question for people in undergrad relationships

[biobossx99]

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If you develop a relationship with a person during undergrad, is it likely that it'll continue afterwards? (especially if you get into med school). With the uncertainty of where people might end up in med school and the uncertainty of your special someone's future plans, it's somewhat discouraging that relationships really continue on. How have people managed this problem? I guess you could say, if the couple truly cares for each other, they'd just somehow work it out.

 

[DrWorkNeverDone]

I am married to my high school sweetheart 😍 he has made huge sacrifices for me to be a doc by waiting to go to school until I am in medical school. He doesn't mind it so much, as long as I get in 🙂 He teases me that it doesnt matter how many times I have to apply since he has waited this long, he can wait a few more.

I am one in few though. It takes a lot of time managment and a lot of talking to the schools you are planning on applying to so that they know the importance of you staying in the area, what you have to contribute not only to them but to your family as well.

For instance, I keep a very close eye on UCDMS requirments because my husband has never left Sacramento, and I know it would kill him to move to some place back east or even lower CA. You just have to be considerate, it is not just about you after you are in a serious relationship 🙂.

 

[watiswati]

this is a good post, i've been contemplating this issue recently as well. i'm in a pretty serious relationship although it's only been about a year and a half. we started our senior year in high school and we're only freshmen in college at this point. we go to diff schools right now, but they're only an hour apart and we see each other a good amount. we're both very ambitious and are interested in the same type of career so thats something that we have going for us; however, we realize that medical school is demanding and time consuming. we don't know if we're headed to the same school and there's no gaurantees thats gonna be possible. how do 2 ambitious ppl make a relationship work through different med schools? i've always been the type of person that wnated to start looking for my so called "soul mate" in college and would never spend my time with someone in college knowing that it jsut woudlnt work in the future. so any advice would be welcome!

 

[VienneseWaltz]

My husband and I met and became engaged in college, and we got married two years before I started med school. Of the unmarried people in my class who began medical school in a serious relationship, about half are now married or engaged and about half broke up in the first year. Med school is only one of the many possible trials a long-term relationship can face, so what you're really asking is how long a relationship begun in undergrad will survive time. The effect of med school on a relationship depends on the relationship, so only you can assess how likely it is things will work out. Hope this helps.

 

[acl3623]

funny, drworkneverdone, i am another one in a million that has the wonderful guy that is willing to put his dream off for a few years so that i can get my medical career underway. hes in a completely different field than me (graphic design) so as long as were in a decent size city, hell be ok. it is hard to find someone that is willing to do this though, especially for guys since they feel like they should be the ones who will provide for you and all. i think its a good idea to get it out of the way early, if you feel like you really like the person, tell them what your plans are. you both have to be ready for challenges and a lot of sacrifices. but it can be done... 😉 i just tell him that hell have free healthcare for life!

 

[Dragonfly411]

If you develop a relationship with a person during undergrad, is it likely that it'll continue afterwards? (especially if you get into med school). With the uncertainty of where people might end up in med school and the uncertainty of your special someone's future plans, it's somewhat discouraging that relationships really continue on. How have people managed this problem? I guess you could say, if the couple truly cares for each other, they'd just somehow work it out.

Hi bioboss. I can't speak for myself on this issue, but I know two other couples from my undergrad who are currently in a long-distance relationship while either one or both of them are in their first year of medical school. These couples were dating for 3-4 years during undergrad, and I think they are doing just fine now. I know they talked extensively and honestly about their whereabouts post-undergrad, which obviously helped them maintain communication in their relationship.

One couple tried to get into the same medical schools, but that didn't work out. They are at least both in the midwest, however, two states apart. With the other couple, one is currently trying to find a job close to where the significant other attends medical school, so they can eventually live together.

Sorry I can't speak from my own experiences, but based on my observations, it seems that the likelihood that the relationship will persist after undergrad all depends on the individuals and their commitment to each other. I know there is uncertainty now about where both partners will be located after undergrad, but I think it is up to the efforts of the couple to 1) try to stick together, or 2) be willing to do long-distance. I know of many couples who have done long-distance and everything turned out fine. The most important part, I believe, is that the two people communicate with each other openly and honestly about their future goals and whereabouts.

