Question about my situation...

[Appless]

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So to make a very long story short heres the deal and I wanted to get some opinions on this...

1 month ago i got a divorce from my wife, and im applying to med school now. We have a 3 yr old autistic child. We currently share custody but theres no way i can handle an autistic child alone and attend medical school...Ive thought about it for a while, I can either attend med school and not see my son for 4 yrs or maybe longer. Or I can quit this path and see my son. Theres a lot of varibales involved as divorce is a messy process, and no matter what I choose i will probably regret it, but basically ive decided to apply and pray either I get accepted to UCI, UCLA, USC, or USCD (going to these 4 would allow me to be near my son). And if i dont i will do my best in med school and try to get a residency near my son 4 yrs from now.

Now on secondaries or at the interview im bound to get asked the "why do you want to come to our school question." Do you think it would be innapropriate or a bad idea to say one of the reasons i want to is so that i can not only attend med school but be able to continue to see my son and be a father to him? It wouldnt be my only reason of course I was thinking something along the lines of listing all the normal reasons people want to go to a school; research opportunities, curriculum, special programs the schools offer/opportunites to the students, location, etc etc... Then at the end sorta throw it in that I also want to attend so I can be near my son and still become a doctor, if you know what I mean.

Is this a bad idea? Maybe schools will see this as too personal or trying to play the pity card or something? Maybe im missing the point here? Any thoughts, comments, suggestions?

 

[armybound]

I wrote about wanting to be near my wife, in addition to other school-specific reasons, in several secondary applications. I don't think it did any harm.

 

[scattun]

Personally, I view your situation to be a completely valid reason to apply to schools in the area. I would include it, but like you say perhaps not make it the focal point of your reason.

 

[searun]

If I had to choose between being actively involved in my son's life, or going to medical school, I would choose to be a parent to my child. Your future patients can always find another doctor. Your son cannot find another father to replace you. 4 years is a long time for a young boy. I hope that you are successful in getting admitted to a med school that will be in close proximity to your child. If not, med school seems like too great of a price for your son to pay.

 

[Appless]

If I had to choose between being actively involved in my son's life, or going to medical school, I would choose to be a parent to my child. Your future patients can always find another doctor. You son cannot find another parent to replace you.

Hence the point of why I wanted to go to one of the 4 schools i listed so i can have both. I guess you could say in this case I want to have my cake and eat it too. Like i said this isnt the whole situation...I doubt anyone here wants to hear the details of my divorce, custody issues, and everything else about my life. I just tried to keep it cut and dry. I know you werent calling me out really but just to sorta nip that in the bud. I dont really want to hear about how people think i should quit school or do anything else. You dont know my situation or whats going on. I value your opinion I just dont want to be told im mkaing the wrong decision or anything like that. Ive heard that enough since day 1 when i became a father at 19..🙂 Unless of course someone is really bored and wants to know my life story😉

Im just curious about the 2ndary question not how you see my life. Though I do agree 4 years is a large price to pay and i havnt finalized my decision. Im praying one of those 4 schools takes me so I dont have to deal with such an impossible decision.

 

[rHinO1]

I'm a single father and I can relate to your situation. My son is 7 years old and I have had sole custody of him since he was 1 month old. When I went back to school full time 3 years ago at 24 years old I was very naive about the competition to get into California medical schools. Which was good I guess, because I may not have started down this path if I had fully appreciated how hard it would be. Anyway, that is where I'm coming from.

I intend to mention my son, and that I want to stay near where I have family support as a reason to attend a so. cal. school. It will not be the first reason I mention, but it will be included. I will probably say that "school X would be where I will be the happiest because I will have the continued support in my family in raising my son." "School X is where I see myself being best set up to succeed". . . or something like that. I don't expect it will be something that the school will really consider in making their decision. I know ultimately they will take the best candidate, after all that is what is fair. However, I think the fact you are raising a child and attending school puts a different perspective on your undergraduate performance. You academic success looks even better when the person evaluating it knows that it came through a tougher road. It shows you have good time management, determination, and are motivated. Wanting to stay a part of your sons life is definetly a valid reason for wanting to attend a school. I think that not having that as one of your reasons would be suspect. I think most people would expect that to be one of your reasons. I don't think it will hurt to mention it, but I wouldn't expect it to help much either.

