Pregnant about to start first year...advice!

[drmom2be]

I am due to start a school next week. I am 13 weeks pregnant and I am due at the end of January. I am married to a very supportive man and I have my mother coming to stay with us after the baby is born.

All along I have planned on not deferring. I recently told the school that I am expecting and they have recommended that I defer. The dean said that the second semester of the first year is probably the hardest of the four preclinical semesters. They said that if I have to take any more time off than 30 days I will be forced to take a leave of absence and restart my first year with the next class. I have talked to other women that have been pregnant and they say the school tells them all to defer. I think basically to cover themselves in case our grades go south and they decide to kick us out of school. I was not expecting them to recommend that I defer. I had not given it much thought.

I am very freaked out and upset. I don't know what the right choice is. I want to keep going as planned but I also do not want to set myself up to fail. Would deferring and starting first year with a 5/6 month old be easier than having a new born in the middle of my second semester of my first year? We have already made the 12 hour move from our homestate, my husband has a job (but not one that he's particularly fond of), we signed a 12 month lease, I don't know what we will do without the incoming loan money, and I have taken out another personal loan that I will have to pay back immediately in the case that I do not matriculate.

I have also been struggling with changing my mind completely about medical school. It seems like so many people on SDN regret their decision to become doctors. My father is a family practitioner and he does not seem very happy with his job although to me it seems like he has the ideal set up. To other women/mom physicians, was it worth it? Do you wish you had just gotten your RN or NP degree instead?

I really appreciate your advice and help.

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[PalmTreeDreamer]

To be really honest, having a baby in the middle of the year is going to be a tough situation for you, though I think it's doable. I want to clarify though, that I'm not a mom, and I just finished first year. I have a friend in my class whose wife, a resident, had a baby in February of our first year, and her grandmother came to stay for awhile after the birth. They both seemed exhausted much of the time, but happy, and made it through just fine. I think it will also depend how your curriculum is set up. January for us is the middle of neuro, which would be really difficult timing, but other classes would be easier to take time off from.
If deferring would put you under significant financial hardship, then I think I'd stick it out and hope for the best. Don't forget to make contingency plans in case something goes awry, though. Moms have to go on bed rest, babies come early--lots of variables come into play. Also, there's another website I think you should post this question on, if you haven't already. It's called Mom MD, and they have great forums for women in medicine, and I'm sure you could get some excellent insights there. Good luck!

 

[Geekchick921]

I started MS-1 7 months pregnant with our second baby. My husband is also very supportive and my mom and sister live nearby. Deferring was never something I wanted to do either, and I'm glad that I didn't, but don't know how accommodating your school will be.

Does your school do class capture? I don't see why you'd need to take a full 30 days completely off from you schoolwork unless you have some unforeseen complications. My school does block scheduling and gross anatomy was the only one during MS-1 that I couldn't do almost entirely from home. Thankfully, my son was due 2 days after my anatomy final and he was a day late. I did class capture for the next two blocks until the baby was old enough to go to daycare with his sister. On the days I had to go in for a quiz, test, small group thing, etc. my husband was home with the baby for the few hours I was gone (he works from home, which is great for us). I would recommend a similar arrangement with your mom watching the baby on days you have to physically attend school, assuming you can do class capture for lectures.

My school's administration was very supportive of me. I didn't ask for much but a few weeks of excused absences from our mandatory doctoring lecture and I pushed back a test from a Friday to the following Monday. The block directors were very understanding and even asked me if I was sure I didn't want more time. If you really don't want to defer, I would suggest asking a few other people at the school, including the block directors listed for the time frame you expect to deliver. I was told, specifically, to talk to the professor/administrator that arranges disability accommodations for students (not that I consider pregnancy a disability, but he's the one they told me to go to).

Starting with a 6 month old will have its own difficulties, even if you don't have to give birth in the middle of the year. The first thing that comes to mind is that your baby will be just over 2 when you're studying for Step 1 instead of just over 1. In my experience, it was much easier to study for the MCAT when my daughter was about 15 months old than trying to study for schoolwork now (she was just over 2 1/2 when I started medical school); she was much more content to just sit and play with her toys with me just being present at that age.

