racially insensitive remark, grounds for complaint?

[La Presse]

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Yes, the remark made by the nurse was racially insensitive. It would be similar to a non white person talking redneck and doing the chicken dance while treating a white patient.

However, in the white world that we live in, a white person can pretty much say anything and get away with it because other white people witnessing such an act will totally deny that it happened.

So, bringing this situation up with your superior will be a waste of time.

Exactly.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Exactly.

That's disturbingly similar to the dynamics of "Southern White Justice" during reconstruction and the Jim Crow era, albeit it applied to lynching. Principally however, they are quite congruent.

 

[La Presse]

That's disturbingly similar to the dynamics of "Southern White Justice" during reconstruction and the Jim Crow era, albeit it applied to lynching. Principally however, they are quite congruent.

Yes they are. however, minorities are never given any leverage in situations like these.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Yes they are. however, minorities are never given any leverage in situations like these.

Never is kind of extreme isn't it? I mean, what if the coordinator or person in charge is a minority?

 

[orangeblossom]

For what it's worth, I I just talked to a couple physicians about this scenario and they agreed this was definitely inappropriate, especially if it wasn't in a room of only "friends" where there's no concern about someone taking it the wrong way or being offended.

Narmerguy, thank you for this. I'm glad to know they thought it was inappropriate.

And to whoever asked: I am Asian-American. I have no idea why this matters. I really hope you don't think just because I speak English perfectly I wouldn't or shouldn't be offended at a joke aimed at FOBs.

 

[SpecterGT260]

I was hoping Asian posters would respond. Do you really not think twice about it? I'm not criticizing you, I'm genuinely curious. I mean it's as if a nurse said they should offer a black patient fried chicken.

Fwiw, imitating the actual and factual actions of a patient is not as racist as this. It would be more like saying a patient said "I'll be good, dawg" if in fact the patient said that. And now you're racist for assuming the patient I'm talking about here is black 😉

 

[orangeblossom]

Fwiw, imitating the actual and factual actions of a patient is not as racist as this. It would be more like saying a patient said "I'll be good, dawg" if in fact the patient said that. And now you're racist for assuming the patient I'm talking about here is black 😉

The accent is largely physical. So that's a factual action. Is blackface acceptable then? You are, after all, only imitating African-American features. And hey! Blackface is just for fun. It's not a big deal.

 

[NekoBeats]

CHITTY MONGORIANS 👍

Oh my goodness, south park is one of my favorite shows and I almost sprayed my tea all over my laptop screen while reading that

I was hoping Asian posters would respond. Do you really not think twice about it? I'm not criticizing you, I'm genuinely curious. I mean it's as if a nurse said they should offer a black patient fried chicken.

I'm Asian. Honestly, I would not report it. Like you said, it's really not worth the trouble/awkwardness that might result, and personally I don't think it's that big of a deal. It might stay in my head for a minute or two, but I would forget about it by the end of the day. From what it sounds like, the nurse was just joking around and took advantage of the opportunity. I'm sure she (?) didn't mean to offend anyone. What does bother me, however, is the lack of professionalism. There was really no need to say something like that in an open area, even if it was just for the lol's. If I was a patient there and heard a nurse saying that, it would make me feel less comfortable.

 

[SpecterGT260]

The accent is largely physical. So that's a factual action. Is blackface acceptable then? You are, after all, only imitating African-American features. And hey! Blackface is just for fun. It's not a big deal.

The accent is regional. Not physical. This is why Asian Americans do not speak with an accent...... unless I entirely misinterpreted your point it would appear that you are stretching to the point of nonsense simply to argue.

Either way you seemed to miss the fact that I was simply rejecting your analogy as inappropriate and inflammatory

 

[lobo.solo]

Fwiw, imitating the actual and factual actions of a patient is not as racist as this. It would be more like saying a patient said "I'll be good, dawg" if in fact the patient said that. And now you're racist for assuming the patient I'm talking about here is black 😉

Ohh man! I thought the patient you were talking about was black...... 🙁
I never thought of myself as racist 😕
What to do now............
















just kidding

 

[SpecterGT260]

Ohh man! I thought the patient you were talking about was black...... 🙁
I never thought of myself as racist 😕
What to do now............

just kidding

No ur racist on the basis of because I said so. That is how racial oversensitivity works. Cuz Biden wants to reinstate slavery, didn't you hear? (Prays for a hijack to salvage this thread....)