I'm also wondering why you are choosing to apply after your junior year, instead of next year. It seams like you could strengthen your application and give yourself a better shot at CA schools. I'm only asking because that is what I chose to do.

 

[Appless]

I'm a single father and I can relate to your situation. My son is 7 years old and I have had sole custody of him since he was 1 month old. When I went back to school full time 3 years ago at 24 years old I was very naive about the competition to get into California medical schools. Which was good I guess, because I may not have started down this path if I had fully appreciated how hard it would be. Anyway, that is where I'm coming from.

I intend to mention my son, and that I want to stay near where I have family support as a reason to attend a so. cal. school. It will not be the first reason I mention, but it will be included. I will probably say that "school X would be where I will be the happiest because I will have the continued support in my family in raising my son." "School X is where I see myself being best set up to succeed". . . or something like that. I don't expect it will be something that the school will really consider in making their decision. I know ultimately they will take the best candidate, after all that is what is fair. However, I think the fact you are raising a child and attending school puts a different perspective on your undergraduate performance. You academic success looks even better when the person evaluating it knows that it came through a tougher road. It shows you have good time management, determination, and are motivated. Wanting to stay a part of your sons life is definetly a valid reason for wanting to attend a school. I think that not having that as one of your reasons would be suspect. I think most people would expect that to be one of your reasons. I don't think it will hurt to mention it, but I wouldn't expect it to help much either.

I'm also wondering why you are choosing to apply after your junior year, instead of next year. It seams like you could strengthen your application and give yourself a better shot at CA schools. I'm only asking because that is what I chose to do.

Im a senior now actually. I graduate this december. If I took a year off to strength I would be taking the equivalent of 2-3 years off due to my odd graduation date. I just dont want to do that so im going to apply and just see what happens...ill worry about the rest later. Not to mention im scared of how competitive it will be in 2-3 years from now...I feel like the time is now.

 

[Blesbok]

It is actually a positive thing to say because it shows that you are very interested in their school. However, you may not want to mention it to other schools that are not in that list.

 

[wingiv]

You should definitely mention it to those schools in the LA/SD area. That's a real reason and gives you more dimension as an applicant I would say. It also shows that you have some priorities and responsibilities in your life.

 

[searun]

Hence the point of why I wanted to go to one of the 4 schools i listed so i can have both. I guess you could say in this case I want to have my cake and eat it too. Like i said this isnt the whole situation...I doubt anyone here wants to hear the details of my divorce, custody issues, and everything else about my life. I just tried to keep it cut and dry. I know you werent calling me out really but just to sorta nip that in the bud. I dont really want to hear about how people think i should quit school or do anything else. You dont know my situation or whats going on. I value your opinion I just dont want to be told im mkaing the wrong decision or anything like that. Ive heard that enough since day 1 when i became a father at 19..🙂 Unless of course someone is really bored and wants to know my life story😉

Im just curious about the 2ndary question not how you see my life. Though I do agree 4 years is a large price to pay and i havnt finalized my decision. Im praying one of those 4 schools takes me so I dont have to deal with such an impossible decision.

Yes, it is an agonizing impossible decision. Again, for your sake, and for your son's sake, I truely hope that you get admitted to a California med school. Best of luck.

 

[Omni]

With all due respect, please treat your son with a very high priority. Make adjustments if you need to. If you do go out of state, bring your son with you or something. Easier said than done, obviously, but don't use him as an excuse to not go to med school and don't use med school as an excuse to not see him.
You need to make it work.