potential competitors??

[vetmedhead]

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The real question is whether you are comfortable admitting mistakes to people you know won't respond well. People you respect you probably trust will respond in an appropriate ways.....

The reason I used that particular example is because I know people who dislike seeming incompetent (I am definitely one of those people, I might add) really hate admitting mistakes to people they respect. The issue isn't that you think they'll respond negatively, it's that you want to look great to them at all times and you feel like you're making yourself lesser to them by admitting mistakes. It's more of a self image thing than an "I don't want to get yelled at" thing for a lot of people.

As for people who won't respond well, it's definitely not fun to admit mistakes to people who won't like it either.

 

[missdarjeeling]

I'm sure there's not a person on the planet who likes appearing incompetent. And for overachievers, it's often very difficult to become comfortable with admitting your mistakes, but we all have to do it. OP, you focus way too much on what other people are thinking. You're way too concerned with how they may be judging you, and I wouldn't be surprised if part of that is because you're busy judging everyone else, yourself. If another volunteer had failed to get a cat's temperature, would you have thought they were incompetent?

Honestly, the other volunteers not wanting to chit chat is the least of your problems. Chit chat doesn't make up for someone being judgmental and passive aggressive. I feel like you're probably projecting your own competitiveness onto the rest of the volunteers, and you really need to get rid of that self-consciousness and desire to prove yourself. You're there to learn and to help, not show everyone how smart and wonderful you are. If you stay in this career, you will have people see you fail repeatedly, and you need to get over it.

 

[pp9]

I think I'm not shy or social-phobic even though I enjoy staying quiet. I hardly start conversation with my roommates because I think that home is last place where I can stay in my comfort zone and be myself. I behave who I am that had me gotten involved in some quarrels with my roommates. They end up moving out because of my personality. I'm not a bad guy and am never picky or bossy with people, but my relaxed- son of bitch face and over-sensitive to people's attitude get me in trouble.

I am highly, highly doubtful that people resorted to dumping you as a roommate and completely moving out because of your RBF and being over sensitive. There is something further going on that either you're truly unaware of (something that you're doing), or you're not owning up to. We can't help you if you don't tell us the full story. Are your "quarrels" actually more explosive and aggressive than you're making them seem? Are you controlling? Do you make your roommates feel like they have to walk on eggshells in order to avoid you starting a fight? I hate to sound accusatory, but I've lived with someone who sounded exactly like you do now. "Oh, I'm just a little awkward, my roommate and I bicker sometimes, whatever." In reality, she was screaming, throwing things, and it got to the point where she was telling me when I could and could not use the kitchen. Yeah, I didn't stay long. You won't get very far in any career if you're making everyone around you uncomfortable or even fearful.

Whether you're at work or at home, you have to be conscious of your attitude and actions. That goes for someone who is having social problems or not. Everyone's already given you great suggestions on where to start.

Also, to try to temp a cat on your own (fractious or not) shows that you lack common sense, not the other volunteer. That is downright stupid and dangerous, both for you and the cat. If you need help, don't expect someone to come running. Verbalize that you need help, and always be appreciative of the help you get. That's a great place to start working on your communication.

 

[havegoalachieved]

I am highly, highly doubtful that people resorted to dumping you as a roommate and completely moving out because of your RBF and being over sensitive. There is something further going on that either you're truly unaware of (something that you're doing), or you're not owning up to. We can't help you if you don't tell us the full story. Are your "quarrels" actually more explosive and aggressive than you're making them seem? Are you controlling? Do you make your roommates feel like they have to walk on eggshells in order to avoid you starting a fight? I hate to sound accusatory, but I've lived with someone who sounded exactly like you do now. "Oh, I'm just a little awkward, my roommate and I bicker sometimes, whatever." In reality, she was screaming, throwing things, and it got to the point where she was telling me when I could and could not use the kitchen. Yeah, I didn't stay long. You won't get very far in any career if you're making everyone around you uncomfortable or even fearful.

Whether you're at work or at home, you have to be conscious of your attitude and actions. That goes for someone who is having social problems or not. Everyone's already given you great suggestions on where to start.

Also, to try to temp a cat on your own (fractious or not) shows that you lack common sense, not the other volunteer. That is downright stupid and dangerous, both for you and the cat. If you need help, don't expect someone to come running. Verbalize that you need help, and always be appreciative of the help you get. That's a great place to start working on your communication.

I hope we can stop talking further on this topic. Thank you for reading this thread.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I hope we can stop talking further on this topic. Thank you for reading this thread.

That fact that you seem completely unwilling to honestly evaluate your attitude, or even entertain the thought that you might be in the wrong (even potentially unconsciously and through no fault of your own) only compounds the problem here.

