Question about personal statement

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sheeeesh2021

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I am currently preparing for reapplication in case I don't get out of the waitlist for schools. My current personal statement has 6 paragraphs: my introduction to medicine, a transition paragraph, clinical story no.1, clinical story no.2, clinical story no.3, and conclusion. My plan is to reframe 5 out of the 6 paragraphs to further highlight the theme of "human connection" within the personal statement, which is what drew me into medicine the most. And then I plan to replace clinical story no.3, which is from my scribe position, with a recent clinical story from my new MA position at a free clinic. I was wondering if I need to make more drastic changes to my personal statement for reapplication since not much has changed about why I want to go into medical school since this last year.

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Three clinical stories? Sounds a bit like Johnny-One-Note. When I've seen 3 stories work, generally one is clinical, one research and one non-clinical community service or a non-clinical employment with a service aspect (teaching, camp counselor, resident assistant). Also, throwing around a lot of clinical jargon can be boring or tedious. Have you had people you know read it? Have you had volunteers on SDN read it (there are some good folks here who will do that -- I am not one of them so don't ask -- too much like my real job).
 
I am currently preparing for reapplication in case I don't get out of the waitlist for schools. My current personal statement has 6 paragraphs: my introduction to medicine, a transition paragraph, clinical story no.1, clinical story no.2, clinical story no.3, and conclusion. My plan is to reframe 5 out of the 6 paragraphs to further highlight the theme of "human connection" within the personal statement, which is what drew me into medicine the most. And then I plan to replace clinical story no.3, which is from my scribe position, with a recent clinical story from my new MA position at a free clinic. I was wondering if I need to make more drastic changes to my personal statement for reapplication since not much has changed about why I want to go into medical school since this last year.
As long as you are under the character limit.

But this isn't a high school essay with a fixed template. And "human connection" is a well-worn theme in med school personal statements. And yet we complain how that connection is missing in our physicians...

Do whatever you need to do to make your personal statement as authentic in your voice as possible.
 
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LunaOri’s Advice for Writing Your Personal Statement

Begin by imagining that you are talking with an old friend, or a favorite teacher or professor. Tell that person how you came to your decision to apply to medical school. You can either talk, and record yourself, or write it as though you were speaking. Don’t worry about grammar or structure at this point; it’s all about your ideas, stories, and motivations.

Next, listen to your recording or review your notes. Can you see a theme, or a chronologic development of your ideas? If yes, it’s time to write your PS. You can structure it either chronologically or thematically, but you should show how your journey to medicine progressed. For most people, that’s a chronologic storyline. Don’t worry if your story is not unusual/unique/dramatic/exciting—it doesn’t have to amaze us, it just has to be real.

(If you don’t see a theme or a progression in your journey, don’t struggle with the writing yet. You’re not ready. Keep talking with friends/family/fellow premeds until your story emerges. Listeners will be able to tell, because you will sound enthusiastic and engaged. Trust me on this!)

DO NOT write your PS as a series of unrelated anecdotes with a statement about medicine at the end of each paragraph! Save your conclusions for your final paragraph.

DO NOT praise yourself or write about your own character. That is what your LOR are intended to do. Presumably, your LOR writers are more objective than you can be. Tell us what you have learned and how you have grown.

Once you have written a draft, either read it aloud and record it, or read it aloud to a friend/coworker/family member. Does it sound natural, or are you trying to force yourself into the “perfect premed” box? It is not necessary (nor is it desirable) to be super-formal; we want to hear your own voice. Don’t use language you wouldn’t use in everyday speech—or if you do, consult a dictionary or thesaurus to make sure you are using the words correctly. Choosing fancy words but misusing them doesn’t make you sound smart—it makes you sound fake!

It’s perfectly fine to write several completely different versions of your PS to see which one you like best. There is no “right” PS. Everyone has more ideas and experiences than they can fit into the character count, and you will have to choose which ones best illustrate your journey. As you progress, keep reading your PS versions aloud so that you can edit out the awkward and unnatural bits.

When you have a version you like, show it to a few people who have some experience with the process (if your school has premed advisors, this is the time to use them). Residents, med school faculty, the list of PS readers on SDN, are all possible resources.

Final step is to have someone proofread for grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Best of luck! I look forward to seeing your best PS in your application!
 
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Three clinical stories? Sounds a bit like Johnny-One-Note. When I've seen 3 stories work, generally one is clinical, one research and one non-clinical community service or a non-clinical employment with a service aspect (teaching, camp counselor, resident assistant). Also, throwing around a lot of clinical jargon can be boring or tedious. Have you had people you know read it? Have you had volunteers on SDN read it (there are some good folks here who will do that -- I am not one of them so don't ask -- too much like my real job).
Unironically, it includes a clinical story, a clinical trials research story, and a patient advocacy story (which I feel is more non-clinical but I also had volunteer MA roles in that position). I wrote a statement with a similar structure last cycle, which netted me 3 interviews as a late applicant, but since I got a new position as a patient advocate and volunteer MA at a free clinic during my gap year, I wanted to highlight my experience through clinical story no.3 for this statement. I will keep in mind with not cluttering the statement with clinical jargon and I plan to have at least 5 people read my personal statement before submitting it by this Sunday.
 
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Never mind guys I got off the waitlist just now.
 
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