 

[FattySlug]

I'm Asian. Honestly, I would not report it. Like you said, it's really not worth the trouble/awkwardness that might result, and personally I don't think it's that big of a deal. It might stay in my head for a minute or two, but I would forget about it by the end of the day. From what it sounds like, the nurse was just joking around and took advantage of the opportunity. I'm sure she (?) didn't mean to offend anyone. What does bother me, however, is the lack of professionalism. There was really no need to say something like that in an open area, even if it was just for the lol's. If I was a patient there and heard a nurse saying that, it would make me feel less comfortable.

Whether the nurse meant to offend anyone or not is irrelevant. The fact remains that the nurse offended the OP, albeit only slightly. Would she dare make that joke if there is the patient's son or daughter present? If it's just a harmless/nonoffensive joke then it surely can be told mostly anywhere right? I don't think that is the case here.

 

[Arbor Vitae]

Just giving people some fair warning, I made some comments once on SDN replacing "Ls" with "Rs" and I actually received a post-hold ban for "racially charged" comments because somebody disliked it enough to report me.

 

[jl lin]

It can be viewed as insensitive, but it was probably just that the nurse was being silly. Perhaps she didn't realize how it may come off to people.

No offense, but this is less than a tempest in a teapot. It's a tiny stir in a coffee cup.

OTOH, however, having worked a lot of post-anesthesia and recovery, I do think some people get a little lax with the things they say and do in this area, b/c they think the patient is in la la land. I, however, have had more than one patient tell me later things that were said and done that they remembered while sedated or not fully reversed. I have even had a patient tell me not to let a particular nurse come near her, b/c he had been insensitive and thought she couldn't hear him. And what he said wasn't horrible, but it was on the disrespectful side--a comment about her weight. It was "cutesy" the way he said, but she remembered him and the cutesy cut about her weight, and she did not want him to be his nurse again.
Trust me, there's a lot more "liberty" taken inside and directly outside (recovery areas) of the ORs. I never did buy into it though, b/c it never seemed right to me--and then I think how I would feel if that patient were a family member or me.

In your example, the nurse probably needs to think about something. I mean, would she have said in that way if an Asian family member were standing there? Plus, people need to be careful about what they say around sedated pts and comatose patients. It has come back to haunt people that aren't as respectful as they should be.

Since it bothered you, and the nurse will likely have other Asian or other patients with various background in the future, it would have been OK to say meekly, "You know. I am Asian, and I find that offensive." That would have been all that was needed, and then the nurse could have had a teachable moment, where she would have to re-think her behavior. Again, she probably didn't mean any harm by it, but people working in these areas, at times, can be insensitive. People can remember a lot more than people think they can. Sometimes it's like, "I don't remember a thing." Other times, they actually do remember things said and done around or to them. You never know.

 

[La Presse]

I do not know how relevant this is to the discussion, but I just bought a cherry coke from a part of campus and was returning to my dorm room. As luck would have it, I bumped into some guys, all of whom are members of my race. At the beginning of the hall, they jeered and and laughed, throwing sarcastic comments at me until I passed them.

I am much different than a lot of them, more reserved, so that could be it. OR it could also be my extremely light complexion.

 

[NekoBeats]

I'm Asian. Honestly, I would not report it. Like you said, it's really not worth the trouble/awkwardness that might result, and personally I don't think it's that big of a deal. It might stay in my head for a minute or two, but I would forget about it by the end of the day. From what it sounds like, the nurse was just joking around and took advantage of the opportunity. I'm sure she (?) didn't mean to offend anyone. What does bother me, however, is the lack of professionalism. There was really no need to say something like that in an open area, even if it was just for the lol's. If I was a patient there and heard a nurse saying that, it would make me feel less comfortable.

Whether the nurse meant to offend anyone or not is irrelevant. The fact remains that the nurse offended the OP, albeit only slightly. Would she dare make that joke if there is the patient's son or daughter present? If it's just a harmless/nonoffensive joke then it surely can be told mostly anywhere right? I don't think that is the case here.