 

[havegoalachieved]

That fact that you seem completely unwilling to honestly evaluate your attitude, or even entertain the thought that you might be in the wrong (even potentially unconsciously and through no fault of your own) only compounds the problem here.

there is no right or wrong in this world. It all depends on how to judge the case and the parties involved in the case. If you have a fixed idea that I'm wrong in this case, you will take any of my explanation as my excuse; that's why I don't feel like talking about it because you were not me and have not yet walked in my shoes. I want people to treat me the way I treated them, so that's why I enjoy helping people even though they don't ask me for help. Asking for help is difficult, and I talk from my experience

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

there is no right or wrong in this world. It all depends on how to judge the case and the parties involved in the case. If you have a fixed idea that I'm wrong in this case, you will take any of my explanation as my excuse; that's why I don't feel like talking about it because you were not me and have not yet walked in my shoes. I want people to treat me the way I treated them, so that's why I enjoy helping people even though they don't ask me for help. Asking for help is difficult, and I talk from my experience

No one has ever said they have a fixed idea of you - we have been suggesting that there may be something you are consciously or unconsciously doing that is causing people to react to you the way that they do, and that you need to sit down and really think about what that may be. You are being defensive and sensitive right now - take a breath and cool off. We're honestly trying to help.

This issue thus far is that most of your explanations have been excuses - i.e. blaming other people for misinterpreting you. We are trying to get you to think about what you could possibly do on your end to help avoid these misinterpretations in the future.

Of course asking for help can be difficult, because very high-acheiving, proud people (which I assume you are) feel like they are weak when they ask for help. However, this is not the case - you absolutely need to learn to be all right with asking for help because no matter how good you are, you are going to need it at some point and you cannot expect people to just sense that you need it and volunteer their time.

 

[havegoalachieved]

No one has ever said they have a fixed idea of you - we have been suggesting that there may be something you are consciously or unconsciously doing that is causing people to react to you the way that they do, and that you need to sit down and really think about what that may be. You are being defensive and sensitive right now - take a breath and cool off. We're honestly trying to help.

This issue thus far is that most of your explanations have been excuses - i.e. blaming other people for misinterpreting you. We are trying to get you to think about what you could possibly do on your end to help avoid these misinterpretations in the future.

Of course asking for help can be difficult, because very high-acheiving, proud people (which I assume you are) feel like they are weak when they ask for help. However, this is not the case - you absolutely need to learn to be all right with asking for help because no matter how good you are, you are going to need it at some point and you cannot expect people to just sense that you need it and volunteer their time.

the only mistake I admit to people is that I shouldn't have let my temper affect my client. I regret to have done something in an unprofessional manner; I promise to myself that I won't let it happen again. Other than that, I don't see anything I should take the blame for. I have never said that I don't treat other volunteers as my competitors because, like what you assumed, I'm proud and hate to show my weakness to others. I know what are my negative personalities, but I just want to hide them instead of changing myself to fit in the community

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

the only mistake I admit to people is that I shouldn't have let my temper affect my client. I regret to have done something in an unprofessional manner; I promise to myself that I won't let it happen again. Other than that, I don't see anything I should take the blame for. I have never said that I don't treat other volunteers as my competitors because, like what you assumed, I'm proud and hate to show my weakness to others. I know what are my negative personalities, but I just want to hide them instead of changing myself to fit in the community

It isn't about blaming you. Again, you're being defensive and sensitive. Settle down. The only mistake you are making right now is doubling down instead of being open to suggestions.

It is about recognizing aspects of yourself that put other people off, and working to change them in order to have a better work environment (and ultimately a happier place for you to be in where you aren't always worried about how you you think people see you). The veterinary community is just that - a community. And sometimes it takes work in order to fit in, especially for those of us who are introverted, anxious, whatever you want to call it.

The bolded statement is a part of you that you really need to change. If you have negative personality traits that are severely hampering your ability to work and live in a harmonious environment with people, this is going to seriously affect both your career and personal life. You can't just hide them and write it off to people misinterpreting you. it's time for some honest soul searching and self-evaluation.

Have you considered outright asking people if there is something you are unconsciously doing that makes them uncomfortable? Because honestly, if it has already trashed a relationship with roommates and is hindering your work environment, there may well be something. Do you have any friends who could give you an honest opinion? Sometimes we may act certain ways without even realizing we are doing so.

 

[missdarjeeling]

The bolded statement is a part of you that you really need to change. If you have negative personality traits that are severely hampering your ability to work and live in a harmonious environment with people, this is going to seriously affect both your career and personal life. You can't just hide them and write it off to people misinterpreting you. it's time for some honest soul searching and self-evaluation.

This, times 100. You can't go through your whole life just hiding negative traits and hoping that people won't notice them. Obviously, those things will come out. Don't kid yourself into thinking you can hide the things you've yourself admitted - that you have an ego, that you're judgmental, and that you're passive-aggressive. Making small talk won't prevent you from showing others those negative traits, and unless you've committed to actually changing your beliefs and behavior, you'll put those things on display over and over again. Nobody can have enough self-control to suppress big parts of their personality and how they relate to other people for an extended period of time, especially in a work environment and doubly so in a stressful work environment.

