Relationships + med school

Started by wire
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wire

Senior Member
15+ Year Member
Alright,
I know there have been plenty of threads on this, but I'm curious what people think. Is it impossible to be in a serious relationship/possibly get married in medical school and residency? My girlfriend is having a really hard time with the fact that I might never be around. Any advice from someone in medical school or someone in a similiar situation? 🙁
 
Are you living with/near her? If so, be around. Do what you have to do, but if you care about her, make her a priority.
 
BubbleBobble said:
Are you living with/near her? If so, be around. Do what you have to do, but if you care about her, make her a priority.
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What if both you and your long-term boyfriend are going to be doctors?
 
VFrank said:
What if both you and your long-term boyfriend are going to be doctors?
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You will find time for each other - just be understanding and flexible. 🙂
 
VFrank said:
What if both you and your long-term boyfriend are going to be doctors?
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I've heard that is a terrible idea. But I also know married couples who are both doctors and they met in med school. So I guess it has worked before.
 
VFrank said:
What if both you and your long-term boyfriend are going to be doctors?
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Good luck. You're going to need it. :luck:

It ain't easy being greazy.
 
wire said:
We both live in Denver. I'm not gonna lie, she is the girl I want to marry, but she's very very needy. The problem is I've never in my entire life thought of doing anything else other than being a doctor and I'm worried she might say she can't do it. 😕 I don't really know how to approach this.
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You can only do your best for her. If she can't accept that you'll be spending a little more time working per week than most people, then you two have some talking to do.
 
I'm gonna be 25 and I have no intentions of getting married anytime soon but I think when I am ready she'll most likely be a physician because that way we'll both be busy all the time but we'll both understand that that's the way things are as physicians.
 
I think people exaggerate on how little time we have to spend with loved ones. If people would simple sleep less and make other things a priority we wouldn't have these problems. Getting an average of 4 hours a night is more than enough to function sufficiently. Heck, you could even take one day a week to sleep 8 hours. I am getting married this summer just prior to beginning school and have no fear that I will not be able to spend enough time with my wife. Heck, I work two full time jobs, exercise 4 days a week and still have ample time to go out on the town. Everyone is different; if you have the motivation then you can make anything work. And with the newly mandated 80hour work weeks for residence, you will be fine.

Herp
 
I would say that it is definitely the quality of time you spend with a person rather than the quantity. If she gets enough undivided attention from you, she won't mind as much that you're gone a lot. Make sure she knows she's a priority in your life. Tell her and SHOW her. Little things mean a lot to women - a phone call for no reason, small tokens to let her know you're thinking about her, date night, etc. If you guys are meant to be together, you will find a way to work it out. My husband and I have spent so much time apart already (and I haven't even started medical school) but our marriage is very strong because we make it a priority. Good luck.
 
you need 5.5 hours/night minimum to avoid mental compromise

If you have any illnesses they will eat at you unless you get 8 hr/night
 
I believe that for the relationship to work....she has to understand the demands that come from medical school and residency. Both my long term b/f and I are entering med school and as of now, it' cross country schools for us. We're a little more accepting of not seeing each other as much b/c we both understand how much time med school will take.
 
I'm currently doing an LDR while completing my Masters and I find that I'm so busy with school, I don't realize how much I miss my b/f. However, after about a month of not seeing him, it gets tough.

I know of several couples that made it through med school and I think if you share similar goals and priorities, then everything should be fine. It will be tough, but not impossible.
 
Medikit said:
Is it cool to dip into the undergrad pool, or are med students pretty much alienated?
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I doubt you'll have time for an undergrad. What kind of medical student has the time to go to sorority formals and fundraising events and concerts and keggers?
 
Herpeto said:
I think people exaggerate on how little time we have to spend with loved ones. If people would simple sleep less and make other things a priority we wouldn't have these problems. Getting an average of 4 hours a night is more than enough to function sufficiently. Heck, you could even take one day a week to sleep 8 hours. I am getting married this summer just prior to beginning school and have no fear that I will not be able to spend enough time with my wife. Heck, I work two full time jobs, exercise 4 days a week and still have ample time to go out on the town. Everyone is different; if you have the motivation then you can make anything work. And with the newly mandated 80hour work weeks for residence, you will be fine.