Alryte, I'll agree that regardless of if the nurse meant harm, OP was offended. In no way was I implying that it is a harmless/nonoffensive joke that could be told mostly anywhere. Like I said, I do think it was unnecessary, and I would have noticed the comment/thought about it. It's just that I, personally, would have either let it slide or if anything, pulled the nurse aside later and told her that her statement offended me. I would not go through the trouble of reporting it, but that's just me.

 

[911 Turbo]

All humans are racist

 

[SpecterGT260]

All humans are racist

That's speciesist

 

[FattySlug]

I'm Asian. Honestly, I would not report it. Like you said, it's really not worth the trouble/awkwardness that might result, and personally I don't think it's that big of a deal. It might stay in my head for a minute or two, but I would forget about it by the end of the day. From what it sounds like, the nurse was just joking around and took advantage of the opportunity. I'm sure she (?) didn't mean to offend anyone. What does bother me, however, is the lack of professionalism. There was really no need to say something like that in an open area, even if it was just for the lol's. If I was a patient there and heard a nurse saying that, it would make me feel less comfortable.

Alryte, I'll agree that regardless of if the nurse meant harm, OP was offended. In no way was I implying that it is a harmless/nonoffensive joke that could be told mostly anywhere. Like I said, I do think it was unnecessary, and I would have noticed the comment/thought about it. It's just that I, personally, would have either let it slide or if anything, pulled the nurse aside later and told her that her statement offended me. I would not go through the trouble of reporting it, but that's just me.

Yes you were implying that it was harmless and downplaying the situation. You said "it's not that big of a deal" "was just joking around" and "she didn't mean to offend anyone." Anyway, we come to an understanding so that is cool.

I do agree that reporting this incident is excessive. I would just give her a cold stare and said "you think that is funny when someone can't speak English well?"

 

[SpecterGT260]

Yes you were implying that it was harmless and downplaying the situation. You said "it's not that big of a deal" "was just joking around" and "she didn't mean to offend anyone." Anyway, we come to an understanding so that is cool.

I do agree that reporting this incident is excessive. I would just give her a cold stare and said "you think that is funny when someone can't speak English well?"

it was tacky, but honestly not a very big deal. Should I get all bent out of shape every time someone wants to "Go Dutch" on a meal? There are stereotypes on all fronts, and "racial sensitivity" is a 2 way street. Honestly, MLK Jr's "I have a dream" world isn't overly realistic in the internet age. IMO the moment we have truly arrived at racial equality is the moment that any and all racial slurs carry the same weight as "Cracker" or "Honkey" (and before anyone interprets this as a statement saying we should all be dropping racial slurs, when is the last time, other than a white standup comic poorly impersonating a black standup comic, that you heard the word "honkey"?) . The power they have is the power that is given to them and taking a small comment personally based on geographic or phenotypic similarities only feeds that stigma.

 

[deleted103644]

Just giving people some fair warning, I made some comments once on SDN replacing "Ls" with "Rs" and I actually received a post-hold ban for "racially charged" comments because somebody disliked it enough to report me.

My comment wasn't actually doing that - it was quoting the last line of the Avenue Q song, "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist".

 

[Kunu]

Chris Rock is a comedian.

barely

 

[Dmr6186]

I do agree that reporting this incident is excessive. I would just give her a cold stare and said "you think that is funny when someone can't speak English well?"

I don't agree with this. For one thing, yes, sometimes it's funny when someone can't speak English well. Another thing, making comments like that will only burn bridges with your colleagues, and in an environment like the hospital where you must work so close with one another, that would be a pretty bad idea.

Unfortunately, the world is full of a lot of people that say things other people don't like. However, we can't go on and belittle/tattle/whatever people for everything they do that we do not agree with. You can't make another person in danger of losing their job just because of something they said that you "didn't like." Imagine if you lost your job that supported your family over a goofy joke. If it wasn't racial, maybe it was sexual or coarse in some other way that "offended" (I really hate that word because it's thrown around so much) another person. Granted, if it's something threatening or can cause serious harm to another, that's one thing, but for silly joking comments like that... well, you better grow some thick skin, because the real world sucks and is full of people who are not going to be nice to you or others, and most if not all of the time, you just have to deal with it.

