Relationship problems in med school

[calbredj]

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Hey all. There are some other relationship theads but they are over 2 years old. I have a fellow med student friend with a unique situation and I wanted to know what other med students/medical professionals thought.


A buddy of mine and her b/f started dating back in 2003. We all graduated undergrad in 2006 and she and I started med school (countdown to graduation!!) and he started law school. 1/2 way through 2nd year in feb 2008 her b/f got caught giving a friend of his answers on an exam. The kid who asked him for help had an entire pda hidden on his lap apparently during the exam.

Her b/f was dragged into this, rightly so, but was let off with suspension because he wasn't receiving any answers and he had demonstrated enough remorse I guess. All though this my friend stuck by him and they still dated and actually got engaged the following December. He is set to graduate in 2010 now (a better class i'd say 🙂.

Problem is my friend (the woman) has been asking me for advice for weeks because she is not sure she should marry him. They've been together for over 6 years now, and she loves this guy (I've known her since high school, him since 2003). She says she's torn about marrying someone who would give someone answers on an exam and risk their future so foolihly. She wants my opinion as another driven professional student. I honestly would have been pissed at him/her, but gotten over it because of all we had and they way they were able to bounce back, and want to tell her such, but am I crazy?

What do you people all think? Would you stay or would you go? Would it matter if he had had to leave law school? As far as I know this guy and her are perfect together, but now she is questioning everything, and I can see it hurts her, right when we should be focusing on interviews and matching.

Input is welcome.

 

[VoiceofReason]

sounds like hes a loser and thats all there is to be said here since we don't know these people nor is it any of our business. close thread.

L
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[Rendar5]

You could always ask her what's really bothering her and what's really going on (who knows if it even has anything to do with this guy)...

 

[Music MD]

She says she's torn about marrying someone who would give someone answers on an exam and risk their future so foolihly.

Personally I wouldn't ever think this would be a reason someone would have doubts about marriage.. especially if its not part of his usual character and its only one instance. Clearly it affected your friend, but quite honestly they'll have bumpier roads to cross in marriage. If a single mistake as petty (relatively speaking) as giving a friend answers is truly giving her doubts, then I suspect there is a more fundamental issue in their relationship. Whether or not they should hold off on marriage because of it is up to them, but I can't see how you could promise yourself to someone for life when you aren't certain you could keep that promise.

(Side note: I'm pretty sure it's impossible for anyone to know for certain if they could keep that promise.)

 

[Excelsius]

Are you really serious? No, I don't think she should marry him. If she loved him or if their personality was compatible, you know what she'd do when she heard about that story? She would call her bf dumb and get a good laugh out of it. That's it. It's not like he assisted in murder. I'll bet you $100 their marriage isn't going to last long. There is definitely an issue, but it's not about pulling a prank or two at some school.

Also, the fact that you're asking a question like this on a medical forum thread is pretty peculiar by itself. Do you really expect to get any help from a bunch of people who don't even know about the couple? And I assure you, this problem has nothing to do with being a "professional student." C'mon.

 

[BTC]

From your post, I would recommend against marriage. And solely because this girl sounds like she has the maturity level of a 15 year old. Life is so much bigger than school exams. If she doesn't have that perspective, she shouldn't be marrying anyone.

 

[armybound]

Marriage is always scary. There are always doubts about who you're marrying. It's a big decision.

It's a weird position to be in, I guess. She either knows he's like that or he isn't. If he has a habit of dishonesty, he should go to law school.... oh wait.

 

[Danae00]

.

 

[calbredj]

Also, the fact that you're asking a question like this on a medical forum thread is pretty peculiar by itself. Do you really expect to get any help from a bunch of people who don't even know about the couple? And I assure you, this problem has nothing to do with being a "professional student." C'mon.

I asked because this IS a medical forum. The both of us are in med school and medcince has this aura, real or not, of being a conservative, professional field. I wanted to know the general feeling of other like minded people. I think she's either grasping at straws to leave, or searching for reasons to stay and she's looking for validation from other.

As far as those who think there is a more serious underlying issue, you're right. She is white and he is egyptian muslim (and no, her rents do not know, even after 6 years). I just wanted an idea of how other people people would react to a loved one donig something so stupid and my peers are a good palce to go for no personal bias.

Keep em coming.

 

[scurred09]

The OP need to grow up. Having doubts about your bf because he gave answer on a test is no reason to stop marriage. Are you cheating on him?

Hey all. There are some other relationship theads but they are over 2 years old. I have a fellow med student friend with a unique situation and I wanted to know what other med students/medical professionals thought.


A buddy of mine and her b/f started dating back in 2003. We all graduated undergrad in 2006 and she and I started med school (countdown to graduation!!) and he started law school. 1/2 way through 2nd year in feb 2008 her b/f got caught giving a friend of his answers on an exam. The kid who asked him for help had an entire pda hidden on his lap apparently during the exam.

Her b/f was dragged into this, rightly so, but was let off with suspension because he wasn't receiving any answers and he had demonstrated enough remorse I guess. All though this my friend stuck by him and they still dated and actually got engaged the following December. He is set to graduate in 2010 now (a better class i'd say 🙂.

Problem is my friend (the woman) has been asking me for advice for weeks because she is not sure she should marry him. They've been together for over 6 years now, and she loves this guy (I've known her since high school, him since 2003). She says she's torn about marrying someone who would give someone answers on an exam and risk their future so foolihly. She wants my opinion as another driven professional student. I honestly would have been pissed at him/her, but gotten over it because of all we had and they way they were able to bounce back, and want to tell her such, but am I crazy?

