- Joined
- Dec 18, 2007
- Messages
- 153
- Reaction score
- 1
what do you guys think
relationships during MS1/2....any success?
- Thread starter biggiesmallsiz
- Start date
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Messages
- 2,750
- Reaction score
- 12
If it's something that is important for you, it's definitely doable. Most of the people in my class are in a relationship (heck, 30% of my class is dating each other, of which only one couple has broken up since last year). Just use your time wisely because if you don't build the foundation for a relationship during your first two years, you're a lot less likely to do it 3rd year.
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2007
- Messages
- 153
- Reaction score
- 1
yeah ive done that before. girl wasnt good enough.
ps - thats not really me on the avatar. that should clear things a bit hahahaha
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2006
- Messages
- 353
- Reaction score
- 3
Yes definitely it is possible, but, as everybody says, it is a strain. So if your relationship isn't all that great going into med school, it almost certainly won't survive.
On the other hand, if your relationship IS good going into med school, you definitely can make it work, and the experience might make you closer. My long-distance (due to med school) relationship with my boyfriend back home has definitely accelerated the process of our deciding how we feel about each other (which is: we are going to get married).
So there can be, and are, plenty of happy endings. Almost everybody I know in med school is in a serious relationship, and so far we all seem to be doing well. You will need your significant other for support through this insanity, so if they really do love you, this will be an excellent opportunity for them to show it.
On the other hand, if your relationship IS good going into med school, you definitely can make it work, and the experience might make you closer. My long-distance (due to med school) relationship with my boyfriend back home has definitely accelerated the process of our deciding how we feel about each other (which is: we are going to get married).
So there can be, and are, plenty of happy endings. Almost everybody I know in med school is in a serious relationship, and so far we all seem to be doing well. You will need your significant other for support through this insanity, so if they really do love you, this will be an excellent opportunity for them to show it.
B
Blade28
It's tough. Most don't work out.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2004
- Messages
- 1,130
- Reaction score
- 1
are we talking within the class or with a non-med student? both are hard, i have been successfully doing the former - it does seem easier than the latter however although there are equally as many happy couples doing that. pros and cons to both definately
B
Blade28
When I was an MS-I, I think we had around 7 intraclass couples (14 students out of a small class! 😱 ) after the first few months. This peaked at around 10 intraclass couples later in the MS-II year.
But by graduation, all but one couple had broken up. The sole remaining couple got married a week after graduation, but last I heard, they got divorced about a year ago. 🙁
But by graduation, all but one couple had broken up. The sole remaining couple got married a week after graduation, but last I heard, they got divorced about a year ago. 🙁
B
Blade28
I actually think interclass couples have more of a chance than intraclass ones.
More perspective, I think.
B
Blade28
I can't quote any specific numbers, but we all know the divorce rate among physicians is higher than for the general population.
Those that get married in med school also have a higher-than-average rate of divorce, IIRC.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2004
- Messages
- 1,130
- Reaction score
- 1
ya, i agree that intra- is prob harder than inter-. less competition, and living the exact same life as someone else can be tedious you know. but it CAN be done so let's not lose hope! i know of LOTS of success stories and am quite happy myself at present 🙂
B
Blade28
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2007
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 0
a lot of in-class couple make it and a lot break up right before 3rd year. pick carefully though, cause if things don't work out it might be really awkward to see your former significant other every day!
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2006
- Messages
- 3,839
- Reaction score
- 184
I'm not seeing the problem. Things are great with my fiancée that goes to the same school but isn't in medical school.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2004
- Messages
- 1,130
- Reaction score
- 1
hmm i wonder why they break up right before 3rd yr? i guess at some point though you have to make the decision to apply to residencies strategically/couples match (which sounds scary to me) or just go do your own thing.
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2007
- Messages
- 93
- Reaction score
- 0
Gosh, bad news for me. I never had a relationship, and I was thinking about getting a relationship in medical school, because I spent all my undergraduate time on school work, EC, Reserach, CE, and MCAT 🙁 looks like it is not going to happen in med school again...
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2007
- Messages
- 68
- Reaction score
- 1
Are there usually very many inter-class couples? I would think that with schedules and responsibilities varying so much between the different years it would be difficult to do. For example, if an MSI and MSII date, the MSII probably has less free time than the MSI. Conversely, if they are still together 2 years later, the MSIV will have significantly more free time than the MSIII. So how often does this actually work?
B
Blade28
Not that many.
But you could also argue that at least ONE person would be free most of the time. In an intraclass couple, during the MS-III year, for example, the two students would constantly have different rotation schedules, call schedules, etc. With Q3 or Q4 call, it's entirely possible they'd only have 1-2 nights a week together at home.
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2002
- Messages
- 10,909
- Reaction score
- 1,156
Are you going to avoid getting into a relationship you want to be in just because people on SDN say relationships during med school are hard? You've got to live your life in medical school the same way you live in at any other time. I got married a few years before starting medical school, and medical school hasn't proved to be a greater strain on my relationship than any other non-blissful life stage. Lots of students at my school are married or in long-term relationships both with other students and non-students, and I know of very few breakups.