And I'm sure a lot of people who stand in judgment of this nurse have done plenty of their fair share of deliberate insensitive things. Just make sure then that you keep yourself picture perfect (which is impossible). No one promised you a life where your feelings are going to be so overly protected.

Edit: Also, if you did bring this up with your volunteer coordinator, it may hurt your chances to volunteer there again. No one wants a tattle tale to make others who are doing very important work uncomfortable.

 

[SpecterGT260]

barely

👍

 

[jl lin]

I don't agree with this. For one thing, yes, sometimes it's funny when someone can't speak English well. Another thing, making comments like that will only burn bridges with your colleagues, and in an environment like the hospital where you must work so close with one another, that would be a pretty bad idea.

Unfortunately, the world is full of a lot of people that say things other people don't like. However, we can't go on and belittle/tattle/whatever people for everything they do that we do not agree with. You can't make another person in danger of losing their job just because of something they said that you "didn't like." Imagine if you lost your job that supported your family over a goofy joke. If it wasn't racial, maybe it was sexual or coarse in some other way that "offended" (I really hate that word because it's thrown around so much) another person. Granted, if it's something threatening or can cause serious harm to another, that's one thing, but for silly joking comments like that... well, you better grow some thick skin, because the real world sucks and is full of people who are not going to be nice to you or others, and most if not all of the time, you just have to deal with it.

And I'm sure a lot of people who stand in judgment of this nurse have done plenty of their fair share of deliberate insensitive things. Just make sure then that you keep yourself picture perfect (which is impossible). No one promised you a life where your feelings are going to be so overly protected.

Edit: Also, if you did bring this up with your volunteer coordinator, it may hurt your chances to volunteer there again. No one wants a tattle tale to make others who are doing very important work uncomfortable.

I don't think most of us are saying "report" this person. It is OK to meekly approach her to say, as I have written:

"You know. I am Asian, and I find that offensive." That would have been all that was needed, and then the nurse could have had a teachable moment, where she would have to re-think her behavior. Again, she probably didn't mean any harm by it, but people working in these areas, at times, can be insensitive.

It's all in the delivery. I would also not have said it to the nurse in front of others, b/c unless it is something immediately dangerous, you have to allow people to try and save some face. That way it's not about putting them in their place, being punitive, or seeming culturally superior. It would be about allowing the person to re-think, and thus learn from the experience.

Again, I have worked in these areas where people take liberties b/c of patients being under or being comatose. I have seen it MORE than a few times. Of course, some people are humble and sensitive enough to learn, whilst others are obstinate and refuse to accept their "wrongness." Being "wrong" isn't the crime, it's in refusing to accept it, be open to it, and growing from it that is a crime. Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying the nurse is a criminal. I am using hyberbole to demonstrate how any of us can wall ourselves and our work environments off from better practices by not being accepting, transparent, and willing to grow.

 

[La Presse]

barely

What makes him "barely" a comedian?

 

[SpecterGT260]

What makes him "barely" a comedian?

Being not funny

 

[music2doc]

I want to start off by saying that I'm a lowly volunteer, and I will most likely NOT inform the volunteer coordinator of what happened. Not because I'm okay with what happened, but only because I like volunteering at this hospital (good location, hours, don't want to waste time applying to be a volunteer at another hospital, etc), and I'm not sure I can stand the awkwardness that will ensue if I do report the matter. (And I already assume the modal response will be the typical jaded SDN one: whatever, who cares, don't be so uptight etc 😎 )

Anyway, what happened was that there was a patient coming out of anesthesia and the doctor came by to say that he could not speak English (the patient was Asian) but that the patient "promised to be good after surgery." Then the nurse threw up her hands and imitated the patient in a sing-songy/accented voice "I be good, I be good."

(I don't care about what the doctor said, I'm just trying to contextualize the nurse's remarks. And this conversation happened about ten feet in front of me.)

So my initial reaction was wtf? Is she serious? Now obviously it's a joke, but also a racially insensitive one, in my opinion (I am Asian; not that that should matter, but I suppose I pick up on such remarks more readily). It was a bit awkward for me, as I was the only Asian person in the post-op room at the time.

Like I said before, I will most likely forget about it since I would really like to keep my current volunteering position and not piss anyone off. But it got me thinking. What would I have done if I were an employee? What should I "let slide"?

