.

[deleted852735]

.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Tenk]

Go to the school. If he doesn’t support you he isn’t worth it.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

I empathize with your situation. But only you understand how difficult it is to get into another medical school once you reject an offer from a school. Your boyfriend needs to support you and you need to go to the school. He is ignorant of the odds and you must make the right choice, which is go to school. Either he is onboard or you need to move on without him.

 

[UnoMas]

Go become a doctor. It seems to me that you are willing to do a lot for that dude and he's not willing to reciprocate. Unfortunately, you might think you are perfect for each other now, the majority of the time it won't work out. *knock on weood* 2 years from now when you guys broke up and you still are not in medical school, you'll be kicking yourself. Go pursue your dream!

 

[Smurfette]

Several things:
1. Turning down an acceptance will definitely make things more difficult for you; why would a school believe you are serious about med school when you turned down a spot? Schools do know you previously were accepted elsewhere and it will hurt you. You won't get into this same school again, either.
2. Odds of getting a transfer is very low; don't assume this can happen or give your bf false hope on this one. Especially if you are looking at only one specific school to take a transfer.
3. Let's say you turn it down and never get in again. Will you forever be upset or will you be able to move on? If you guys break up, as most relationships do, are you going to feel it was worth this relationship to give up being a physician for him? Most people I know become pretty bitter when they majorly changed their life paths for someone they later break up with.
4. You've known him less than a year (!!), are considering marriage and mention that this could solve his legal status issues. Maybe he is "the one". Or maybe this is a big red flag. Are you actually engaged currently? How much time have you actually spent with him since you've met?
5. Big red flag if you are in an LDR and you have to go to him every time and he wouldn't be willing to come to you/alternate. Plus every other weekend to travel elsewhere is time-consuming and pricey. Two things that are extremely precious in med school are time and money. If you are going to do a LDR, it can't be a lopsided arrangement and he needs to be willing to come to you/not get upset if you need time to study/etc.
6. Sounds like your in-state school is a better bet financially as well. If your bf was thinking about your [collective] future, he should also be considering the difference in debt incurred as that will affect him as well. And waiting "a few" years to get in school will only increase your debt, as tuition doesn't go down.
7. What does he want to do that he thinks will be a challenge to find a job in your state? Is it an excuse/BS or a legit concern?
8. Other than encouraging you to go to med school, what does your family think of all this?

 

[dr.grenouille]

Possible scenario 1: You give up this acceptance, move to be with your boyfriend, get married, apply in a few years, don’t get in, and live a life of regret whether you stay with him or not. Or you keep applying until you do get in, bitter about wasting years of your life for someone that wasn’t worth it, or was worth it but still wasted your time.

Possible a scenario 2: You take this acceptance and go to medical school, fulfill your dream of being a physician, and your boyfriend either realizes he should find a job where you are because he wants to spend his life with you or he doesn’t and it doesn’t work out and you eventually find someone that is supportive of all your hopes and dreams, willing to follow you around the world.

Choose your own adventure.

 

[trobinsonmd]

I've been in a semi-similar situation, minus the whole DACA stuff... I don't mean to be rude or abrasive, but I think your boyfriend is being both selfish and maybe part of it could be due to the fact that he doesn't understand how hard it is to get into medical school. If you had a 3.9/515, I would say apply again, no problem, but I think you would really, really be gambling if you didn't take this acceptance, and your odds of getting in again are probably less than 50%. I was picking between NYU and a few west coast schools 4 years ago and my girlfriend at the time HATED nyc and wasnt't willing to move and also was not willing to do long distance... I told her I'd try to do residency wherever she wanted and I tried to make a bunch of other compromises with her, but she just was not willing to budge. Someone that isn't willing to budge or make any concessions is not worth it -- in addition, someone who is potentially jeopardizing your future and your career is also not worth it... that is probably not what you want to hear... If I was you, I would tell your boyfriend that I am going to be moving to the school, and that if he was serious about this relationship, he would either move with me or try to make long distance work... if both parties are committed to the relationship, long distance works... I had classmates during MS1 who had significant others 2500 miles away, and they made long distance work and ended up getting married after school or during residency... it is hard but it is doable for those who are committed enough

 

[Domperidone]

What everyone else has said above.
Notice the overwhelming response is choose the school.

You may never get another chance and other schools will find out. Unless your boyfriend has gone to med school he has no idea what it's like applying to one. His reassurances are only to get you to do what he wants. They have no meaning apart from this.

He's the selfish one, not you. Say that to yourself a few times - you are not being selfish. Don't hurt yourself by allowing this idea to take over.

