yourself with no care in the world– like a four-year old?

👍 ? 👎? 😴?

I think your general ideas are good but like the other poster who said it, I think its not as cohesive as it could be. also, it says stuff about your qualities that will make you a good doctor but nothing about your personality as a person. i.e. are you someone who is multifaceted via talent in sports and music, have you ever lived or even studied abroad much less traveled? What are your interests?

There was a similar question to this on the secondary for USF last year and this year.Questions from the 2 years slightly changed around, but they both sorta related both to who you were and what made you diverse. I think these are the two general points such an essay is asking for. The qualities you listed might be found by many different premeds but what makes you different is what is important. Whether it is to show that you add to the diversity via being from a different cultural background, possessing a talent, etc. these are things adcoms take into consideration and that I'd look at if I were you.

 

[xpinchx]

I did not notice any vocabulary that was difficult or overly loquacious. This made me a bit worried, as I tend to write my essays as succinctly as possible; which often means choosing the most aptly descriptive word that conveys your message.

What words or usage did you take offense to? Does everyone else try to be as blunt and conversational as possible in their secondaries?

 

[gujuDoc]

I did not notice any vocabulary that was difficult or overly loquacious. This made me a bit worried, as I tend to write my essays as succinctly as possible; which often means choosing the most aptly descriptive word that conveys your message.

What words or usage did you take offense to? Does everyone else try to be as blunt and conversational as possible in their secondaries?

I don't know what difficult words were in that essay but I know an adcom member here that said they would rather you use words you'd normally use and not try to sound like some formal english professor writing an essay.

On that note, I agree with the person that says that this essay doesn't say much about the OP. It doesn't do anything to distinguish him from the other applicants.

 

[The Nigal]

I don't know what difficult words were in that essay but I know an adcom member here that said they would rather you use words you'd normally use and not try to sound like some formal english professor writing an essay.

On that note, I agree with the person that says that this essay doesn't say much about the OP. It doesn't do anything to distinguish him from the other applicants.

Thank you for the clarification. So, type in a manner you feel comfortable discussing.

I agree about the essay being a tad generic, but it is difficult to sum up yourself in 200 words. I find these types of essays the most difficult; very broad, and with little room for explanation.

 

[cyclingmo]

Like many of my teachers have told me, don't flat out say x and y, show x and y. You practically list all these qualities about yourself, show why they're true. Also, I think it looks better when you look at yourself humbly in an essay. Right now your essay gave me the image of you being a saint and completely perfect. Obviously nobody is perfect, so keep that in mind.

Good right though for a first draft. Spend a bit more time on it and you'll be good to go!

 

[mq123]

Like many of my teachers have told me, don't flat out say x and y, show x and y. You practically list all these qualities about yourself, show why they're true. Also, I think it looks better when you look at yourself humbly in an essay. Right now your essay gave me the image of you being a saint and completely perfect. Obviously nobody is perfect, so keep that in mind.

Good right though for a first draft. Spend a bit more time on it and you'll be good to go!

I agree with most of what people said here (Thanks!) about this being "ADD" and "defensive" and all that. I have usually been doing the generic essay format so far, and I was just trying to go from a different angle. I guess it's not very popular (or feasible). It is rather hard to describe yourself in 10-12 lines -- unless you pick one word that sums you up and "show" with examples. Unfortunately, I can't be described with that one magic word.

Thanks for all those who helped! I will polish this up asap and post back -- can't wait to get more feedback..🙂