rejected gift from professor

[dryuja]

After my professor wrote my recommendation and sent it to interfolio, I gave her a card and inside was a gift card. I received an e-mail today from her saying that she can't accept my gift and that she enjoyed working with me and that she is rewarded by my successes and future goals coming to pass. She said she would be in her office next week so that I could pick up the card.

How should I respond? I definitely am not going to go pick up the gift card. I would feel wierd taking back a gift. Should I just not reply to her e-mail? She's actually retiring this week and so that Is why I was proactive about getting her a card and gift right after she wrote the letter and sent it to interfolio.

I hope this doesn't mean that the letter is negative and so she feels guilty accepting a gift from me.

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[Slide]

If you really don't want to take it back, just tell her to give it to a friend or her organization of choice.

 

[dryuja]

Well... has anyone else experienced this when giving gifts to their professors? Maybe, I should have got her something more small like a mug. I gave her a $25 gift card.

 

[lilnoelle]

I think professors aren't able (against rules of institution) to take gifts from students. I tried to pay for a professor's meal once and was told I couldn't for that reason. If you want to give her the gift, wait till after she retires and try to give it again. I bet she'll take it then. Definitely don't be offended. I know it was against my college's rules and is probably the same for yours.

 

[4paw]

Accepting gifts would be about ethics. Your prof is being very very ethical. I'd say, go pick up the gift and card, and even share with her that you felt embarrassed when you realized the ethics - knowing that it is such common practice, otherwise. Ask your prof about it - i'm sure you'll get a great conversation - the prof is saying that gift enough is your future success - that sounds like a positive letter. They'd probably love to talk about being ethical - it obviously means a great deal to them! It's o.k. to be embarrassed and share that you're embarrassed. Especially as view-points vary widely on the ethics of letters/gifts/ etc.

 

[j-med]

..

 

[blee]

It would have been inappropriate for your professor to accept the gift. I'm sure you had good intentions, but it was also inappropriate for you to give it to her. No harm, no foul; your prof has defused the situation very nicely. Pick it up, talk to her briefly about it.

 

[mountainhare]

No offense to the OP or anything, but I've been told before that a gift card is a kind of a tacky present to give a professor. If you'd given her a $25 potted plant or a $25 plate or something, rather than a $25 gift card, she might have accepted it. I don't know. Sometimes people feel weird about accepting a gift card, because it looks like, well, money.

The other thing that's weird about giving someone a gift card is that the receiver knows exactly how much it cost you.

 

[dryuja]

The gift card was only for $25.00. I personally don't think that it is too much, is it?

 

[j-med]

No offense to the OP or anything, but I've been told before that a gift card is a kind of tacky present to give a professor. If you'd given her a $25 potted plant or a $25 plate or something, rather than a $25 gift card, she might have accepted it. I don't know. Sometimes people feel weird about accepting a gift card, because it looks like, well, money.

ok yea, cos i was gonna say, unless it's very expensive, normally it should be okay to give profs gifts I thought, nothing "unethical" about that

$25 isn't too much, but i guess it's the like the above post, it may be like money to them perhaps

 

[dryuja]

How interesting... I looked at so many posts on this forum about gifts to professors and that was one of the gifts that was suggested.

 

[nmnrraven]

No offense to the OP or anything, but I've been told before that a gift card is a kind of tacky present to give a professor. If you'd given her a $25 potted plant or a $25 plate or something, rather than a $25 gift card, she might have accepted it. I don't know. Sometimes people feel weird about accepting a gift card, because it looks like, well, money.

The other thing that's weird about giving someone a gift card is because the receiver knows exactly how much it cost you.

This guy, or gal, hit it right on the head in my opinion. It's too late now to really change anything about it but if I were you, I'd tell them that it's a gift and that they can give it to a friend or a charity of their choice. A good choice in the future is to get them something that is pertinent to their field. A nice pen is a great gift for any researcher, especially if you engrave it with their name. It isn't as costly as you'd think either. 🙂

 

[j-med]

How interesting... I looked at so many posts on this forum about gifts to professors and that was one of the gifts that was suggested.

yea i agree, i was just thinking about taking my prof to lunch, now i might have to rethink that a little more


i wonder where i can check the school's rules on that~

 

[dryuja]

a plant, mug or chocalates probably would have been a good idea, but I had class in the morning and didn't really want to carry a "gift" around all day. I will probably send her an e-mail saying that I am unable to pick it up due to work or whatever and say some stuff that I understand that she may not be able to accept gifts due to ethics or whatever. Then I will say for her to donate it to someone or whatever. I personally don't think it makes sense because she has already written the letter and sent it, why can't I give her a gift to show her my appreciation. If I had given it to her beforehand it might have been different. Next week is her last week and then she retires.