Taking on a crappy job is not the same as forcing the other person in the relationship to throw away a chance at a career that you worked hard for. And med school is not the equivalent to his crappy job.

If he can't handle this now...
He's going to have a harder time dealing with your clinical rotations in school and residency later. You could live under the same roof and it will still feel like long distance. He has to be okay with this or it's going to be complicated for you later. He's already making you feel guilty now. If he's not supportive now, he's an idiot if he think's he'll be supportive of your career later.

Long distance is hard but not impossible.
If you both find satisfaction (when you're young and don't have kids) in the careers or studies you're in, it's doable. Forcing one person to sacrifice their individual dreams is not fair and leads to resentment later - it will poison things. If you're both committed, you can make it work. By always keeping lines if communication open - like mandatory weekly skype dates and ensuring there's always a visit scheduled. When you're busy, and you will be, the pain of being apart won't be as noticeable.

Think of this as a test of whether he's worth it. You've just graduated from college, you're young. Don't throw your life away for relationship so quickly. If it was meant to be it will work out, whatever life throws your way.

Without all that complexity, and disregarding whether its selfish or not, what is it that you want? How badly do you want to be a doctor?

 

[DubbiDoctor]

As fate would have it though, I got a call at the end of the school year saying I was accepted. And I accepted it

You have already expressed what you want to do. You want to go to medical school and become a doctor, or else you would not have accepted the position. Don't let your boyfriend guilt you out of pursuing your dreams. Marriage requires compromise, and if he can't tolerate a long distance relationship or moving to where you will be attending med school, he is not someone whom you can trust to maintain a healthy, happy marriage.

And to be clear, the choice isn't attend medical school now or wait a year or two and attend medical school in exactly the location he prefers and which requires him to make no sacrifices. The choice is attend medical school now, following your heart and dreams, or most likely never attend medical school. Med schools don't look kindly on people who turned down a spot, and they won't be swayed by your story of choosing your selfish boyfriend over your medical career.

 

[Rajaredhilu]

If you dont go to this med school you will most likely miss your chance. Then you will marry your boyfriend and your relationship will be rocky because you had to turn down medical school for him. If you guys really want it to work it can. Just go to med school

 

[deleted103644]

You might have even less choice of where you end up for residency. It does not appear your BF will be supportive enough for your career, not just now but in the future.

I would not turn down your admission unless you would rather be with him than become a doctor. Tough to say which choice is the right one without actually being you.

 

[Nucleophile1]

Choose the school and dump the boyfriend.

If you turn this acceptance down, you may not get another acceptance in the future. Acceptances aren't guaranteed so him saying that you will definitely get in somewhere else is silly.

 

[jurisburger]

(My opinion)

Both parties should take on a fair share of compromises. I don't buy in to the traditional views of "a man should do blah blah" or "a woman should do blah". BUT no one should feel like they have to compromise their life career for the possibility of furthering a relationship. AND I know you shouldn't be feeling guilty you got in to medical school.

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

He sounds controlling and emotionally manipulative. Don’t let the fact that he has DACA status guilt trip you into compromising your goals for him. You need to find a man who roots for you, and wants to work with you to make your dreams happen. Plenty of good guys in this world, and you’ll meet many more throughout your training. It sounds like you know in your heart what you need to do. It’s going to be very hard on you in the short term to make this decision, but things will get better.

 

[Basil246]

(My opinion)

Both parties should take on a fair share of compromises. I don't buy in to the traditional views of "a man should do blah blah" or "a woman should do blah". BUT no one should feel like they have to compromise their life career for the possibility of furthering a relationship. AND I know you shouldn't be feeling guilty you got in to medical school.

This.

But also, like others were saying, since you were already accepted now, not going with it is going to kill your chances later at any school. So you’re not choosing between a relationship and delaying school. You’re chossing between a relationship and school at all

 

[Scrubs101]

The med school option and it’s not even close. My girlfriend and I had this discussion (not as similar since theres no DACA in ours), and it came down to getting into med school is huge and where you end up is where you end up. Take the acceptance and achieve your dreams, don’t stick with some (controlling) guy that doesnt value your dreams. Rolling the dice again after already having a guaranteed in somewhere is stupid.

Im not sure if its just the way you wrote it or the way im interpretting it, but this guy sounds like bad news. He either supports your dreams and makes it work, or you walk away from it all and focus on yourself. Theres no other options.

Couples should help eachother work towards their goals, not deny eachother the possibility. Will long distance be hard? Yes. But anyone that wouldnt want to make it work while you work towards your goals isnt worth the effort in the first place.