Herp
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Making sleep a priority... those lazy slackers 🙄 And only an 80 hour workweek? How is that meth addition treating you?
 
There's a good chance I'll marry my girlfriend after my undergrad and before med school, otherwise I'd never see her if I have to move. She'll be an RN in about a month, so she understands the demands on med students/residents.
 
I've decided to abandon my wife and two children when I start med school, and buy my love instead. That way I don't have to be both a human being and a busy student at the same time.

Seriously, though - this is a crazy question. It's a rare couple that doesn't have at least one member working 60 hours a week or more! Besides, we don't necessarily choose our relationships, they choose us.
 
I'm getting married soon and can relate to your concern.

I think the people matter more than the circumstances, but obviously the environment must be a consideration. Communicate with your significant other about the challenges of being a doctor. Explain that you will not be around a lot, but that when you are around it will be quality time. If you both want it badly enough, you will find a way to make it work. If it fails, it will likely be a result of lack of interest in the relationship. I know several physicians who are happily married and they all have seem to have a good sense of how to balance their work with their family life. If they are able to do it, then others should be able to also.
 
To the OP: you said that your girlfriend is "needy." Does that mean that she needs a lot of your undivided attention and constant reassurance in order to be happy and believe that you really love her? Or does it just mean that she likes to spend time with you and is sad when you're busy and don't get to see each other much? If it's the former, then you may have a rocky road ahead of you, but if it's the latter, that seems perfectly normal. If you both are undergrads, it may just take some time and adjustment for your relationship to mature to the point where you both are okay with the demands that med school will place on your relationship.

I got married right out of undergrad three years ago, and I'm extremely glad that my husband isn't a fellow future med student. At least one of us isn't crazed and stressed out about exams all the time. He holds down the fort at home, makes sure we pay bills on time, takes care of things I don't have time for when I'm in class or in the library or at work 24/7 (I need at least six hours of sleep, unlike Herpeto 😛 .) And it's definitely nice to have a partner that will have an income while I'm in school, athough that also means that I need to pick a med school located somewhere where he has a good chance of finding a job. I guess all I'm trying to say is that there are advantages and disadvantages either way, but in the end, if you love each other and are willing to work at your relationship and be understanding of each other's goals and needs, then it will work out. It will be tough sometimes and definitely will involve hard work, but it will work out.
 
sniff...everyone talking about relationships makes me feel lonely and makes me miss the guy who i was/am dating who left for the AF. +pity+
 
I wish I had your genes. Sleeping 4 days everyday and being able to function? If I did that I'd be a zombie!



Herpeto said:
I think people exaggerate on how little time we have to spend with loved ones. If people would simple sleep less and make other things a priority we wouldn't have these problems. Getting an average of 4 hours a night is more than enough to function sufficiently. Heck, you could even take one day a week to sleep 8 hours. I am getting married this summer just prior to beginning school and have no fear that I will not be able to spend enough time with my wife. Heck, I work two full time jobs, exercise 4 days a week and still have ample time to go out on the town. Everyone is different; if you have the motivation then you can make anything work. And with the newly mandated 80hour work weeks for residence, you will be fine.

Herp
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Remember DeNiro from Heat " Never be with anything you cannot drop and walk away from in 30 seconds flat when the heat is around the corner"
 
Just cheat on her a lot while in medical school. Then when it is all over and you are Dr. G-burg, she will want you even more. Snap. 👍

Paris is tight.org
 
Your result depends primarily on her personality. If she needs lots of attention, then the relationship won't survive. Of course, it also depends on you. You can help by studying less and spending time with her, but that will result in lower grades.
 
well for those of us who are already dateless losers to begin with I doubt much will change 🙁
 
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