I debated becoming a nurse-midwife a few years ago, after I had my daughter and before I applied to school (I pushed back applying a year to make up my mind), but so far, I'm really glad I stuck with my original decision to pursue medicine. I looked into more than just advance practice nursing in the time between getting my bachelors and applying to medical school and I know there are some positives to that path, especially for a parent, but I know I would have felt like I was settling, and I didn't want that. That said, if I'd already been a nurse, though, I probably would have just gone the NP route.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and congratulations on your pregnancy. 🙂

 

[Ironheme]

Breathe.

Many women before you have done this so it is doable. I'm not sure why your dean said second semester of first year is the hardest. Everything I've heard suggests 2nd year is much harder than 1st year.

One of my classmates was pregnant at the beginning of the school year and due around finals of our first year. And she didn't have her mother helping her like you do. I think you're more fortunate with your timing - i.e. not around finals/midterms. If you have the work ethic, you'll be just fine.

I wouldn't defer due to the loan situation you've mentioned. You might want to take a look at the threads discussing anatomy lab during pregnancy and proper precautions.

Now to the other issue you mentioned (you brought ~3 in your thread) is medical school for you. Can I recommend you stop reading SDN like a fiend? A lot of the people posting on here are trolling, exaggerating, failing, in desperate need of advice, or want an ego boost by putting others down or bragging about how easy/how well they did/etc. Point being, most of the time it's not a happy place. There is some great advice on here, don't get me wrong, but it can freak you out even more especially if you're unsure about anything.

People happy with decisions about being in medical school and becoming doctors generally don't post 'I'm happy with my decision to become a doctor!'

Your life is what you make it. You can make decisions that make you happy. Do YOU want to become a doctor? There are happy doctors out there, although your dad is apparently not one of them. There is NO way I would have been happy with an RN degree. I like autonomy and I like understanding the entire mechanism behind diseases, which will allow me to give better patient care. I like being at the top of the totem pole so to speak.

I find fulfillment in becoming a physician. I know nothing else will match this and this is why I chose this path.

You need to figure out whether your pregnancy/loan issues is coloring your decision to become a doctor. Obviously you wanted to go to medical school before you became pregnant. It seems that only after you became pregnant you doubted yourself. There are female physicians with kids out there you know. You can make it work if you choose to.

 

[drmom2be]

Thank you all for your encouraging posts! I was confident in my ability until I talked with the pre-clinical dean. His recommendation just really shook me up! My husband and family are all behind me saying I can do this. And I am confident I can. I don't know how this will relate to medical school classes, but I feel that my undergrad was pretty rigorous and I've had several undergrad level med school classes (immunology, physiology, lots of biochem, embryology, genetics, neurobiology). Maybe I'll have a decent basic science foundation and the beginnings of a good study ethic. My med school program has PBL style of learning so I will only have to be in class 10-12 hrs a week. The rest I can do at home. I've always wanted to be a doctor and yes, I have only recently started rethinking my decision. The timing sucks, big time. But this is what my husband and I have wanted. A family means a lot to both of us. He's willing to do whatever to make it easier on me, even if he has to stay at home for a little while. Again, you guys were such a big help!

 

[dally1025]

Can you do it? Yes. Will it be easy? No (but is having a baby ever easy). If you're school doesn't require you to attend class and you have a lot of help from your husband/family than it will be much easier. A girl in my class had a baby towards the end of 1st year. I didn't really go to class much 1st or 2nd year so it wouldn't be as difficult as doing it 3rd year (which a couple of the girls in my class did). Medicine requires many sacrifices and you will have to chose between studying and spending time with your child to some degree. If you're ok not being at the top of the class you'll have more time. It all depends on your priorities and organization.

No one can tell you that you should be a MD or NP but yourself. You have to figure out what your priorities are and go from there. People regret becoming lawyers, teachers, firefighters, and stay at home moms. You have to do what you think is right for you and your family and don't look back.