 

[MNsocsci]

I baked all of my letter writers cookies and they accepted them happily. I think that as long as the gift is small its not a big deal. OP, personally I wouldn't give a gift card because of what an earlier poster said that it is too similar to money and $25 actually seems like a lot for a simple thank you gift. I think your only choice at this point is to take it back and tell your prof that you didn't realize that it would be a problem and you just wanted to express your appreciation. It sounds like the prof wrote you a positive letter so I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[red dot]

After my professor wrote my recommendation and sent it to interfolio, I gave her a card and inside was a gift card. I received an e-mail today from her saying that she can't accept my gift and that she enjoyed working with me and that she is rewarded by my successes and future goals coming to pass. She said she would be in her office next week so that I could pick up the card.

How should I respond? I definitely am not going to go pick up the gift card. I would feel wierd taking back a gift. Should I just not reply to her e-mail? She's actually retiring this week and so that Is why I was proactive about getting her a card and gift right after she wrote the letter and sent it to interfolio.

I hope this doesn't mean that the letter is negative and so she feels guilty accepting a gift from me.

normally i'd just tell 'em to give it someone else, but to make things simpler in an awkward situation, and one with a nice professor who wrote you an LOC, i'd go and pick it up. but i'd go in and say something along the lines of "i hope i didn't offend you with this in any way" as well as a "thank you again for the loc," because one could interpret gift cards as an insult/rude. i'm sure she didn't take it that way, but it's the principle. gift cards are like currency. next time, try a fruit basket or a plate of brownies or flowers 🙂

 

[blee]

You will put your professor in a very uncomfortable position if you don't pick up the card yourself. If you really don't want it, it's your responsibility to give it to someone else.

I think others have hit on the biggest issue with this gift -- gift cards are too much like real money, and it's easy to misinterpret the intent. "Here's $25 for writing a positive letter of recomendation for me." Stick to low-value, non-monetary gifts like cookies or other essentially "priceless" objects.

Oh, and on a related note, don't forget that SDNers are giving you free anonymous advice. You often get what you pay for.

 

[PariPari]

i took bagels to a review session once (it was a weekend morning & our prof had canceled his tee time & our TA woke up to be there as well)

I tried to look at their book shelves & see what type of books they had, & tried to hint at what book they wanted to read but just hadn't had time to pick up yet & went to barnes & nobles & bought it.
thought about the (starbucks) gc thing, but ppl here are a bit iffy on the place, some absolutely hate it, others tolerate it, w/e & i wasn't about to get into that w/ them
as a going away present my friend's (3 of 5 were graduating) lab got their PI a harry&david basket

in farsi it'd be taroof, like a gesture of kindness you don't actually have to follow through, like hey i'm moving here, if you're in town for a conference lemme buy ya coffee

 

[8744]

The gift card was only for $25.00. I personally don't think that it is too much, is it?

Don't take this the wrong way but you are an idiot.

What on earth are you thinking? Not only is it unacceptable to "tip" a professor for a good letter but $25 bucks is an insult. Not to mention she may have trashed you or more likely damned you with faint praise in the letter.

Jesus. I realize that medical school admission is competative but really....

 

[8744]

You will put your professor in a very uncomfortable position if you don't pick up the card yourself. If you really don't want it, it's your responsibility to give it to someone else.

I think others have hit on the biggest issue with this gift -- gift cards are too much like real money, and it's easy to misinterpret the intent. "Here's $25 for writing a positive letter of recomendation for me." Stick to low-value, non-monetary gifts like cookies or other essentially "priceless" objects.

Oh, and on a related note, don't forget that SDNers are giving you free anonymous advice. You often get what you pay for.

Maybe the advice is free and usually worthless but I can say with 100 percent certainty that nothing says "kiss ass" like giving a professor a gift for writing a letter.

 

[bbas]

I really don't understand the rationale behind giving gifts. A personalized thank you card is all that you really need to give a professor in exchange for a letter.

 

[Creightonite]

take it back if she does not want it.