Say you do wait, get married, and eventually get into med school somewhere else. Will he divorce you if you get matched into a residency where he doesn't want to be? Will he tell you to back out of a residency if you match somewhere where he doesnt like? These are all things to consider as until your an attending you dont have a ton of control over where you end up.

My suggestion is if he doesnt get his act together and actually support you.....#DumpNChange

Best of luck OP

 

[Snoopy2006]

I won't pretend to know you or understand your relationship from across the internet, but based on what you've written, there are many red flags in your story.

This decision is fairly easy. You go to the school. Your BF, at least the way you've written about him, seems selfish. You talk about marriage, but if your relationship can't survive a few hours long distance I'd question whether your judgment is off. Marriage is filled with much bigger obstacles.

The consensus - from doctors and medical students who have seen many similar stories - is to take the admission and don't look back. If he's as devoted to you as you are to him, he will adapt and make it work.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

Correct me if I am wrong, but it is rare if ever that responses to a post are unanimous. Take the hint OP.

 

[joe7456]

I had a girlfriend who was here in the states legally, and then some stuff happend and her documentation was invalid. I loved her a lot, she loved me. Of course, when it happend she wanted me to marry her and she stated she would move with me wherever. In the end, we dragged our feet along in the relationship for another 1.5 years, and just before I got accepted into medical school, she broke up with me (likely because I hadn't put a ring on it). I understand her situation was a lot harder than mine, but it wasn't my place and it wasn't for the right reasons to marry. Take wise thought into marriage as it is a life-long committment that deserves careful consideration, and impulsive decisions before medical school are not characteristics that will translate into a competent physician. I am going to get married to someone who is willing to stick with me through medical school- that will be my test of someone who truly loves me.

 

[676188]

OP, I’ve been married almost 20 years, and we have 5 children together. He has been very successful in his career, we have a lovely home, good income, and our kids are in a great school district.

Do you know what my husband said me when I told him I wanted to be a doctor, when I told him my dream school was 1000+ miles from home, he will probably have to change careers, we’ll have to sell our house, uproot our kids, etc? He said, “Go for it, I know you can do it. You helped me achieve my dream, I’ll flip burgers if I have to to help you reach yours.”

OP, that’s love. That’s commitment. If that’s what you have, you’ll find a way to hold on to it and reach both of your goals. If you don’t have it, run NOW.

 

[sunshinefl]

Luckily your boyfriend got a renewal so you aren’t in a time crunch to get married. You should take your acceptance and he should finish his school and then join you.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I’m married with two kids. My wife and I each had good careers. I told her about a program through my job that would let me go to medical school, but we’d have to move to the other side of the country, and she’d have to give up her job.

She told me to go for it, and we’ll figure it out. That’s love. This guy is selfish and is seeing you as a guarantee to stay in this country, wanting you to accommodate him. Tell him you’re going to school, and if he really loves you, you will make it work. Because that’s what adults do.

 

[raiderette]

Hopefully this guy will surprise you. He can move closer to you, get a job where you are, take steps to be able to marry you. In the long run, it is better for you to be a doctor. Most people who apply to med school don't get in. Of those who get an acceptance, most only get one acceptance. Let him know this is your chance.

 

[DokterMom]

It has all been said -- I'll just add one more voice to the chorus.

The man who's right for you will be willing to make many sacrifices to help you achieve your dream, because your happiness and helping you reach your life goals will be as important to him as it is to you. There will be more sacrifices down the road as you may not be able to get your first choice location for residency and you will not have as much free time to spend with him as he would no doubt prefer.

Tell him honestly that you were venting "sour grapes" about the school because you knew your odds of admission were tiny, but that if you were being completely honest, that you loved it and felt right at home. That's big. And that the school's average stats are way above yours, so you were doubly lucky to be accepted to such a good school. Also let him know that while you appreciate his confidence in your abilities, odds of being re-admitted elsewhere after turning down this opportunity are really very small, so what he is asking was for you to basically give up on your dream, not just postpone and relocate it. (It's not like he could guarantee you an admission in his preferred location anyway. He would pretty much always have to move to wherever it is you got accepted.) If you, your success and your happiness are important to him, he will regroup and vow to try to make it work. Or at least agree to play it by ear and try it.

You said also that you put others before yourself. Have an honest talk with him (and be honest with yourself) about how you will need to put your own needs higher up the priority list for a while. Failing out of medical school is permanent, and you need to protect the time it takes for you to succeed. A truly supportive partner will understand that this means he shops, he cooks, he cleans more than half the time. Again, if he's not willing to do this for you and/or you feel guilty about it, that'll drag you down.