Change is not bad. It's not giving up. It's not compromising who you are. It's not dishonest. It's necessary. Changing how you relate to other people when you've had interpersonal conflicts is vitally important. It's crucial for not only your career development but your development as a human being who lives in a society with other human beings. Having these traits doesn't make you a bad person or evil or anything like that. A lot of people share those traits and struggle with breaking bad habits. But refusing to change, under the "I am who I am" argument, is going to hold you back not only in vet med but in any other career you might pursue and in all of your personal relationships.

 

[havegoalachieved]

It isn't about blaming you. Again, you're being defensive and sensitive. Settle down. The only mistake you are making right now is doubling down instead of being open to suggestions.

It is about recognizing aspects of yourself that put other people off, and working to change them in order to have a better work environment (and ultimately a happier place for you to be in where you aren't always worried about how you you think people see you). The veterinary community is just that - a community. And sometimes it takes work in order to fit in, especially for those of us who are introverted, anxious, whatever you want to call it.

The bolded statement is a part of you that you really need to change. If you have negative personality traits that are severely hampering your ability to work and live in a harmonious environment with people, this is going to seriously affect both your career and personal life. You can't just hide them and write it off to people misinterpreting you. it's time for some honest soul searching and self-evaluation.

Have you considered outright asking people if there is something you are unconsciously doing that makes them uncomfortable? Because honestly, if it has already trashed a relationship with roommates and is hindering your work environment, there may well be something. Do you have any friends who could give you an honest opinion? Sometimes we may act certain ways without even realizing we are doing so.

There are two extreme groups of people I have met: one is those who find me very nice, honest and perfect to be friend with, and thoughtful; another is those who hate me to the bone and hope that I would have dead . I was told that I was a perfect friend but not a perfect coworker. I believe they will give you two extreme opinions about me

 

[havegoalachieved]

This, times 100. You can't go through your whole life just hiding negative traits and hoping that people won't notice them. Obviously, those things will come out. Don't kid yourself into thinking you can hide the things you've yourself admitted - that you have an ego, that you're judgmental, and that you're passive-aggressive. Making small talk won't prevent you from showing others those negative traits, and unless you've committed to actually changing your beliefs and behavior, you'll put those things on display over and over again. Nobody can have enough self-control to suppress big parts of their personality and how they relate to other people for an extended period of time, especially in a work environment and doubly so in a stressful work environment.

Change is not bad. It's not giving up. It's not compromising who you are. It's not dishonest. It's necessary. Changing how you relate to other people when you've had interpersonal conflicts is vitally important. It's crucial for not only your career development but your development as a human being who lives in a society with other human beings. Having these traits doesn't make you a bad person or evil or anything like that. A lot of people share those traits and struggle with breaking bad habits. But refusing to change, under the "I am who I am" argument, is going to hold you back not only in vet med but in any other career you might pursue and in all of your personal relationships.

Should I not be proud? Should I not be judgmental? If you have an issue with your coworkers, how will you handle that situation? I find it uncomfortable to speak out what I'm grumpy about the person

 

[LetItSnow]

there is no right or wrong in this world.

Hahahahahha. That is such BS.

No right or wrong. *snort*

Time to leave planet PoMo come back to planet Earth, because you just went off the deep end.

P.S. If there is no right or wrong, why are you so certain that those other people were wrong?

 

[Abnerrs]

Should I not be proud? Should I not be judgmental? If you have an issue with your coworkers, how will you handle that situation? I find it uncomfortable to speak out what I'm grumpy about the person

You should be proud, but not so proud that you can't bring yourself to ask for help. You WILL need help in veterinary medicine. All the time. Being proud of yourself is not the same as being a proud person. Being a proud person means you are going at it alone and that is much less likely to lead to success.
And no you shouldn't be judgemental. That's more difficult because we all do it. But if you are jumping to conclusions, such as what people are thinking, when you have no idea, then I'm guessing that reads in your interactions with them.

 

[Abnerrs]

And every. Single. One. Of. Us. Have things that we can do to improve ourselves. You shutting that down and refusing to change, potentially to the detriment to yourself, means you won't grow as a person. And it is INCREDIBLY important as a doctor. We all need to make sure our skills, communication etc are being worked on by ourselves to ensure that we are practicing the best medicine we are capable of AND that our clients are comfortable, understand, and are willing to listen.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

There are two extreme groups of people I have met: one is those who find me very nice, honest and perfect to be friend with, and thoughtful; another is those who hate me to the bone and hope that I would have dead . I was told that I was a perfect friend but not a perfect coworker. I believe they will give you two extreme opinions about me

But have you specifically tried to have a heart-to-heart with the people who don't get along with you, which seem to be quite a few based on your own admission, and tried to figure out why?

The friend versus coworker things already gives you a few hints. There is likely some behavior or attitude specifically in the work environment that could be targeted for change. Perhaps a fear of failure that makes you overcompensate and act like you can do anything? Perhaps a fear of feeling inadequate and viewing other people's successes as a threat to your own? These are things to think about and work on.

If I had an issue with coworkers that you were describing and they were making it very obvious that they disliked me, I would respectfully ask either them or other coworkers if I had done something to offend them. "Hey, I've noticed that sometimes you act like you are upset with me. Is there something that I have done that makes you feel like that? Because if so, I'd like to know so I can change that, because I really enjoy working here and I would like us to get along." That simple.

