Pregnant about to start first year...advice!

[drmom2be]

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I am due to start a school next week. I am 13 weeks pregnant and I am due at the end of January. I am married to a very supportive man and I have my mother coming to stay with us after the baby is born.

All along I have planned on not deferring. I recently told the school that I am expecting and they have recommended that I defer. The dean said that the second semester of the first year is probably the hardest of the four preclinical semesters. They said that if I have to take any more time off than 30 days I will be forced to take a leave of absence and restart my first year with the next class. I have talked to other women that have been pregnant and they say the school tells them all to defer. I think basically to cover themselves in case our grades go south and they decide to kick us out of school. I was not expecting them to recommend that I defer. I had not given it much thought.

I am very freaked out and upset. I don't know what the right choice is. I want to keep going as planned but I also do not want to set myself up to fail. Would deferring and starting first year with a 5/6 month old be easier than having a new born in the middle of my second semester of my first year? We have already made the 12 hour move from our homestate, my husband has a job (but not one that he's particularly fond of), we signed a 12 month lease, I don't know what we will do without the incoming loan money, and I have taken out another personal loan that I will have to pay back immediately in the case that I do not matriculate.

I have also been struggling with changing my mind completely about medical school. It seems like so many people on SDN regret their decision to become doctors. My father is a family practitioner and he does not seem very happy with his job although to me it seems like he has the ideal set up. To other women/mom physicians, was it worth it? Do you wish you had just gotten your RN or NP degree instead?

I really appreciate your advice and help.

 

[costales]

You should defer.

 

[Mass Effect]

I'm not a mom, but let me just say this. It seems you're questioning your decision to pursue medicine because of the news of your pregnancy, coupled with your school's suggestion to defer enrollment. If that's true, I would say you're in a terrible position to make life-changing decisions right now. If you're really having doubts, then I do think the best option is to defer so that you can think about it and decide the best path for you and your family. You don't want to make a hasty decision just because you're under stress and, in your own words, "freaked out and upset."

That said, you're right, there are some doctors who regret their choice, but that can be said of professionals in EVERY field. I also know some PAs who wish they had gone to med school instead of PA school. It all depends on the person, so you shouldn't take someone else's experience and apply it to yourself. Presumably, you didn't get this far without doing some shadowing. Did you enjoy it? What drew you to medicine in the first place? These are questions you should probably sit down and discuss with your husband before making any decisions.

As to deferring, I would be reluctant not to seriously consider my dean's opinion since he knows the curriculum and what it takes to succeed. However, if you know anyone else at the school (maybe the faculty members who interviewed you?) you could get a second opinion. You don't have to tell us the school, but it might not be a bad idea to go on the school's interview thread here on SDN and see if current students have posted. If so, maybe you could PM them and ask them who you can talk to at the school about this. They must have an academic counselor who knows the ins and outs and can advise you. I'd be hesitant to trust the students' words because every student is different, but the academic counselor is trained in this kind of thing. He/she may be able to talk you through your options so that you and your husband can make a decision that's right for you.

Best of luck to you and congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[cabinbuilder]

As someone who went to medical school as a mother, I will tell you to defer. My kids were 2 and 5 when I started. It took me a year to recover from all the complications I had from the second child. That first few months with a newborn is ridiculously hard with no sleep, nursing, chronic fatigue, etc. If you were in school during that first semester of study and the last trimester of pregnancy will be a disaster. From the pregnancy you are always tired, can't stand, sit or lay for very long. What happens if you have pre-term labor? Go on bedrest for weeks? Have to have a C-sections and have complications?

Trust me, medical school will always be there, They are telling you to defer. Heed their advice. Rest, have your baby, stay healthy, Start fresh next year rested and less stressed because you hit the ground runnning and it doesn't stop for 8 years.

The best thing I did for my kids was ensure they were born healthy.
The next best thing was be a doctor and always be able to provide for them.
You can do both but I just wouldn't do it all at the same time.

 

[DrMaximus]

I'm going to go with the consensus and say defer. I would have to say that being pregnant will be hard enough. Also, like CabinBuilder said, a newborn during one of the hardest semester would be terribly difficult. I would just defer this year, enjoy this time with your family and your newborn when the day comes.

And congrats, by the way. 👍👍

 

[ineed2stpsmurfn]

I am very freaked out and upset. I don't know what the right choice is. I want to keep going as planned but I also do not want to set myself up to fail. Would deferring and starting first year with a 5/6 month old be easier than having a new born in the middle of my second semester of my first year? We have already made the 12 hour move from our homestate, my husband has a job (but not one that he's particularly fond of), we signed a 12 month lease, I don't know what we will do without the incoming loan money, and I have taken out another personal loan that I will have to pay back immediately in the case that I do not matriculate.

First of all, what was the logic in getting pregnant now of all times? I know things happen but.. seriously? Well whatever, it's past that now.

I kinda can't believe this is even really an issue.. as cabinbuilder said, soooo much can go wrong or not according to plan.. why chance it?

As for that private loan, so what. If you matriculate, then fail out, you'll have a whole hell of a lot more in loans to pay back and at that point you will really wish you had an attending salary to look forward to but you won't (or you might have to pay for first year, twice, if you have to repeat. That will be a lot more than your loan currently is I am sure..)

Defer. This really should be a non-issue.

 

[thecgrblue]

First off, congrats. Parenthood is something nobody on the face of the earth can comprehend until it happens. As a father to a 6 month old I will say this, you have no idea about the s*** storm that is about to drop on your house. In the case of my son, that is a literal statement.