You have an incredible opportunity. The right man will be celebrating your success, not moping about his own inconvenience.

 

[PTPoeny]

To give him the benefit of the doubt there are also foreign countries where it isn't that hard to get into medical school and the classes the first few years are the weed out point. Your boyfriend could have a very different perspective on how important this particular admission is for you. I hope after an honest conversation about how much you like this school and the realities of the system in this country he will support you in going to this school.

My husband also hates the state i come from for no particular reason but happily lived there for 8 years as I went through an MD/PhD program because it was the best option for my career.

 

[DokterMom]

This. This is why I married my husband as well. He made me a priority in his life.

Ditto. And it makes all the difference in the world.

Shortly after my now-husband and I met I was offered a good job opportunity in another city that would ultimately be much better for my career. Though we were both in that giddy new relationship glow, I decided (and he agreed) that it would be foolish to turn down a promising opportunity for a brand new relationship and that if we were meant to be and the relationship was really as great as it seemed, we'd be able to make long distance work long enough to find that out and make a well-reasoned decision down the road. When the time came that we were both sure, we each offered to relocate for the other but eventually determined together that opportunities were equal for him (after a start-up) and better enough for me that it made more sense for him to move.

 

[831929]

Hi, First time posting on this, and this is a long post. I'd love some thoughts, and I would appreciate some compassionate input and consideration of my situation.

Here goes: I applied to an in-state school last year. Shortly after, I met my boyfriend while he was on an internship in my city during the fall 2017 semester. He lives 5 hours away from me and is still in school. We are perfect for each other. I have never been as happy with anyone as I have been with him, and I literally have no idea how I could be happy with anyone else -and I've had plenty of previous boyfriends.

As it turns out, I got an interview to the school, but later got an email saying that the class was full, and any interviews would be for waitlist positions. I decided, what the heck I will go to the interview, of course I won't get it, but it will be good practice. While my GPA is pretty good (3.82), my MCAT score was a 504 while the average MCAT for the school is a 512, and I literally interviewed on the last possible day to interview. It didn't seem possible that I would get accepted.

Also as it turns out, my boyfriend is on DACA - he isn't a citizen, but he has permission to be here due to that fact. I learned this Spring that his DACA expired in September, and he seemed convinced that, due to the politics of the country right now, he would not be able to renew it. He also has one more semester of school and supports his family, so it isn't possible for him to move here until 2019, after he graduates. His fear, and my fear, led me to say I would move there this summer and we would get married and move in together. In addition to wanting to marry him, this would allow him to get a visa that ensures he can remain here legally.

I didn't anticipate getting taken off the wait list for the in-state school. Also, my fear that my boyfriend could end up in a circumstance that places him in this country illegally, led me to repeat multiple times that I would not attend the school even if I got in. Part of it was just expecting that I wouldn't get it. The bigger part was that, I didn't want to make him feel bad about me declining med school for him. I would completely do so, given such a dire possibility. I confirmed to him that I would just re-apply to schools for the following round.

As fate would have it though, I got a call at the end of the school year saying I was accepted. And I accepted it, hesitantly. I want it, but my boyfriend's situation seemed more important. Every time I visited him, he would worry that I would leave him and attend the school, and I reassured him I would never leave him behind. I even re-took the MCAT June 16, and I won't get the scores back until July 17. I was going to call the school and remove my application. But....

His DACA got renewed! This means that he has another 1 and 1/2 year to stay here legally till he must take other actions. As a result, it seems less time critical for me to move where he is.

I had already promised him I would move where he lives and in some ways made it out like I didn't even like the school. So I tried to bring up going to the school once his DACA was renewed, (a good school by the way), and he shut it down, saying he is worried it won't work out for us if I attend medical school, because long distance is so hard to do (we have already done it for a semester), and it was really difficult. We both want to get married.

However, I am currently having the hardest time of my life right now. I want to attend medical school so much, and I have worked so hard to get in. I defied several odds in getting accepted, because my MCAT score was low compared to the school's average, I applied kind of late, and I interviewed late while the only available seats were waitlist seats. I also love my boyfriend so much, I would do anything for him. It feels like I'm being forced to choose though. My boyfriend keeps saying how hard it would be in the long distance thing, and I've read on SDN that most LD relationships end the first semester. I am willing to work with him in any way if I go to this medical school: I will fly up to him every two weeks on the weekend, I will try my best to transfer schools after two years, if he gets a job an hour away from the school after he graduates we can move so its a 30 minute drive for both of us.