 

[bubbleyum]

I baked all of my letter writers cookies and they accepted them happily. I think that as long as the gift is small its not a big deal. OP, personally I wouldn't give a gift card because of what an earlier poster said that it is too similar to money and $25 actually seems like a lot for a simple thank you gift. I think your only choice at this point is to take it back and tell your prof that you didn't realize that it would be a problem and you just wanted to express your appreciation. It sounds like the prof wrote you a positive letter so I wouldn't worry about it.

i did this exact same thing as well. i knew it was probably against the rules to give them anything that resembled a store-bought gift, so i made a few batches of homemade cookies for all of them, packaged them really cute, and gave to them with a thank you card. they all liked that i think.

 

[nycpizza]

yes, take it back.

I think next time you should bring something like a plant, or cookies....

don't fret, it's not a big deal.

 

[Nikki2002]

for real--take it back and go spend it. whatever!

 

[kirexhana]

Maybe the advice is free and usually worthless but I can say with 100 percent certainty that nothing says "kiss ass" like giving a professor a gift for writing a letter.

how is it kiss ass? i didn't expect anything from them after... they also weren't expecting a present from me when they were writing the letter. professors don't owe students letters of rec no matter how good the students are, they do it as favors, and people simply show their appreciation in different ways.

i personally knew my profs well enough to know they would write good letters for me (3/4 of them showed me the actual letter before they sent it) and i thought i'd give them a gift like i would to any friend that supports me. please don't generalize and say that anyone that gives a gift to a professor is a brown-nosing idiot, because it makes you seem like a jerk.

 

[SaturdayDwarf]

Don't take this the wrong way but you are an idiot.

What on earth are you thinking? Not only is it unacceptable to "tip" a professor for a good letter but $25 bucks is an insult. Not to mention she may have trashed you or more likely damned you with faint praise in the letter.

Jesus. I realize that medical school admission is competative but really....

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're an a-hole. Leave the OP alone. I am getting my PI a restaurant gift card, and that is what most of the students I have talked to are doing as well.

IMO gifts like plants and plates are lame. Nobody wants them. You're just wasting your money and might as well just write a card and save the cash.

 

[kirexhana]

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're an a-hole. Leave the OP alone. I am getting my PI a restaurant gift card, and that is what most of the students I have talked to are doing as well.

IMO gifts like plants and plates are lame. Nobody wants them. You're just wasting your money and might as well just write a card and save the cash.

amen...

 

[nycpizza]

pipe down kiddies, mommy hasn't had her coffee yet.

😛

 

[WhiteHatDoc]

Wow, people can respond really harshly to such a small problem, chill out.

hey OP, it's no big deal. bake some cookies or a cheese cake and hand those in instead and take the 25 dollar gift card back. I feel bad that you actually found someone in this board who said that giftcards were a good idea.

You'll feel better once you leave the office. =)

 

[LUBDUBB]

Yep, IMHO, gift is a bit overboard. But whats done is done. Do as she says and get the card back. Next time, just write the prof a thank you email or something. Then when you get into med school go back and see the prof and thank them again for their guidance and advice.

Sorry you had to bear the discomfort of the situation, but I guess you live and ya learn. Sometimes we get caught up in the details and end up with page long threads about how to give gifts to profs, and miss the bigger picture.

 

[juiceman311]

im getting my PI a bottle of crown royal, **** ethics

 

[mountainhare]

im getting my PI a bottle of crown royal, **** ethics

Among my friends, wine is considered a normal gift to get a PI or a thesis advisor. A tin of tea or powdered hot chocolate makes a yummy gift, too. I'd recommend tea. Yum!

 

[juiceman311]

Among my friends, wine is considered a normal gift to get a PI or a thesis advisor. Tea is a yummy gift, too. I'd recommend tea. Yum!

my PI's a drunk

 

[kirexhana]

my PI's a drunk

so's mine, i got him some wine...

 

[mountainhare]

Also, it makes me feel awkward when people quote me before I finish editing my posts, because then it's obvious to everyone that I'm an OCD freak who re-writes everything ten times. 😳

 

[Nikki2002]

my one psych prof would totally love a 12 pack. no lie!

 

[NonTradMed]

Hmmm...maybe it's a regional thing. I gave two of my professors presents after I got into med school thanking them for writing me a recommendation. I even gift wrapped one---I could tell that professor was really touched by my present, I don't think anyone ever gave her stuff. My other professor didn't bat an eye when I gave her a stuffed monkey (she loves monkeys). I guess it helps that they had written my recommendation for me a year ago...I don't know, didn't seem unethical to me. I already got into med school at that point!