I will join the chorus and add, defer. You have no idea what will happen. You could have a perfectly healthy and easy baby (i sure hope you do). Or they can come up with all sorts of crazy health issues that swallow your time.

Newborns eat almost every 2 hours, keep that in mind while you make your decision.

 

[Fay8]

I would check out the mommd forums. Lots of helpful information from mothers.

 

[Vita]

There was a woman in my class who was pregnant during our first block, but ended up having a still-birth. She did manage to keep up with the class despite having been very pregnant and then dealing with such a shock.

There was also a woman in the class below me who had her baby during the first semester and did okay. She still made it through the first two years fine from what I hear.

I think a lot of it depends on your situation and your support. The hardest part won't be being pregnant (though that will be hard considering how physically exhausted you will be), it'll be taking care of the newborn. You have to feed them every 2 hours throughout the night and don't really get any time to yourself. Unless you have someone who is willing to literally do all of the feedings (ie you pump or use formula) and thus allow you to sleep/eat/study/whatever, then it will be very difficult indeed.

 

[ktnguyen]

My son was born during orientation week of my first year of medical school. I lived 1+ hours away and getting up to feed the baby at night. It did not make for a very successful first few months...I failed a couple of classes and I had to repeat the year all over again. If I had to do it all over again, I would have deferred. It would have saved me the tuition and stress of thinking that I was not good enough. True, there are some women that can do it, but you have to have a LOT of support. You need a full-time caregiver for your son while you are in medical school and someone to take care of cooking and cleaning. The stress of having a baby, passing medical school and keeping a clean house and provide meals is a daunting task. I was so beat down when I failed out trying to juggle all those things that I could not enjoy anything...not my newborn, not my husband, not being in medical school. But, this is just my story. I know you are counting on that tuition money but do not be afraid to ask for financial help. Plenty of people in medical school who have families turn to medicare and medicaid. It is just temporary. Take all the help you can get.

 

[Dirtyshadow]

DEFER DEFER DEFER! The baby will consume your life for many months. At nearly 1 year old, daycare would be ideal for you and you can go to school. It is possible that you can go to school without deferring, but it will lead to a very stressful, nightmarish time. You don't want to put your newborn, family, and yourself through that much stress.

 

[sandstone]

Congrats on your pregnancy! You may want to defer, although I guess your financial situation makes the decision a bit harder. I was applying for the 2011 matriculation, but withdrew my applications when I found out that my wife was pregnant and due right around when school would have started. I reapplied this year and just started a few weeks ago. I am extremly happy that I decided to wait a year. There is a big difference between a baby under six months old and a one year old. Last year was a really nice year of just working an okay job and taking care of our son. It's really nice to have all that time with your new child without the intensity of medical school. Having a kid has been the coolest experience of my life and it is truly impossible to describe how amazing it is. However, having an infant is really hard work, especially for the mother! It is very exhausting and time-consuming, and you are very out of it and spacey for the first six months. The whole sleep deprivation thing is very real and can be really hard to cope with. Now that I'm in medical school, I can't even imagine doing this this time last year when my son was a newborn, I feel that it would have been almost impossible. It could be done though, it would just be extremely hard for everyone involved. Now however, he's 1 and much easier to care for. It's still a constant challenge to balance family, medical school, and my personal health, but I've acutally been pretty successful! I think it would be really nice to have a year to hang with your baby while knowing you already have a medical school acceptance. It's definitely worth waiting a year for med school in order to have some good bonding time with your child, and starting with a six month old would be much more manageable that having a newborn in med school.

 

[thepoopologist]

The baby can always be a source of nutrition if you run out of money.

 

[SpecterGT260]

The baby can always be a source of nutrition if you run out of money.

remember, baked > fried. As a health professional it is imperative that you remember to always promote healthy eating habits 🙂



seriously though, we had a woman who had a child in our class right before M1 started - she was fine (even with complications, she powered through)
Another guy's wife had a child during first semester, and he was able to manage, and we have another girl who is preggers and will deliver some time in the middle of the next semester - no idea how she will do, but honestly it seems to be one of those things that people cope with.

That said, i still think you should defer if you have the option, otherwise you are really only steepening the uphill battle that is med school. If you were asking "should I try to have a baby" I'd throw something large and spikey at you, but since you are already in this situation, just know that it is doable, but going to be a much larger pain in your ass (pun not intended) with a newborn than with a 1 y/o. There is also the potential for delivery to take you out of the game for a number of weeks (remember, complications...) and that could potentially be unrecoverable.

 

[vanasme]

First of all, congratulations! What an exciting time in your and your husband's life. As a first year medical student and the mother of a 9 month old, I cannot say strongly enough... DEFER. I cannot imagine having a newborn and trying to stay on top of classes. My son had to eat every two hours... for two months. How can anyone study when they're up every hour all day AND night?! Unless you're coming to medical school with a significant science background, I would highly recommend deferring. Yes, there are those "he said, she said" stories of success, but I cannot fathom doing medical school with a newborn. I would have failed out. My mother came and stayed with me after the baby was born, which was enormously helpful, but did not replace the fact that I am the mother, not her. I could barely remember how to tie my shoes, let alone study HARD material.

With that said, there is an enormous upside to deferring... you'll actually get to enjoy time with your child before starting school! The first 6 months were the hardest of my life, but also the most rewarding. I can't imagine missing out on them to study.

I wish you all the best and hope you can come up with a solution that works for you.