My boyfriend hates the state that I live in. He supports me going to medical school... just not the one I got accepted to. He keeps saying I will get into medical school out of state, even if it's several years away from now, in an effort to reassure me. He keeps repeating that it will be super difficult to get a job near the school that I got accepted to, and if he does get one it will be a "crappy" job. He says he will help me out monetarily once he graduates, as I've told him how much more expensive out of state is than in-state. He says that the long distance the first semester "we can try" but he's worried that the long distance will be too much for our relationship. Then there's the fact that I constantly repeated that I would not go to the school... I don't want him to feel like I lied to him or I'm fickle, but the truth is that its so much harder to justify giving up this opportunity when his ability to live in this country isn't immediately threatened. The price of attending is so much cheaper, I can get it out of the way and stay "in the zone" since I just graduated from college this past semester, and frankly I really liked the school... the only problem is the location. I am willing to do long distance, but I'm worried about the strain it will have on our relationship. We are so happy when we are together, but when we do long distance it is a true challenge.

My parents and sister and immediate family are begging me to go to the school, as they're worried I may never get in again. I am worried too. My boyfriend implores me to re-apply, reassures me I will get in eventually, and wants me to move where he is. I wonder if it's selfish to attend this medical school, and if my boyfriend will feel like I'm choosing medical school "over him". It shouldn't be a choice, but it feels like one. Finally, the fact that I literally accepted worries me - will other medical schools find out and realize that I broke my word with the school? I get that for those who don't understand the medical school route, it can be difficult to comprehend the challenges involved, even though I've tried to explain them to my boyfriend several times. I'm so torn right now about whether I should re-apply and move with my boyfriend or attend the school.

If your future application shows you were accepted to school and denied, that drops your chances of ever getting accepted again. The guy sounds manipulative based off your short description. Your goal of going to med school was there before you met him and if he is trying to change that, he is not the right guy. Go to medical school. If he doesn't make it work, then he wasn't going to stick around for the hard times anyways.

 

[Adem Jashari]

I’m going to keep it blunt, short and simple - tell him good riddance and go to medical school. And Even if he is ok with you going to Medical school in your state, and wants to work it out, dump him. He sounds like he doesent even care to listen to you or do what is best for you, he sounds like he is using you and he sounds selfish. That’s not love. You seem bright and kind and selfless, you’re going to make a great med student and doctor. Please listen to everyone on this post.

 

[rg2o3]

Well, the obvious choice is school. I will be starting school in July and just ended my relationship. Don’t have time for someone to be selfish and hold me back in any way. I’ll find someone that will support my goals. You should do the same.

 

[tinyllamas]

OP- you're allowed to be selfish. Taking care of your own needs is NOT wrong. You have to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else, and that will apply throughout medical school, residency, and your career. You *earned* this chance, nobody gave it to you, you didn't get lucky. Your school is excited to have you and picked you over hundreds of other applicants. You have unique gifts that are absolutely going to make a difference for other people long term. It's okay to protect that investment and that long term goal, it isn't a negative self centered thing. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like it is.

Like somebody else said, it sucks that you're feeling guilty about getting into your dream school to pursue your dream career. Let your heart swell and embrace the excitement!!! If he's the right guy for you, he will make space for you to follow your dreams- with enthusiasm.

 

[Goro]

OP- you're allowed to be selfish. Taking care of your own needs is NOT wrong. You have to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else, and that will apply throughout medical school, residency, and your career. You *earned* this chance, nobody gave it to you, you didn't get lucky. Your school is excited to have you and picked you over hundreds of other applicants. You have unique gifts that are absolutely going to make a difference for other people long term. It's okay to protect that investment and that long term goal, it isn't a negative self centered thing. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like it is.

Like somebody else said, it sucks that you're feeling guilty about getting into your dream school to pursue your dream career. Let your heart swell and embrace the excitement!!! If he's the right guy for you, he will make space for you to follow your dreams- with enthusiasm.

There's a mountain of great in this thread, and so OP, I don't need to repeat it, but want to reiterate what tiny has pointed out. Med students HAVE to be somewhat selfish. You can't run home every time Uncle Joe needs to go to his chemo app't or mom's car's goes belly up.

Your SO sounds like someone who would have a lot of trouble with a very, very common conversation in the families of medical students:
Him" What are you doing?
You: Studying.

Keep your eyes on that med school and don't look back. In four years, you will be a doctor.