If they don't have a concrete answer, then it's likely because they are just unpleasant people. If they do, and I've been acting in a way I did not intend, I can apologize and work on adjusting that behavior.

 

[missdarjeeling]

And every. Single. One. Of. Us. Have things that we can do to improve ourselves. You shutting that down and refusing to change, potentially to the detriment to yourself, means you won't grow as a person. And it is INCREDIBLY important as a doctor. We all need to make sure our skills, communication etc are being worked on by ourselves to ensure that we are practicing the bear medicine we are capable of AND that our clients are comfortable, understand, and are willing to listen.

Totally agree with this.

Especially the part about bear medicine because I secretly wish I could be a bear doctor.

 

[Abnerrs]

But have you specifically tried to have a heart-to-heart with the people who don't get along with you, which seem to be quite a few based on your own admission, and tried to figure out why?

The friend versus coworker things already gives you a few hints. There is likely some behavior or attitude specifically in the work environment that could be targeted for change. Perhaps a fear of failure that makes you overcompensate and act like you can do anything? Perhaps a fear of feeling inadequate and viewing other people's successes as a threat to your own? These are things to think about and work on.

If I had an issue with coworkers that you were describing and they were making it very obvious that they disliked me, I would respectfully ask either them or other coworkers if I had done something to offend them. That simple.

If they don't have a concrete answer, then it's likely because they are just unpleasant people. If they do, and I've been acting in a way I did not intend, I can apologize and work on adjusting that behavior.

I feel like if we worked together I'd at first overwhelm you then win you over worth my LOVE.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

And no, you should not be proud OR judgmental, at least not to the degree you seem to be.

You should be humble and open-minded. That is the mark of someone who is truly comfortable with themselves.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I feel like if we worked together I'd at first overwhelm you then win you over worth my LOVE.

 

[Abnerrs]

Totally agree with this.

Especially the part about bear medicine because I secretly wish I could be a bear doctor.

Hahahaha Stupid phone

 

[Abnerrs]

Exaaaaaaactly

 

[pp9]

Should I not be proud? Should I not be judgmental? If you have an issue with your coworkers, how will you handle that situation? I find it uncomfortable to speak out what I'm grumpy about the person

Very few people are comfortable with confrontation, and that's fine. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by being "grumpy" about someone though. Are you annoyed/angry with people because they don't want to socialize with you and avoid you? Again, everyone has told you that you need to work on yourself. You are the only aspect of this problem that you can do anything about.

Confronting people about arguments you've had with them or anything else doesn't have to become another fight or make both people more upset. You can start by simply going up to another volunteer and saying "Hey, I think I may have started us off on the wrong foot. I want to make friends here and learn. I want to apologize if I've upset you or made you uncomfortable, and I'm working hard to correct my shortcomings." You have to address what you're doing wrong here. You cannot continue to blame others for your own personal issues.

If nothing else, realize that this kind of attitude will make it really hard for you to get good letters of recommendation for vet school, make connections, and have a successful career. You will lack fulfilling personal relationships as well. We can't force you to try to make things better for yourself, but don't get defensive when we're able to see the problem and you're ignoring it.

There are two extreme groups of people I have met: one is those who find me very nice, honest and perfect to be friend with, and thoughtful; another is those who hate me to the bone and hope that I would have dead . I was told that I was a perfect friend but not a perfect coworker. I believe they will give you two extreme opinions about me

Jesus. If you truly believe people want you dead, you may have bigger issues to deal with yet. You're either paranoid or really, really treating people terribly.

 

[missdarjeeling]

Should I not be proud? Should I not be judgmental?

Pride has to be tempered with humility. It's fine to be proud of your accomplishments, but being a proud and conceited person can cause conflict. And, man, you really do waste so much energy when all your interactions are all about who is better than who. As for being judgmental, yeah, you shouldn't be judgmental, especially as you're learning. When I was in my late teens, I was pretty judgmental, and it really did cause problems with a lot of my relationships. It's possible to maintain high standards for yourself and to expect good work from others without being judgmental about it, but it's something you have to work on. Nobody likes being around judgmental people. Nobody likes feeling like they're being sized up with every little thing they do. You don't like other people judging you, either, so this shouldn't be hard for you to understand.

If you have an issue with your coworkers, how will you handle that situation? I find it uncomfortable to speak out what I'm grumpy about the person

I've handled issues with my coworkers by either talking to them or adjusting my reaction to what they did (forgetting it, ignoring it, letting it go, etc.). It's uncomfortable to confront people but you have to learn how to do it and how to do it well. A lot of problems I've had at work came from misunderstandings, and the only thing that helps is opening your mouth and talking about it - calmly and professionally without getting angry or defensive or aggressive. Trust me, people notice when you give them the silent treatment and then huff and puff like a big grouch. All it does is make you seem immature and unapproachable, and then it doesn't matter how smart or competent you are because people don't want to bother dealing with that kind of attitude.