What do you people all think? Would you stay or would you go? Would it matter if he had had to leave law school? As far as I know this guy and her are perfect together, but now she is questioning everything, and I can see it hurts her, right when we should be focusing on interviews and matching.

Input is welcome.

 

[scurred09]

OP needs counseling if she is seeking muslim men for love.

I asked because this IS a medical forum. The both of us are in med school and medcince has this aura, real or not, of being a conservative, professional field. I wanted to know the general feeling of other like minded people. I think she's either grasping at straws to leave, or searching for reasons to stay and she's looking for validation from other.

As far as those who think there is a more serious underlying issue, you're right. She is white and he is egyptian muslim (and no, her rents do not know, even after 6 years). I just wanted an idea of how other people people would react to a loved one donig something so stupid and my peers are a good palce to go for no personal bias.

Keep em coming.

 

[Music MD]

As far as those who think there is a more serious underlying issue, you're right. She is white and he is egyptian muslim (and no, her rents do not know, even after 6 years).

How are they possibly considering marriage when after 6 years the parents still don't know he is an egyptian muslim? Have they even met the guy? Gotta say... this situation is more than a bit strange.

 

[calbredj]

How are they possibly considering marriage when after 6 years the parents still don't know he is an egyptian muslim? Have they even met the guy? Gotta say... this situation is more than a bit strange.

This is why I tried to keep it to just the facts about school. I'm just looking to see what people think. If your parnter was caught giving someone answers on an exam, in a professional school, would that be a deal breaker given how hard we worked to get to med school? Would such an act signify to you some deep flaw in character?

 

[ChiDO]

deal breaker....just wow. I think it's a bigger deal breaker that she would even come up with something like this and make a big deal out of it.

Character flaw???!?!

If she is trying to find a reason to break up with him, then just do it and stop trying to justify it that he's the problem becuase he helped someone on a test. If anything, it sounds like maybe she have some hidden agenda and/or guilt and is trying to pass it off on him...but that's just my opinion.

 

[MilkmanAl]

Agreed across the board. She's either crazy or picking holes. Either way, I wouldn't want to be her man when the wedding bells ring. Yikes.

 

[Rendar5]

Seriously, why are you even asking us this when it's completely obvious that this has absolutely nothing to do with medicine, cheating, law school, and isn't even your own relationship. It's like asking us what's the best way to deal with your friend's tiny papercut, is dermabond really needed or can she let it heal on its own, and oh yeah, she actually came to me because she's having a massive heart attack, but I didn't want to mention that cause it's clouding the issue.

Tell her to get counseling and to actually resolve issues in her own life and her relationship instead of grasping at straws about everything else. There are very very very obvious issues in the relationship that she is completely ignoring.

I hope for his sake that she either dumps him or deals with the issues. I sure as hell would not want to marry someone who had doubts about a small incident a few years ago that's long since resolved, and yet won't even tell her *#$%ing parents that she's going out with me for 6 years and is my fiancee.

 

[cbtk18]

A "friend". Suuuuuurrrreee

 

[matlabsux]

I agree with other posters that this is a rather unique question for SDN but I think it's no stranger than some of the crazy b.s. that gets asked on here.

Personally I think the woman has dug herself a nice hole by keeping quiet for so long an hiding everything. Rather than come clean to her rents and possibly face their anger/disappointment/whatever, she is looking for external excuses to end the relationship.

As for him, 6 years and he didn't press the issue of telling her parents, really? Is that normal operating procedure for inter-cultural/racial relationships? This planet has so much lnoger to go if being afraid to date/marry someone from another culture still has people so scared or parents so on edge.

I say he should drop the coward and move on.

 

[scurred09]

Just let it go doc. The OP is on crack.

Seriously, why are you even asking us this when it's completely obvious that this has absolutely nothing to do with medicine, cheating, law school, and isn't even your own relationship. It's like asking us what's the best way to deal with your friend's tiny papercut, is dermabond really needed or can she let it heal on its own, and oh yeah, she actually came to me because she's having a massive heart attack, but I didn't want to mention that cause it's clouding the issue.

Tell her to get counseling and to actually resolve issues in her own life and her relationship instead of grasping at straws about everything else. There are very very very obvious issues in the relationship that she is completely ignoring.

I hope for his sake that she either dumps him or deals with the issues. I sure as hell would not want to marry someone who had doubts about a small incident a few years ago that's long since resolved, and yet won't even tell her *#$%ing parents that she's going out with me for 6 years and is my fiancee.

 

[Mackey]

Your friend is high maintenance and sounds annoying.




Just saying.

 

[minimed55]

As a jewish woman, I can sympathize with the pressures of family and maintaing your culture in the united states. But seriously, she kept if from her family for 6 years? Amazing.

While cheating is stupid and wrong, it seems like her b/f was not the one cheating per se, but he did give his friend answers. Obviously the school thought he was worth keeping.

You say you are graduating med school this year. That can be scary what with applying for residency, not knowing where you're going, etc.. It really seems like she is desperate for any reason nto to have to face her family, I wish both of them luck. I sure hope she matures for her patient's sakes.

 

[calbredj]

I want to thank those of you who've helped out with constructive remarks. Why people feel it's remarkable I'd ask fellow professional students about this issue, I don't know. We have all worked very hard to get where we are, and if we were close to someone who risked it all over somthing so dumb as giving help on an exam I wanted to know if you'd be as scared/nervous about your friend as my friend was.

School is not the same as life, btu what you do in school can impact your life in a bgi way (e.g. what if you were kicked out of med school, what would you do?) so I wanted to find out if others would see this misake as such a big deal.