 

[MissGamerMD]

I'm just going to echo what everyone else has said here: take the acceptance, dump the significant other, and move on. You don't need someone who is less than supportive, and you certainly don't want to gamble on getting accepted again.
I'm married and starting med school in August at a site that is certainly not my top pick. My SO and I love big coastal cities, and this is certainly not that. Instead of being stubborn and mellowing in a self-pity party, my SO has celebrated this acceptance and has gone all in. It's going to take about 6 months to finalize his work transfer, but by spring he will be living with me and we will make this new location work together as a team. That is the kind of relationship you want to work for. People that care do not tear you down for achieving your dreams, just because it doesn't align perfectly with theirs.
You do you, put yourself first (because nobody else will), and you'll find a healthier relationship in time.

 

[atomi]

OP,

I was in a similar situation as you before medical school. I had my first really serious girlfriend that I was in love with. I was inexperienced and wasn't in a position to see that she was manipulative. She became angry that I wanted to go to medical school and began acting out and trying to use other guys to make me feel jealous and make me not want to leave. She basically refused to go, and I ended up deferring (thankfully the school took pity on me) to give myself some more time to deal with the emotional hell she was putting me through. I was able to convince her to come with me the following year with a promise of marriage, but she held it against me. Ultimately she ended up cheating on me about halfway through my first year of med school, got pregnant, tried to tell me it was mine (until I found out about the cheating), and caused me a lot of distress that affected my performance in school. I learned a lot of lessons from this hellish relationship.

The bottom line is that you should absolutely go to medical school. If your partner is not completely supportive, you need to get rid of him now. If he doesn't want you to go and you try to force it, it will end in disaster. Looking back, it's a miracle I made it through as this stupid girl almost cost me my career. I should be finishing residency in a few days. Because of her, I still have another year.

I want to re-emphasize this. You are young and not married to this person. The only reason you should continue your relationship while starting medical school is if your partner is 100% supportive of your goals. From your post, it is clear that he is not.

When I was in your shoes, I solicited the same kind of help/advice you are trying to do right now. The overwhelming response was that she was a manipulative loser who would make my life hell. I refused to accept this reality everybody else saw because she had gotten in my head and clouded my objectivity. I thought I could make it work (it didn't). I thought she would come around/grow up (she didn't). I thought I would be ok trading a medical career for a life with her (I wouldn't have). I didn't think I could find anyone else as good or better (I did -- multiple ones).

 

[IMG69]

Just end the relationship, I bent over backwards for my girlfriend I even saved her future in Medicine. We were the same talking about marriage, had a perfect relationship, never had a single fight. She broke up with me purely because I wasn't religious and completely out of the blue; no other reason, I had always told her i'll support her and go to church etc I had no problem with it and participating but that wasn't good enough somehow. I basically just laughed because it was so ludicrous especially knowing her mother was behind it and even after all the effort I had to put in to get her through depression and save her from out dropping out and essentially throwing her life away.

I basically was the 'ideal' guy that a few of the female members above had posted about, I would've done and did everything and anything for her. So rightly so I was devastated beyond belief and felt life was just unfair.

There's a lot of people on here with stories like this, we all survived, go to the school, download a dating app and get out socializing, it'll help with the pain and the void the breakup has left, you'll find a lot of the qualities you liked about him in other people.

They say you'll have 5 chances in life for a 'perfect' relationship, so you've still got plenty more

 

[LOTR]

Hi, First time posting on this, and this is a long post. I'd love some thoughts, and I would appreciate some compassionate input and consideration of my situation.

Here goes: I applied to an in-state school last year. Shortly after, I met my boyfriend while he was on an internship in my city during the fall 2017 semester. He lives 5 hours away from me and is still in school. We are perfect for each other. I have never been as happy with anyone as I have been with him, and I literally have no idea how I could be happy with anyone else -and I've had plenty of previous boyfriends.

As it turns out, I got an interview to the school, but later got an email saying that the class was full, and any interviews would be for waitlist positions. I decided, what the heck I will go to the interview, of course I won't get it, but it will be good practice. While my GPA is pretty good (3.82), my MCAT score was a 504 while the average MCAT for the school is a 512, and I literally interviewed on the last possible day to interview. It didn't seem possible that I would get accepted.

Also as it turns out, my boyfriend is on DACA - he isn't a citizen, but he has permission to be here due to that fact. I learned this Spring that his DACA expired in September, and he seemed convinced that, due to the politics of the country right now, he would not be able to renew it. He also has one more semester of school and supports his family, so it isn't possible for him to move here until 2019, after he graduates. His fear, and my fear, led me to say I would move there this summer and we would get married and move in together. In addition to wanting to marry him, this would allow him to get a visa that ensures he can remain here legally.