 

[havegoalachieved]

I have been changing myself a lot: I am nice, friendly, polite and I always have smile on my face because I have a relaxed- son of bitch face; except in one situation in which I will be standoffish to someone when he/she doesn't make eye contact with me. I find that a sign of unfriendliness. I was described as a fake person just because I keep having smile on my face. I realized that there is always a group of people you can't please no matter how you change yourself. All I can do is to produce a best result and to prevent from initiating a fight or conflict with people around

 

[vetmedhead]

If I had an issue with coworkers that you were describing and they were making it very obvious that they disliked me, I would respectfully ask either them or other coworkers if I had done something to offend them. "Hey, I've noticed that sometimes you act like you are upset with me. Is there something that I have done that makes you feel like that? Because if so, I'd like to know so I can change that, because I really enjoy working here and I would like us to get along." That simple.

This times one thousand. I had a coworker last year on my RA staff who I didn't like very much and I did not treat her very well (for the most part unintentionally, in the sense that I didn't recognize I had been treating her so poorly). And she hated me and she had every right to. After our first semester working together she gave me some rough feedback through an online "evaluate your coworkers" survey and I realized I had been a huge jerk to her and gave her a very heartfelt apology and worked on mending that relationship.

We're friends now. The reasons I disliked her were petty and very much had to do with my own personal preferences/styles for how things are done on staff and a tendency to be controlling. She is actually a very nice and empathetic person who I didn't give a good chance to, and that was always my problem, not hers. I learned a lot from that experience and it was a good thing to grow from even though I was upset to hear that feedback initially.

Nobody wants to hear that they're difficult or rude, but that's the kind of feedback you should cherish because it puts the ball in your court and gives you the ability to work on that behavior. I am a better person for all of the rough feedback I've heard from people over the years, while positive comments mostly just make me feel good about myself but don't really cause me to evaluate and improve myself.

 

[Abnerrs]

I have been changing myself a lot: I am nice, friendly, polite and I always have smile on my face because I have a relaxed- son of bitch face; except in one situation in which I will be standoffish to someone when he/she doesn't make eye contact with me. I find that a sign of unfriendliness. I was described as a fake person just because I keep having smile on my face. I realized that there is always a group of people you can't please no matter how you change yourself. All I can do is to produce a best result and to prevent from initiating a fight or conflict with people around

Sometimes people are very shy or uncomfortable and won't make eye contact. It doesn't necessarily mean they are being rude on purpose or are unfriendly.

Also, plastering a smile on your face, while a good step, doesn't mean that your demeanor has changed so be aware of that.

 

[vetmedhead]

I have been changing myself a lot: I am nice, friendly, polite and I always have smile on my face because I have a relaxed- son of bitch face; except in one situation in which I will be standoffish to someone when he/she doesn't make eye contact with me. I find that a sign of unfriendliness. I was described as a fake person just because I keep having smile on my face. I realize that there is always a group of people you can't please no matter how you change yourself. All I can do is to produce a best result and to prevent from initiating a fight or conflict with people around

Unfortunately a lot of these things are superficial issues to work on. Smiling all of the time because you think your problem is having a RBF does not fix underlying issues like being passive aggressive, rude etc. The strategies you've mentioned are good for meeting strangers, but for people you work with every day you need to work on people skills that are more impactful and meaningful. "Nice, friendly, polite" is how I would describe wait staff at a restaurant, but people I work with are people that I know better than that. You also need to think about other people's comfort levels. Maybe they don't make eye contact because they're intimidated, or perhaps they are on the autism spectrum and making eye contact is extremely difficult. I know you take it as a sign of unfriendliness, but my issue is that you seem to take other people's "signs of unfriendliness" as permission for you to be unfriendly back, which is never okay.

And yes, there are always groups of people who you can never please. But let me share something with you that a friend told me years ago: if you are walking down the street and somebody is a jerk to you, that person is probably a jerk. If you are walking down the street and everybody is a jerk to you, then you are probably the jerk. This was originally told to me with much more colorful language, but I think you get the idea. The way we act influences how others respond to us, and sometimes it is valuable to reflect on what sorts of attitudes and behaviors we are putting out there for others to respond to.

 

[havegoalachieved]

OMG I don't think I can introduce my personalities properly with my crappy English. I made my comments sound like I am a terrible person to be dealt with

here is the timeline of the incident I presented to give you a better idea what was going on at that time

1. A volunteer and I were assigned by a vet to test two cats' temperature
2. The volunteer asked me to show the cats' butt hole for her to test its' temperature, and she didn't say thank after getting her assignment done
3. I started doing my assignment; she stood behind me watching
4. I found it difficult to test the another cats' temp and came up with an idea; I asked the volunteer to hand me a towel
5. She refused to do so and told me that using a towel would piss the cat off
6. I tried to remain patient trying to get my assignment done, but the cat didn't behave the way I wanted and tried to get away; during my attempts, I expected the volunteer to help me out like I did few minutes ago, but she didn't move a bit.
7. I lost my cool and rushed out to grab a towel by myself; On my way back to the cat, a technician stopped me and suggested that I should leave the cat alone. Technically, I didn't force the cat with the towel.