Lately I have been thinking that Asians are far less likely to combat discrimination or racial insensitivity. I don't know why, perhaps it's a culture thing. And I don't know what the "I be good, I be good" equivalent is for African-Americans or Jewish people, but I know (given how politically organized those groups are) I'd be sh*tting my pants if I ever said like that. I don't demand an annoyingly PC environment. All I want is a work environment where people are more aware of their surroundings and the consequences (even if small) of their actions.

And I just wanted to get SDN's opinion. Maybe I just don't have a thick enough skin.

EDIT: I AM NOT SAYING THE NURSE WAS BEING RACIST.

Not exactly appropriate, but also not unheard of. You're UNDER the very, very bottom of the totem pole. You're like the dirt around the bedrock that supports the totem pole. In other words... let it go. If you were a fellow nurse -- or even a tech -- with an ongoing professional relationship with this RN it might have been appropriate to approach her in private to let her know your concern (esp. if it happened more than once). If the pt complained to you, then it would probably be esp. important to let the RN know before you reported the complaint (which would also be a prudent thing to do at that point). It sounds like it was just you, the doc, and the RN, though, who were present. Is that true? If so, dark humor is a part of the culture at many (most?) hospitals. I wouldn't be too surprised by this.

 

[FattySlug]

I don't agree with this. For one thing, yes, sometimes it's funny when someone can't speak English well. Another thing, making comments like that will only burn bridges with your colleagues, and in an environment like the hospital where you must work so close with one another, that would be a pretty bad idea.

Unfortunately, the world is full of a lot of people that say things other people don't like. However, we can't go on and belittle/tattle/whatever people for everything they do that we do not agree with. You can't make another person in danger of losing their job just because of something they said that you "didn't like." Imagine if you lost your job that supported your family over a goofy joke. If it wasn't racial, maybe it was sexual or coarse in some other way that "offended" (I really hate that word because it's thrown around so much) another person. Granted, if it's something threatening or can cause serious harm to another, that's one thing, but for silly joking comments like that... well, you better grow some thick skin, because the real world sucks and is full of people who are not going to be nice to you or others, and most if not all of the time, you just have to deal with it.

And I'm sure a lot of people who stand in judgment of this nurse have done plenty of their fair share of deliberate insensitive things. Just make sure then that you keep yourself picture perfect (which is impossible). No one promised you a life where your feelings are going to be so overly protected.

In this context I don't think it is funny.

Well I were an Asian doctor I don't think I care much about burning bridges with a nurse having that kind of attitude towards patient. The patient is in a very vulnerable position, coming to the hospital for help and now is unconscious on the OR table. I don't think it is a lot to ask to have some respect for people in that situation. It's like bullying a baby.

You said "we can't go on and belittle/tattle/whatever people for everything they do that we do not agree with." Sure I won't do that over everything but the nurse just belittled a patient who came for help within my vicinity, assuming I am a doctor of course. This is not simply something I do not agree with, this is something I believe we should be against. Especially in hospitals. This is not pro choice vs. pro life where each side has some justifications.

This is not about my own feelings being offended but I think someone has to step up for the patient when he is not in the position to defend himself. Feel free to make whatever insensitive joke towards a 6'4 250lbs guy. I won't even bat an eye.

 

[Dmr6186]

In this context I don't think it is funny.

Well I were an Asian doctor I don't think I care much about burning bridges with a nurse having that kind of attitude towards patient. The patient is in a very vulnerable position, coming to the hospital for help and now is unconscious on the OR table. I don't think it is a lot to ask to have some respect for people in that situation. It's like bullying a baby.

You said "we can't go on and belittle/tattle/whatever people for everything they do that we do not agree with." Sure I won't do that over everything but the nurse just belittled a patient who came for help within my vicinity, assuming I am a doctor of course. This is not simply something I do not agree with, this is something I believe we should be against. Especially in hospitals. This is not pro choice vs. pro life where each side has some justifications.

This is not about my own feelings being offended but I think someone has to step up for the patient when he is not in the position to defend himself. Feel free to make whatever insensitive joke towards a 6'4 250lbs guy. I won't even bat an eye.