Hope this helps!

 

[Brain]

I started dating a wonderful guy in undergrad. I decided I wanted to try out some experiences in public health before applying to med school. We've been doing the long distance thing for 1.5 years now with me living in Atlanta and him living in TX and it has really been working out well. I applied to med school in TX. However, he got a great job offer in Las Vegas that he just can't pass up. Unfortunately, non-residents are not allowed to apply in the state of Nevada but there's the possibility of me being able to transfer after the first two years. So now I have to do the LD relationship for another two years.....Sorry I don't have any real advice right now. Start this thread again next year and maybe I can tell you how it's working out.

 

[Cerberus]

Expect the dynamics of your relationship to change drastically after one or both of you start medical school. I think everyone changes when they start medical school and that change is often times not conducive to old relationships. Not to mention that as a medical applicant, you often have little choice in where you will be living for the next four years. This can add a lot of stress to the relationship as you could potentially be living somewhere that isn't all that great for your SO's career ambitions.

I hate to be a pessimist but i've been there and in the end it just ended up hurting us both.

 

[Quynh2007]

.

 

[Haybrant]

i think i got lucky. my bf and i didn't get together until after he got accepted into med school, so our relationship started already knowing that we would be in a LD relationship. communication is the key (that's really all i ever get upset over is some form of conflict w/communication). despite being far away, we still manage to learn new things about each other through our conversations and letters. we send random things through the mail that brighten up our day. if i know he has an exam coming up, i usually send him a card a week in advance, so i know it'll arrive around exam time and hopefully it'll be a little bit less stressful, make his day a little bit better. i try not to think of how long we are going to be in LD, but try to take it one day at a time. it's been hard, but worth it. i'm blessed 🙂 and and in 😍

excellent story 🙂

 

[Cerberus]

You people who get into a relationship knowing that it will be LD are crazy.

 

[NorCalGirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together since our junior year of college. He is now a second year med student at UC Irvine and I (having been rejected to med school two years ago!) am currently applying to med school, again. But I definitely felt sooo left behind and felt like I wasn't part of his "med school world" when he went off to med school. While I was bitter at first, I began to realize that I could learn a lot from him and the fact that he was blazing some trails for me. I agree with Quynh2007 about communication being extremely important. Even though he lives in southern CA and I'm in San Francisco, we remain very present in each other's lives and are very supportive of each other. Although it gets tough sometimes (there are times when we don't see each other for 2 months), we are doing just fine! Luckily for us, we're a mature couple and we had a pretty solid relationship before he went to off med school. I've recently been accepted to UCSF so it looks like we'll have to keep this long distance thing going for a few more years! I think it's totally possible if you're mature, trustworthy and serious about your relationship (and so is the other person!).

 

[watsupdoc15]

I don't know about this personally either although I did date a third year last year, but my uncle was with my aunt before med school and they made it even through undergrad, med school, and 5 years of surgical residency and still going 9+ years after residency ended...it's gotta be tough but not impossible...it's funny though, my uncle and I were driving somewhere a few years ago and he stopped at a stop sign, a car that was there before us went, in that amount of time that we were stopped he had fallen asleep, foot on the brake and all...so to get to the point, i think she's running him ragged haha

 

[Karina]

You people who get into a relationship knowing that it will be LD are crazy.

My bf and I started dating after he finished his undergrad, I had a year left. We knew that eventually he was going to start pharmacy school and I will start med school and that it will be long distance. But we became so close and got along so wonderfully that it just kind of happened, we fell in love.
What makes me sad, though, is that he just moved to Boston last week. He decided to move there, get a job and work before he starts pharmacy school (no acceptances yet). I have been accepted to one school and I am waiting to hear from NJMS (interviewed Dec. 8th). I have a few more coming up in a couple of months. So, I don't know what's going to happen. I thought we were going to have these few months to be together, both of us out of school, just enjoying our time here in Miami. But that was cut short. I care about him and want him in my life. It's been 4 days...so far is not so bad...but I dunno...things never seem to work out the way I plan them, so...

 

[45408]

I'll probably be marrying the girl I've been dating since HS after we graduate college (and before I start med school). She can get a job nearly anywhere as an RN, and we'd both like to stay in the same area as we are now (which is definitely feasible).

