So this may sound like an odd question, seeing as I'm striving to enter into a profession in which interpersonal skills are a crucial aspect of the job description, but I need a bit of advice...
So a while ago (age 11/12) I was diagnosed with a combo of social anxiety disorder/depression/ADHD, some thought it was mild asperger's, that wasn't ever confirmed. Although I was considered borderline-gifted, I'd exhibit asocial behavior that interfered with most interpersonal relationships. I was put on meds for the blues and the ADD, but the social anxiety thing never really cleared up...
Fast forward 11 years, I'm finding myself in need of LOR's from my science profs but I'm having an enormously difficult time getting to know them/asking for LOR's.
I know what you have to do to get them:
1. Attend office hours just to "shoot the ****"
2. Work in their lab
3 Engage them outside of class (sports, bars, whatever)
But I'm finding that every time I even begin to attempt this I just....fail.
I'll attend office hours, ask them a question about something that I actually completely understood, then there's an awkward lul in the conversation, at which point I panic, bid them farewell, and walk away completely and utterly embarassed.
The profs I have tried to get to know have flat out refused to write me a letter, despite 4.0's in their classes, which must indicate how....weird.. I come off.
I researched in a path. lab for a year, but I'm worried that if I ask my P.I for a letter it:
A. Won't count towards the science prereq, since it's just research
B. Will read: "x is a bright, motivated student and a pleasure to have in the lab, but I can't comment on him personally because we've never talked about anything other than work."
I'm frankly running out of ideas about how to pull this off. I completely lack the ability to schmooze or even socialize normally; I just...don't...get it. I can't fake being interested in someone or something I'm not and right now this is the only thing holding back my application for the upcomming cycle.
Any techniques/advice/recommendations would be sincerely appreciated