I'm reporting what was going on at that time without coloring it. I still don't think I had wrong anticipation from her.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

The other volunteer did help you by telling you the towel wasnt a good idea. She was then obviously worried about handling a potentially dangerous cat - you can't blame her for not rushing in when she was likely worried about her own safety and did not want to get bitten or scratched and did not agree with your methods.

I myself wouldn't rush in to handle a fractious cat right after I told someone to leave it alone, and especially if I was a relatively untrained volunteer. If they wanted to ignore my advice and get bitten, that's on them. There is nothing unfriendly about that, I'm just protecting my own skin.

You keep focusing on this one incident. We're asking you to think a little more broadly here.

 

[havegoalachieved]

The other volunteer did help you by telling you the towel wasnt a good idea. She was then obviously worried about handling a potentially dangerous cat - you can't blame her for not rushing in when she was likely worried about her own safety and did not want to get bitten or scratched and did not agree with your methods.

I myself wouldn't rush in to handle a fractious cat right after I told someone to leave it alone, and especially if I was a relatively untrained volunteer. If they wanted to ignore my advice and get bitten, that's on them. There is nothing unfriendly about that, I'm just protecting my own skin.

You keep focusing on this one incident. We're asking you to think a little more broadly here.

Changing myself takes time. I have realized what goes wrong with my personalities, but I don't feel like further exposing my negative characteristics on this forum. I am discussing about this incident from the beginning. I don't know when the topic is shifted onto my personalities

 

[DVMDream]

This thread made me laugh. 🙂

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

I will be standoffish to someone when he/she doesn't make eye contact with me.

I am working very hard to make more eye contact with people and it has nothing to do with shyness, rudeness, or any other -ness that people often come up with.

My eyes change color with my emotions and thoughts and when I was a teenager they practically danced with color. I also moved a lot so was always meeting people who hadn't seen my eyes before. Most would act curious and get closer and closer and CLOSER to my face until they figured out that yes, my eyes were changing colors and then they would often be startled or even seem frightened.

My reaction was to stop looking people in the eyes. This has not been great for my adult life as people assume I am shy or weak, or hiding something. I am working to break the habit. My eyes no longer rapidly shift from green to orange and then swirl into a blue and brown mix so I no longer have to hide them (it's much slower now, so I still get comments, but I no longer startle people).

Your reaction is sadly common from people who don't take time to get to know how direct, forward, friendly and assertive I can be before prejudging the obvious effort I put into looking people in the eyes.

Just realize, sometimes there is more to a person than the quick judgements we can make from a second of silence or body posture or anything a person can do in a moment.

 

[PrincessButterCup]

I am working very hard to make more eye contact with people and it has nothing to do with shyness, rudeness, or any other -ness that people often come up with.

My eyes change color with my emotions and thoughts and when I was a teenager they practically danced with color. I also moved a lot so was always meeting people who hadn't seen my eyes before. Most would act curious and get closer and closer and CLOSER to my face until they figured out that yes, my eyes were changing colors and then they would often be startled or even seem frightened.

My reaction was to stop looking people in the eyes. This has not been great for my adult life as people assume I am shy or weak, or hiding something. I am working to break the habit. My eyes no longer rapidly shift from green to orange and then swirl into a blue and brown mix so I no longer have to hide them (it's much slower now, so I still get comments, but I no longer startle people).

Your reaction is sadly common from people who don't take time to get to know how direct, forward, friendly and assertive I can be before prejudging the obvious effort I put into looking people in the eyes.

Just realize, sometimes there is more to a person than the quick judgements we can make from a second of silence or body posture or anything a person can do in a moment.

My take away from this: LoTF is a magical unicorn.

 

[DVMDream]

To be blunt:

Based on what you've told us, if you don't consider working on yourself and the negative parts of your personality that are pushing people away, you won't have any need to worry about "competition" because you won't get to the point in which you can even apply to vet school.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Changing myself takes time. I have realized what goes wrong with my personalities, but I don't feel like further exposing my negative characteristics on this forum. I am discussing about this incident from the beginning. I don't know when the topic is shifted onto my personalities

The topic was always about personalities because you started this very thread asking about why your coworkers were standoffish towards you.

 

[vetmedhead]

I am working very hard to make more eye contact with people and it has nothing to do with shyness, rudeness, or any other -ness that people often come up with.

My eyes change color with my emotions and thoughts and when I was a teenager they practically danced with color. I also moved a lot so was always meeting people who hadn't seen my eyes before. Most would act curious and get closer and closer and CLOSER to my face until they figured out that yes, my eyes were changing colors and then they would often be startled or even seem frightened.

My reaction was to stop looking people in the eyes. This has not been great for my adult life as people assume I am shy or weak, or hiding something. I am working to break the habit. My eyes no longer rapidly shift from green to orange and then swirl into a blue and brown mix so I no longer have to hide them (it's much slower now, so I still get comments, but I no longer startle people).