B
Blade28
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2004
- Messages
- 2,923
- Reaction score
- 9
B
Blade28
Huh...interesting. I stand corrected!
Wow I can't believe the divorce rate is only 33% among surgeons. Huh. 😕
Edit: hang on a second. That's some old data. The Hopkins study looked at couples from 1948 to 1964. I just did a search and found:
(Miller MN and McGowen KR. The painful truth: physicians are not invincible. South Med J 93(10):966-72, 2000 Oct)
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2007
- Messages
- 153
- Reaction score
- 1
how hard can relationships be?! i mean women, all you need to do for a successful relationship is...sex us, clean us, cook for us, and childbear...and let us have occasional affairs....thats ALL! how hard can it be?!
👎hahahha
👎hahahha
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2004
- Messages
- 2,923
- Reaction score
- 9
Not so fast! That paper cites as its source on the divorce issue the book by Sotile and Sotile (Sotile WM, Sotile MO: The Medical Marriage: A Couple's Survival Guide. New York, Carol Publishing, 1996). I own the revised edition of the book and just checked its references. In the introduction it says that "despite their somewhat lower divorce rate, [physicians] tend to be less happy in their marriages than many others," citing this 1989 article:
The psychology of postponement in the medical marriage. JAMA 261:2378
As far as I can tell the data I posted earlier is still the most current available. Note also that this paper on surgical residents found a "21.4% divorce rate post-residency:"
Ann Surg. 2005 Oct;242(4):520-6.
Now, I don't doubt that being a physician is a strain on a marriage and probably if you compared people of similar education level, SES, and age at marriage, you'd find a higher divorce rate among doctors. But I don't think the data show that the raw rate is particularly high, except among psychiatrists (still scratching my head on that one).
B
Blade28
Very impressive! I am humbled. 🙂
I just find it strange that the divorce rate among some specialties would be HALF of the general population?! Why is this? The "suck it up" attitude so pervasive in medicine? Fear of social stigma among colleagues? Fear of gossip/hospital grapevine? More access to counseling? Reluctance for the non-physician spouse to file for divorce, instead desiring to stick it out because of financial reasons?
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2002
- Messages
- 10,909
- Reaction score
- 1,156
Yeah, we'll see what happens then.
I'll note that I'm in the Bible Belt, so that probably changes the dynamics a bit -- people are encouraged to marry early, divorce is frowned upon, etc..
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2004
- Messages
- 2,923
- Reaction score
- 9
All of those might be factors, plus:
- bad data (there's really not that much out there on physician divorce)
- people with more education have a much lower divorce rate than the general population, as do those who marry later
- there is a theory that some physicians are workaholics because of, rather than in spite of their bad marriages
Who knows. As long as I can beat the odds...
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2005
- Messages
- 910
- Reaction score
- 5
Nope, it is completely, 100%, impossible. Any and all dating you venture into during medical school, and residency for that matter, will be fruitless and futile. Prepare to be alone until you are at least 35. At that point in time, you will date many who will date you for your money strictly, and eventually you will choose one to marry. Within a few years, said opportunist will cheat on you, divorce you, and take half of everything you own. You will be miserable for life, as all doctors all. You might as well sign your vows of medical student chastity right now.
/humorous sarcasm
Seriously, life shouldn't be put on hold just because you are a med student and entering the medical field. Study and get good grades, sure, but also balance everything out. Go out, date people, and have fun. If you meet someone who is really worth it, go for it. Anything is possible if both of you are willing to put in the effort. After all, it would be worse and more stressful if you were in the military (God bless 'em) being deployed for iraq or something. It's not that bad. Oh and don't feel like you can ONLY date people in your class either. yuck. Go out with other people outside your class for goodness sake.
/humorous sarcasm
Seriously, life shouldn't be put on hold just because you are a med student and entering the medical field. Study and get good grades, sure, but also balance everything out. Go out, date people, and have fun. If you meet someone who is really worth it, go for it. Anything is possible if both of you are willing to put in the effort. After all, it would be worse and more stressful if you were in the military (God bless 'em) being deployed for iraq or something. It's not that bad. Oh and don't feel like you can ONLY date people in your class either. yuck. Go out with other people outside your class for goodness sake.
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2005
- Messages
- 171
- Reaction score
- 2
I think it's easier to date someone who is in the medical profession than to date someone completely removed from medicine. My boyfriend is a resident and I'm a med student (at a different institution, don't worry) and I am so grateful that he understands what it's like to be in my shoes and will support me if I am, say, freaking out about the USMLE. I guess on the flip side I know enough not to harass him about spending time together when he's on a q3 schedule. Anyway, it's nice to have that understanding. 😍 We started dating around the same time I started med school and he started his internship. It can work, for sure.