I didn't anticipate getting taken off the wait list for the in-state school. Also, my fear that my boyfriend could end up in a circumstance that places him in this country illegally, led me to repeat multiple times that I would not attend the school even if I got in. Part of it was just expecting that I wouldn't get it. The bigger part was that, I didn't want to make him feel bad about me declining med school for him. I would completely do so, given such a dire possibility. I confirmed to him that I would just re-apply to schools for the following round.

As fate would have it though, I got a call at the end of the school year saying I was accepted. And I accepted it, hesitantly. I want it, but my boyfriend's situation seemed more important. Every time I visited him, he would worry that I would leave him and attend the school, and I reassured him I would never leave him behind. I even re-took the MCAT June 16, and I won't get the scores back until July 17. I was going to call the school and remove my application. But....

His DACA got renewed! This means that he has another 1 and 1/2 year to stay here legally till he must take other actions. As a result, it seems less time critical for me to move where he is.

I had already promised him I would move where he lives and in some ways made it out like I didn't even like the school. So I tried to bring up going to the school once his DACA was renewed, (a good school by the way), and he shut it down, saying he is worried it won't work out for us if I attend medical school, because long distance is so hard to do (we have already done it for a semester), and it was really difficult. We both want to get married.

However, I am currently having the hardest time of my life right now. I want to attend medical school so much, and I have worked so hard to get in. I defied several odds in getting accepted, because my MCAT score was low compared to the school's average, I applied kind of late, and I interviewed late while the only available seats were waitlist seats. I also love my boyfriend so much, I would do anything for him. It feels like I'm being forced to choose though. My boyfriend keeps saying how hard it would be in the long distance thing, and I've read on SDN that most LD relationships end the first semester. I am willing to work with him in any way if I go to this medical school: I will fly up to him every two weeks on the weekend, I will try my best to transfer schools after two years, if he gets a job an hour away from the school after he graduates we can move so its a 30 minute drive for both of us.

My boyfriend hates the state that I live in. He supports me going to medical school... just not the one I got accepted to. He keeps saying I will get into medical school out of state, even if it's several years away from now, in an effort to reassure me. He keeps repeating that it will be super difficult to get a job near the school that I got accepted to, and if he does get one it will be a "crappy" job. He says he will help me out monetarily once he graduates, as I've told him how much more expensive out of state is than in-state. He says that the long distance the first semester "we can try" but he's worried that the long distance will be too much for our relationship. Then there's the fact that I constantly repeated that I would not go to the school... I don't want him to feel like I lied to him or I'm fickle, but the truth is that its so much harder to justify giving up this opportunity when his ability to live in this country isn't immediately threatened. The price of attending is so much cheaper, I can get it out of the way and stay "in the zone" since I just graduated from college this past semester, and frankly I really liked the school... the only problem is the location. I am willing to do long distance, but I'm worried about the strain it will have on our relationship. We are so happy when we are together, but when we do long distance it is a true challenge.

My parents and sister and immediate family are begging me to go to the school, as they're worried I may never get in again. I am worried too. My boyfriend implores me to re-apply, reassures me I will get in eventually, and wants me to move where he is. I wonder if it's selfish to attend this medical school, and if my boyfriend will feel like I'm choosing medical school "over him". It shouldn't be a choice, but it feels like one. Finally, the fact that I literally accepted worries me - will other medical schools find out and realize that I broke my word with the school? I get that for those who don't understand the medical school route, it can be difficult to comprehend the challenges involved, even though I've tried to explain them to my boyfriend several times. I'm so torn right now about whether I should re-apply and move with my boyfriend or attend the school.

You should go to the school. If he is a decent guy, he will support you because those are your dreams. I went to medical school that was 27 hours drive/3 hours plane flight from my boyfriend, who supported me. We did long distance for the 4 years of med school. We made it work. He proposed to me during med school and we got married right after I finished. For residency, he moved with me to the location I matched because we were already married. We are still married 6 years later and very happy. Long distance absolutely can work. I had several co-residents whose spouses were doing residency in another state and they made it work.

 

[RockMcat520]

OP, go and become a doctor girl!! Do you know how many people wish they are accepted to med school?

 

[de Ribas]

Hi, First time posting on this, and this is a long post. I'd love some thoughts, and I would appreciate some compassionate input and consideration of my situation.

Here goes: I applied to an in-state school last year. Shortly after, I met my boyfriend while he was on an internship in my city during the fall 2017 semester. He lives 5 hours away from me and is still in school. We are perfect for each other. I have never been as happy with anyone as I have been with him, and I literally have no idea how I could be happy with anyone else -and I've had plenty of previous boyfriends.

