Rant/Vent

  • Thread starter Thread starter ipokeyoupoke
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BU Medical Sciences
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ipokeyoupoke

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Its almost 2am and I can't sleep...again. After having withdrawn all but two of my apps to save the admissions officers from reading the application of a POS, I'm done. I spend my days with worked up anxiety and worthlessness because with two weeks before the Thanksgiving "deadline" I have no II. I don't think I will get one. On the one end it just confirms everything I knew about myself, proving that I was right in something for once: I'm a POS, worthless, and an overall failure I guess. On another end, it breaks my heart to know that I wasted so much energy (sleepless nights, passionate dedication ) over the years to prepare for this moment only to be broken....
 
ipokeyoupoke said:
Its almost 2am and I can't sleep...again. After having withdrawn all but two of my apps to save the admissions officers from reading the application of a POS, I'm done. I spend my days with worked up anxiety and worthlessness because with two weeks before the Thanksgiving "deadline" I have no II. I don't think I will get one. On the one end it just confirms everything I knew about myself, proving that I was right in something for once: I'm a POS, worthless, and an overall failure I guess. On another end, it breaks my heart to know that I wasted so much energy (sleepless nights, passionate dedication ) over the years to prepare for this moment only to be broken....
Click to expand...
Do I understand correctly: you withdrew a bunch of apps at the beginning of November because you were convinced your app was bad? Way too early to give up! You'd already spent the time and money, why withdraw?
 
ipokeyoupoke said:
Its almost 2am and I can't sleep...again. After having withdrawn all but two of my apps to save the admissions officers from reading the application of a POS, I'm done. I spend my days with worked up anxiety and worthlessness because with two weeks before the Thanksgiving "deadline" I have no II. I don't think I will get one. On the one end it just confirms everything I knew about myself, proving that I was right in something for once: I'm a POS, worthless, and an overall failure I guess. On another end, it breaks my heart to know that I wasted so much energy (sleepless nights, passionate dedication ) over the years to prepare for this moment only to be broken....
Click to expand...

Are you here for an internet hug?
 
You might have shot your chances at getting in at all. Looking at your posting history, you don't have great stats and you applied to schools like UMich and Johns Hopkins....Next time, apply to schools within your reach and if you really want it, you'll have to muster the courage to try once again. Best case scenario those two schools you have left might be gracious enough to accept you!
 
Go talk to a therapist, not the internet.
 
I think your mental well being needs to be addressed. I realize everything is worse at 2am and maybe you aren't nearly as mentally broken-down as that post sounded, but I think you should go talk to someone. If someone I knew and cared about spoke to me about themselves like that, I would be more than concerned. Depression is so prevalent among premed/medical students. You need to know you aren't alone when it comes to that! Please go talk to someone about this. Making the decision to pursue medicine, or not, does not need to be made today. Making sure you feel as good as you can about yourself as a person should be the priority. I hope I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I found your post very concerning.


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1.) You might want to consider seeing a professional. That feeling of self-worthlessness is troubling.
2.) I see you are an URM and have a 3.5s/cGPA, what was your MCAT retake score?
3.) I also see you applied to Michigan and Hopkins (yes, did some light stalking into your post history), your school list may be inappropriate depending on that MCAT.
 
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You're very far from alone. This waiting period has been one of the worst, most stressful and uncertain times of my life as well, but one of the best things for you to do right now to improve your mindset is to get off SDN and STAY OFF OF IT.
 
This thread has been reported by several users due to the comments about self-harm. SDN takes such statements seriously and we would like to remind the OP and all posters that SDN should not serve as a place to obtain counseling or other advice regarding significant psychological issues. Anyone who is contemplating harming themselves should immediately seek professional counseling advice, not rely on SDN or other non-professional resources.

Members who have serious concerns about their career and would like to post details more anonymously may do so in the Confidential Consult forum.

At this time, given the nature of the thread and the concerns expressed, the moderation staff of SDN will close this thread.
 
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