I know what you're trying to say that the patient is in a vulnerable position, and I totally agree with you on that. They are seeking help, and here people are making jokes about them. What I don't understand is how is this worse than say, a nurse who saw a patient who was awake, alert, and oriented, left, and made fun of the patient behind his/her back by making simple jokes? It could be about anything, whether it's speech pattern, tone, body position, anything. Would you say that joking about a patient behind the patient's back is worse than this, even though both are vulnerable and can't defend themselves? Why is race always considered "worse" than anything else?

Or what about the "less informed pre-med" stories? People ripping apart other people who are simply misinformed about something, and they can't defend themselves. Is this not as bad because it doesn't involve race? Someone may say, "Well, the pre-meds didn't do their research good enough." Why can't someone say, "Well, the Hispanic guy didn't try hard enough to lose the Hispanic accent when speaking English"? Which is worse? Why?

I just don't like the race card and how it's considered worse than all other insensitive cards out there.

 

[McPhee]

Not exactly appropriate, but also not unheard of. You're UNDER the very, very bottom of the totem pole. You're like the dirt around the bedrock that supports the totem pole. In other words... let it go. If you were a fellow nurse -- or even a tech -- with an ongoing professional relationship with this RN it might have been appropriate to approach her in private to let her know your concern (esp. if it happened more than once).

Excellent point. One must never stand up against bigotry and racism unless she personally knows the parties involved and/or is in a position of authority.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Excellent point. One must never stand up against bigotry and racism unless she personally knows the parties involved and/or is in a position of authority.

Under that policy, the civil rights movement never would have happened.

 

[McPhee]

Not exactly appropriate, but also not unheard of. You're UNDER the very, very bottom of the totem pole. You're like the dirt around the bedrock that supports the totem pole. In other words... let it go. If you were a fellow nurse -- or even a tech -- with an ongoing professional relationship with this RN it might have been appropriate to approach her in private to let her know your concern (esp. if it happened more than once).

Excellent point. One must never stand up against bigotry and racism unless she personally knows the parties involved and/or is in a position of authority.

Under that policy, the civil rights movement never would have happened.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

I know, I know. Firing a cannon to kill a fly. But still.

 

[McPhee]

I know, I know. Firing a cannon to kill a fly. But still.

I was being sarcastic. We must join hands and fight bigotry, racism, and ethnic violence like that described in the original post, even when it's inconvenient, difficult, or even dangerous. Anything else is unconscionable.

 

[FattySlug]

I know what you're trying to say that the patient is in a vulnerable position, and I totally agree with you on that. They are seeking help, and here people are making jokes about them. What I don't understand is how is this worse than say, a nurse who saw a patient who was awake, alert, and oriented, left, and made fun of the patient behind his/her back by making simple jokes? It could be about anything, whether it's speech pattern, tone, body position, anything. Would you say that joking about a patient behind the patient's back is worse than this, even though both are vulnerable and can't defend themselves? Why is race always considered "worse" than anything else?

Or what about the "less informed pre-med" stories? People ripping apart other people who are simply misinformed about something, and they can't defend themselves. Is this not as bad because it doesn't involve race? Someone may say, "Well, the pre-meds didn't do their research good enough." Why can't someone say, "Well, the Hispanic guy didn't try hard enough to lose the Hispanic accent when speaking English"? Which is worse? Why?

I just don't like the race card and how it's considered worse than all other insensitive cards out there.

One of the reasons it is worse because there used to be systemic discrimination. If there were systemic discrimination against fat people in the past then the fat card would have been considered worse.

 

[music2doc]

Under that policy, the civil rights movement never would have happened.

While true, there is a definite hierarchy in a hospital setting and I wouldn't suggest upsetting that when you're a volunteer hoping for a letter of rec later unless it was a MUCH bigger issue (read: patient safety). This was such a minor issue that it's simply not a battle worth fighting. At most, a patient may have been offended and it doesn't even sound like that was that case (instead, a volunteer was offended). This was probably just the RN letting off some steam. Not appropriate but it happens. Save the big guns for battles worth fighting at this point in your career. No sense in making enemies before you even begin your training!

 

[music2doc]

I was being sarcastic. We must join hands and fight bigotry, racism, and ethnic violence like that described in the original post, even when it's inconvenient, difficult, or even dangerous. Anything else is unconscionable.