I also used to give my other professors thank you cards with thin paper Chinese cutouts inserted in them (they used to not sell them in the US and americans seem to really like the delicate hand work). None of my professors ever complained or sent back my gift. I guess maybe it was the price and the fact the present was a gift card that made the OP's prof feel she should give it back---it might have felt too much like giving money and that may have made her feel uncomfortable. I try to limit gifts to something nice and cheap but thoughtful to show appreciation.

To the OP, just go in to get the giftcard and apologize for the incident. Tell her you didn't think about the ethics of giving something so close to money to a professor. After she retires, bring her something nice---but not a gift card. 🙂

Giving gifts to teachers is an old tradition, in this and other cultures. We just need to be careful it doesn't appear to be a bribe. 🙂

 

[red dot]

hey OP,
don't listen to any of the negativity on this thread. you meant well and your professor knows that. she knows you're just learning the social ropes in the post-college world 🙂. i'm still learning a few things myself. anyway, it's just the idea of the gift card was a little off is all. you were not being a kiss ass. it only would have been if you gave her gift cards throughout the semester. lol. anyway, just bring her something nice like flowers or cookies or even just a simple thank you card (which i did) when you go and pick up the gift card. and just kinda mumble or mention that you didn't mean the whole gift card thing in any negative way, all of it really a gesture, then everything will be cool. 🙂 it's really not that big of a deal, like and "oh whoops" situation. you have other things to actually worry about.

 

[dryuja]

I appreciate all the comments - even the not so nice ones. I was definitely naive in giving the $25 border's gift card. I guess I will have to let go of any pride or embarrassment and take the card back. She asked me to e-mail her the time when I will pick up the card so I guess I will write an apology in the e-mail and then reiterate it when I see her. I don't think I should bring her another "gift" beit small or priceless. What if she returns that too and then it will be really awkward? I really need to think about what I will say to her... 🙁

 

[kirexhana]

maybe it differs by school?

at my lil state school, it's no secret that the profs are overworked and underpaid, so giving a gift card isn't an insult or anything... but yea, i guess giving soemthing equivalent to money to say.. a nobel laureate is absurd. i still believe that something from the heart either bought or made should be given if they go out of their way to help you.

 

[coralfangs]

i personally dont think gifts are for asskissing
its just a token of apprepriation
considerin that ur prof spent hrs on ur letter, a fruit basket or a box of chocolate is the minimum u should do

of cuz the gift depends on how well u know the prof
giving gift card to large department store might not be as good of an idea as giving the prof his/her favorite food/drink

well, most profs wouldnt mind gifts with no monetary value
make them something~!
right at this moment, im doing a small painting of lilies for my supe

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

I'm going to gag. These gifts are so ******ed and inappropriate. It is part of a professor's unwritten duties to write a letter of recommendation for his/her student. You can thank them with a thank you card, or telling them personally thanks, but a gift, ANY gift, is just kissing @ss. The $25 is just ridiculous - you could have bought her a book or whatever instead, but better yet, no gift at all.

I don't want to be harsh - everyone wants to do everything they can to get into med school, but sometimes you need to consider what's appropriate and what isn't. Would you give a fruit basket to the coach who let you into the team, or the prof who agrees to do research with you? Heck, why not give it to the the English prof who gave you an easy A on a paper you think deserved an A-? There are professional duties and there are things that go beyond the realm of the profession, and what's professional needn't and shouldn't be rewarded with cheap gifts.

 

[MNsocsci]

I appreciate all the comments - even the not so nice ones. I was definitely naive in giving the $25 border's gift card. I guess I will have to let go of any pride or embarrassment and take the card back. She asked me to e-mail her the time when I will pick up the card so I guess I will write an apology in the e-mail and then reiterate it when I see her. I don't think I should bring her another "gift" beit small or priceless. What if she returns that too and then it will be really awkward? I really need to think about what I will say to her... 🙁

I agree. At this point don't get her another gift. It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm sure she appreciated the thought, even if she felt she couldn't accept it.

 

[red dot]

I'm going to gag. These gifts are so ******ed and inappropriate. It is part of a professor's unwritten duties to write a letter of recommendation for his/her student. You can thank them with a thank you card, or telling them personally thanks, but a gift, ANY gift, is just kissing @ss. The $25 is just ridiculous - you could have bought her a book or whatever instead, but better yet, no gift at all.

