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Relationships and Medical School

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - DO' started by gorgeousj9, May 10, 2006.

  1. gorgeousj9

    gorgeousj9 Member 5+ Year Member

    Feb 16, 2006
    Hey All,

    I am in a bit of a complication about relationships and medical school. I am sure this has been asked before, but I don't know. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for 2 years. As fate may have it, we may be going to the same medical school. Now, my boyfriend is "concerned" at the fact that I will be (for lack of a better way to put it) a burden on his during medical school. He is afraid that he cannot have a serious relationship while studying to be a doctor. Now, my belief is that this is utter horse doo. I have seen a lot of people who are married with kids, attending medical school. Not only that, I only know 1 person who is currently going to medical school that does NOT have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Of course, I know that there are many other single med students, but I hear a lot about ones that have relationships.

    Now, my question is, how hard is it to keep a relationship going while currently studying medicine? I know this may be a stupid question, but is it possible to have a relationship while in medical school? Or are we just doomed? I personally think yes, and that he just has problems to deal with, but what do you all think? :(

    Do you have any advice?
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  3. Hoberto

    Hoberto Squirrel Girl 10+ Year Member

    Apr 10, 2005
    I'll be married in medical school this fall but my spouse will be ~4hrs away. I actually think it'd be easier for you since you'll be able to stay together while in school. He'll understand the stresses you are going through. You guys can support each other. If he is really freaked out you could consider staying in separate places and just keeping the dating to the weekends until you figure out if you are too busy to stay together. Personally, I think if one of you is too busy to work on the relationship then you probably aren't right for each otehr anyway.
  4. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man 10+ Year Member

    Dec 6, 2005
    North Carolina
    There was a previous post on this topic here:
  5. erleichda

    erleichda Guest

    May 1, 2006
  6. gorgeousj9

    gorgeousj9 Member 5+ Year Member

    Feb 16, 2006
    I would like to thank everyone for posting the links to other threads so that I can see all of the great advices. I guess relationships are still very possible. but, how can one convince the other that things will be okay? I mean, I really love my boyfriend, and I would be very sad to lose him. Is there something I could tell him to reassure that things will be okay? Please help! I am completely heartbroken! *sniff*
  7. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man 10+ Year Member

    Dec 6, 2005
    North Carolina

    Hey kid,

    My gf and I have lived apart for most of our relationship. We started in high school and she decided to go to LaSalle in Philly while I went two hours north. We actually seperated for a year because it was kinda hard (being young and stupid). We are back together now and, if you cancel out the year, we have been going for over four years straight. That being said, I am going to be attending DMU while she will be staying here in NE PA. There is nothing you can say that will reassure them. It comes down to how much they want it to work and how much they are willing to put into it to make it work. Relationships take two people, that is what it comes down to. Its going to be hard, but, in the end, if it is what they want, it will be worth it.
  8. tickhound1500

    tickhound1500 New Member

    May 10, 2006
    You will be in a very similar situation to what I was in. The unfortunate truth is that your relationship will be stressed in many different ways. First of all, my situation was I meet my GF in undergraduate and we went to the same medical school. For the first two years it was pretty interesting. We were able to study together and learn from each other. We were able to separate school life from quality time with each other. We lived with each other and had an understanding about personal study time vs. joint study before an exam. Physical diagnosis was a breeze because you always had a partner to learn from. Things were going well and we got engaged. Then we went on to our clinical training years. Depending on how your medical school is set up you may be placed in different areas for your clinical training during 3rd and 4th year. This is where problems can arise. In the hospital setting, there is almost a built in dating environment, (ie nurses in training, residents getting with attendings, attendings getting with attendings, EMTs getting with students, drug reps getting with students, etc). It happens everywhere regardless of how large or small the hospital. In addition, the hospital is a stressful environment in itself and for some reason, stress bring with it an element of finding comfort with the individuals you work with because they are sharing that same stress. Even though you will both be students/doctors, unless you are in the same "code" or same rotating service, you will not truely be able to be congruent in your stressors. In my case, my significant found someone else. Regardless of how much we talked about getting married and making plans, she still found another person. In my class alone, 4 of 12 married couples divorced after first two years of medical school, and there were 8 "in-class" new couples that formed in medical school (all of the people were in relationships going into medical school). The main focus should be if you guys will be able to communicate effectively with each other. If there is even a hint of deteriotation of confidence in your relationship it is already in the process of failure. You must be completely candid with your significant with what you are thinking, and you must both be vigilant enough to not let jealousy interfere with your feelings. There is a lot of "flirting" in the medical field, probably more than any other that can also spell disaster. If you have truely found the person that you want to be with, I suggest waiting until your 4th year before making plans to move further with your relationship (ie marriage). When it comes time for licensing, if you decide to take his last name and graduate with it, your DEA number and board information will be a headache later if you decide to divorce and take your maiden name back or remarry. Nevertheless, this will give you both enough time to grow and will give you both enough experience in the field to know that you can handle the environments that you will be working. Trust and honest as with any relationship will be key, but more so with you because of the high percentage of divorce associated with your new found profession. Dont want to be a bummer, but want to be as honest with my experience, and what i see daily in the hospital. Best of luck to you, and I hope that you are successful with your intended goals.
  9. Mike2010

    Mike2010 Member 5+ Year Member

    Dec 10, 2005
    New York
    Thats a whole lot of hooking up! Drug reps haha...

    Seriously though, good luck. If you guys both want the relationship it'l work out.
  10. OSUdoc08

    OSUdoc08 Banned Banned

    Sep 30, 2003
    Break up with the loser. He obviously isn't prepared for a relationship with someone like you.

    P.S. Just about EVERYONE at my school is in a long-term committed relationship. We even had a married couple in our class.

    I couldn't even list single classmates with the fingers on my hands.

    He obviously is trying to get out of the relationship for whatever reason. Either that or he is totally clueless.
  11. wook

    wook Just a hairy situation Physician Faculty 15+ Year Member

    If a person is willing to TRY to make a relationship work, it stands a better chance, and as other posters have stated, there are plenty of people that make it work.

  12. scpod

    scpod Physician Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

    Oct 13, 2005
    Trust me...that's not the real reason. There's a lot more on his mind and it probably stems from problems that you have yet to even talk about-- problems that you don't even know exist. Relationships can, and do, work in medical school, but the ones that succeed are built on a very solid foundation. Yours doesn't sound like it has a solid foundation at all. I'm not saying that you should give up, rather, I'm saying that you should look a lot more closely at the relationship.

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