I get where you're trying to go with this, but I'd say it's a bit, shall we say, dramatic? Ethnic violence ≠ racism or bigotry. Racism and bigotry are wrong but to put them on the same playing field as violence is just plain silly. It's like placing thinking hateful thoughts about your ex on the same level as killing her! Both are wrong, but one is FAAAR worse than the other! Likewise, this RN's actions weren't appropriate but I think you may understand those kinds of actions in the healthcare setting differently once you've worked in it. Although maybe physicians outside the ED never get jaded.... 🙄

 

[jl lin]

Hierarchy smierarchy. Really, it's not necessarily a huge deal, but now I am invested in this b/c its the principle of the stupid thing.

It's called being human. I am not saying kick against those on the next step above you. But I am saying, if it were me, and it bothered me, from one human being (the volunteer) to another (the nurse) about another human being (the patient), I would, as mildly as possible, say that I am Asian, and I found that a bit insensitive. It might pizz her off good. OK. See but then, in my book, she shows her real colors, her real character.

Honestly if it were me, I would probably let it go unless it continued. But that may well be because I am not Asian--unless you want to go back to my A. Indian background--and then move back even further from there.
Point is, I don't necessarily think she meant anything awful by it, but I wasn't there. There is a reason the OP was bothered by it beyond general sensitivity--else why would the OP have bothered wasting time posting about it?

The idea, however, of just letting cr@p go out of fear of hierarchy is problematic for me, b/c whether one is a physician or nurse or a social worker, the bottom line is that they need to be advocates for patients, families, and communities. I tire of seeing people putting career interests above what may be right. This is what is at the whole crummy core of politics inside and outside of institutions, organizations, and hosptials everywhere--idiotic politics. . .

 

[MaenadsDance]

It's an unfortunate reality that you have to pick your battles in life, and that sometimes it's not worth calling out inappropriate behavior from someone up the food chain from you over something relatively minor.

There is, however, an unfortunate corollary to this - the less you practice standing up for yourself or for people being discriminated against or otherwise belittled as a result of bigotry, the less likely you are to have the necessary skills to confront something really egregious. It is much, much harder to confront someone who is doing something really seriously wrong if you have not already set a track record for yourself (and also for those around you) that you do not tolerate the small stuff either. Maybe as a lowly volunteer you don't have the safety or traction to do this - but when do you? As a med student? A resident?

An example from the world of work... years ago I was working in a boating supply store over the summer. I was still a teenager and was very much into far left politics about racial equality. I could talk the talk online all night long and boy did I know my Marxist Feminist Dialectic. But when people actually cracked gross jokes in front of me at work I mostly just blushed, looked away, and hated myself a little for being "cowardly." Fast forward a bit, and the assistant manager on duty for the day is telling me to follow two Filipino kids around the store. I ask him why - I knew why already, but I asked - and he said something along the lines of (it's been years) "Yeah, so what, I'm a racist when it comes to loss prevention."

And I told him I wouldn't follow them around the store and hassle them for shopping just because they didn't look like the usual white kids who came in, and he got pissed at me (and proceeded to follow them around the store himself). I never brought it up with the general manager, who I think frankly would have been sympathetic had I approached her, and I always felt awkward and sad that I didn't manage to really articulate my position - but frankly it is HARD to do something when people are acting in racist ways, because the force of society is to let it pass, not make a big deal, "don't be a tattle-tale."

Even though it's wrong.

 

[jl lin]

Yup. You do have to pick your battles. . .in health care, I'd say you have to pick them very carefully.

 

[Brando989]

I say you should report her. The more people are allowed to get away with that kind of stuff the more it will continue to happen. The field of healthcare is diverse and is quickly becoming more so and there is not place for racism or ignorant attitudes towards people who are different. I would bet that this nurse has made other comments in a joking manner and gotten away with it many times and that is why she continues to do it.

The people that come on here and say "grow up man, she was only joking" have probably never experienced any kind of prejudice themselves. She's got some nerve to be saying that right in front of you too.

Do the right thing for yourself and talk to somebody.