I don't want to be harsh - everyone wants to do everything they can to get into med school, but sometimes you need to consider what's appropriate and what isn't. Would you give a fruit basket to the coach who let you into the team, or the prof who agrees to do research with you? Heck, why not give it to the the English prof who gave you an easy A on a paper you think deserved an A-? There are professional duties and there are things that go beyond the realm of the profession, and what's professional needn't and shouldn't be rewarded with cheap gifts.

asskissing falls into every fake thing a jerk might do for someone until he get what he wants. the op already got his/her letter from the professor and was expecting nothing else from the professor. besides, the gift was from the heart. the op just mis-stepped with the gift card is all. it happens. though giving professors gifts in return for grades is kind of tacky, nowhere has the op mentioned anything about grades, so why go there? and besides, giving professors gifts for letters or grades they earned anyway doesn't have to mean anything. and writing a LOC is a professional favor, not a professional duty.
and how the hell is a gift from the heart considered "cheap?"

 

[j-med]

I'm going to gag. These gifts are so ******ed and inappropriate. It is part of a professor's unwritten duties to write a letter of recommendation for his/her student. You can thank them with a thank you card, or telling them personally thanks, but a gift, ANY gift, is just kissing @ss. [...]

I don't want to be harsh - everyone wants to do everything they can to get into med school, but sometimes you need to consider what's appropriate and what isn't.[...] Heck, why not give it to the the English prof who gave you an easy A on a paper you think deserved an A-? There are professional duties and there are things that go beyond the realm of the profession, and what's professional needn't and shouldn't be rewarded with cheap gifts.

It's just a note of appreciation that's all. Plus, note the OP's already completed the class and the prof's gonna retired anyways, how can that be inappropriate?

 

[45408]

Maybe the advice is free and usually worthless but I can say with 100 percent certainty that nothing says "kiss ass" like giving a professor a gift for writing a letter.

or female? 😛 I get the gist that many of these gift-givers are female, mostly because I can't imagine a guy giving cookies or those plush microbes to a professor

 

[coralfangs]

I'm going to gag. These gifts are so ******ed and inappropriate. It is part of a professor's unwritten duties to write a letter of recommendation for his/her student. You can thank them with a thank you card, or telling them personally thanks, but a gift, ANY gift, is just kissing @ss. The $25 is just ridiculous - you could have bought her a book or whatever instead, but better yet, no gift at all.

I don't want to be harsh - everyone wants to do everything they can to get into med school, but sometimes you need to consider what's appropriate and what isn't. Would you give a fruit basket to the coach who let you into the team, or the prof who agrees to do research with you? Heck, why not give it to the the English prof who gave you an easy A on a paper you think deserved an A-? There are professional duties and there are things that go beyond the realm of the profession, and what's professional needn't and shouldn't be rewarded with cheap gifts.

well, i feel sorry for the profs who have students like u
u thinking bakin cookies for ur prof is cheap? i think simply sayin thanks after a year long of great teaching is cheap
of cuz it depends on the size of the class and ur relationship to the prof
u cannot just generalize all the gift-giving situations like this

there are times when u see ur prof sas great mentors/friends/etc, u cant just help it but feel that it would be nice to give them something nice and meaningful at the end of the year

what u just said makes me want to puke

meaningful gifts are worth giving
i am painting my prof a pic not because im tryin to kissass, she already WROTE me a LOR,
but becuz i know she likes flowers and im just trying to show her my appreciation for everything that she's taught me, she even helped me improve my skills in photography too

i wonder what do u give ur mother for Christmas....

 

[coralfangs]

or female? 😛 I get the gist that many of these gift-givers are female, mostly because I can't imagine a guy giving cookies or those plush microbes to a professor

guys bake too, fyi

 

[mountainhare]

I remember when I was in elementary school, my mom forced me to buy presents for my teacher at the end of every year. Well, actually, my mom did the actual buying of the present, and it was usually something bland like a calendar or a plate. And I was usually one of only a few kids in my class who brought a present for the teacher, and it was really obvious that the other kids were being forced to do it by their mothers too, and my face always got really red when I actually had to walk up to the teacher's desk and give her the gift-wrapped box with the ridiculously big bow on it. The other two or three kids who had brought presents were always really embarrassed-looking, too. We felt like idiots, and we were angry at our mothers for coercing us to make fools of ourselves.

I imagine the other 90% of the kids in my class, the ones who weren't trained by their mothers to give gifts of appreciation to teachers, grew up to be Panda Bears and Mercaptovizadehs. Of course, a gift is never *necessary*, and some choices of gifts are tackier than others, but I would never call a gift from the heart "******ed" or "gag-worthy." When I have kids, I think I'm going to force them to give gifts to their elementary-school teachers, too.