 

[OveractiveBrain]

I am due to start a school next week. I am 13 weeks pregnant and I am due at the end of January. I am married to a very supportive man and I have my mother coming to stay with us after the baby is bo

Do you wish you had just gotten your RN or NP degree instead?

I really appreciate your advice and help.

If you want kids now, sack up and push through it. You get kids when your ovaries are still fresh, wont have to worry about downs and fetal loss, and, quite frankly, there is not going to be a time in your career when its "easy" or "the right time" to have a child, except MAYBE if you take a research year (thereby deferring a year, which is what they suggest).

If you want a career now and kids later, misoprostol and D+C. You'll defer children for 10 years, but at least you can focus on your studies!

Do I wish I was part of a group of my college friends that just sold a multi million dollar company? Duh. Do I wish I had two houses, a suite in manhattan, and a fast as shit car like the guys who went into finance do? Duh. Would I give up this trade for anything else? nope.

Do have what they have I'd lose what I have. Id rather do it again then give it up. Positive energy. If medicine is "just a job" you are going to hate your life. If medicine is "leading the team and blazing trails for the future of america's health, being the highest train and best prepared for any position in healthcare" your life has a lot more meaning.

 

[drmom2be]

If you want kids now, sack up and push through it. You get kids when your ovaries are still fresh, wont have to worry about downs and fetal loss, and, quite frankly, there is not going to be a time in your career when its "easy" or "the right time" to have a child, except MAYBE if you take a research year (thereby deferring a year, which is what they suggest).

If you want a career now and kids later, misoprostol and D+C. You'll defer children for 10 years, but at least you can focus on your studies!

Do I wish I was part of a group of my college friends that just sold a multi million dollar company? Duh. Do I wish I had two houses, a suite in manhattan, and a fast as shit car like the guys who went into finance do? Duh. Would I give up this trade for anything else? nope.

Do have what they have I'd lose what I have. Id rather do it again then give it up. Positive energy. If medicine is "just a job" you are going to hate your life. If medicine is "leading the team and blazing trails for the future of america's health, being the highest train and best prepared for any position in healthcare" your life has a lot more meaning.

You're completely right. There is no good time to have children when you're in medicine. There's always going to be one reason or another that its not a good time. Thank you very much for your advice!

 

[OPPforlife]

you can do it!!!
person saying second semester is incorrect. Hardest part of med school as far as other commitments are concerned is third year. You got this.

 

[Mass Effect]

Breathe.

Many women before you have done this so it is doable. I'm not sure why your dean said second semester of first year is the hardest. Everything I've heard suggests 2nd year is much harder than 1st year.

That's entirely dependent on your curriculum.

 

[Aclamity]

if you're going to take a year off somewhere, might as well be before med school starts or in between MS-2 & 3, as that's your best chance at not interrupting your education and learning at an uncomfortable spot.

 

[MalibuPreMD]

Well, if it makes you feel better...

My wife is an incoming osteopathic MS I and is due in early February. She took anatomy over the summer (her final is in 1 week) and her school seems very supportive. So we will be in the same boat as you - the only difference is that I will also be a med student! 😱

Ps make MDs!

 

[Lunasly]

I pray everyday that I'm male.

 

[Rumalum]

if you have two people around to help out, i think it will be manageable. just do whatever pagan ritual you can find to ensure that your child won't be a constant night time screamer

 

[MedSchoolMa]

I started med school with a one year old. Having a supportive family/spouse/etc, finding childcare you trust, and a school with class time flexibility - obviously anatomy isn't flexible but most of our other lectures were web stream. You can do it, but you need to PLAN as much as you can!

 

[byaaaaaaah23]

I pray everyday that I'm male.

Is that still TBD?

 

[PJ meowerton]

did you decide to go or defer?

 

[numberwunn]

Ooof. My wife had a kid second semester this year (my M1), and it just about killed me. I can't imagine if I'd had the kid - it would have been killer. It may not be impossible, but if you can defer a year I'd very seriously think about it - and frankly, would recommend you do it. Though my baby is only 5 months now, but I'm forseeing next year being significantly better (she's sleeping through the night, mostly, is a little more grown, etc).

