really awkward situation

[Kneecoal]

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through some miscommunication, my ex who is a second year at the med school of the same school where we both did undergrad, thought he was going to write me a character rec letter for the same school's dental school. i'd never agreed to this, and said i wasn't sure of the idea, and that i wanted to do it on my own. the interview is on 10/30. he said that he understood, but that he wanted to know that it could only help my app. again i wasn't sure, so he sent an email to the dean asking if they would welcome such a letter (just saying i'm a colleague), and they said they would. he'd written a letter on behalf of someone he knew trying to get into the med school, and while of course it's not all attributed to him, the kid got in.

my problem is, i still don't think i'm comfortable with the idea. yeah he'll say good things about me (we're on good terms), but at the same time i wouldn't want him to overdo it, and most of all, i wouldn't want them to ask me how we know each other, blah blah. i feel like while it could potentially help me, it could also hurt me. but now, what if i tell him not to write one, and they ask me what happened with the letter they were expecting! i don't know. i want to go with my gut, but i'm feeling kind of confused. what to do?

 

[Gbrando2]

Ex husband or ex boyfriend?

 

[alanan84]

My initial inclination was that it's not that big of a deal. But after thinking about it a bit more, I'd just go with your gut (which I'm assuming is telling you not to do it?) If they ask why they didn't receive it you can just tell them the truth, you didn't feel comfortable about it. That may get you some ethics brownie points!

 

[Em394]

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with that. I don't think his letter can help you all that much. My school has a committee letter and in addition to the letters of recommendation from professors, they will accept letters from other health professionals or employers. I don't think a letter from a med student is very impressive. If you really need a character reference I would ask one of the dentists you shadowed or someone you have worked for.