It's hard at times - it's been long distance the entire time we've been in college, but we're nearing the end now.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

I am married to my high school sweetheart 😍 he has made huge sacrifices for me to be a doc by waiting to go to school until I am in medical school. He doesn't mind it so much, as long as I get in 🙂 He teases me that it doesnt matter how many times I have to apply since he has waited this long, he can wait a few more.

I am one in few though. It takes a lot of time managment and a lot of talking to the schools you are planning on applying to so that they know the importance of you staying in the area, what you have to contribute not only to them but to your family as well.

For instance, I keep a very close eye on UCDMS requirments because my husband has never left Sacramento, and I know it would kill him to move to some place back east or even lower CA. You just have to be considerate, it is not just about you after you are in a serious relationship 🙂.

wow, awesome! how rare; sound slike you found a really special guy there. 👍

 

[Psycho Doctor]

My bf and I started dating after he finished his undergrad, I had a year left. We knew that eventually he was going to start pharmacy school and I will start med school and that it will be long distance. But we became so close and got along so wonderfully that it just kind of happened, we fell in love.
What makes me sad, though, is that he just moved to Boston last week. He decided to move there, get a job and work before he starts pharmacy school (no acceptances yet). I have been accepted to one school and I am waiting to hear from NJMS (interviewed Dec. 8th). I have a few more coming up in a couple of months. So, I don't know what's going to happen. I thought we were going to have these few months to be together, both of us out of school, just enjoying our time here in Miami. But that was cut short. I care about him and want him in my life. It's been 4 days...so far is not so bad...but I dunno...things never seem to work out the way I plan them, so...

long distance relationships suck; plans and dreams are useless because you never know when they will be cut short 🙁 👎 ok maybe i'm just bitter.

 

[tank you]

i wish i was in a relationship right now *sigh* 🙁

 

[Shredder]

Forget it dude, just break up. There's way too much single fun out there to be tied down in a relationship upon starting anew in med school. There's way too much single fun out there, period--boo on commitment!

 

[MiguelAC]

I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years. Still in college. I am applying to school and my girlfriend is just going to graduate from college. Im trying to get a school in california (home state) otherwise i will have to move far away. If she doesnt come with, then its most likely over. i been throught long distant relationships, they dont work for me. they really suck. but that might just be me.... also ask your self how important is physical contact with the person you might love.

 

[Karina]

long distance relationships suck; plans and dreams are useless because you never know when they will be cut short 🙁 👎 ok maybe i'm just bitter.

Hah! You are not bitter. It is true. I have been in one LD relationship in the past and this is how it felt. But, as I explained, I didn't have the best partner. Now, I'm with someone else and he just moved, and while the dynamics of our relationship are different and at some point we decided it could work, in the last 4 days I have realized our issues with a LD relationship are going to be completely different as well. And as part of my new year's resolution, I will just try to be patient and let go of things that are beyond my control. It will take some getting used to, last night I felt like chopping his head off I was so mad, but I felt it would've been useless to start an argument. So I wrote, went to bed and I plan to talk about it today, when I am more calm and he has more time to listen.

*Sigh* I have worse luck. Every serious boyfriend I have had has felt the need to flee Miami 🙁

 

[DrWorkNeverDone]

funny, drworkneverdone, i am another one in a million that has the wonderful guy that is willing to put his dream off for a few years so that i can get my medical career underway. hes in a completely different field than me (graphic design) so as long as were in a decent size city, hell be ok. it is hard to find someone that is willing to do this though, especially for guys since they feel like they should be the ones who will provide for you and all. i think its a good idea to get it out of the way early, if you feel like you really like the person, tell them what your plans are. you both have to be ready for challenges and a lot of sacrifices. but it can be done... 😉 i just tell him that hell have free healthcare for life!

Yeah my husband wants to go to a vocational school, so as long as I get near one he will be a-okay. But he does not like the idea of having to put up with moving away from home. So I am trying my darnest to stay here 🙂 As for the whole guy providing thing 🙂 my husband rather stay home and play video games or go bike 🙂 He really doesnt mind who the sugar daddy is in the relationship as long as it is coming . Yes there are sacrifices, just be ready to talk them out.