Remember that baby can't go to daycare until 6 weeks old. Only do it if you have a ton of support nearby (i.e. lots of family) and your/your husband's schedules are flexible enough to give care for that first six weeks. And if you're a masocist.

 

[tiedyeddog]

I pray everyday that I'm male.

report back when your prayers are answered, I am interested in knowing the results. 😉

 

[PJ meowerton]

Ooof. My wife had a kid second semester this year (my M1), and it just about killed me. I can't imagine if I'd had the kid - it would have been killer. It may not be impossible, but if you can defer a year I'd very seriously think about it - and frankly, would recommend you do it. Though my baby is only 5 months now, but I'm forseeing next year being significantly better (she's sleeping through the night, mostly, is a little more grown, etc).

Remember that baby can't go to daycare until 6 weeks old. Only do it if you have a ton of support nearby (i.e. lots of family) and your/your husband's schedules are flexible enough to give care for that first six weeks. And if you're a masocist.

👍👍 I also have a 5 month old, mine started sleeping through the night pretty early, he sleeps 7pm-6am straight now, which is awesome for the upcoming school year.

I'd suggest checking out babycenter.com or the bump.com, check out the different "birth boards" to see what sort of things people are going through at different stages with their babies, like if you checked out the June 2012 birth board you could see what sort of issues people are having with their 1-2 month olds, so then you can get a feel for what it might be like when you are in school with a baby.

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6721963/june_2012_birth_club

 

[TeaKae]

hahaha...ooooh babycenter.com and all those other pregnancy websites...
Idk if it's just me, or do other people with any shred of medical knowledge read them and just gag at their utter cheesiness?! (and I'm at 20 wga, so the gagging is not due to pregnancy)

I hope you decided not to defer, you can pretty much do the first two years of med school without putting in much face time on campus. That was my experience at least. I'm due around christmas, and am very thankful to be a 4th year, with 3 months of vacation time to schedule around my delivery. Of course, I will be a ginormous beast during my interviews, which worries me some.

 

[PJ meowerton]

hahaha...ooooh babycenter.com and all those other pregnancy websites...
Idk if it's just me, or do other people with any shred of medical knowledge read them and just gag at their utter cheesiness?! (and I'm at 20 wga, so the gagging is not due to pregnancy)

I hope you decided not to defer, you can pretty much do the first two years of med school without putting in much face time on campus. That was my experience at least. I'm due around christmas, and am very thankful to be a 4th year, with 3 months of vacation time to schedule around my delivery. Of course, I will be a ginormous beast during my interviews, which worries me some.

I love those website for that exact reason, I especially love it when people post things like "my baby looked at me slightly longer than she usually does, taking her to the ER just in case" LOL

 

[eablackwell]

My situation is a little different than yours, but I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and an M2. I will be having my baby at the end of January, and it was actually planned. I start rotations in April, so I figured if I was going to have a child, before then would be a good time.

I think that this is doable, but it will heavily depend on two things:

1) flexibility/willingness to help of your med school
2) family/friend support

In regards to 1) My friend (who is also in my class) and I are both pregnant and working with our office of student affairs. The first thing they suggested to both of us is to defer, and that they would be 100% behind us if we decided to do so. Both of us are far too stubborn for that, so we worked out a plan with the school. They wanted a plan A, B, and C (A being what you plan to do if the pregnancy goes perfect, B if there are some problems, C if things go horribly wrong). After meeting with the deans and discussing these plans, they have been very supportive. Maybe you could contact you office of student affairs about doing something similar?

In regards to 2) I would not be able to do this without the support of my husband and family. I refuse to let the baby go to any type of child care center until it is at least 3 months old. So, my husband is taking 6 weeks paternity leave when the baby comes. After that my mother is coming for 2 weeks. Then I have 2 weeks of spring break before rotations, and finally my father is coming to take care of the baby for the last 2 weeks. It sounds like you have a good support system as well, so this should make things easier.

Good luck making your decision, it's not an easy one, but I think it is doable.