Your reaction is sadly common from people who don't take time to get to know how direct, forward, friendly and assertive I can be before prejudging the obvious effort I put into looking people in the eyes.

Just realize, sometimes there is more to a person than the quick judgements we can make from a second of silence or body posture or anything a person can do in a moment.

Funny! My eyes always looked like they changed color when I got upset or agitated, but it's because I have a light goldish ring right around my pupils that is hidden when they are dilated enough, so when my pupils constrict/dilate it makes my eyes look different.

 

[KCgophervet]

I am working very hard to make more eye contact with people and it has nothing to do with shyness, rudeness, or any other -ness that people often come up with.

My eyes change color with my emotions and thoughts and when I was a teenager they practically danced with color. I also moved a lot so was always meeting people who hadn't seen my eyes before. Most would act curious and get closer and closer and CLOSER to my face until they figured out that yes, my eyes were changing colors and then they would often be startled or even seem frightened.

My reaction was to stop looking people in the eyes. This has not been great for my adult life as people assume I am shy or weak, or hiding something. I am working to break the habit. My eyes no longer rapidly shift from green to orange and then swirl into a blue and brown mix so I no longer have to hide them (it's much slower now, so I still get comments, but I no longer startle people).

Your reaction is sadly common from people who don't take time to get to know how direct, forward, friendly and assertive I can be before prejudging the obvious effort I put into looking people in the eyes.

Just realize, sometimes there is more to a person than the quick judgements we can make from a second of silence or body posture or anything a person can do in a moment.

My take away from this: LoTF is a magical unicorn.

I was thinking more Pernese Dragon...

 

[Trilt]

My eyes change colour with how full of bull**** I am. Brown since 3 years of age. 😉

 

[havegoalachieved]

To be blunt:

Based on what you've told us, if you don't consider working on yourself and the negative parts of your personality that are pushing people away, you won't have any need to worry about "competition" because you won't get to the point in which you can even apply to vet school.

I will let you know on here once I get accepted into vet med school. No one is perfect, and I don't believe you don't have dark side that put people off. Changing a personality is nearly impossible; you assume you have changed your negative personalities based on how well you can cooperate with other colleagues, but the deep down of your heart you are who you are. The image that you have changed your negative personalities is merely an illusion; once you get angry or get in a situation in which you can't control your emotion, you will know who you are. I have only one motto that I will try my best to keep the harmony of the community I take part in. The entire community is like a machine; people of the community are the components or nuts or screws or whatever it is called. They have different shapes. If we all reshape ourselves into a nut, the machine won't work because there is no bolt. You assert that I should change myself based on what I gave in my comments. Do you know me? How do you know I am the person you think I am? I can't believe a professional person like you will make that kind of judgement.

 

[havegoalachieved]

The topic was always about personalities because you started this very thread asking about why your coworkers were standoffish towards you.

There are many factors that influence one's response to the presence of others. Posture, facial expression, or gesture are referred to as the factors. I think I may unconsciously send out some signals that put people off other than my personalities. I will try to find out what it is

 

[Abnerrs]

I w


I will let you know on here once I get accepted into vet med school. No one is perfect, and I don't believe you don't have dark side that put people off. Changing a personality is nearly impossible; you assume you have changed your negative personalities based on how well you can cooperate with other colleagues, but the deep down of your heart you are who you are. The image that you have changed your negative personalities is merely an illusion; once you get angry or get in a situation in which you can't control your emotion, you will know who you are. I have only one motto that I will try my best to keep the harmony of the community I take part in.

I'm sorry but this is pretty ridiculous. You DO change because you LEARN how to be better. You have a hair trigger temper? Know what sets you off and what you can do to cool off. I have my father's temper but I know that. So when I feel myself get upset I ask for a second, walk away and cool down, come back and apologize SINCERELY. Because I am aware that losing my temper is not ok and that it is a flaw I have. Is it gone? No. But I do not act like a child and say "deal with it it's who I am".

You are making excuses left and right. And no one can help you because you refuse to help yourself. You can only control YOU. And until you grow up and realize that, and figure out how to function in society, you are going to have a bad time.

 

[Abnerrs]

There are many factors that influence one's response to the presence of others. Posture, facial expression, or gesture are referred to as the factors. I think I may unconsciously send out some signals that put people off other than my personalities. I will try to find out what it is

See THIS is productive. And will help you.

 

[havegoalachieved]

I'm sorry but this is pretty ridiculous. You DO change because you LEARN how to be better. You have a hair trigger temper? Know what sets you off and what you can do to cool off. I have my father's temper but I know that. So when I feel myself get upset I ask for a second, walk away and cool down, come back and apologize SINCERELY. Because I am aware that losing my temper is not ok and that it is a flaw I have. Is it gone? No. But I do not act like a child and say "deal with it it's who I am".

You are making excuses left and right. And no one can help you because you refuse to help yourself. You can only control YOU. And until you grow up and realize that, and figure out how to function in society, you are going to have a bad time.