 

[Dream20er]

OP, you're right--she was being racially insensitive (and therefore, racist--I dont see how you can separate the two. Insentitivity suggests ignorance, which breads intolerance). What's worse is that she made her remark in a professional environment.

Speak up next time.

 

[Fivo]

OP, you're right--she was being racially insensitive (and therefore, racist--I dont see how you can separate the two. Insentitivity suggests ignorance, which breads intolerance). What's worse is that she made her remark in a professional environment.

Speak up next time.

The irony...Oh Lord

 

[BenzylAcetate]

I am not Asian, but I have been working in the hospital for a while and in general, the majority of the staff: receptionist, nurses, CNA, respiratory therapist, MA, and even doctors tend to make jokes about the patients, this isn't something related to race/ethnicity is just about the opportunity to crack up a laugh. In general, this type of situation doesn't involve discrimination at all; people make fun of Whites, Blacks, Latinos, Chinese patients, etc.

I think your opinion is biased because you're Asian.

This, verbatim.

 

[Giggles88]

You named three relatively light-skinned Blacks. How progressive of you. 🙄

Also, I don't think the "I'm not racist because I'd have sex with a black woman" argument is valid. It is actually quite troubling, and you should know better.

"Relatively light-skinned?"

Don't let the lighting fool you. I've seen Gabrielle and Megan Good in person and they definitely qualify as dark-skinned black women. Just because they aren't as dark as that "Precious" actress doesn't mean that they are "relatively light-skinned". If anything, these women are at least "relatively dark-skinned."


But anywhoo... Was the skin and progressive comment necessary? It seemed really out of place. 😕

Are you seriously attacking the guy, because the black women he currently has a hardon for aren't dark enough (in your eyes)? 😕 😕 😕 whoa

 

[Brando989]

Everyone is missing the point of this thread. The OP needs advice on what he should do with regards to the nurse's comment and most everyone has told him that he just needs to let it go. He's not being overly-sensitive at all and should definitely report her.

I'm having trouble seeing how future doctors and healthcare providers can seriously give someone that kind of advice. It just goes to show you how little hardship some people have endured themselves. When you have struggled and suffered it really opens your eyes and gives you less tolerance for ignorant people.

 

[45408]

Everyone is missing the point of this thread. The OP needs advice on what he should do with regards to the nurse's comment and most everyone has told him that he just needs to let it go. He's not being overly-sensitive at all and should definitely report her.

I'd consider that a passive-aggressive move, and a sign that the OP can't handle interpersonal communication. If he wanted to do something, it should have been right then, in the form of "I find that offensive." There's no actual power dynamic, because he's a volunteer, and not an employee. If some surgeon were making inappropriate comments, a nurse might keep quiet for fear of losing her job, in which case going up the chain makes sense.

 

[music2doc]

Everyone is missing the point of this thread. The OP needs advice on what he should do with regards to the nurse's comment and most everyone has told him that he just needs to let it go. He's not being overly-sensitive at all and should definitely report her.

I'm having trouble seeing how future doctors and healthcare providers can seriously give someone that kind of advice. It just goes to show you how little hardship some people have endured themselves. When you have struggled and suffered it really opens your eyes and gives you less tolerance for ignorant people.

Why would you "report" her? What is that going to do? Get her in trouble? (Maybe.) Is it going to fix her behavior? (No.) Does it reflect poorly on your interpersonal/conflict resolution skills? (Yes.) If he is going to voice his opinion, it needs to be directly to her and, to be most effective, immediately following the incident. Afterward and from another person introduces all sorts of unnecessary drama, confusion, misunderstanding, etc.

OP, I would personally let it go at this point and address it immediately after if it occurs again. Do so in private with the nurse and in a professional manner with both confidence and humility.

 

[jl lin]

Why would you "report" her? What is that going to do? Get her in trouble? (Maybe.) Is it going to fix her behavior? (No.) Does it reflect poorly on your interpersonal/conflict resolution skills? (Yes.) If he is going to voice his opinion, it needs to be directly to her and, to be most effective, immediately following the incident. Afterward and from another person introduces all sorts of unnecessary drama, confusion, misunderstanding, etc.

OP, I would personally let it go at this point and address it immediately after if it occurs again. Do so in private with the nurse and in a professional manner with both confidence and humility.

👍 Agree.