Ps help!!!

[appulipzzz]

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Hi, I'm still in the process of writing my PS (it's kinda late... i know 🙁 ) and I was wondering if anybody here could help me with it? I would greatly appreciate your help. Thank you in advance!!!

 

[krnballa]

Hey I am not sure how much of a help I would be but I can certainly try to help.

 

[appulipzzz]

Can you please read over my PS and see if I need to change anything....and correct grammatical errors? I would greatly appreciate it.
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!