Question about missing commencement

Discussion in 'General Residency Issues' started by 4thCoast, 10.01.14.

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  1. 4thCoast

    4thCoast

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    Last edited: 10.22.14
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  3. Raryn

    Raryn Infernal Internist Gold Donor 7+ Year Member

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    If I remember right, we were required to go to commencement.
     
  4. mercaptovizadeh

    mercaptovizadeh ἀλώπηξ 10+ Year Member

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    Commencement is for parents and family. One of the more unfulfilling days of medical school for me.
     
  5. primadonna22274

    primadonna22274 Senior Member 10+ Year Member

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    Commencement was mandatory attendance at my school. And yes...it was only for my family--who incidentally never paid a dime toward my education, but it was nice to be honored and I'm glad they came. I found the whole shebang rather stressful actually and kinda surreal. I hear what you're saying about your friends' wedding but I doubt very much that either of them would want you to miss your med school graduation to attend their wedding. Might be worth asking--assuming your school doesn't mandate commencement attendance to receive your diploma that is.
     
  6. rokshana

    rokshana Member 10+ Year Member

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    basically commencement is for family ,esp your parents, more than it is for you…so you have to ask yourself who is more important to you?

    you may not think your parents or family will think its important …but they do…my school allows for us to have someone hood us if they are a physician…you could have popped my dad with a pin he was so proud and excited…not something i would have wanted to deprive him of…its a bit selfish on your part to deprive your parents of the same feeling.

    go to commencement, then go to the reception if you must...
     
    Shikima, darklabel, candbgirl and 2 others like this.
  7. 2010houston

    2010houston Resident 7+ Year Member

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    Depending on what your school does for it, I agree on Match day being way more meaningful. Commencement was good too, but maybe you can convince your parents that match is more important.
     
  8. 4thCoast

    4thCoast

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    I appreciate your feedback. I will forgive you implying that I am selfish because I couldn't (and didn't want to) paint a more detailed picture of how close I am to the couple that is being married. Of course I don't want to deprive my parents of a special feeling. If it were an easy decision I wouldn't have come to StudentDoctor.net for advice. Seriously...I'm on SDN looking for personal advice. But I'm sure I'm not alone on SDN when I say that I've had to sacrifice a personal life in favor of professional obligations. When I said that it's a "social event," that's because it was a much more simple way to describe it. And even if I'm selfish for wanting to stand in a close friend's wedding, I can live with that. I know it would mean a lot to both of them. Like I said, I appreciate your feedback. But try not to judge me over the internet.

    Thanks to everyone else for the feedback as well. I'm literally sick to my stomach over it.

    EDIT UPDATE: If you're lucky like me, you'll have a Dean who's willing to speak to you at 10PM and make a plan that will satisfy my parents, and get me to the ceremony on time. Moral of the story - have a little faith in your medical school. I didn't even think it was a possibility.
     
    Last edited: 10.01.14
  9. 49ers

    49ers 10+ Year Member

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    Mine was "required," but I didn't go as I was across the country on vacation as I used my "interview month" block at the very end to finish a month earlier. No regrets whatsoever. So glad med school is over. Residency is a 1000x better. I'm actually learning what I want and I get paid doing it!
     
  10. Serous Demilune

    Serous Demilune 2+ Year Member

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    Ha this will be me. Can't f*cking wait
     
  11. RangerBob

    RangerBob Not a real ranger... 2+ Year Member

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    I never thought much of graduations and really didn't want to go to mine and thought about not going--it would have let me extend my vacation another week. But it was required. My wife and dad came and it was really easy to see how proud they were of me and my dad (not a physician) said it was one of the most memorable things he's experienced in his life. It's really the end-point of your formal education--sure there's residency graduation, but families don't fly across the country for those (usually). It just doesn't mean as much on an emotional level to anyone--you become a doctor after medical school, not residency.

    I can't say what I would've done if my best friend was getting married the same day. But I can say I'm very glad I didn't skip out on graduation--while it meant far more for my wife and dad, I actually really enjoyed it and getting the closure with all the friends and acquaintances you make during medical school that my may or may not see again was really nice. The speeches were actually pretty good and I got to see all my mentors one last time.

