So I decided to be proactive and get the jump on my primaries and secondaries for next year (COVID delay). Writing is a personal weakness of mine, so I have to work on these things well in advance. I sent my drafts out to a couple of reviewers and i got a mix of feedback ranging from its great (don't trust this person anymore lol) to its terrible (i have good ECs) and I need to establish a narrative via "show don't tell" (absolutely despise this rule lol). Is there anyone willing to review my primary? Also: does this "show don't tell" rule apply to secondaries as well? From what I saw it seems that the ADCOMS want a straightforward answer for some of their prompts rather than a story/narrative. BONUS: If there are any veterans applying now or successfully applied in the past, how did you establish your narrative? I don't know how to make my duties sound flowery at all.
Please review my primary
- Thread starter airquis91
- Start date
- Joined
- May 25, 2016
- Messages
- 497
- Reaction score
- 647
Show don't tell means this to me:
Answer ? using their prompt. Back it up w/ a concrete experience and/or relevant thoughts using an experience, etc. Then how you grew from that, if needed (everyone loves introspection, show's that you aren't a ditz and can grow properly and think for yourself).
Dumb example to "describe your worse failure":
Don't write "There's was this time where I failed a class due to my life circumstances".
Write something like (not too personal but I mean, you are trying to get a point across to someone who doesn't know you): "There's was this time where I failed a class due to my life circumstances. My ***idfk what this example is anymore,* my parents were in the hospital caring for my sick pappy, and I was left there at my college worrying sick about my blood. I understand that classes are important, but I may have been too immature to see or to balance my classes as well. From this, I gained a sense of balance, or, the need for a better sense of balance. I got back onto my horse, but I see now that even though the going gets toughghfgdjfbgkdsjbfgs, I couldn't and shouldn't have devoted so much time to being fraught w/ so much fear for my family that I almost lost being in the present w/ classes. And while I'm always working on making sure the proper channels are dedicated to both balance and my mental health, physical health, ultimately failing like this was, in a sense, a good thing to do early in my life rather than later."
Your job is to stroke the curiosity and ego of your reader lol. You're playing a game, best to give them a good show.
Answer ? using their prompt. Back it up w/ a concrete experience and/or relevant thoughts using an experience, etc. Then how you grew from that, if needed (everyone loves introspection, show's that you aren't a ditz and can grow properly and think for yourself).
Dumb example to "describe your worse failure":
Don't write "There's was this time where I failed a class due to my life circumstances".
Write something like (not too personal but I mean, you are trying to get a point across to someone who doesn't know you): "There's was this time where I failed a class due to my life circumstances. My ***idfk what this example is anymore,* my parents were in the hospital caring for my sick pappy, and I was left there at my college worrying sick about my blood. I understand that classes are important, but I may have been too immature to see or to balance my classes as well. From this, I gained a sense of balance, or, the need for a better sense of balance. I got back onto my horse, but I see now that even though the going gets toughghfgdjfbgkdsjbfgs, I couldn't and shouldn't have devoted so much time to being fraught w/ so much fear for my family that I almost lost being in the present w/ classes. And while I'm always working on making sure the proper channels are dedicated to both balance and my mental health, physical health, ultimately failing like this was, in a sense, a good thing to do early in my life rather than later."
Your job is to stroke the curiosity and ego of your reader lol. You're playing a game, best to give them a good show.
- Joined
- May 16, 2020
- Messages
- 2,162
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- 5,213
Would’ve been happy to review your primary, but “show don’t tell” is my mantra...so good luck!