I didn't say I can't control my temper. I said I lost cool at that moment, but I realized that I shouldn't have done it. I never damage anything when I get angry because I have to take responsibility for the damage and sometimes have to pay for the damage. I know it is not worth paying for consequence my bad temper causes. It makes me uncomfortable because you guys don't focus on the incident but accuse of my personalities based on the incident.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I didn't say I can't control my temper. I said I lost cool at that moment, but I realized that I shouldn't have done it. I never damage anything when I get angry because I have to take responsibility for the damage and sometimes have to pay for the damage. I know it is not worth paying for consequence my bad temper causes. It makes me uncomfortable because you guys don't focus on the incident but accuse of my personalities based on the incident.

Again, this is not about the incident by itself. This is about you asking why your coworkers seem to not want to interact with you (which was your original question which you have now deleted, which is rather childish) why you are told things like you are a good friend but not a good coworker, why it got to the point of people living with you moving out, etc. The incident is just another example.

You ask why people may be treating you this way, you give several examples, and we are making suggestions based on those. Then you reject our interpretations and suggestions in the same breath because we are not telling you what you want to hear.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I will let you know on here once I get accepted into vet med school. No one is perfect, and I don't believe you don't have dark side that put people off. Changing a personality is nearly impossible; you assume you have changed your negative personalities based on how well you can cooperate with other colleagues, but the deep down of your heart you are who you are. The image that you have changed your negative personalities is merely an illusion; once you get angry or get in a situation in which you can't control your emotion, you will know who you are. I have only one motto that I will try my best to keep the harmony of the community I take part in. The entire community is like a machine; people of the community are the components or nuts or screws or whatever it is called. They have different shapes. If we all reshape ourselves into a nut, the machine won't work because there is no bolt. You assert that I should change myself based on what I gave in my comments. Do you know me? How do you know I am the person you think I am? I can't believe a professional person like you will make that kind of judgement.

This is hogwash and shows your lack of life experience. You can absolutely change negative aspects of your personality. You simply don't want to, so you are hiding by saying it cannot be done.

The community might be a machine, but if one of the nuts or bolts is rusted or refuses to fit, you had better bet it will be replaced.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

Funny! My eyes always looked like they changed color when I got upset or agitated, but it's because I have a light goldish ring right around my pupils that is hidden when they are dilated enough, so when my pupils constrict/dilate it makes my eyes look different.

It's the ring thing too for me but I have like 3 sections so they can look brown, orange, gold, green, blue, and gray or some combination of those. The blue/green is on the outside and the brown/red gold is on the inside.

Legally, they are called hazel, but I twice have had DMV people get mad at me and say I had brown eyes... then I got mad and they turned green... My driver's license says hazel.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

It's the ring thing too for me but I have like 3 sections so they can look brown, orange, gold, green, blue, and gray or some combination of those. The blue/green is on the outside and the brown/red gold is on the inside.

Legally, they are called hazel, but I twice have had DMV people get mad at me and say I had brown eyes... then I got mad and they turned green... My driver's license says hazel.

Well and the rings in my iris change size or shape with muscle dilation more than the pupil dilation thing. You can watch it in a mirror. Maybe I'll take a video if I can find the right light and feeling hormonal enough. 😀

 

[Bottle of Bear]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder

Not being judgmental or mocking, we all have our own idiosyncrasies. Some just require a little extra help.

 

[DVMDream]

I will let you know on here once I get accepted into vet med school. No one is perfect, and I don't believe you don't have dark side that put people off. Changing a personality is nearly impossible; you assume you have changed your negative personalities based on how well you can cooperate with other colleagues, but the deep down of your heart you are who you are. The image that you have changed your negative personalities is merely an illusion; once you get angry or get in a situation in which you can't control your emotion, you will know who you are. I have only one motto that I will try my best to keep the harmony of the community I take part in. The entire community is like a machine; people of the community are the components or nuts or screws or whatever it is called. They have different shapes. If we all reshape ourselves into a nut, the machine won't work because there is no bolt. You assert that I should change myself based on what I gave in my comments. Do you know me? How do you know I am the person you think I am? I can't believe a professional person like you will make that kind of judgement.

You can change negative qualities about your personality so all of the above is pure BS. The reason I said what I stated is that you refuse to attempt to address those negative qualities instead you double down, insist there is no right or wrong, it is who you are, you aren't going to change, etc etc. The bottom line is that if you don't attempt to work on those negative aspects, you will not get to the point of worrying about vet school because you won't have any letters of recommendation. Period. It won't happen. If multiple people are really that put off by you as you are describing and multiple roommates had to move out away from you, what makes you think a vet will find reason to wrote you a LOR?

I get my comment was blunt, but it is really intended to help. If you want to survive in this field, you need to work on yourself and be willing to admit what your negative qualities are. Heck, it's a basic interview question, what are some negative qualities you have and how have to addressed them or worked to improve them?

No one is saying you need to be perfect, nobody is, but you have to be willing to work on yourself, change and adapt as the situation deems necessary.