As it turns out, I got an interview to the school, but later got an email saying that the class was full, and any interviews would be for waitlist positions. I decided, what the heck I will go to the interview, of course I won't get it, but it will be good practice. While my GPA is pretty good (3.82), my MCAT score was a 504 while the average MCAT for the school is a 512, and I literally interviewed on the last possible day to interview. It didn't seem possible that I would get accepted.

Also as it turns out, my boyfriend is on DACA - he isn't a citizen, but he has permission to be here due to that fact. I learned this Spring that his DACA expired in September, and he seemed convinced that, due to the politics of the country right now, he would not be able to renew it. He also has one more semester of school and supports his family, so it isn't possible for him to move here until 2019, after he graduates. His fear, and my fear, led me to say I would move there this summer and we would get married and move in together. In addition to wanting to marry him, this would allow him to get a visa that ensures he can remain here legally.

I didn't anticipate getting taken off the wait list for the in-state school. Also, my fear that my boyfriend could end up in a circumstance that places him in this country illegally, led me to repeat multiple times that I would not attend the school even if I got in. Part of it was just expecting that I wouldn't get it. The bigger part was that, I didn't want to make him feel bad about me declining med school for him. I would completely do so, given such a dire possibility. I confirmed to him that I would just re-apply to schools for the following round.

As fate would have it though, I got a call at the end of the school year saying I was accepted. And I accepted it, hesitantly. I want it, but my boyfriend's situation seemed more important. Every time I visited him, he would worry that I would leave him and attend the school, and I reassured him I would never leave him behind. I even re-took the MCAT June 16, and I won't get the scores back until July 17. I was going to call the school and remove my application. But....

His DACA got renewed! This means that he has another 1 and 1/2 year to stay here legally till he must take other actions. As a result, it seems less time critical for me to move where he is.

I had already promised him I would move where he lives and in some ways made it out like I didn't even like the school. So I tried to bring up going to the school once his DACA was renewed, (a good school by the way), and he shut it down, saying he is worried it won't work out for us if I attend medical school, because long distance is so hard to do (we have already done it for a semester), and it was really difficult. We both want to get married.

However, I am currently having the hardest time of my life right now. I want to attend medical school so much, and I have worked so hard to get in. I defied several odds in getting accepted, because my MCAT score was low compared to the school's average, I applied kind of late, and I interviewed late while the only available seats were waitlist seats. I also love my boyfriend so much, I would do anything for him. It feels like I'm being forced to choose though. My boyfriend keeps saying how hard it would be in the long distance thing, and I've read on SDN that most LD relationships end the first semester. I am willing to work with him in any way if I go to this medical school: I will fly up to him every two weeks on the weekend, I will try my best to transfer schools after two years, if he gets a job an hour away from the school after he graduates we can move so its a 30 minute drive for both of us.

My boyfriend hates the state that I live in. He supports me going to medical school... just not the one I got accepted to. He keeps saying I will get into medical school out of state, even if it's several years away from now, in an effort to reassure me. He keeps repeating that it will be super difficult to get a job near the school that I got accepted to, and if he does get one it will be a "crappy" job. He says he will help me out monetarily once he graduates, as I've told him how much more expensive out of state is than in-state. He says that the long distance the first semester "we can try" but he's worried that the long distance will be too much for our relationship. Then there's the fact that I constantly repeated that I would not go to the school... I don't want him to feel like I lied to him or I'm fickle, but the truth is that its so much harder to justify giving up this opportunity when his ability to live in this country isn't immediately threatened. The price of attending is so much cheaper, I can get it out of the way and stay "in the zone" since I just graduated from college this past semester, and frankly I really liked the school... the only problem is the location. I am willing to do long distance, but I'm worried about the strain it will have on our relationship. We are so happy when we are together, but when we do long distance it is a true challenge.

My parents and sister and immediate family are begging me to go to the school, as they're worried I may never get in again. I am worried too. My boyfriend implores me to re-apply, reassures me I will get in eventually, and wants me to move where he is. I wonder if it's selfish to attend this medical school, and if my boyfriend will feel like I'm choosing medical school "over him". It shouldn't be a choice, but it feels like one. Finally, the fact that I literally accepted worries me - will other medical schools find out and realize that I broke my word with the school? I get that for those who don't understand the medical school route, it can be difficult to comprehend the challenges involved, even though I've tried to explain them to my boyfriend several times. I'm so torn right now about whether I should re-apply and move with my boyfriend or attend the school.

Go to school, no turning back. If my SO were accepted to med school, I would support her with all my hands and legs and make her feel comfortable.

Please go to school.