    If graduation is a requirement, I wouldn't skip it as the above poster above recommended--in theory if it's listed as a requirement the school can deny you your diploma, or delay it, ec., both of which could impact starting residency. I doubt that would happen since medical schools have an interest in you finishing residency, but it could.

    Honestly, I think if you're going to miss graduation, I think it should be a better reason than "I wanted vacation." Like your best friend getting married (I'd still debate that one) or family member passing away (no debate there--family first). Otherwise go, because even if you hate it your parents and family will never forget that day. Graduation really is, and always has been, for the audience. Your parents may never be so openly proud of you with the exception of your wedding day, birth of first child, and when you cure ebola. Totally worth it for that reason alone, in my opinion.
     
  12. ggidgetzz

    ggidgetzz 2+ Year Member

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    I am in a similar situation, I am not sure if I will go to graduation... I don't have a reason as good as yours, it just means I would get a couple more weeks of vacation and wouldn't have to cut my trip short just to come back for a ceremony. My family doesn't really care about it, so I'm thinking it wouldn't be a big deal. I skipped my undergrad graduation and I've never regretted it, but I realize it's a different animal. Still undecided.
     
  13. DermViser

    DermViser 5+ Year Member

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    Aww, that's so nice!!! Most Deans aren't that caring.
     
  14. rokshana

    rokshana Member 10+ Year Member

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    You did say that your parents are very upset that you are thinking about not attending graduation. And the wedding is of 2 friends...I don't know that your relationship is with your family...some people after all look at their friends to be more their family than their actual blood family...but in my eyes putting your friends over your family IS a bit selfish...after all putting your desire over that of someone else is by definition selfish isn't it?
    Sure you could ask your parents but parents being parents will say ok... But it's a big deal for parents to see these milestones...
    And I speak from being selfish about these kind of things... I didn't go to my UG graduation ... Graduated a year later and went to a small school and didn't feel like it was "my" class ...didn't go to my graduate school commencement either, even though my parents wanted me to...and it wasn't till I saw my family at my med school graduation that I realized just how significant this was to them.... And when the tables were turned and I was excited and oh so proud to see my baby girl graduate from college and grad school... I regretted that I deprived my parents that experience.
     
  15. 4thCoast

    4thCoast

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    Last edited: 10.22.14
  16. jakeislove

    jakeislove MS IV 2+ Year Member

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    I'm probably not going.
     
  17. mercaptovizadeh

    mercaptovizadeh ἀλώπηξ 10+ Year Member

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    Graduation is the stupidest ceremony ever. Match day matters so much more. If there's any way to avoid it - even if there weren't a wedding in question - I would.
     
  18. QofQuimica

    QofQuimica Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting.... Lifetime Donor SDN Administrator 10+ Year Member

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    Can your friends not change the start time of the wedding by a few hours (or even get married a different day) to accommodate your graduation? Particularly if they want you to be in the wedding party, wouldn't it behoove them to ensure that you could attend the ceremony? And if they're such good friends that they're like family, and it's only an hour drive away, then why aren't they planning on attending your med school graduation? :eyebrow:
     
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  19. 4thCoast

    4thCoast

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    Well, I don't exactly consider my med school graduation to be such an enormous event. That's basically where I was coming from. I understand that it's big for my parents, but I wasn't planning on inviting a single person outside of parents and siblings who live in-state. They'll be at my wedding though ;)
    Also, scheduling a wedding is one of the most cumbersome things a person has to do. They were looking at different venues in different cities in different months. I did actually tell them to try and avoid this day, but there are so many other people to please and variables to consider it must have been forgotten. That doesn't mean I'm not very important to them. It just means that there are other people who are too, and many other variables to consider.

    I'll put this thread to rest. I do appreciate the opinions and support. Thanks everybody and good luck.
     
  20. QofQuimica

    QofQuimica Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting.... Lifetime Donor SDN Administrator 10+ Year Member

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    It's only "one of the most cumbersome things a person has to do" if they choose to make it be so. Regardless, you seem to have found a solution that satisfies you, and in the end, that's the only thing that really matters. Congrats on that, as well as on graduating from med school. :)
     

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