Relationships during Boards

[icegirl33]

So I recently started seeing someone who I have been friends with for a while. We are both going to medical school together and are finishing up our third year. He always says how compatible we are, we also similar goals and values in terms of our career, family and goals. He always makes subtle comments about future plans.

We are both in dedicated and have our step 2 exams in a month so we agreed to prioritize our studies. Prior to this we used to spend a lot of time together and things were great. Now we occasionally text and have not hung out in a few weeks which I was completely fine with since we both arent the biggest texters to begin with and I know he has been studying for literally 12 to 15 hours most days. I recentyl found out from our mutual friend who is also his roommate that he on a date someone this weekend and got with her. Apparently she is this young college student and is significantly younger than the both of us. While I understand that it is just a fling and a quick hookup, I do not know how to feel. I am hurt bc I really do think we are so compatible but I do not know if this is something I should be upset about if we are not official and he does not have the time this month to pursue something serious. I am also conflicted though bc if he had time to take her out why not want to spend that time with me. It makes me wonder if he just said these things to me to say it or if he genuinely cares for me.


Dedicated and board studying has been really intense and mentally draining and this situation has left me confused. I also do not know if I am being unreasonable or too harsh on him. I guess I really do think we are compatible and i can see him as someone I can be with long term and I know he has expressed this to me too.

I just wanted advice on how to go about this situation.

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[LunaOri]

This guy is not worth your time. If he has no time to text you, but does have time for a one night stand, he has no respect for you. If you end up with him long term, expect more of the same behavior. If you were my daughter, I'd recommend you dump this loser right now!

 

[RangerBob]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I also completely agree with the above.

I sure didn't have flings when I was on the opposite coast from my wife (then girlfriend) for two months doing away rotations in med school.

When you really care about someone, you devote yourself to just them, whether you're "official" or not. When my wife and I started dating, I didn't pursue (nor want to be pursued by) other girls.

If someone has said they need time to study and don't have the time to text you/take you on a date but can take a significantly younger girl on a date (and "get with" them), well, that tells you a lot about that guy. We've all watched that movie, and we all rooted for the girl to dump him because it was clear to everyone that he wasn't the guy she's supposed to end up with.

 

[Smurfette]

So I recently started seeing someone who I have been friends with for a while. We are both going to medical school together and are finishing up our third year. He always says how compatible we are, we also similar goals and values in terms of our career, family and goals. He always makes subtle comments about future plans.

We are both in dedicated and have our step 2 exams in a month so we agreed to prioritize our studies. Prior to this we used to spend a lot of time together and things were great. Now we occasionally text and have not hung out in a few weeks which I was completely fine with since we both arent the biggest texters to begin with and I know he has been studying for literally 12 to 15 hours most days. I recentyl found out from our mutual friend who is also his roommate that he on a date someone this weekend and got with her. Apparently she is this young college student and is significantly younger than the both of us. While I understand that it is just a fling and a quick hookup, I do not know how to feel. I am hurt bc I really do think we are so compatible but I do not know if this is something I should be upset about if we are not official and he does not have the time this month to pursue something serious. I am also conflicted though bc if he had time to take her out why not want to spend that time with me. It makes me wonder if he just said these things to me to say it or if he genuinely cares for me.


Dedicated and board studying has been really intense and mentally draining and this situation has left me confused. I also do not know if I am being unreasonable or too harsh on him. I guess I really do think we are compatible and i can see him as someone I can be with long term and I know he has expressed this to me too.

I just wanted advice on how to go about this situation.

Move on and don't look back.

Obviously, you are somewhat attached and won't be able to do that easily. However, you are finishing up 3rd year. Which means in a year, you are going to go off to residency somewhere. Clearly this relationship is not to the level of doing a couples match (and if you were even remotely considering it, remember he just went on a date with a teenage college student, showing he is not committed to you) so perhaps the timing of this is in your favor--meaning that you aren't going to make decisions about your future based around this guy.

Perhaps he found the "prioritizing studies right now" as a way to get out of moving your relationship along because he knew you aren't the one. Or maybe he's just not looking for anything serious. Or maybe he thought you wouldn't find out.
If it's too painful to be friends with him right now, give yourself the space.
Try not to let this distract you from studying for step 2.

 

[wysdoc]

I hear this story differently than the rest of you!
How did you respond to his frequent comments that you were compatible and had similar goals for the future? Did you just listen and not respond in kind? Then you didn't contact him for weeks, and I think he felt he had been friend-zoned.
A relationship is two-way. Did you add to it or encourage it? If you were not in a committed dating relationship I don't feel he is the villain here.

 

[Kierkegaard's Bud]

I hear this story differently than the rest of you!
How did you respond to his frequent comments that you were compatible and had similar goals for the future? Did you just listen and not respond in kind? Then you didn't contact him for weeks, and I think he felt he had been friend-zoned.
A relationship is two-way. Did you add to it or encourage it? If you were not in a committed dating relationship I don't feel he is the villain here.

The Texan is asking the right questions!

 

[My Name is Blakeeee]

You recently started seeing someone, and you mentioned you are not in a committed relationship right? To me, that makes him single. So what makes you think he has any obligation to you? It truly does suck with what has transpired here but you can not blame the individual here tbh.

I agree with the wysdoc, if he made those comments about the future and you didn't make any comments similar to his during that time or any other times. Then that's a silent/indirect rejection. And If I was him, I would move accordingly.

 

[Angler]

I just wanted advice on how to go about this situation.

First, is this the same person that you posted about a few months ago? If so, then read below! If not, then were you truly in a committed relationship?

Second, and more important, try not to think about this right now, and study! That's more important in your life right now. I know that it can be difficult, but long term, you need tunnel vision.

 

[GoSpursGo]

I hear this story differently than the rest of you!
How did you respond to his frequent comments that you were compatible and had similar goals for the future? Did you just listen and not respond in kind? Then you didn't contact him for weeks, and I think he felt he had been friend-zoned.
A relationship is two-way. Did you add to it or encourage it? If you were not in a committed dating relationship I don't feel he is the villain here.

I also agree. "Recently started seeing someone" does not sound like a committed relationship to me. Furthermore, you guys had agreed to focus on your studies during this period, so he could reasonably be trying to avoid distracting you. If instead you actually want him to spend some of his limited free time with you, then you need to communicate that to him directly.

While I was never the kind of person who chose to casually see multiple romantic partners, that doesn't mean it's inherently wrong. If you want to define whatever this new relationship is and set boundaries/expectations, then again you need to communicate that.

 

[LucidSplash]

I think if you’re not in a committed relationship where you have actually discussed being exclusive, it’s hard to say he did something “wrong” by chasing some skirt.

That being said, I don’t think this person is on the same wavelength as you regarding the desire to be in an exclusive relationship. Your post, to me, says this is what you want. If he wanted that, he would have used his limited free time to spend with you during this (reasonable) period of prioritizing studying, not going on a date with someone else.

He didn’t do anything “wrong,” but his actions suggest he’s not that into you.

Never, ever, ever make someone a priority for whom you are only an option.

Walk away.

 

[bGMx]

I would ask him if that happened, then communicate your feelings. Right now it sounds like you are reacting to hearsay of your friend.